• Member Since 13th Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Firestar463


I write horse stories.

Sequels1



T

I never wanted this. All I wanted was a nice, quiet weekend away from the real world. Just me and a couple of friends out in the mountains for a few days, grilling out, camping, hunting, maybe a bit of fishing. It was going to be a nice change from the tedium of everyday life.

That was before the fall.

Now I'm trapped in a strange world filled with alien creatures, caught in the middle of a war I have no part in. And if I want any chance of getting back home in one piece, I'm going to have to choose one side and live or die by that decision.

I had hoped to get away from everything. Now I'd give anything to have it all back.

-----

I love comments! Let me know what you think.

First featured on 27 Aug 2016!

Chapters (21)
Comments ( 195 )

Good Start! Keep it up!

This seems like an entertaining story.

Promising this story looks. Follow it I shall. Disappoint me you must not.

This chapter was interesting. Seems Chris figured out that he was in Equestria rather than the ponies were on Earth the hard way. It was interesting to know more about how the war with the Minotaur started along with more characterization of the princesses and the queen. Hope the next chapter comes soon.

a have another intrigued reader, i hope this "chris" becomes more of a solder in the near future, using human tactics to shows the human superiority in combat and war, we are pretty good at it after all, been doing it our whole existence

Nice story so far but every time I read the main character's name I think of Darkhawk.

6761127 You know, I never even knew Christopher Powell was the name of a superhero.

i.ytimg.com/vi/GD6qtc2_AQA/sddefault.jpg

When is the next chapter coming out?

6878859 Next chapter is in the works. Real life recently reared its ugly head in numerous ways, to the point where i haven't even had time to visit fimfiction in almost a week, but things are beginning to calm back down a bit.

My first thought if I were picked up by magic would be: "fuck, I'm going to die from cancer", at least as soon as my brain would start working from the shock of the experience.

Nice to see more of this story.

You're alive! Man, I was just thinking last night I hadnt heard a peep from you on fimfic or b.net in ages and should see whats up. Glad to see you return to the land of the internet.

Hoping for more.

I wonder if Chris will recall any useful bits of information from the mandatory random wiki searching that happens whenever we have assignments we really don't want to do.

A good start. Nice world building there. I am a bit bothered by the fact that he totally killed that Minotaur and thought nothing of it.

Let us see where this rabbit hole takes us!

Nice to see Chris learning how to fight and use the bow.

SRY

Actually Chris has the ability (but not necessarily the knowledge) using the ingredients he has now to make one really nasty bioweapon that could be used against a stronghold of the Minotaurs. Basically, Botulism toxin, and all he needs are the fish (low ph food), a sealed container (need anaerobic conditions), some dirt (spore source), or even some diluted honey (spore source), and some time. All he has to do is remember why eating bad canned food will kill you.

Pros: Super easy to make. Good psychological effects even if off target or misses the bad guy. Delayed effect, hours and days before symptoms sometimes up to two weeks.
Cons: Indiscriminate use, will kill off target, in the water supply you are basically killing a town. Delivery is somewhat difficult, you still need to get it there. Takes time to prepare. Can act through inhalation or skin absorption so he needs to be careful in making it. Chris may also have ethical problems with this action too. But making it and not using it except as a last resort is possible too.

Step 1: Mix ingredients and wait. Test on local wildlife if unsure of potency.
Step 2: Sneak into town water supply or aerosolize and seed cloud over town.
Step 3: Wait for paralysis to set in (hours to weeks).
Step 4: Walk in, kill the incapacitated bad guy, or remove alicorn amulet from corpse. :pinkiecrazy:

Depending on how magic works, he could probably translate the basic concept of a firearm into a magical weapon for the unicorns. Have them throw small stones really fast since the energy needed is quite small and the anti magic won't do shit once the projectile got its momentum.

Promising beginning... Lemme point out a few nitpicks... mostly personal opinions, so that should you agree and make minor changes, might make the story sound even better!

Ok, 1st thing. Campers don't call camping gear 'survival gear'. It's camping gear, and by it's very nature are things you would need outdoors. Survival gear makes me think of emergency crates and Datrex bars on navel ships or planes for crash survivors. Up to you to decide how you want it to sound.

2nd, over description of the blade... heck personally, I wanted to know that it was basically on par with K-bar so no complaints there. My problem is if they were hiking to a camp sight, why wasn't it already on his belt? When I go camping I have my utility <aren't all knives?> blade on my belt 1st thing in case i need it. It might be better stated that he checked it after getting dressed and moved it to a better spot on his hip... also it would not be a smart thing to go spelunking with a blade in hand like described, one slip and you end up with four and a half inches of cold 440 stainless punched through your own chest... just food for thought, I mean he could be scared and addled at his situation...

