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I'm a go playing brony who reads and writes fan fiction works. That's about all you need to know.



On her latest visit to the human world, Twilight decides that she likes having a smartphone too much. So she steals one and takes it back to Ponyville with her.

Sunset does not approve.

Now with a reading by thecaptainsand

This story was Featured on February 3, 2016.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 189 )

That's what police and tasers are for. Maybe heat-seeking missiles too...

Its sad how people have gotten attached to these things:facehoof:

Sunset could always change over to Sprint. Then Equestria will never get a signal.

I could see this being an episode:rainbowlaugh:
This was amazing good job:pinkiehappy:

The exchange rate of gold to $ is quite good. Pre-pay the cell plan for a couple of years and buy 6 phones. Problem solved.

We need a sequel, SciTwi steals a magical artifact.

Later that week:
"Uhhh... Rainbow Dash?"
"Hm? What is it AJ?"
"Why's there a radio antenna on your house?"
"...I can explain."

Sequel please. I can see Rainbow going to EQG and plays with human rainbows cell, and getting addicted to it like twilight:rainbowdetermined2:

They need to get Twilight her own smartphone next time she visits, or else she'll go crazy again. And she tried to set up her own cell tower, and made it invisible to ponies?! How much else has Twilight been hiding from everypone else, hm? :moustache: Sunset will probably need to keep a closer eye on her side of the portal at this rate, heh.

Entertaining read. Definitely could use at least one sequel.

Or perhaps even a limited series where the pony-Elements of Harmony sneak into the EqG-verse to sample the modern conveniences of EqG-Earth, either individually or in pairs.

My type of humor mixed with an interesting idea!
Well done my good lad, well done. :moustache:

This must be an episode! Hasbro, do shit!

Btw, this is awesome! Sequel? :scootangel:

A sequel? :applejackunsure: I've never written a sequel on FiMFiction before...
Not that these aren't fun ideas, but I've often worried that sequels don't hold up well..
Plus, I've never written anything that takes place in the Equestria Girls universe...
:rainbowderp: You too, huh?

Well, if you all really want it... I suppose I'm game for giving an EQG story and sequel a try. :raritywink:

I had to force myself to put it in a proper mood to read it (Twilight stealing something just because? can't she get some stuff from Equestria, exchange it and use it to pay for hers?) But once past that it was a nice read. I wonder if that's how the Lesson Zero 2.0/Midnight Sparkle incident happened in Equestria.

"Next time I'll say longer. Promise."


Silly Twilight. Why spend all that time and effort building a totally unnatural expensive cellular node unit an phone battery sapping distance away, when you live in the second best antenna array in the world.

Pity that the fractal design of the Freindship Castle is even more efficint than the Dipole strip arrays usually used in towers, thats why cell phones use them.

Daring Dash raids Apple Store, then complains when she cant get a connection plan?

this made me laugh. I love it

6900080 You have a serious challenger for the first place in my heart Otaku boy.

NOW GIMME MOAR !!! :flutterrage: :flutterrage: :flutterrage:

snatched it with her hoof

Physics! :pinkiecrazy:


That face had to be a deliberate reference, especially combined with "stopping winter". :rainbowlaugh:

Twilight trying a smart phone and getting super addicted? Yea I can see it. Though one would kind of have expected Twilight to dissect the thing, hoping to make her own. Or Twilight trying to make a magical equivalent of the internet. We've already seen equestrian Unicorns can "record video"amoung other things, I could see Twilight inventing magical internet and smartphone equivalents.

I wonder if Sunset is ready... or even has enough sanity... to handle two Rainbow Dashes running around together?

Just don't let Twilight get her hooves on a Kindle. They have offline storage and a capacity of about 10,000 standard-sized books, more if you buy an extra memory stick. Just imagine how Twilight would view a device that could probably carry her entire personal library and yet be small enough to carry around in a pouch without even noticing the weight?

This story is funny not only does it need to be a espidoe but it also needs a sequel:pinkiehappy:.

Twilight committing theft without even realizing what she has done.
At least not until her fascination wears off.
Yep. I can see that happening :rainbowlaugh:

From a practical standpoint, putting up that cell tower doesn't make any sense. The tower would need to be connected through the portal, and she's going to be using it near the portal anyway. Stealing the school's wi-fi would make a lot more sense, and putting up her own wi-fi network would give her pretty much all the capabilities she needs. The tower wouldn't be able to connect unless she put the portal right next to it or ran a cable through the portal to the tower.

