• Member Since 21st Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen Apr 28th, 2019

Summer Dancer


On Wednesdays, we wear PINK!

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After the changeling invasion, Starlight becomes very possessive protective over Twilight.

Edited by Violet Rose in the Rain

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 105 )

I was a little foal learning how to real all over again…

I think it's read?

Er...I had to use the bathroom?

“Yep! I had to use the bathroom!”

“I don’t think any of us should be alone..., especially after the...incident.”

“And I’d cut his face so bad..., he’ll have a second chin!”

“Wow..., you’re, uh... really getting into it, aren’t you?”

One thing that I have noted is that you tend to use excessive ellipses where other forms of punctuation would do better.

That night, Twilight quietly nudged her door open and peered out into the hall. Her stomach lurched when she spotted Starlight at the far end, slowly rocking back and forward in her chair.
Twilight tried ducking back inside her room, but Starlight had already stopped rocking. “Another glass of water?” she called out.

Try adding another space here, in between paragraphs.

“I admit that I’ve been a little uneasy for the past week. E, even though there’s almost nothing to worry about now…”

“Uh..., bye...Twilight?”

“Yes please.”

Add a comma in between "yes" and "please."

Twilight nodded curtly. “Mmmhmm!”

Italicise the speech here, though this is more of a personal suggestion.

That’s your que cue to bounce! She needs help and fast!”

That's it for the moment. If there are any that I missed, I'll edit this comment and write them underneath this sentence.

7985040 Thank you! I'll credit you on the front of the story. It'll probably be out sometime tomorrow.

Protective? more like streaker stalker!

Starlight needs to visit Trixie to 'de-stress'.

Seems that Starlight is going a bit overboard. A very gargantuan bit. A very creepy gargantuan bit.

Well, that was disturbing.

She going C-waaazy!!!

Aside from the errors 7985040 pointed out, there a few others I caught, too. I'm sorry I can't point them out right now, but just take another look. That aside, this was funny! Slightly disturbing, but funny. :derpytongue2:

Chrysalis’s

I'm can't just leave her

Just figured these were other errors, but that's beside my point. This is a good story, I can see Starlight going nuts and on her toes to watch out for Chrysalis instead of Twilight, you'd think she'd get a spell to check for them at the entrance.:rainbowlaugh:

Maybe she needs a vacation during the hiatus

Welcome to 'Creepy Town'! Starlight Glimmer will be your host....

Pretty good story, Dancer. Just the right amount of suspense and deviance. Starlight is always a good character to imagine acting with this kind of behavior.

What the fuck

7987374 You just wrote a Yandere! Starlight.

...

I love you for doing this.

7987454 :heart: Starlight is the definition of Yandere!, wouldn't you agree? :raritywink:

Well, that was disturbingly fun. Good Show :raritystarry:

Where'd you get the picture?

Creepy...

...that is, if that's what this was supposed to be? :twilightblush:

Cool, now I can pretend to laugh while crying inside after reading My Little Dashie.

For a comedy, this was pretty dark.

Mistagging much? This is creepy, not funny. It's better for it- the concept would have been somewhat offensive used in a real comedy- but still...

I mean, maybe if you took it really, really non-seriously... But these kinds of behaviors in real life aren't laughing matters, and that makes it pretty much impossible to make them funny in fiction without risking offending a whole lot of people.

The town shrink is a few houses down from you!

Is he, by any chance, a sort of canine? :trixieshiftright:

Delightfully dark, this. And a true piece of comedy, in spite of what some might say. Great job. :heart::twilightsmile:

7987460 Yup. I mean she destroyed time over a friendship.

I love it! Funny, short,... not so sweet though. Poor Twilight :fluttershysad:

“And now we’re making dinner together!” Twilight smiled. She lifted a hoof and slowly booped Starlight’s nose. “Friendship.”

I mean, she's got ya there.

Really didn't seem all that funny (the "voices in my head" comment felt kinda forced, by the way), and didn't really seem all that random. It was pretty dark, actually. All the better for it, though; I was hoping it was a dark story. In fact, I wouldn't object to this getting several more chapters, with less of an abrupt end.

7988084
7988150
Ah, that's totally on me. It's kind of my sense of twisted humor. I can see why people will find it more dark than I do, so without unintentionally misleading folks, I'll add a dark tag.

Lol I must be fucked in the head, cuz this was hilarious.

7987644 I'm on my phone, so I hope this link works!

pic

That was hilarious! :pinkiecrazy:
When're ya gonna upload the next chapter?:scootangel:

7988421 Not in this story, but there's always enough creepy Starlight to go around :rainbowlaugh:

I wonder if it's wrong to find this funny :rainbowlaugh: since it's pretty dark. Oh hope for a sequel and to someone to get Twilight to escape, oh how mad Starlight would be.:pinkiecrazy: Anyway liked the story:pinkiehappy:

*gets a rolled up newspaper*
Bad Glimmy, bad!:trixieshiftleft:

7988381 Oh no, you can totally have both tags. I just didn't expect it to be so dark.
I honestly thought it was pretty funny.

God I love Starlight :pinkiecrazy:

Starlight always seemed fanatic, but dang!

“Twilight~!” a voice trilled from the other room. Both Rainbow Dash and Applejack quickly hid against the wall outside as Starlight trotted in with a tea kettle. “The voices in my head say it’s time for tea~!”

....:twilightoops:

//Backs away.... slowly.

7988187 HOLY CRAP!!! And here I was thinking that her reaction to Sunburst moving to Canterlot was unrealistic. Her being a Yandere would actually make that make sense!
...This changes a lot of things.

I think the main problem is that she needs way more defenses around the place.
It takes a lot more than voices in your head and constant guarding to prepare for that past queen.

She just needs some more locked doors, a few traps for intruders, a lockdown system, a shield around the home, more blunt weapons, spells that force bugs out of their disguises, and exactly 20 crates filled with cans of raid that she can spray around the house.
THEN she wouldn't have to worry so much about Twilight.

*sits at a desk with a radio system* OK so what should we have Glimmer do next and who knew this being the "VOICE OF GOD" trick could be this fun.

:3 I loved this funny as hell tho think mine is more twisted then yours Summer.

At the end there I was half expecting Twilight to wake up either shackled to the bed or discovering Starlight had locked a tracking collar onto her.

"I have to make sure the changelings don't sneak in during the night and steal you away. And this way, I know you're safe during the day as well. It's the perfect solution!"

and in few day later sunset along with all of twilight friend and family and other princess show up to get her away from the crazy mare

7989272 Yup.

I can't believe MLP made a yandere.

If albeit, completely by accident.

It's funny how Twilight thinks it will end.

There are certain moments when I watch the show or read a fic, and I picture Discord with popcorn, watching everything, laughing his butt off. This is one of those times.

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: I haven't laugh this hard in a long time.

Is there going to be a sequle:pinkiehappy:

7990029 Also, I can't IMAGINE how Starburst would react to all this hypothetically. :rainbowlaugh:

Is it bad that this vaguely reminds me of my mother? :rainbowlaugh:

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