• Member Since 6th Mar, 2014
  • offline last seen 16 hours ago

Heavyhauler75622


Trying to get these wonderful ideas out of my head and down for everyone to read...

T
Source

Ponyville's favorite mailmare starts the day in her usual way. Wake up. Toothbrush. Then breakfast, toothbrush again, a pass through her mane with a comb to try to get it to behave. Then, goodbye to Dinky, and off to work...
First, Discord. Then The Doctor. Princess Luna. Princess Twilight Sparkle. Princess Celestia. A fight for everyone's very lives...and a grey Pegasus mare with bubbles for a Cutie Mark right in the middle...
Don't you just love it when the universe decides you're really not a background pony?

Chapters (16)
Comments ( 104 )

@Heavyhauler75622...

91 000 words and a Complete story right out of the gate.

While I have yet to do a full read-through (marked for Read It Later currently), you automatically earn a Like and nod of respect from me, for the clear [time + effort] you have put into this fan-fiction.

Cheers.

5701867

This one has been a long time in coming. I started Derpy's story back in January, 2014, and through sheer persistence and want to tell the gentle grey Pegasus' story, managed it to today. Job, health concerns, all that sort of thing; but if I added a sentence or two here and there, I was at least moving forward.

And I detest unfinished stories. I'll never put up an incomplete one if I have any say about it. It's not fair to the reader, to be so emotionally invested in a character or character's lives, only to have to stop at the edge of the chasm, and never cross over. All of you do great service to me when you take your precious, finite time on this world, and give it to me, reading about these candy-colored ponies.

I thank all of you, from the bottom of my Crystal Heart...

Crystalheart

5701899

I detest unfinished stories. I'll never put up an incomplete one if I have any say about it.

I've seen many things on this site, read thousands of stories, seen hundreds of authors come and go, but you my friend, have done something amazing. With one sentence, One simple arrangement of words, have bypassed every other piece of it all, and now rest solely and entirely at the top of my Favorite author list.

5702121
That is an incredibly kind thing for you to say. I thank you.

Crystalheart

You did something amazing!

I LOVE DITZY DOO!

5702358
I just grew tired of everyone making fun of her...that imbecile thing. I commented so on my blog. And I decided to do something about it.

I made her kind, and loving, and courageous...and that was before all this started in "Derpy Meets The Doctor". Then I added brilliant and clever to that...a fit Companion to Doc Whooves...

How was I supposed to know they'd fall in love? *snicker*

"Derpy's Interview" is the companion piece...

Crystalheart

There were several remarkable things about this. The first was; this individual bore a striking resemblance to one that at this very moment was trying desperately to deal with a woman in a wedding dress inside his own blue box.

I love that. I simply love that quote at the end.

He pushed the screen away, exasperated “Rubbish. I don’t know the first thing about being a pony. Humanoid forms, yea, I can do those. Not equine. How do you do equine without a frame of reference? Experience? Riding lessons? Action figures? Fan art?”

Tap into the internet of this particular universe.
Make sure you have safe-search on.

Problem solved.

5702418
As I said on my blog, I simply adore Giant Pandas...
That "...remarkable..." quote. I tried very hard to capture Douglas Adams and "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" in the tone of it. He wrote an amazing book for me. I wrote that for him.

Crystalheart

OMHP!

THE FEELS! I CRIED! WHY!? WHY IS THIS NOT FEATURED!?

“Oh, I’ve got that. And if you’re conscience nags at you, you can help tonight if you stay over.”

“No. Just…no. You solved it, don’t think different. I’ve seen some of the best, and your loads better, trust me.

Switch those two "Your/You're" around and you'd have the correct uses of them

Every time you use "you're" just say the sentence with "you are" and see if it sounds right
If not, use "your"

Very interesting story, even if I've never seen Doctor Who (Shame he didn't think up "Time Turner" instead of John Smith; oh well...)

5703864
Also, on the second sentence, I forgot to close the quote..
PBBbbbttttttttttttt.....!!!! :derpytongue2:
I don't think he minded too much...there was a lovely dinner involved...

Crystalheart

He sighed ponderously. “I wonder if Discord can get me my own maid uniform.” There was a bleep, and a light blinked twice on the console.

MAID OUTFITS FOREVER!

I'm really glad I read this. I even don't mind how you handled the you know what. I've always hated the Angels. When you can fight, that's one thing. But if it's a waiting game, a game of staring? Yeah no, everyone else is bound to lose eventually. I like how you dealt with it.

