• Member Since 28th Apr, 2014
  • offline last seen 9 hours ago

CrackerHumps


Everything I do is mediocre. Anything good that I do, I do on accident.

E
Source

Unofficially edited by TheGreatEater
Hi. My name is Spike, Spike the dragon. I live in Ponyville with my caretaker Twilight. She's my best, and kind of my only friend. I'd even go far as to call her family. Everything was fine...until she had that baby. At first I was really happy, that maybe I could have a little brother or sister. But Twilight...she treats that kid...like she loves them more than me. I mean, she RAISED me. I always kinda viewed her as my mom. But it's clear she's started her own family...and I'm not part of it.

Chapters (15)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 352 )

First of, please continue with this story, because I'm a huge Spike fanatic :twilightblush: Now, this is a very good prologue/first chapter to this story, but also sad to know that Flash won't be in the colt's life :fluttershysad: Also, I can see something heartbreaking happening on the horizon for Spike. I can sense that Twilight might/will spend most of her time with the new baby, and since he has wings, and is a pony she might even brag about him more than Spike, causing Spike to become jealous :fluttershysad:

Please continue with this, I'm looking forward to the next chapter. :twilightsmile:

I say the story ain't too shabby, there is room for improvement here and there but I like it so yeah...

(Please note saying this before reading it)

All children believe this when they get new baby siblings...
But the parents only look like that's happening because the baby's need more attention because they can't do anything for themselves yet.

Hm... It's a personal pet peeve of mine, that Twilight gets more family and Spike is not included. More commonly it's actually that she adopts a filly rather than having a baby, and the actual blood relation is going to make the story different from one where Twilight treats one adoptee as family and the other as an employee...

But I'm interested in seeing where this is going. Twilight has good reasons to pay a lot of attention to her new child rather than Spike, but her behavior toward Spike before and after it (and the fact that the child is probably going to be her family's family) means that his feelings aren't going to entirely be unjustified.

I... think the bad spelling and formatting on Spike's journal is intentional and a nice touch, given that they are much more common than errors in the story proper... but making sure the rest doesn't have mistakes could hammer that home a bit more strongly.

5261550 Yes. I did that bad spelling on purpose...and I completely noticed it while I was writing it. :rainbowderp:But let's pretend that I didn't do it on purpose. What exactly would those errors, that i did on purpose, be?

I give you a thumbs up not because I like the story, but because you killed Flash.

EDIT: I like the story idea... An alicorn baby has dramatic potential.

5260862 Thank you for your support, I will do my best to update:pinkiesmile:

5262162 We became bitter rivals after Rarity implied that she liked his hairstyle more than mine. Something something blue mane in vogue.

5262180 alright, well I'm glad my murdering flash appealed to you:pinkiehappy:

It was a normal day in the Ponyville Library

Indent.
__________

/i]

Delete
__________

The spelling errors with Spike's journal are horribly OOC. You do remember he's been writing Twilight's letters to Celestia since before S1. And the can't spell gag of E2S1 went right out the window along with Big Mac having more than a two word vernacular 99% of the time? He wouldn't have so many errors in his journal. Not when he's used to doing all of Twilight's dictations/notes. In a masters level grammatic structure.

Which while I don't write, nor expect to see. It wouldn't be as bad as you've shown. Also good job killing the scenery with legs. Just like the movies he died as he lived utterly unimportant other than a limited, throw away, plot device. Whose job could've been done by anypony else. That actually matters to the fic /movie.

5262156

Don't know why you got so many downvotes. Flash Sentry is scenery with legs. A cardboard McGuffin.

5262085
I meant... make sure your regular writing is free of mistakes, if you're going to stylistically make mistakes later. Example:

As usual, Twilight was out doing things while spike was stuck inside the tree house doing his chores. He didn’t mind though.

Spike needs to be capitalized as a somewhat obvious error. Though needs a comma before it as a less obvious one.

Upon consideration, TheGreatEater probably has the right idea: Spike probably wouldn't make very many mistakes since it's his explicit job to be a scribe, and I'm sure Twilight wouldn't allow him to send letters to Celestia that have misspelled words. Probably word-use errors instead of spelling errors. Unless somehow he will make many mistakes when he's "off" and not focusing. I suggest using linethroughs strikeouts to be where he corrected himself, too.

Y'know what? I've never read about any of the mane six having kids before. This'll be cool.

