• Member Since 21st Jun, 2015
  • offline last seen Mar 15th, 2017

Narutomate storm

Grew up as both spider man and naruto fan and I really like fan-based work.


(Naruto and Equestria Girls crossover) With his dying breath Madara Uchiha unleashed a powerful justu sending Naruto in a completely different world. With no way back Naruto must learn to accept his new life while studying in the ever colorful Canterlot High.

Chapters (17)
Comments ( 253 )

This is going to go~~~~~od

i feel you got Naruto's character down well

don't know how to feel about his exact copy being made so no one is wiser of the situation

This description could use some editing, and since it's an advertisement for the story within, it doesn't make me want to read it.

naruto has finally defeated madara uchiha ending the 4th shinobi war but with his dying breath madara unleashed a powerful justu sending him in a completely different world with no way back naruto must learn to accept his new life while studying in the ever colorful canterlot high.

There is no capitization. It has no punctuation except at the end. Try breaking it up into a more natural flow, like this:

Naruto has finally defeated Madara Uchiha and ended the Fourth Shinobi War. However, with his dying breath, Madara unleashed a powerful jutsu that sent Naruto to a completely different world. Unable to return home, Naruto must now learn to accept his new life among strangers at Canterlot High.

When I read a description with poor capitization, punctuation, and sentence construction, it's guaranteed I'm going to skip it. I'd expect to see similar problems inside. If that's the case, I'd suggest going to one of the editing groups on this site like W.R.I.T.E. and seeing if they can help you out.

Comment posted by Pirate Jesus deleted Jun 25th, 2015
Comment posted by The ancient one deleted Jun 25th, 2015

Yeah. Is there any reason why the title isn't capitalized?

Comment posted by Fallen Prime deleted Jun 25th, 2015
Comment posted by Pirate Jesus deleted Jun 25th, 2015
Comment posted by Pirate Jesus deleted Jun 25th, 2015
Comment posted by The ancient one deleted Jun 25th, 2015
Comment posted by Pirate Jesus deleted Jun 25th, 2015
Comment posted by The ancient one deleted Jun 25th, 2015

"Rest assured Naruto I have created an exact duplicate of you he's celebrating with your friends he'll be the one to carry your original ambitions.....and I can already see the world you'll be living in. Like in your world you once lived in you'll also have a very special purpose there you'll have friends,family...and romance. I assure you Naruto Uzumaki it is also peacefully there you'll grew fond of it it's very....Colorful,"

For me the reason is good enough.

another chapter done! I originally intended to make this chapter longer but .I'll try to make the next chapters more longer

hope your enjoying the story so far.

that´s okay, just try not to have less words.

That was a random action from Rarity probably, but not out of Character, so i think it is okay.

I think i like the story till now, till now nothing bad happened, try not to rush anything, that should make it even better.
Not sure how much you know, but i often hear that people try to as for someone who wants to proofread their chapters, and someone else who helps with the grammar, or other ideas.

Then i hope you are not one of those you is going to start to many different fanfictions later, i had many people who can´t really keep up with their storys, because they already have 24 storys.

It is also good that Applejack isn´t a lie detector in this story, i mean i beliece that she is able to know if someone is lying, but it probably has more to do with reading their face, and stuff like that, not really magically feeling a lie, sometimes i think this could even destroy a good story.

i give you a like, maybe afave later, but i guess you should get a proofreader, and maybe an editor first, if they correct the chapters a bit, it should look even better. I am not able to tell you what´s wrong everytime, mostly because i don´t know much about the english grammar, but i try to tell you what i saw on this side, what many people seems to think was good, and well stuff like that.

"EEEEEEEEHHHHH???!!" Naruto exclaimed with his comedy face."but does my new world have ramen?"

the sage nodded.

"then I'm okay with it!"

I'd ask the same thing if I was in his shoes.

More words!!!! ..... Just kidding.:ajsmug:

I think Applejack and Naruto are a good pare for this story because for every Naruto and My Little Pony crossover that's I read that involved Naruto love life with either one of the girl (like Twilight sparkle or one of the princess), or having harem.
And the funny thing is that I wonder how good it would be IF someone write a story about Naruto and Applejack and look like their someone out their doing that. Can't wait for more

FLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSHHHH!!!!!!! I WILL DEVOUR YOUR SOUL!!! *ahem* sorry. I hate that guy. Good story though. Can't wait for more.

Comment posted by Terran Knowledge deleted Jun 28th, 2015

6141449 Sorry. Had to delete my comment. Messed up a bit and i can't really concentrate due to fatigue. Anyways, the reason for my hate is how he was put into EQ as a steriotypical teen who is about as useful as a rock and as smart as one. If they made him more useful with more likeable traits, i'm sure not that many fans would have a problem with him. But sadly he will always be a hateable dunce. Not to mention he was kind of a dick in EQ 1 and 2

6142069 If there's gonna be an EQ 3 they should give him more development and charisma.

6130249 just think it a shadow clone but permanent:rainbowderp:


You kind of messed a bit. It's spelled like this SAKURAAAAAA also

Naruto had just old Twilight and Flash about his status as a ninja.

Naruto had just told Twilight and Flash about his status as a ninja.

Other then those two things great chapter!

6143192 No problem. I love Naruto. He's a lot like me. We love Ramen and we will do anything to keep our friends happy~

Comment posted by Narutomate storm deleted Jun 28th, 2015

6143201 hey quick trivia for you: where was twilight staying during her time in the equestria girls universe?

6143768 I was going to answer normally then Sokka popped into my head.

6142109 Most definitely. If there would be a third one, I wonder what it would be about...:unsuresweetie:

This looks interesting though for pering i would have liked with Sunset shimmer and/or the dazzlings. Still i will se how this continues

one thing every equestria girls fics doesent do is interactions with background humas i hoope you have naruto interact with the groups not just the humane 6

Comment posted by Narutomate storm deleted Jul 1st, 2015

Zetsu... oh man was gonna happend now that he is here.

Again this is just personally but k hope he interacts with other students nkt just tbe humane 6

Hey Narutomate storm you should use this picture for a situation in the story and have applejack around. It would really funny. Oh and a quick question, can Naruto still use chakra?

6164097 yeah he sill can. Also what particular picture are ya talking about

6164453 well i look forward to the next chapter.

6164476 though the picture has to be hand drawn since I suck at digital drawing

6164561 wait why does it have to be hand drawn?

Comment posted by Narutomate storm deleted Jul 3rd, 2015

6164616 Oh wait never mind. I thought you wanted applejack herself to be in the picture which would require photo editing and digital drawing which I suck at :twilightblush:

6164769 oh no just have Naruto in that situation. Like him getting out of the water after someone pushed him into it. Though it would be the best in a friendly situation, like say rainbow dash accidentally pushed him in.

6165028 No problem. Im just happy to help.

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