• Member Since 27th Dec, 2014
  • offline last seen 41 minutes ago

Diabeto131


Diabetes kinda sucks.

T

A week after moving to Ponyville, Violet Petal as already seen and experienced wonderful things such as the Elements stopping evil villains and monsters, the Castle of Friendship, and Pinkie Pie's parties. Unfortunately, she has also experienced many awful things. Including prejudices from the town's residents. For she is a Thestral, or "bat pony," to the more blunt members of society.

After one particularly bad day, she runs across a strange bipedal creature napping in the park.


Author's note: I was featured! It was for a few minutes, sure, but still!

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 140 )

That was a really pleasant exchange to read. I would have enjoyed it more if it were a little longer but to see this currently without a green thumb is criminal.

Cheers for the horsewords!

OooOoOOo, potential!

This definitely has potential, and I could easily say I would be disappointed if this ceased to continue. I would love to read more!

It was really good. i will love to see more of this. Please continue with this :pinkiesmile:

More please.

Wow this was great. I really hope you decide to write more for this story. I love the attitude of Andy so far and I'm super curious to see what kind of work Vi and Andy will be doing.

10/10

decent start, its nice to see a story skip the cliche of human arrival.

Yay it's going to continue hope the ideas keep flowing

I like the promise of this story, a human and a thestral pony making a friendship because of how both are seen in the pony society, as freaks. It is really cool keep it up, i hope the inspiration get to you to keep writhing about this :pinkiehappy:

last paragraph, misspelled thought. :pinkiesmile:

7764240 Thank you for finding that, I swear I misspell "thought" so many times in this one chapter. Apparently I missed one.

I don't favorite many stories, but I'll have to on yours.

Great story, really hope you continue!

Okay, not a bad start, but you have some weird formatting that kind of threw me for a loop at first. For example

"Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you." Andrew laughed and shook his head.

"You didn't offend me. Not much can anymore. Enough about me. All I know about you is your name. Where do you work?" Violet bowed her head with her furry ears flattening against her head.

To me this was awkward to read because Andrews reaction to Violet is on the same line, making it read like it is done by the same person. As a fix it could be

"Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."

Andrew laughed and shook his head."You didn't offend me. Not much can anymore. Enough about me. All I know about you is your name. Where do you work?"

Violet bowed her head with her furry ears flattening against her head.

See with it like this there is a clear transition from the action of the character to the speaking lines of the same character instead of that awkward swap. Just some friendly advice to make it easier on us readers :twilightsheepish:

7764822 Thanks, I'll definitely try to keep this in mind in the future.

Great to see that you continued with this. The chapter was excellent and a bonus it was a decent sized chapter at little over 3000 words.

As for ideas I'm nothing really comes to mind but I love the concept of twork being that are different finding common ground for that very same reason.
I'm a romance and slice of life freak so this story really carches my attention. Even if there is no reason romance tag it has the potential for it; regardless, even if that doesn't happen I'm still really interested in the story. Sully so far has been real and down to earth, a very relatable character and the little tidbits of back story have only added to my desire to learn more about Sully and see him develope as a character. Maybe next chaper we will learn a little more about Vi, and here home life from before she moved to Ponyville. She said both her parents were Lunar guards so I imagine time spent with them must have been sparse? Maybe not though.


Over all great chapter. 10/10

An interesting start to this... very much so, seemed a bi fast but eh.

nice job.

"If I can run full speed from a manticore, while pulling this wagon, with Applejack, Rarity, and three trouble making fillies in it, I can pull it with a plus one at a leisurely pace to the farm."

Damn... impressive, ehehehe.

Nicely done dude.
Hmm... pacing is a bit fast but I like it, so good show.

Damn... poor Andy...

Nicely done, can't wait for more.

7779336 took the word right out of my mouth!

Well.. man I can honestly say while I read this chapter I didn't expect it to end like that. I could really feel the confrontation there at the end.

I would never have guess Andy had been in equestria for three years or that the pony would still treat him so harshly.

Last chapter had me curious but this one really takes the cake, what's up with the bench? Lol

Also nice music choice!

No way that this is a one-shot. This is but a prologue!

God dammit, your writing style seems good. So now I have to read everything you have written.

For priding themselves on being so accepting, they can shun anyone who's not "normal" really fast. Not everyone, but a good enough number to dent one's psyche.

The girls meant well, but they could have gone about it a different way. Poor Andy. Still a long road ahead.

At least he, in a way, found a kindred spirit in Violet.

Lovely read so far, can't wait for more :twilightsmile:

Darn, I couldn't tell if that last part at the start was comedy, or something stronk.