Very interesting story, more chapter please :pinkiehappy:

5262611 Oh, you know what, i did have those line cuts in the original document, but I forgot to bring them over. I'll get on that.

Comment posted by CrackerHumps deleted Nov 13th, 2014

Alright everyone, please listen up;
Those grammar issues were originally cut through with a dash, to indicate that Spike recognized his mistake and fixed it. But when I copied the story from microsoft word onto fimfiction, they didn't go through, and I forgot about them. I have edited it, and fixed it. If there are any other errors, let me know.

5262611 Yeah, i did have those line outs, but I copied and pasted the story from microsoft word, unto fimfiction, so the line outs didn't transfer, and I forgot about them. I took care of that thought.

Shame about Flash. Did he die painlessly? To shreds you say.

5263879 I'm not a monster. A simple impalement or broken neck would suffice for Flash Sentry's demise. As long as no one is aware of my complicity. Wait, did I say that out loud?

5262728 Flash was a pegasus, mom is a unicorn/alicorn. Is it possible the baby could express magic even before it's born? In The Time Traveler's Wife, the unborn baby of the main character time traveled, leading to a miscarriage. I would shudder to think about a unicorn foal powerful enough to teleport while in utero, but it may just as soon cause both mother and baby to teleport due to magical and physical proximity.

I might have to write a story about that soon.

i hope flash died slowly and painfully...don't like him at all...or anything past season two but that's just me :pinkiecrazy:

other than my intense dislike of flash i really like the story and writing style so far.

lets see where this path leads cause why not?

5264175 "The adventures of a time traveling fetus". I really hope mommy can come with for this one, or it's gonna be a short trip. Sad face. :fluttercry:

5264142 don't worry, i don't think you're a monster or anything.

5264545 which Flash are we talking about here, the one Pegasus stallion twilight runs into accidentally with no dialogue between them or the human counterpart through the Looking Glass? I'm asking because I have no context here because I gave up on the movie after 20 minutes in and haven't seen anything more since then.

5265696 eh i assumed that is the one you were talking about...and ya that movie was bad...

Dear, Princess Celestia,

Spike here, I'm running off to Las Pegasus with my mare friend Rarity,
Twilight was knocked up by one of your sentries , Flip , Flush , Fert, Awe what ever.
Rarity said she wouldn't have a foal unless she was properly hitched as AJ puts it.
So you're invited to join us as you have as much right to attend as Twilight.

PS, You can have my comp in chips, I'll be too busy to gamble you know what I mean.:raritystarry::moustache::facehoof:

Spike.
Royal ward
Royal messenger
Hero of the Crystal Empire
The Purple Terror of Ponyville
Soon Mr. & Mrs. Thee Dragon

This is interesting so far. Expect to get some flak from FlashLight haters, though.

You just HAD to make Flash DIE!

Unless I missed something.... Please tell me I missed something...

:ajbemused::applecry::fluttercry::fluttershbad::raritydespair::raritycry:

5290990 It's the error message you get when a tab on Chrome crashes. It's some dated pop culture reference that no one gets anymore. I got it just before I read you comment so I just copied it

Somehow I find myself thinking of this song by The Megas:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWaKqtXFLPc

But for this to fully work, Twilight would have to pull some real dick move when some kind of complication arose with the baby forcing her to remove blood and other things from Spike to save the child.

Potential
I sense it

5306956 when I first saw you're pic I thought it was a heart barfing!:pinkiesick:

5482726 Yeah...I guess I can kinda see it

Thumbs up my good sir!:moustache:

At first I was like; NAO SHE'S HAVING BRAD'S CHILD?!?!

And then Brad died and I was all; BRAD WHY YOU GO DIE?! You left Twi-Twi all alone now that you went bye-bye!

I like this. Please continue!

:raritystarry: Royal blue and Lavender foal? Simply can't have that! That's a crime against fashion! Spikey we have our work cut out for us!
:moustache: Oh boy I can't wait!
:duck: Are you ready Spikey?
:moustache: YES!
:raritywink: To the hardware store! They surely have the proper paint for foals!
:moustache:!?!????
:twilightoops:

This is shaping up well. Thanks for the update!

Great update! I'm really enjoying this so far. :twilightsmile:

I'm liking that Spike is trying to do his best to not bring things down, and trying to make the best assumptions, even though he feels hurt.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!