Very good overall. I know it's supposed to be a short story, but I would love to read more of their story. How they got Amethyst perhaps and more. But I like to see beyond the 'they got together' parts anyways. Either way, good work. I may take a look at the other stories as well.

5709209
They are coming...I love writing for these two; especially playing Derpy against the usual mindset fans have of her. Adorkable, warm, loving; and a close relative of Goofy.
Naw.
Adorkable, warm, loving, lighthearted (usually), but very, very smart. Not magic smart, we already have one of those. Twilight can have the magic, and a little of the science. A real smart scientist type. I think.

Crystalheart

Technical,y if there were 3 papers in a report card, and they added 1, wouldn't it be a 33% increase rather than 25%? its a small error, but I'm a huge nerd and it kinda bugs me. It's not a big deal though. I'm the only one to notice it so far :-)

5710691

Dinky’s last one ran to three pages, mostly all notes of one kind or another, and the same one-half sheet with the actual grades on it. The school board wanted their say now, too. Probably an entire new page, 25% more weight for self-congratulations.

3 original + 1 from the school board, (probably) = 4 pages.
75% + 25% = 100%...the new weight, which is what she cares about.
Check: 100% (new total) - 1 new page (25% of the total) = 75% left (3 pages), which becomes the new weight.

I ran it by Derpy...she confirmed my math...:derpytongue2:

Crystalheart

5712328 yes, you add one. But compared to when there were 3, it's 133% heavier, therefore, 33%added... OK, I'll do more math. 3=100%. When you add one more, you add 1/3. 100/3=33.333333... 33.3...*4=133.33333, or 4/3, meaning one extra paper added. she says 25% MORE weight, meaning more weight than previously. It's really 33.3333%... whatever. Its not a big deal. But I'm fairly sure I'm correct.

WHAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT!TT!!

T_T!


DERPPPYYY!!!

What else can I say (or write in that matter)? I simply adore this story. It's so well written! Characters are deep and alive, we have slow and fast-paced moments, plot may be not so multi-threaded as I would like it to be but I'll let it pas. But I shouldn't say that so early in story I still have long way to go, still, anything can happen.

However, there are few things that I would like to point out. It's nothing major, just things that I always associate with our Old Doctor and other minor issues:
I. First of all, doctor is over nine hundred years old at this point of time. If I recall correctly you said that he was only seven centuries old (and it is said that 10th Doctor lived only 8 years or so).
II. Time Lords don't need to sleep like humans and ponies do. They'll manage with about 2 hours of sleep per day.
III. First chapter of this story was THE BEST. I don't know what happened but your performance dropped (only slightly) and it's shown in the text. We can see it during dialogue between Twilight and Luna in chapter five it's rushed for my taste. But it's only my opinion.
IV. I don't like when writer introduces to reader new character (OC or not) and just leave it after last dot in chapter to newer ever use him or her again. Maybe I'm a little bit old fashioned in that way but I think that if you used character once you need to use it again. Otherwise it is just few extra lines of text. I can gladly say that it's not the issue in this story. Not in long shot.

5723044
Relevant points, all...
I have to strike a balance between a George R. R. Martin description of the environment, and bare bones outline dialog. George can take an entire chapter describing a room, and the stories become pedantic. I did a lot of description at the beginning to get readers "In the Mood", so to speak, then pick up the pace a bit when we start rolling.

The sleep thing...I can't play up Luna's dreamwalker ability without sleeping ponies. I have need of her ability in this. And to emphasize his difference from those around him, I needed more than a nap.

I cheated his age ('John Smith') intentionally. May need to use him a lot. He's gonna be locked pretty much at this point with Derpy, but the Matt Smith version may, or may not, need that slack, too. Os may be a character in this in the future. Lots to look at with those two.

I'm assuming you're speaking of Lionheart. In Kkat's Fallout:Equestria, Lionheart eventually falls to balefire radiation, as well as Derpy. They become ghouls. Luna and Lionheart are not an item, (though there may be something to explore there), but in another story, (my Fallout:Equestria story), Lionheart and Derpy are by then. And that OC picture of mine, Crystalheart, is the protagonist. I like world building, and with very few exceptions, all the stories will relate, or relate as best I can, with each other. Derpy and Lionheart are part of that.