From a comedy standpoint it's fine though, so no problem; this is definitely a comedy story. I liked it!


Not only that, but endangering Equestria's future with the injection of comparatively hyper-advanced technology (and the INTERNET for Celestia's sake) into the world. If something could destroy the peaceful harmony of Equestria, it'd be that.

I think the premise is good, and the writing is excellent, I didn't see a single error on first pass, but I just cannot get over how out of character and weird everyone is acting. I can't see any group of friends, much less this particular group of friends, acting like this at all. Twilight especially, I know there needs be some contrivance for the sake of comedy, but she might as well not be Twilight Sparkle with the way she acts in this story.

Sorry. I just can't get into this. I can understand Twilight being desperate for access to Wikipedia and the like, which does require connectivity, but smartphones don't just suddenly stop working without network connectivity. They're computers, just like your laptop or desktop PC.

The only way that behaviour happens is on the rare occasion when you find an ad-supported app written by an idiot/asshole which locks down the instant a request for the next ad fails rather than giving you some slack time to come out of the tunnel.

Hell, they even have "Airplane Mode" specifically to shut off all external radio communications while leaving the phone usable so you can use them on planes without violating FCC regulations.

And then Rainbow got arrested for assaulting some guy in the human world and playing Angry Birds on his phone.
Later, she said it was worth it.
Who knows, Rainbow might have clicked on the browser icon when Sunset cut the internet off. It's not like she knows the difference.

ahh, the classic-- and classically stupid-- Prime Dork-rective. "we mustn't contaminate the pure innocent noble majestic PRIMITIVE civilization with KNOWLEDGE. That would be BAD."

As if every damned fool didn't enter this world as a blind, naked savage, and had to have every scrap of modern science and technology they now boast gifted to them in the exact same way.

The introduction of advanced technology to backward nations is uniformly a boon-- one that greatly outweighs the inevitable associated negatives that come with any technological advance, and VASTLY outweighs the negatives of leaving them to struggle their way to progress on their own.... For the simple reason that it allows a struggling civilization to skip over countless intermediary steps that cost precious resources and lives. Introducing the internal combustion engine allowed many third world nations to bypass the era of coal entirely, saving millions of lives and preventing immeasurable pollution. The cell phone has allowed many others to skip over the intermediary steps of the telegraph and telephone, and the laborious and costly effort of mounting millions of telephone poles and stringing thousands of miles of copper cable. And the introduction of advanced medicine--- I shouldn't even have to explain why that is an undiluted virtue.

The Prime Directive trope is a revolting moral obscenity, the exact same as finding a feral child living naked, filthy and savage in the wilderness, and insisting that he or she be left to blindly claw their own way up out of their primitive state--- and imagining oneself saintly for damning the child to such a fate!


6901193 I think that this might be less prime directive and more "don't steal my phone, its expensive and I don't want to replace it"

Less than a minute later, Sunset emerged from the closet again, her face pale. "We, uh, we may have a problem."

Rainbow Dash beamed. "Does this mean I can play with your phone?"

"What is it?" asked Twilight.

"Well, you know how you forced the portal open using the connection between the journals?" Sunset lifted the journal with Celestia's cutie mark in her magic. "Well, with both of them in Equestria..."

"Oh." Twilight blinked. "Oh."

"For the record, I blame you for this."


"You're the immortal alicorn, Twilight! If you want smartphones in Equestria, get to work! It should only take a few generations of technological development."

The two glared at one another until Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. "So, uh, can I play with it or—" She was cut off by the phone bouncing off of her skull.

Reminds me of the old joke, "The most secure computer is one that's not connected to the Internet. That's why I recommend AT&T."

She doesn't need magic for that. There's actually an extremely easy way to hide anything in plain sight without criticism: say it's a work of modern art. All she needs to do is put a plaque in front of it saying, "Teletype Webway by Twilight Sparkle". All blinking lights, moving pieces of equipment, buzzing sounds, and induced headaches are integral parts of properly experiencing the work.

In fairness to RC, an awful lot of the story focuses on the dangers of technology. Not, "let's learn the ins and outs before we hand the stuff out like candy," but full on, "this shouldn't be allowed ever."

Even though I'd think cellphones would be about the most benign things they could get their hooves on. It's not like Twilight is amateurishly codging together a combination nuclear power plant, oil refinery, and chemical processing facility unsupervised. I would think a bunch of people who talk about the importances of friendship would want a handy device for getting in touch with distant friends.

