At the Valley of the End, Naruto and Sasuke clashed with their best jutsus only for Naruto to miss with his rasengan and have his heart pierced by Sasuke, resulting in his death. Kami sends him to a new world to live a new life. join Naruto in his adventures with the Mane 6 and others through the land of Equestria.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I like to say I love that chapter. In the near future can you make a story on naruto, bleach and sonic together. In the next story u do.
I want to ask before I read it, this isn´t a story again, were absolutely every pony, or all of the main six fall in love with him right?
I would prefer it, if only one or two love him, and that there are actually some Ponys that doesn´t like him, to make it more realistic, or at least not so much like "Happy town".
I don´t mean it in a bad way, sometimes I just like it to be more realistic, or serious.
6614532 well iI could put another story as I'm aiming at a harem in this one but just a few aside from the mane 6
the story is great so far
6614723 Well I´m not angry at you for writing it, but I´m a bit dissapointed, that every Naruto story I saw, had to end up that way.
Some Characters just don´t look like everyone would love them.
You proved me. Write and do not stop. And I'm going to watch a movie Boruto. And in addition: good luck!
its good nice job
Sorry but I'm removing this from my follows. All you've done is made Naruto basically perfect at everything and able to help and attract any and all. I know it's fanfiction, but Mary Sueing Naruto in the FIM world is just irritating to read after seeing him go through one thing to the next with the perfect solution/skill to make everything right.
Ok. . . .until now. . .I like it, you have my track and my Thumb UP. . . just be careful with the Gary Stu thing, I know Naruto is awesome and all, it's just an advice.
6629530 thanks for the advice, I intended for naruto to get ready for the trials ahead so don't worry about him being OP, plus I am adding three more mares to then I'm done. His future opponents will be much tougher than before
Way to hide the truth man. REAL mature, but you know what? Go right ahead, hide from the criticism, but just remember.
YOU had to read it, and get hit with the truth. So yeah, fair game.
6631030 sorry about that, I was trying to reply on my android when I hit the delete button by mistake, anyway you must know that I'm new at this so I decided to take a different approach on the story so take it easy on me please since I'm just a newbie at it.
6631288
...Fine.
I'm not going to say I wasn't being harsh. I will say, I did feel slightly bad about going on and doing some tearing you down in the comment section. That I will apologize for, but not completely.
I'm going to ask you this:
-Exactly HOW many Naruto fanfictions have you seen that start almost exactly like yours does?
-Have you seen the guidelines for writing that is on this site? If No to this question, do so immediately. I can't link it mostly because I've forgotten where to go to find it-Ah, nevermind find it here
6631476 thanks for leading me there, I'll try improve on my writing but don't hesitate to draw my attention to any mistake I may make
they are fine nice job.
A few chapters in and just a couple of thoughts, maybe put your inspiration for his new moves in the glossary. Even with out playing said games I understood the concept and putting them in parentheses like that feels like it breaks the flow of the story. And for the sake of my pet peeve it's everfree not evertree.
6649498 thanks for the advice, I'll put it up on the author note along with the others from the previous chapters for the readers to catch up
nice work
Well think I've read as much as can here. Here's a few things that came to mind, do with them what you will.
As good as your story started you made Naruto to perfect. Mansion, seemingly unlimited resources, massive amounts of power, some celestial weapon all this really adds up to the point of making him boring.
His personality is almost nothing like that of the manga or anime. Yes he's nice and kind but where is his stubbornness where's cocky attitude or any trait that falls outside the realm of Paragon.
Even though I enjoy the irony of having the element of purity the center of a harem, at the time Naruto would have been 12 makes things a little weird especially with Dittsie.
But above all your writing is very rough. Your sentences and paragraphs are a mess and you really need to proof read.
Sorry if this seems a bit harsh, but I did enjoy your first few chapters.
6664201 thanks for the comment, I intend for naruto to grow up mentally a bit and I'm not trying to make him perfect, just to be ready for the tasks ahead. Please escuse my writing as I'm still new and I'm trying to improve
thanks for uploading it ( :
Win
i really like it so far keep up the good work
i also like his fightimg style and that he is going to visit other worlds
and if you want my opinion i don't think you made naruto too perfect despite what other comments said
nice work
Why not seem good enough.
seems good, a bit fast pace with the intro.
more like dmc than naruto but good choice anyway
he seems to perfect i almost dont regonise naruto
6858052 like I told others, I'm not aiming at making him perfect, along the way he'll face challenges that would require the help of others plus he won't always emerge unscathed
I should have known she would appear in this chapter.
A Job Well Done, So who want some Ramen, Yum. you did a great job on the chapter is well done, A tip of the hat to you good Hussbek San.
now we just need to see dash's reaction to reading that book.
This is cool. I want that sword so badly.
orig15.deviantart.net/0b14/f/2010/285/d/0/otwp__thunder_edge_by_black_tiger_of_evil-d30mg5v.png
This is going to be cool
Sweet! Epic fight coming in.
Awesome.
I want all these items so much
My shipping sense are tingling.
You probably would've been better off writing a gag comedy with this kind of pace. And how did you "Gary Stu" Naruto? wasn't he (at the point you chose to take him from.) supposed to be basically a idiot, a lair, and really bad at social interaction?
The humor was okay though. Wasn't expecting it, but there it was, in all it's awkwardly naked glory.
Well that took a turn I didn't see coming... I like it.
I must agree. Plus, the cenerios are so forced it hurts!
6629467
I should have know that the Sexy Jutsu would show up in this story sometime, I can't wait to see what happens when Naruto meets the Changelings at Shining and Cadance's Wedding.
I haven't seen the end of Naruto... Is that really what happens?
7060616 no no it is not the ending is much better but one of the only faults with the series would be the insane amount of flashbacks and such that instead could have been done differently but if you want you could read through the summarized posted version of the series in each episode and arc order or could watch like the youtube version with out all the flashbacks or just watch the entirety of the series itself but let me tell you its a long haul
also I'm not posting spoilers on the series unless I'm given permission to cause I don't care what site I go to I don't want bans on any of them
Is naruto going to get a pet?
so, back in his original world
yes yes i know he's only there because of the mission but still thats going to be interesting
i wonder how afew certian will react when they get wind of naruto being reborn in another world i bet hinata will faint while tsunade would cry with joy
7189905 no kidding so how you think afew certian people from konoha will react when they get word of this
7190384 probably first a little hostile and thinking he's a fake, then disbelieving after hearing his story, happyness for some because it's really and disappointment whe they hear that he has to leave again
something like that i guess