• Member Since 5th Jun, 2015
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago


Swedish injection molding technician


Herman always believed that ponies were an exceedingly friendly bunch, and he figured it was in their nature to be kind and open to all strangers—even to those of different races. But what if he was wrong? What if there was another explanation?

He mentions this fact in his memoirs, but shortly after he sends them to be published he is informed that the Royal Guard wants him for questioning in Canterlot.

Additional notes:
-Equestria Girls is not canon
Proofread by: Eckaji, Snakeskin Ducttape, Javarod, ROBCakeran53, and PresentPerfect
Artwork by: Ruirik
Featured on Equestria Daily
Review link: PresentPerfect and PaulAsaran

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 375 )

He who controls the scritches controls the world.

8116571 Sorry, what? I wasn't listening, I was scritchin mah horse.

One scratch to scratch them all.

I'm honestly fell like this bloke is Morgen Freeman, I was even reading it in Morgen Freeman's voice.

I don't see how the discussion about changelings has to do with the reveal at the end.

Herman's daydreams ought to be clearer, I don't feel like they really set up or hint at said reveal.

8116885 I think about weird shit when I'm eating too

The talk about changelings might be relevant if, say, the cause of Glitter Wing's lack of ability with her cutie mark skill was instead due to proximity to Herman (the same way the guards seem to go all dumb not just from ear scritches, but from being offered an apple or being too agreeable to removing their armour when suggested, etc.).

That would make Herman giving up his secret here be meant to protect Glitter Wing from arrest, so the changeling thing would actually be his entire motivation here. In fact, I think there's a decent chance that Spring is actually correct in her suspicions, even if the reasoning that led her there is wrong, and that Herman was already aware of it, but doesn't care.

if you’re not here to reign her in

'Rein'. 'Reign' is what royalty does.

8116853 Well, there are certainly worse voices out there for narrating your story :pinkiesmile:

Sooo... what, he has a minor and passive form of Universal Acceptance?

It's entirely possible that magic behaves differently with Herman. As if his presence by itself where to bend small ripples in reality to give him an edge.

Glitter Wing the pegasus barber gives Herman, the only human she's ever seen, terrible hair cuts even though her cutie mark is for cutting hair.
This makes the guards suspect she's a Changeling since a "pony doing their special talent poorly has been one of our best ways of finding them."

If she gives everyone bad haircuts I'd be inclined to believe that. If Herman is the only one to get bad haircuts from Glitter... not so much.

I see I'm not the only one.


Nah... I'm sure Celestia's only worry is people finding out how anyone with fingers can pretty much take over Equestria with nothing but ear scratches and belly rubbies. :pinkiehappy:

You sir

once or twice a month

are an evil writer.

Passive mind whammies are rather hard to deal with. Specially when the whammer is a nice old man :pinkiesad2:

Mr. Anderson


I'll see your Morgan Freeman and raise you one James Earl Jones

Don't you know? Scritches get stitches.

//I'll see myself out.

The Coal must flow. Oh wait, thought you meant screeching brakes. This is a story about trains after all.

That's the kind of delicious speculation I wanted to hear!


Now you know how I felt when I visited the US. :ajsleepy:

If you need another editor, I would be happy to help out.

8117666 You mean a pony's been scratched so much they needed stitches, or a unicorn vigorously displayed its pleasure and impaled the scratcher so that they needed stitches?

8116853 who's Freeman's Pony though?

Congrats on the feature!

The thick plottens.

Wow. Now this is certainly an interesting story and Interesting hook. Interesting protagonist(?) who seems like a normal guy. Older and otherwise a good citizen.

Even the ponies are well fleshed out. I can't wait to see how this goes.

It turns out the ponies are observing him to find out human weaknesses!


Only these invaders are adorable magical ponies who promised to bring us love and peace..

We didn't stand a chance. Well, except for the Chinese, who ground up a bunch of them for aphrodisiacs... :fluttershbad:


this makes me mad. I dont know why

8117805 I meant that literally. Who would be Freeman's Pony...?

Does it? :trollestia:
I'm sorry.

