• Member Since 17th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Tuesday

Horizon Spark


Writing My Little Pony stories for you so I can one day become an amazing author! Please comment and tell me what you think.

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Deciding to take a vacation from her busy life in Equestria, Twilight Sparkle decides to visit the human world to see her friend, Sunset Shimmer. The two then decided two have a meal at Sunset's favorite diner, and It'll be a meal Twilight will never forget.

Made for MLPFan234's contest. Follow her for some great stories.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 177 )

“Actually I was rather interested in this thing called the internet. What do you know about it?”
Sunset immediately paused as her cheeks flared red and her pupils began to shrink. “Uh...c-can we please try doing something else?”

Looks like Sunset knows not to show the horrors of the internet to an innocent Twilight, and by the looks of it, Sunset probably discovered something really...interesting:trollestia:

“No! We don’t eat horses or ponies. That’s illegal, and even if it wasn’t, not in a million years Twilight.”

Depends on the jurisdiction. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse_meat#Horse_meat_in_various_countries

This is hilarious! Reminds me of an animation I saw:rainbowwild:

Nice story! Just some errors that I found, namely in punctuation and some in capitalization.

6476294 yeah the French would have a word with you. Also features in Mongolian and Japanese cuisine.

Thought it was funny, intelligent and well written. Only minor grammatical errors that I found. Keep it up.

Haha, that was fun to read! I really enjoyed the friendly atmosphere in the diner, and Twilight's reaction to the Sprite was just great. xD
The part where Sunset explains the canine teeth and omnivorous dietary needs of humans was also a really cool detail that I don't recall seeing anywhere else so far. Kudos to you!

They should do the internet with Extreme Safe Search 9000 activated. When it boots up, it says "Hello little girl, did you get mommy or daddy's permission to go online?"

Gagster #9 · Sep 30th, 2015 · · 11 ·

“No! We don’t eat horses or ponies. That’s illegal, and even if it wasn’t, not in a million years Twilight.”

Depends on what country there in, but I'd say just generally it's not. It's not at all strange or unheard of, even in America.
I happen to be an expert on this topic, I had a horse burger once. It was about as good as it sounds.

Anyway, I'm ashamed at Twilight, for falling for peer pressure and abandoning her morals.

NSFW sequel: Twilight discovers porn!

I have GOT to see Twilight discover The Internet!! I bet Sunset has some Twilight x Sunset shipping on there!!

The name’s Philly Cheesesteak.

I like how names in the human world work exactly like in Equestria. :rainbowlaugh:

Now to teach innocent pony Twilight about extermination camps, war, suicide, murder, drugs, and hunting! :trollestia:

I would read a fic about all of what I listed, because it'd be great.

6478021
Even better... Twilight Discovers Porn featuring Principle Celestia, Vice Principle Luna, the alternate versions of Cadence and Shining Armor, or herself... OR ALL AT ONCE!

6478439 Luna seems like she'd do it. "Princess of the Night" and all.... What about a Brony-esque community, and all that that entails?

“No! We don’t eat horses or ponies. That’s illegal, and even if it wasn’t, not in a million years Twilight.”

d.ibtimes.co.uk/en/full/345072/findus-beef-lasagne.jpg

come on twillight horses are delicious, they make great soups.

6476664 Quite right. Eating horse is about as common as eating cow or pork around here. And its absolutely delicious. :pinkiehappy:

The transition from "how could you!?" to "well okay then..." was very abrupt. I think it'd have been a lot smoother if Sunset had at least pointed out to her that animals in the human world are non-sentient. As is, the argument basically felt like:

TS: "How could you eat an intelligent creature so closely related to our own species?"
Sunset: "Relax, it's just what we do here."
TS: "Well, okay then, so long as it's not equine."

Beyond that, the story basically went as expected. Fun little concept.

Next up: Twilight discovers My Little Pony on TV!!! :pinkiehappy:

Horses actually taste pretty good.

Not that I'd know. :applejackconfused:

6478683

"Ugh! How in Celestia's name can they be so wrong?" Twilight glared at the television screen. "I mean, its understandable at some level, but really? Celestia's mane did not stay the same colour when she, Luna and Cadance gave me their alicorn magic for safekeeping! It was pink, for pony's sake!"

