• Member Since 30th Jul, 2015
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Sunset Shimmer still doesn't fully understand how the magic that transforms her and her friends works. She's close to figuring it out though, or so she thought. When a magical "fluke" occurs during a band practice, will the girls, along with the Twilight of their world, be able to figure out what happened, and will they be able to fix it?


Takes place about a week or two after the Friendship Games


This is my first story, so it might be good, it might crash and burn. I am ready for criticism, and prepared for the worst. If you see any spelling or grammatical errors please let me know in the comments.
This idea came from reading Oops! I'm Equine Again by MythrilMoth!
Featured on December 22, 2015! Holy smokes! :pinkiegasp:
Featured again on September 24, 2016! All aboard the hype train!

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 179 )

i want you to continue this story

Shy just had to say something. And here's another story of ponies invading EG. Keep it up!:pinkiehappy:

Continue on. I shall keep an eye on this.

While short, this is a pretty good start. Builds nicely on the little underlying subplot of trying to understand magic to progress the story. The writing didn't have any flaws that leaped out at me, and all the members present had a voice and presence in the scene, not just 'oh, X was there too.' I'll be tracking this for now and I'm really interesting to see where you go with it.

You play the song again and the transformation should revert after you finish it!" Twilight exclaimed

No Sunset, Twilight... playing the song again would be like trying to run another instance of the program that's frozen, not reboot the system.

"At least it didn't make it worse," said Fluttershy as she tempted fate, "I'm sure you could figure out anoth-." Fate had been sufficiently tempted.
At that moment, everyone in the room, except for Twilight, was lifted into the air with a blight flash of light.

At least knock on wood when saying something like that. Or hold a lucky bunny...
Also; see? Now you've gone and crashed the magic and caused it to force a system reset. I hope you're happy!

Unfortunately, for the sake of their pony ears and Twilight's notepad, their last dong didn't matter either.

Um... I know that you probably meant to put 'song' in that spot, but I wanted to make sure...

6475381 :| Uhhh, that's awkward..... Thanks!

hmm... i want to see where this goes.... :ajsmug:

So, uh, wow! I wasn't really expecting this many comments/views (or any) within 2 hours of it being approved! I was prepared to wait a couple days for what I have now.
I got a little bit of the feedback I so desperately wanted, which is awesome too. And with that, I will start the next chapter within a day or two. Unfortunately, I picked the worst possible time to start this story as I work the next couple days after school. But, I have online classes in the morning, so I can use that time after I finish my work.
If my estimates (and perception of my own attention span) are correct. I'll probably have chapter 2 up by Thursday or Friday at the latest. Chapter 2 wont be nearly as short because this chapter was to get some startup feedback. Anyways, thanks for the (very quick) support!

this is going to be a fun one please continue it . this really going to get good ! kudos to you for writing it!

Right now you are writing about a very hot topic. Anything Friendship Games related seems to be doing really well. This is a good chance to get peoples attention on your stories and show them what you can do. Please continue on. You have a knack for this! :ajsmug:

I don't usually go for human-to-pony stories. The other way around is more my speed. But I'll be following this story, definitely. It's got my interest.

6475940 The funny thing is, the original idea I had for this came before Friendship Games aired. It wasn't going to involve Sci-Twi at all. I only added her because at the end of the movie, we learn that she moved to CHS. So it was a matter of, "well, she's there now, might as well use her."

6475993

Good call all the same, and once again, good job!

A neat little idea, and not bad for a first attempt! A few minor grammar issues were present but they weren't THAT distracting. The pacing was a bit too fast as well, but that's something that takes awhile for new writers to figure out. The most you can do for that is to A: Read a bunch of other stories and take notes, and B: Simply play around a bit until you hit a comfortable speed.

Biggest advice that can be given to you is to keep on keeping on. Writing, like any other art form, takes time and effort. Practice makes perfect, so keep pushing forward. You'll only go up from here as long as you keep at it :twilightsmile:

6476080 Would you mind pointing out an example or two of the grammatical issues? This is exactly the kind of criticism I'm looking for. :pinkiehappy:

This is proof why you never tempt fate. Hell MALEFICENT is afraid to do it, and she's part of the same species that jinxed the whole "tempt fate by saying it out loud thing." Thing. This gets teammates in saving the world situations killed, makes said situations harder then they need to be, and basically just makes an entire situation worse. While I understand that doing helps advance the plot, you have no idea how many situations in all forms of media that phrase is said in that get worse because of tempting fate.

Very good for a first story.

Huh, this looks interesting. Usually its just Sunset who's stuck as a pony in these kind of stories.
Also:

"At least it didn't make it worse," said Fluttershy as she tempted fate, "I'm sure you could figure out anoth-."

Way to tempt fate there, Fluttershy:facehoof:

6475201

No Sunset, Twilight... playing the song again would be like trying to run another instance of the program that's frozen, not reboot the system.

Maybe they thought that the magic 'program' froze before it got to the 'revert back to human form' part and are running another instance of it in the hopes that it will run properly and undo the transformation like it normally does. Problem with this line of reasoning is that, it means they go through the 'transform into anthro ponies' again while the first transformation is still in effect.

"At least it didn't make it worse," said Fluttershy as she tempted fate, "I'm sure you could figure out anoth-." Fate had been sufficiently tempted.