"Ugh! Again with the stupid book," Twilight threw her hooves in the air.

I'd never expected her to say something like that.

I second that.

Great idea! I'm looking forward to it.

Good story!

The idea there is that Twilight could hook her book device to the tower and not have the portal open all the time.

Dash didn't say the phone stopped working, she only pointed out that she was notified that her network connection was lost. She was upset because she assumed she'd done something wrong; she was frustrated that it was so easy to "break" the phone. The phone would have continued to function for the most part, but Rainbow Dash has no way of knowing this. As for why the phone would notify her of a lost connection, the example given by 6901095 is a good one. The reason Twilight cares about losing connection is exactly what you said, she doesn't want to lose access to Wikipedia and the rest of the Internet.

Have you ever seen the Star Trek Voyager episode Friendship One? If any episode of Star Trek explains why the Prime Directive exists, it is that one. As for real world examples, you are only pointing out the good ones. What about the problems in China being caused by rapid industrialization like the construction of super dams that displace thousands? Or how the introduction of advanced weaponry into the Middle East by the US and Soviets forever altered the balance of power and political landscape?

6901286 Those integral parts of enjoying Teletype Webway sound like they go with some Night Vale 3rd grade art. Wait until you see the real art there. You'll never be able to get it out of your mind. Ever.


I was aware of that possible interpretation, but it gave too strong an impression that, if that's what you meant, you would have presented it differently.


Wait... Didn't you pitch a fit and abandon this site? Why are you still here criticizing other's works when you yourself can't deal with it?

Actually, don't answer that RC. You went supercritical of a short comedy one-shot over barely implied theming. And you wonder why people jump your case...

Personally, I find this comedy chuckle worthy, but otherwise more or less average. Twilight's behavior is forced OOC in the beginning in terms of her behavior being more pushy than evasive. It's actually a bit overdone in the whole 'lie so badly obvious it's painful' trope. The utilization of this form of comedy of lies in fiction depends so much on the characters acting like complete and total idiots on both sides, simply to make it funny. To be fair, part of the point is to deliberately make it satire of bad lies, but I find the concept stale. You can blame 30 years of fiction for that.

I think if the author approached the story a second time and made another pass on dialogue and behavior, he could get Twilight more in her character. Make her attempts to sidestep the question more smooth, but still obviously reckless enough to strangle her defense anyway.

Of course, this fic completely bypasses the fact that Twilight is a princess in a magical land full of gems and gold, who could literally hop through the portal at any time, ask sunset to do a money exchange, and buy herself a phone AND a service contract to go with it. But I'm willing to overlook that for a chuckle.

Heheh, that was pretty great. There's not enough pieces about Twilight becoming enthralled with human technology, in my honest opinion, and I love the idea of Sunset tattling to Celestia (although, if I were the good princess, I'd take anything my traitorous, evil, she- demon former student said with a large grain of salt). This was quite solid, with a few small spelling and grammar issues.

You get a like and fave.

Oh. :applejackconfused: Hello Mr. Titanium Dragon, sir. I really enjoyed your most recent story, and "Dying to Get There" is one of my personal favorites - a comedy classic for sure. Such well written situation comedy is an inspiration to all of us lesser known writers.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go be embarrassed that one of the best comedy authors on FiMFiction noticed my attempt to be funny. :fluttershyouch:


I would think a bunch of people who talk about the importances of friendship would want a handy device for getting in touch with distant friends.

And a convenient excuse to completely ignore the ones sitting at the table right next to you, :derpytongue2:

Smartphones are a great way to connect with the world around you.

Which is exactly why you shouldn't use them while driving; connecting with the world around you is the last thing you want to do going 65 on the Interstate (and probably will be).

6901268 I was wondering if any one else had caught that lol.

Indeed; faceplanting in asphalt is not an acceptable interpretation of 'connecting to the world around you', :twilightoops:

Also, it is mad rude to go to dinner or to hang out with friends and spend half the time with your moosh glued to your phone. My wife takes her brother's phone away from him when we sit down to eat dinner so he'll actually talk to us, :applejackconfused:

Aw, thanks! I'm glad you've enjoyed my stories! I have a lot of fun writing them.

I actually have another thing coming out tomorrow as well, but I figured I'd do some reading today and glance around at what was in the featured story box.

This story will likely end up in a review post in my blog on Friday.

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