• Member Since 28th Aug, 2011
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Cold in Gardez

Stories about ponies are stories about people.


Celestia has always been more interested in the future than the past. She does not dwell on mistakes – hers, or others'.

But sometimes memories lurk in the oddest of places, and when they strike not even a god can resist their gravity.

A short story written for the recent Writeoff competition.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 28 )

This is a great mood piece.

What 500 extra words can add to a piece like this. Much better than the original.

Also, nice to see you finally use that painting for a cover art. Was wondering when it'd show up.

Very nice. Much better than my less than 2k words fic, which fell flat. :rainbowlaugh:

There was a lot to like in this story during the write-off, and you've only added more. I still love how Luna has turned herself into some manner of amorphous, tenebrous horror. So much more compelling than the scene on the Season 4 premiere.

Thank you for putting this up. :twilightsmile:

Nice to see Nightmare as an actual image of terror. There should be proper reason for her to threaten Celestia, and not just the prospect that Luna herself may be injured in the confrontation.

Great originally, great now. :twilightsmile:

That pic brought me here

I wrote a review of this story. It can be found here.

Titanium Dragon's review blog brought me here, and it did not disappoint.

Incidentally, did you make the cover art for this yourself? It is really great.

Emotions make you weak, Celestia.

We can remove emotion. We can remove fear and doubt.

(And... huh... I just realized I have no idea how to find image source info on a Mac... darn lack of right click! CURSE YOU APPLE MOUSE!!!)

Anyway, Cybermen/ponies.



You can either click while holding down the Apple-Key, or hold the click for over a second, or turn on the Right Button on the Mouse in System-Preferences.*

* Apple was the 1st manufacturer of computers to offer mice as standard equipment (many computers had mice as optional extras at that time). The test-users found multiple mouse-buttons, confusing, so Apple initially started with a 1-Button Mouse. As users got use to multibutton mice, Apple added support for MultiButton Mice, but still shipped MacIntoshes with the traditional 1-Button Mouse. Now, Apple ships MacIntoshes with MultiButton Mice, but the traditional behavior is still the default —— ¡it is tradition! In System-Preferences, one can enable the other MouseButtons. Personally, I am of the opinion that Apple should enable the extra MouseButtons by default.


I didn't source it because that's my image. About a year old, or so? I forget.

The fact you're a talented artist as well as writer is most impressive, then.

Damn, Luna be scary.

Love what you did with this from the Writeoff version. Your descriptive ability just gets better and better. I know you're not big on plain old compliments, but well, too bad! :twilightsmile:

One thing: I understand what you're going for here, but the ending feels a little abrupt. You deftly avoided any head-cannon reactions from Luna. Instead, we're led to think that she probably understood exactly - or misunderstood completely - what caused Celestia to express herself, which was very clever. But after the buildup of the previous section, it still feels slightly compressed at the end.

5539386 Luna's not scary.

You're all wimps! :trollestia:

I looked into the darkness... and it ran away crying. (NOFEAR) :moustache:

Even as an unassuming mortal, sans the horrid, dark memories an eternal would carry, I still linger on less-than-proud moments from the past during random moments. They matter, even after we've grown and evolved, they show where we've been, where we currently stand, and the gifts bestowed by the present moment. I think this is true for everyone - god, pony, and man alike. Reflection is in the nature of the inquisitive, and curiosity is pursuant to sentience .

That was my takeaway, anyhoo. Simple, yet powerful. Good show!

Incredible. Simply incredible. That's all I can say.

On a technical note, I just love how you hit Luna's voice spot-on without having to resort to Ye Olde Equuish.

Over all, this piece is a wonderful deepening of the Nightmare rebellion without deviating from the show's canon. And as a calligrapher, I freakin' love the scroll/poem as a framing device!

Oh yeah... and this might be appropriate here:
"The Moon ain't romantic. It's as intimidating as Hell."
-Tom Waits

The rising action hit me so hard I was dizzy, and I loved it.

I usually go for the longer pieces myself, but there's something electric and immensely powerful about this short fic. I really enjoyed it.

Many stories detailing this scene suffer by focusing far too much on the fight itself, rather than the setting surrounding the conflict. I'm glad that this story doesn't fall into that pothole. As far as these types of stories go, I'd call this one a close second to Amit's "Description of a Fountain".

One of the best-written shorts I've read in a long time. Descriptive. Emotional. Powerful. Excellent use of vernacular. Wish it was longer.

I loved this story is so much I tried my hand at doing a narration for it ^.^


It's far from perfect and doesn't really do the story justice but I hope you like it anyways Cold in Gardez! please keep writing <3

Heartwarming epilogue. :twilightsmile:

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