Good things come to those who wait. :raritywink:

The cover-art was excellent as always.

The elderly gentleman with a white suit and irrisistable southern style charm, commands respect from guardsmen and women alike, who's offerings of food are appreciated far more than any reasonable individual would? Clearly he's Colonel Sanders in disguise.

I'm not sure what time and place Herman is originally from but humans do infact have beam weapons.
Most are research projects the size of buildings but we've managed to get a few on ships.

I'm betting that there's a pheromone effect of some kind, not magic. And that Glitter's a changeling - the name is pretty darn indicative, for starters - but Herman already knew this (or at least heavily suspected it).

I gotta admit, this HiE was a different change of pace since it focuses on an older human instead of a kid/teen, good choice.

Celestia knows about his abilities and wants him to "negotiate" with Crysalis.
"Would you kindly sign this peace treaty Queen Crysalis?"

He is actually a changeling with amnesia, he was attempting to infiltrate the human world but got ejected into Equestria.

The ponies themselves were geneticly engineered to be subservient to humans but they forgot this (except for Celestia).
(Basicly the whole of Equestria is Jurrasic Park).

It's like one of those Star Trek episodes where only one being is real, the rest are all holo-deck illusions. Norman is a programmer with amnesia, he was building a childrens game/environment, the ponies are all programmed to be nice to any humans they encounter.

Norman is actually a parasite similar to a changeling, that "suggestion" ability is how he would lure his victims in.

I hope you have more written ready to be posted. I'm intrigued. Well done.

8118180 "traditional Chinese medicine." :trollestia:
especially unicorn horns.

8119646 Huh huh, horny unicorns. Huh-huh-huh.

Yeah yeah! Cuz, they can, like, totally screw with their foreheads! Cuz, their horns are twisted like screws!

Shut up, Beevis.

of course he can make them do what he wants, old people are crafty like that. Think back to the last time you met one. Did you suddenly start doing abnormal stuff too? like holding doors open or politely listening to them go on about their scrapbooks or eating food directly out of their hands. It's easy to overlook this effect because ever since facebook came out we hardly ever visit them any more (shame on you).

8119823 Old people have no power over me.

Sooooo... ponies are somehow hardwired to obey humans, and he accidentally told that secret to a changeling? :rainbowwild:

but your write; the thicc has gotten very plot :trollestia:

i wonder if the reason they accept people and etc is because of windigo armageddons might happen again since a little disharmony can destroy their the whole world multiple time if not careful.

I'm going to hazard a guess that the water, or at least general dehydration following contact with Herman, is an important plot point. It's too intentional to be a coincidence.

Or maybe it's a red herring. Who can say?

The cover art looked like morgan freeman (a bit) so tried to read it in his voice.....and it was great.


Morgan Freeman sure knows how to make a white suit look good, but too bad he can no longer wear one without everyone referring to him as God.

No it's more than that.
It isn't just that ponies accept him. Ponies are very accepting and passive when it comes to foreign species coming over and messing things up .
No this is something MUCH MORE.
Okay so here are some clues:
he pretty much rose up the ranks in his business in VERY little time,
When he was not working solo ponies paid him more than he needed,
and When he was failing at getting fish by fishing a Pegasus dove into the water to get one for him.
SO i KNOW birds do the same thing when getting fish, but i assume ponies know about nets, and fishing
It is more that when he 'Wants' something other will make it so that it WILL happen
Kinda like the Purple Man from Jessica Jones, but more indirect yet still subverts the will

Calling it now, ponies (and maybe other races) were created as servants for humans, so they naturally want to please us. Maybe he can even give them direct orders.

“And lastly do you all remember when I gave Dusty that apple.” Herman pressed. “Have you ever seen him behave like that? You all know each other. I could be wrong, but think back to the time when you meet me and ask yourselves—are you or your friends acting normally?”

There was a pause in the room. Both ponies were silent. The movement was miniscule, but he noticed that they slowly backed away from him.

Okay Herman, i want you to do a proper evil insane madman laugh at the beginning of the next chapter. Scare them, make them fear for the safety of their planet.

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