• Member Since 29th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Sep 1st, 2019

Tired Old Man

Celestia's exhausted personal paperweight.


Twilight knows Starlight Glimmer has been reformed under her guidance. Er, mostly—she’s still a work in progress, but there is no doubt Starlight is improving in her eyes.

However, there’s just one bad habit Twilight noticed that’s been nagging at her ever since she first saw it. But how would she converse about it? Should it be handled delicately? And when would she bring it up?

Today. Today, she would talk about it.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 58 )

This was a pretty amusing story. For a while there at the start I thought that only Alicorns could see the mark and that meant Starlight was indeed meant to be the next princess. Starlight and everyone else would just be confused while Twilight ran herself ragged trying to figure it out.

I especially liked the part with Rainbow dash and Pinkie, it was funny word play.

Though I do wonder why Twilight never did anything about Luna's note. Maybe she was peeved that Luna munched all her cookies.:rainbowlaugh:

After fighting that octopus, you bet Starlight's flank belongs to Spike. :moustache:

this gave me a good laugh :pinkiehappy: i wish i could write comedy like this.

“Firstly, did I ever outright tell you outright you were going to be the next Princess?"

She did, didn't she, at the end of "Magical Mystery Cure?" When Fluttershy said, "You look just like a princess," Celestia responded, "That's because she is a princess", and even had a coronation for her, crowning her as Equestria's newest princess, which she says outright in the episode.

“Fifty-plus unicorns, four fillies, three diamond dogs, two psychotic pranksters, and a somewhat peeved draconequus,” Starlight clarified.

It makes sense that Twilight would suspect the Crusaders, seeing as how they're mischievous, but how could she expect them to know how to pull off something like that? And who's the fourth filly that Twilight accused? It couldn't have been either Diamond Tiara or Silver Spoon seeing as how they're both reformed.

Silly, and I remember seeing that pic before. Was funny.

Who disliked this? The weiner, butt, and poo jokes were so inventive!

It was really good. The true culprit comes at no surprise.

I guessed it,I guessed it was Luna!Yay!
Great Story!


This was really cute and fun, from the alliteration the reveal of the final prankster and their motivations, it was great fun from start to finish. Bravo TOM.

“Twilight, stop it!” Starlight cut in. “You’re making an ass of yourself!”

Cue offended donkey.

Heh. That was a nice bit of largely mindless fun. Thank you for it.

Why was Trixie fantasizing Starlight Glimmer's flank?

“Anyhow, Starlight is powerful, strong-willed, although reckless with a habit of looking before she leaps. She also has developed a slight habit of saving the day even through some crudely introduced deus ex machina, but I suppose that counts for something.”

There! Her carefully written sticky note was placed perfectly in the middle, bearing the words:

“Dear Twilight,



...that was when I lost it. :rainbowlaugh:

7971590 This is a complete shot in the dark, but... Flurry Heart? Maybe she got a spell off despite Sunburst finding a way to reign her power in.

“Worse, Celestia. She sleepreads.”
Celestia blinked. “Nope, not worth asking.”

Aaaaaand cue three-minute laughing fit. :rainbowlaugh:

Not bad. :twilightsmile:

7973320 Except Flurry Heart isn't a filly; she's a foal.

Man that was funny. :pinkiehappy:

I gota say... Just a quick glance at the picture and... I saw... "Meat princes" and the right back leg made it look like a stallions sheath.


She is a filly, actually! :pinkiehappy: A filly foal if you want to get technical.

For Real Horse terms, it goes something like:

Foal = Any horse under a year old.
Filly = Female horse under four years of age.
Colt = Male horse under four years of age.
Mare = Female horse of four years +.
Stallion = Intact male horse of four years +.
Gelding = Castrated male horse, any age.

So a foal is always a filly or a colt, but fillies and colts aren't always foals! Obviously when you take into account that ponies probably don't have the same lifespan as regular horses there's a bit of fudging to do with the ages. And they probably don't have geldings. :twilightoops:

Luna should have put it in the form of a checklist - Purple Smart NEVER ignores a checklist! :rainbowlaugh:

The humor in this is on point!

7973546 Like I said: shot in the dark.

Spike and Twilight......


That was hilarious.

7973654 You are not the only one.

gr8 story :derpytongue2:

Property of Spike the Brave and Glorious



“You summoned a giant octopus?!”

“Well yeah! I thought those suction cups would take it off! Y’know, like a big, nasty, slimy, sticky bandage!”

"But instead, all I got were certain...orifices on my body invaded...yyyeah...fun times though!"

“Starlight, I’d rather let you visit Tirek for friendship advice than conjure an eldritch horror,” Twilight deadpanned.

“...Is that actually an option? Because I could still use more friends—”

“Definitely not!”

Well to be fair, Tirek COULD remove it...

Any two-bit magic user can weave their fingers or wiggle their horn about and suddenly poof, changed cutie mark!"

Starlight pouted slightly. “I’m mildly offended right now.”


Do I look like some sort of crazed pony who just holds on to jars and jars of cutie marks like some sort of unhinged recluse who lives in the middle of nowhere?"

“More offended…” Starlight growled.


“And I wouldn’t go so far as to meddle with my friend’s flank to get under your skin.”

Starlight said, “You see, Twilight? Trixie would never—”

“I would use her flank to promote my new show instead!”

“—do anything to-wait WHAT?!”

Well...sex sells...I guess...

With a broad flourish, she announced, “The Great and Powerful Trixie’s Dangerously Optimistic Original Demonstration of Olfactory Odors!”


“You want to put Doo Doo on my butt?!” Starlight shrieked.