Of Fluttershy, you just didn't tempted fate... you also went and spit in its face, tried to steal it's lunch money, and woo its date! :facehoof: :rainbowlaugh:

Work has begun on chapter two, not sure how far the plot pacing will go in this chapter yet. I don't like writing with a specific chapter plan and I prefer to just have a general idea instead. With that in mind, my initial guesstimate for a release should be on target, but leaning more towards Friday (I think). But for now, thanks for all the support so far, it really is a HUGE confidence booster. :twilightblush:

Well, this is an interesting idea, to be sure. Your execution needs work, but as you said, it's your first story.

One thing I'd suggest is that the first chapter ends in a bad place. You should have taken the first chapter further, actually shown what happened. I think you got in too big a hurry to publish, honestly. Also, you need to find a pre-reader to help you work on your rough grammar.

"Rainbow," Rarity started, "We can't just live our lives looking like half ponies, the only we're fine at school is because nobody would believe anything they said about magic. But I'm pretty sure they would believe it if you stuck like that though."

"We can't just live our lives looking like half ponies, the only we're fine at school is because nobody would believe anything they said about magic.

the only we're fine at school

I believe you are a word there.

6477628 Wait, so did Flutter try and fail to woo Fate's date, or did she succeed?

6478158 first of all, thank you for reading what I have so far! Your story is where my idea came from! :raritywink:
Second of all, as I said before, I pushed the first chapter where it was because I wanted some suggestions before I got into the "conflict," as I didn't want to screw it up. The next chapter will be much more thorough, even if it takes me longer than Friday like I hoped.
Finally, as for a pre-reader, this story is a smaller project for me to learn on my own. If I end up making more stories, it's definitely something I'll look at.

6478818 Two words: I'm hooked. The concept is not fully presented yet and like Mythril said, the ending felt a bit rushed and awkward. But it was definitely amazing for your first ever story. Tbh, I'm not so great at catching grammatical/spelling mistakes on my first read, but that makes it easier for me to focus on the writing style and plot. So, I'd say for now that you are doing great and keep on improving.

Also, the writer's worst enemy is a lack of self-confidence. Do what you can to try and bring up your morale. I realise it's not that easy, as I have the same problem when writing my stories, but just in general; consider suggestions, edit the story and fix up sentences, and fill your brain up with all those positive comments lying around. (Don't forget to read the critism too.) :raritywink:

6478734
I think she succeeded in wooing Fate instead:rainbowlaugh:

6479681 Well, if she swings that way, I'm not gonna argue:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Can't wait for this to get more chapters great work so far:raritywink: keep it up :rainbowdetermined2:

An interesting start. I'll see where this goes.

I like this story and I want to see more.

I think Pinkie Pie might of been on to something

might have, or might've.

Could of, would of, should of, and might of are never right.

6481497 Fixed, thank you. It's reasons like that, that make me reconsider working on this at 8/9am and 11/12pm. :twilightblush:

I'm definitely intrigued, very good for a first story! Also, wow, it's only your first but in 2 days already 100 likes. That's a pretty good sign.

6481572
No problem. I only post corrections like that for stories I like and intend to continue reading.

6475381 I laughed harder then I probably should have at that comment.:rainbowlaugh:

what? no, "wait...where are our clothes?" darn...

There are times when the scientific process and it's progress require you to take a step back and do nothing further for a while.

6483156 I'll admit, I was wondering where their clothes went too, but considering magic alters RD's and Flutter's tops to account for wings...

Minor error: instant instead of instincts when Sunset woke up.

6483188
true, but there wasnt any reactions of "oh no we're naked"?

They don't realize that they're naked?

6483156
6483225
We're getting there, geez! :rainbowlaugh: I just turned 5 humans into a different species (Sunset doesn't count), and you think they're going to be thinking "logically?"

6483225
I'm guessing that's going to come up when someone mentions needing to take a shower. Fun times ahead!:pinkiehappy:

Edit: Found a typo;

So until Princess Twilight responds, we're stick like this?

Pretty sure that should have been 'stuck'

As I've said, I don't do a ton of planning. But let's see what I have to work with the the coming chapters.
6483267
Yea... Yea... I can work with this, realizes I tagged the story as "Everyone,"
Back to the drawing board...

i cant wait for more chapters to get done :heart::yay::rainbowkiss::raritywink:

Editing tip: When a quotation has following attribution, that attribution should be lowercase, and if it would end in a period, that period becomes a comma. Other end punctuation is unchanged, but attribution is still not capitalized. Example:

Wrong: "Words." She said.
Right: "Words," she said.
Also right: "Words!" she exclaimed.

Ahahahaaa! Those reactions! Anyway love it gimme moar pls!

6483283
I imagine it going something like this:

"I don't know about you, but I could use a hot shower," said Rarity. "Honestly, I have no idea how we managed to get so filthy".

At this point, everyone present noticed something; or rather, the lack of something.

"Uh, what happened to our clothes?"
"Ohmygoshwerenaked!"

Cue epic freak out from Rarity and someone (likely Applejack or Fluttershy) pointing out that ponies don't normally wear clothes. Sunset then helpfully mentions that most Equestrians don't usually bother with clothing outside of formal occasions:rainbowlaugh:

"Dear Princess Twilight,
Friendship magic makes no sense!"

Dear Sunset Shimmer , your friends have been channeling Equestrian magic aka pony magic into their bodies, over and over. The outcome isn't that surprising.

6483435
Thanks. I know about those rules, but they're tough ones to follow. I hope that after some time, I'll get into a habit of doing it correctly.
6483839
Well actually, it isn't just pony magic. In friendship games, in turns Sunset into a phoenix... thing.

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