All I can say now, is...

i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/353/279/e31.jpg

Huh. Looks like he's suicidal or something but keeps a happy face to not bother those around him.

"That bench did nothing to say that I couldn't sit there! That bench hasn't done anything to make me feel unwelcome! That bench doesn't call me 'monkey'! It doesn't through garbage at me! AND SURE AS HELL HASN'T TOLD ME TO WALK INTO THE EVERFREE AND DIE!" That particular part caused Applejack to wince as if she were punched in the gut. Andrew was breathing hard. "But fuck me, right?! Fuck me for wanting to sit on a goddamn bench!"

It's throw, not through.

Nice chapter the flow of conversations was much easier to read.

The escalation of anger as he was ranting at the end read really naturally. Good job!

Wow you have really got my attention now.

Wow that make the picture of the fic more powerfull now, and we didnt even know why? really nice writing in this one :pinkiehappy:

This is a really great read and I love the way the conversations seem real and not fake. Really draws me into the story. Keep up the great work, can't wait for the next chapter.

Excellent work! I have to say I haven't read writing quite this believable (with a regular guy anyway) for some time.

But if we took you away from the laptop, who would we have to write more horse words?

sounds like an awesome read but i want to wait for a few more chapters

Your drunk....go back to sleep

Tenouttaten, would read dead memes again~

7792641 You're sleep, go back to drunk.

7792852 my brain is pie, your argument is invalid

Wha... wait. I've already read all the chapters!?
I need more doe. :fluttercry:

Spacecowboy
Story Approver

Definitely worth a Favorite. The first four chapters are a tad brief, yet convey enough characterization and emotion to be able to reach out and grab your attention. That, and with how well it's written really speaks well for its future. Looking forward to seeing where you take this story.

It's weird when you read through million+ word fics, and then read a 9,000 word fic that's really meaty. Somehow you've conveyed a lot of stuff without it feeling forced or rushed. At times the pacing feels too fast, but otherwise this has me rather hooked. Please don't let it be another story in my tracking that sits "On Hiatus" after 10 chapters and leaves me disappointed and wanting. Definitely a lot of potential

A very nice chapter man, very nice!
And bananas? Those little shits!

Nice job

we shouldn't of cornered ya like that

It should be shouldn't have.

Anyway, another great chapter. Indeed, sometimes you just can't hold it in anymore and explode. I'm surprised Andy managed to hold it back for so long.
Isn't at least Twilight trying to do something about the situation? Or she did all she could, but it's just those few kids that keep causing problems?

Either way, Violet has her work cut out for her. Especially since she's seen as an outsider as well... but hey, she has at least a few friends (even if they're more like acquaintances at the moment) who she can work with, so she's not all alone!

7793591
With AJ's southern accent, the author may well have intentionally substituted the word "have" for "of" to add to the illusion of a southern drawl in his writing that line for AJ.
IMO, if that was his intent, then it worked pretty well. :twilightsmile:

7793717 If that was really the case then I withdraw the correction. It was still irritating to see grammar butchered like that anyway, accent or not :rainbowwild:

Most humble description of humanity I have ever seen. Most HiEs I read describes us as absolutely foul and wretched things. . . I don't think so at least. Good work.

This is a very interesting story. More so since it seems like it drops into the middle of an ongoing story, than at the beginning. Which to me, is more fun. As it shows that the 'world' the story was in existed and moved before the story started.

Wow, so I'm a little late for the new chapter (only a little) but really what else can I say besides: Wow.

So the bench has finally been explained. I expected the reason was something similar to what was explained. The delivery of the explanation was what really grabbed me the most though, the emotion was almost tangible. The struggle between silentry desperation and the subtle hope that maybe a miracle could take him away is something from the ugly reality that he faces everyday. A reality that he may never be fully accepted, and the worst that he might well be alone for the remainder of his day, the only one of his kind. A feel of complete and utter loneliness.

Those thoughts and emotions are enough to make even the strongest men and women buckle at the knees.

I know I've said it before, but again the way the emotions and characterization is displayed is some of the best I've had the pleasure of reading. The way you deliver it in such a 'down to earth' manner really drives the 'message' (so to speak) home.

As for what's next I can only wait a find out.

10/10 for the chapter and the story so far. I really believe this story has bright future.

Anyway, thanks for writing (really thank you) and I look forward to more.

When she opened it, she was surprised by who was on the other side.
JOHN CENA!!

(Ba da da daaaa... BA na na naaa!)

Can we roide on 'im?

Ponies really are racist gits when you look at it then again since they've been raised around just ponies they're not used to those from different races and cultures so you really can't blame them for not like someone who's different.

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