She must've gotten the idea from Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara. :trollestia:

In a blinding flash of purple-white light, Twilight and Starlight found themselves in the throne room of Canterlot castle.

I was wondering how long it'd take Twilight to blame Celestia and/or Luna for this.

“Second reason! Princess Celestia!” Twilight announced with a pointed hoof and slightly unhinged undertones, “What did you do to my student’s flank?!”

PHRASING, Twilight!! :facehoof:

I think the bit with Celestia reading Twilight the riot act was perhaps a bit poorly executed and heavy-handed. :unsuresweetie: Aside from that though, this was exactly the laugh I needed exactly when I needed it!

Luna seemt to be a bit obsessed by Nightmare Night.
I guess you could call her a... Lunatic.


I'll show myself out...

>“You summoned a giant octopus?!”

>“Well yeah! I thought those suction cups would take it off! Y’know, like a big, nasty, slimy, sticky bandage!”

Ultros gets no respect.

Very amusing story. Thank you :pinkiesmile:


I'm happy to take credit for the "more offended"/"less offended" bit.

7976260 Yeah, that sounded like something you'd do. :pinkiehappy:

7971590 What Celestia meant was that she did not tell Twilight that she would be the next princess BEFORE she became an Alicorn.

7977339 Ah, well, that could've been made a bit clearer.

But pineapples don't grow on trees...

Wow! That was definitely great!

Though honestly considering that Starlight was the one who actually did what Luna said, I feel that Luna should have put the word tattoo on Twilight.

“What about the third leg, Spike? Is that too stiff?”

"It might be. It's kind of hard to walk around with. I almost tripped myself on it."

“Sounds like there’s too much built up in there. I can get some of it out if you need help!”

“No thanks, I can squeeze it out myself!”

really... really... really... *sigh* no... just no

7971604 Didn't give a damn thing except all those years of tutelage. Twilight might have always had the potential to rise to princesshood, but she definitely would not have realized that potential without Celestia's aid. For example, Twilight's power-surges were dangerous if she hadn't been taught to keep control over her magic when under stress. Even if you ignore everything else at the very LEAST she only got the spell that transformed her because Celestia handed it to her to work on. No spell, no princess Twilight. So no matter what way you look at it, yes, Celestia was responsible, if indirectly, for Twilight's ascension.

Really, the whole point made was that Starswirl couldn't ascend because he didn't have friendship in his heart, so it's a power that seems to rely on others to realize, much like friendship itself.

7973670 Except in on the comics there's a place called "Gelding Grotto" which made me flinch a bit when I first noticed it on a map.

Also a yearling is a horse that's over a year old, hence A.K.Yearling's name.

I definitely liked the story. I gave it a like. It was 8th in the Feature box when I started reading it. 3rd as I posted this comment. I found it extraordinary enough that I am also giving you a critique.

The story did have some grammatically challenged bits, enough of them that I'm not going to list them. None were bad enough to throw me out of the story, which speaks more about the concept and delivery of the comedy than the existence of the errors. I acknowledge proofreading one's own stuff is difficult—this is why they invented pre-readers.

I also think that the story really ended with the throne room scene. The pace flags badly after that scene. The chemistry in the story is between Twilight and Starlight. Rather than being cryptic, Celestia could have simply asked if somepony purple hadn't decorated her castle for Nightmare Night. The cheesy ending of the scene could have been the perfect send off for the story. Whether you agree with my assertion or not, please take some time to analyze what I am saying. Concision is one of my bugaboos, too, so I have experience with this.

Please keep writing.

Starlight is powerful, strong-willed, although reckless with a habit of looking before she leaps

Is that right, or should it be "habit of not looking before she leaps"? It just seems like "not looking" makes more sense in context.

I was thinking the same thing. But then I put into consideration WHO said that and thought, it works the way it is. For one "What fun is there in making sense?" and for two if one seeks chaos than looking before leaping is actually a bad habit. (Even if it isn't true in Starlights case.)

This is a genuinely hilarious story, but I do actually hope Starlight is the next princess.

8001237 Honestly, I like Starlight, but I'd... rather she NOT become a princess. Even Kelly Sheridan herself thinks that Starlight is nowhere even CLOSE to ready for a possible ascension.

8003978 Not yet.
But, that's what we have season 7 for... and possibly season 8.

Property of Spike the Brave and Glorious

Most of them were harmless or silly, with one particular exception resulting in a very long talk with a certain baby dragon.

How am I supposed to interpret this?

Twilight glanced at the area she indicated, her eyes widening as she read something Starlight already attempted. “You summoned a giant octopus?!”
“Well yeah! I thought those suction cups would take it off! Y’know, like a big, nasty, slimy, sticky bandage!”
Twilight blinked, her face trying to decide if it wanted to register shock or “forcing a smile to feign not being angry”, and failing miserably at both. “Is… it still here?”
“Spike’s fending it off right now with a wet towel. I’ve never seen him be so cool!” Smiling at her recollection of the scene, she added, “It’s like he’s done this before!”
Twilight gulped. “Y-You could say he’s got some experience…” Twilight promptly cleared her throat.

Go Spike! Also what kind of experience?

Honestly this was super funny and I loved it. There need to be more pics like this.

Undaunted by the exclamation, Trixie continued, “With permission, of course. Trixie’s planning the newest, greatest show to grace the land of Equestria!” With a broad flourish, she announced, “The Great and Powerful Trixie’s Dangerously Optimistic Original Demonstration of Olfactory Odors!”

“...Doo Doo?” Twilight clarified.

Risky Boots: Don't call it that!

Lol the title is Ass instead of ask. :rainbowlaugh:

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