3rd, Granola bar for power and energy? heck ya, your pretty dumb to go hiking/camping without em. It's the water bottle... seriously? I mean a camper without a canteen, bota, or camelback is asking for trouble. Sure I can see carrying extra bottles of clean water on an extended hike, but you wouldn't use those till you needed them.

4th, I like the use of italics to indicate thought processes, but I noted you like to use quotation marks " with those, minor suggestion use ' with the italics. not sure if it's actually a grammar rule, but looks better in print.

That all said, I enjoyed this opener. Writing is quite good. No obvious spelling errors. Pacing is good, and there is little confusion. All in all, I have a good feeling about this. Onward to the next chapter!

A little surprised he didn't go with the crossbow. More akin to a gun

As soon as I read the stallions description I knew it was Sombra.

Okay, I'm surprised that Sombra has become a main character now. Still, glad to see that our hero is learning to socialize and improving his archery skills.

Oooooooh damn things just took a turn!!!!

Wow, this chapter was heavy as now Chris is required to infiltrate the Minotaur and steal the amulet from their kid. Gotta say, you realistically portrayed the reaction of a guy who's forced into a dangerous adventure by a desperate ruler. In any other story, the protagonist would gladly accept the quest out of altruism, but Chris here is bold enough to get mad at her and remind her that a few days of training won't turn him into a hero who can defeat the bad guy and that he just wants to go home. Still, he's mature enough to realize the point of Serenity's plan and that she's desperate and ashamed of having to resort to endangering his life, so he decides to help. Gotta say that I love this chapter and I hope the next one comes soon.

“You pull the arrow out, and then cover it with this,”

You push arrows out so the barbs on the head do less damage, pulling can result in a good chunk of muscle coming out with the arrow.

7255518 good to know. Will fix when I get home from work. Thanks :)

7255544
No problem, just keep making good chapters like this one.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Narrowing my eyes as I looked into the faces of the assembled group.

"If I do this...." I began softly, "if I succeed in this, clearly, last ditch, suicide mission..." I paused staring daggers as the Queen. "....then I get a holiday named after me!" The ponies regarded me with a mixture of confusion and audacity.

"A nice one too!" I continued, my finger stabbing the air. "Nothing like Arbor Day or Columbus Day!" I snarled my voice thick with contempt. "Like a day off of work and mass feasts all day!"


This story is really grabbed me! Please continue on!

Another good chapter, just want to point out for future reference that quivers are bad in combat if I recall correctly archers would hold arrows between their fingers.

This is getting really interesting.

Knowing my luck the scrolls would go like this:

"Okay time to go stealth mode." Reaches in and activates scroll

FLASH!!!!!!

"What was that?"

".....crap."

"Look! Over there!"

"Crap!"

"Kill it!"

"CRAP!!!"

7266194 tell that to Hawkeye

Another great chapter. Gotta say that the quiver and bows are extremely useful, but the true catcher is the ouch with the scrolls. I got to admit that the spell scrolls being usable by Chris was a nice detail and I'm curious as to what the final spell does. Still, thanks for the awesome chapter.

Good chapter.

Comment posted by Vates Despero deleted Jun 4th, 2016

7266194 You're actually quite right. An archer would hold around... 3 arrows in their hand and fire them on the right side of the bow before pulling out more arrows. An archer had to be mobile, after all!

7279603 I've seen a guy on youtube able to hold twenty in his hand at one time and was able to shoot each one successfully. Said it took years of difficult training to do it.

7303901 Now that is an impressive skill, I will admit.

Update? Soon?

Update! Please!

7346783 7344085

Update is in the works. It's one of those chapters that turns out to be far more challenging to write properly than you originally expect.

7347576 I get it. Gotta get it right. Can't wait to see!

Gotta say that the walk to meet Adamant Will was tense, especially with Thunderhoof being silent, but at least the resident hero managed to slightly loosen the guards up.

Normally I'm good at predicting where a story goes, but I have no idea what he's going to do with the king. Great job I'm stumped.

Here comes the shenanigans

It would take everything in my power not to go full on Bilbo Baggins.

"Who are you?"

"I come from under the hill, and under the hills and over the hills my paths led. And through the air, I am he that walks unseen."

"I see....kill him."

No update this week - Family vacation to the beach until Saturday! I'll be working hard on it as soon as I come back, hopeful ready for Next Monday!

Login or register to comment