6478693

A drained, mentally exhausted and wide eyed Twilight slipped under the covers, a few strands of her hair appearing as if they had minds of their own. An expression that said "I told you so" radiated from Sunset's face.

Twilight's left eye twitched.

Sunset Shimmer was the first to speak. "I told you so, Twilight."

Edit: formatting.

I feel so bad for Sunset. :fluttershbad:
I bet she found no warnings prior to her first encounter with the superboss known as The Internet.

6478683 ...

Sunset: Hmm, I need to make some money. First step, change name to Lauren Faust.

6478930

Dear God. :pinkiegasp: Why is Twilight eating Scootaloo?

This story needs a few lines explaining that human cows aren't sentient, but other than that is pretty good. Kudos.

No! We don’t eat horses or ponies. That’s illegal

Maybe you don't, cause it sure isn't illegal where I live. On the other hand, it doesn't really taste like anything amazing, either.

“I’ll have a sprite please.” Sunset said as she opened her menu.

Product placement.:trixieshiftright:

omg your cover art
learn how to color choice :pinkiecrazy:

6479072 Sprite wasn't capitalized and didn't have a trademark symbol. Therefore, Sunset Shimmer is eating pixels.

6479004 Concur. Twilight's panic disappears as though she knew this, but it doesn't come up.

6478425 Hunting seemed kind of out of place, but since it's caused extinctions I guess it fits.

what agreat and funny story! i hope you continue it for it promises to be a fun ride! well done and thank you for this fun story!

6479106

Twilight was visibly shaking.

"H-how did she even get that thing in there? By all accounts it shouldn't have even—"

Twilight was interrupted by a hand placed over her mouth. With wide eyes, she focused on Sunset. "Don't even try to think about it," Sunset whispered. "Believe me, I had migraines for days."

Better? :rainbowlaugh:

Sunset should have mentioned that Cows and sheep aren't sapient in Human Earth.

Twilight scratched her head as Jess brang her refill.

Brought.

"They’re these sharp teeth that makes eat easier for animals, or in my case humans to eat meat."

It.

Best to ease Twilight into the internet and its trolling nature. Not to mention the fact that 90% of internet traffic is porn.

6476415 Your profile pic is amazing.

6479368 the legend never dies

That was an amusing story. Have a fav and thumbs up.

I thought the story was okay. 6.5 of 10 There were lots of grammar errors, some awkwardly structured sentences, and a few abrupt transitions. It would take me all night to outline everything, so hopefully other people will give you better feedback. I noticed that some of the issues have already been pointed out anyway. :applejackunsure:

I thought that the basic idea was good, and the overarching narrative flowed well enough given the difficulties mentioned above. If you want to be a professional writer though, you'll have to improve your grammar skills. You don't have to be perfect of course, but grammar issues make it harder to analyze and give feedback on the higher level elements of writing. If you can find a good editor or two who's willing to work with you (there are groups on this site for that), it would go a long ways towards improving your writing. You also may want to work through some English textbooks or an online course. There are many free sites for that. Good luck. :twilightsmile:

The problem I have with this story is that Twilight has been among humans twice, both for several days. You're telling me that in that time she never once ate meat? Even at a slumber party with the others? Plus she was shocked at how sweet a drink was? If ponies have a place like sugar cube corners, I'm sure that they have sweet drinks. I mean cider is a sweet drink in of itself. It would make more sense if she was freaked out about the carbonation.

Next up-

Sunset Shimmer is an Otaku

Sunset SHimmer is a Pervert

Sunset Shimmer is a Superstar

Sunset Shimmer is a Nerd.

6479694 I think she was more shocked by the bubbles

6479695 It does have a lot of setup at the end that goes nowhere, but in literature you don't always want to follow every plot line to its natural conclusion. It can get boring to the reader and burnout the writer. I'm not saying that is or isn't the case here however. :raritywink:

That was really good! :twilightsmile: I loved the tension, which almost made it difficult to read. :rainbowlaugh: As some others have said, there are some grammatical errors & waht not. They're easily forgiven though as the story made up for it. :pinkiesmile:

6479725 that's why I mentioned the carbonation. That's what makes the bubbles.

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