Crystalheart

What a great read, good job man

5746474
Thank You for the kind words...it really means a lot to an author when a story they share means a lot to the reader...

Crystalheart

It finally reached the castle, though there was a moment where the Guard thought somepony was on the train tracks. It moved off after the Guard turned to look for assistance, and when he turned back, it was gone. The Guard thought his eyes were playing tricks on him, and didn't sound the alarm.It had manged to avoid any other observation until it reach the castle.

Oh no. No, no no no no no no. Anything but that. Weeping Angel alert! :pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp: Repeat, Weeping Angel alert! DO NOT BLINK!

Wait wait, Mareio Sisters? :rainbowlaugh: Nice Mario brothers reference.

5751152

It finally reached the castle, though there was a moment where the Guard thought somepony was on the train tracks. It moved off after the Guard turned to look for assistance, and when he turned back, it was gone. The Guard thought his eyes were playing tricks on him, and didn’t sound the alarm. It had managed to avoid any other observation until it reached the castle.

Oh, just wait...:pinkiecrazy:

Crystalheart

5751156
I adore Giant Pandas...I throw them wherever I can... :raritywink:

Crystalheart

Well, that was a fun ride. I do love this continuity, and seeing how it came to be was quite enjoyable. Thank you for it. Especially how Ditzy destroyed the Angel. If the eigenstate can't collapse, something has to.

Confused as to what Discord did to time. I don't remember it.

5757186
SPOILERS!








Discord manipulated time outside of Derpy's perception by "backing up the clock", so to speak, allowing her to finish her route early. In this concept, Derpy is "moved" from one timeline to a new one. This left the prior line "open", and since there was no way to revise the line through scientific means, the events then led to The Doctor being introduced to Equestria.

Crystalheart

"...And what the hay were the three seashells for?”

Ha! Demolition Man reference. Nice.

5758897
+1 to you for catching the Panda! :pinkiehappy:

Crystalheart

"He never raised his voice. That was the worst thing. The fury of the Time Lord. And then we discovered why. Why this Doctor who had fought with gods and demons, why he'd run away from us and hidden. He was being kind."

Best sums up the Doctor, I think
We should count ourselves lucky he even gives us a chance to surrender

5817494
I put a Russian twist there with him...that grand smile of his, so bright and clear you can almost hear the *ting* from his teeth...until you looked into those eyes.

This bucker has caused the worst sorts in the entirety of Time and Space to shy away and round off as fast as they could gallop, fly, what have you, from his presence...'John Smith' is a loveable goofball; just ask Derps.

But when the smile ends at his eyes...


Crystalheart

I read the bully speech in John da Lancy's voice.

This is why we don't screw with other people's minds, Foals.

You made Derpy cry.
When doing this, did you also cry or did you laugh, sit down, and have a cup of tea with Satan?

5830480
I wrote it hearing him...some phrases came straight out of Star Trek: The Next Generation as Q...and his attempt to dimension shift actually had him appear that way once...
I love Giant Pandas...

Crystalheart

5831248
I see Derpy as very sensitive, due to her life with her amblyopia, and just a bit emotional at times. Her heart is always worn on her sleeve, as it were. A decent, loving pony, that bad things seem to happen to.

Crystalheart

5913713
Got those from the comic books...:raritywink:

Crystalheart

Ditzarella Derpemina Esmerelda Von Doo

Nope.

5925708
That came from Paleo Prints. A very convenient way to get the various names for our beloved wall-eyed mare in one semi-coherent group. He did a great story about Great Aunt Daring Doo that's a fantastic read...:derpytongue2:

Crystalheart

This chapter is really confusing. It looks like Derpy opened the door, went inside, tried the phone, left, closed the door, tried to open it again, and found it was locked. Also, why would "call box" confuse her? She knows what a phone is, and it's a box with a phone in it; why wouldn't she just assume it meant a box for calls?

I'm sorry, I can't read this anymore. Derpy is just too... perfect. While her mistakes have been mentioned offhand, she never actually makes any mistakes or does anything wrong in story. She's a genius who's beloved by all, except Angel, who hates everyone, and even Discord adores her after only a day and considers her his friend. She very nearly created a time machine of her own, using nineteenth century parts, with only the help of another ordinary pony. For crying out loud, she lectures a Time Lord on the operation of a TARDIS, a machine so complex that writing down the equations that govern it distorts reality. I'm sorry.

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