Discord has made many mistakes. The one he regrets most, is his betrayal of his friends to Tirek. But that is not his worst mistake. Long ago, before he was originally turned to stone, Discord found a baby human. Discord raised him to be evil, and bestowed upon him the power of all things dark. Discord succeeded, in fact too well. Too evil even for Discord, he had no choice but to seal the human away. But now the bindings are broken, and he is free. And he WILL have his revenge.
Edited by Pyra Lira
Chapters (6)
I get the feeling the upvote is yours, author, but the story still looks interesting. I'll give it a read tomorrow.
Needs romance... give it romance and i will follow.
Has potentual, I'll follow for now
4618666 I aggree!
im interested
I love it!!!!!!!
4618672 Yoh smahrtass.
sunningdaledentalblog.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/cus-too.jpg
Yes, veeery sharp
the name and the last line were so cheesey it was like I was eating a mixture of doritos and cheetos.
Ooh, very fun. Get an editor, but other than that, noice.
4620051 But maybe he made them sharper.
I like this
Well... this story seems to have a lot of potential. But... a few things to note:
1. The formatting at the very beginning - A large block of text is stressful on the eyes and takes time to sort through, everything after that seems to have good spacing though.
2. Beyond knowing what 'Dark Blade' wears, we don't know his physical appearance. What color is his hair? His skin? What about his eyes? Those kind of things - Try not to be too wordy though.
PS: Take what I said with a grain of salt, it's your story - I will be keeping an eye on this.
PPS: Sharp canines are awesome - Trench coats are awesome too.
4620051 His are sharper than normal
4621233 I said he had black hair and grey skin in the story.
Of the writing I am severely disgusted. Of the plot and the character so far? Meh.
4618232 I'm not going to pander, and change the story just because you want me to. However, your comment has given me and idea.
4623362 OH NO, YOU'RE SEVERELY DISGUSTED? Don't be such a drama queen.
4623466
an* and idc what you do you selfish prick write for your self and dont give me your attitude
4623643 Jeez, calm down. Haven't you heard of the term; "Pandering to the lowest common denominator?" I'm not giving you attitude. I'm simply saying I'm not going to change the story just because one person wants me to. Go calm down, and return when you're ready to talk like an adult.
4623480 ...I truly am. I almost threw up a lung the first time I read the story.
Great story so far, but if you need an editor, I'd be happy to help.
4626282 Uh, sure maybe
4626094 Well, hopefully some cynical guy with nothing nice to say comes to your page, and criticizes one of YOUR stories, which I'm sure are just perfect, without any fault what so ever.
4627560 Oh, my stories are equally awful, maybe even worse in my opinion. Still, puke is puke.
At least in your case it's the writing, the story is my worst fault. ...Possible the characters...
4627548 Alright. Message me a chapter when you're done and I'll fix any grammar errors and such I find. I just don't think it's fair that you're getting all is flack.
4628288 Thanks. How exactly do I message it to you?
4627576 Instead of responding negatively, I am going to ask, what do YOU think I can do to improve my writing?
4628451 Go into edit mode on your story, copy it, then go on my page and hit the 'mail' button. It the box that pops up, paste your story, and send it to me.
4628455 Hmn...like 4621233 said, the block of text at the beginning of the chapter is disconcerting. You could break it down into a few smaller paragraphs and that wouldn't be as grating. I could go over your chapters with you via Skype reading, and edit out the errors with you. I assure you, in this endeavor I am far better suited.
Secondly, the naming. I think your conventions are brutally cliché. Dark Blade? More like Emo Badger. You could change this to something more...suitable, given Discord's natural imagination. The clothing choice when you go over the character's appearance and wardrobe reek of teenage I-want-to-feel-powerful syndrome. There is no such thing as 'Too Cool for You' and your representation offends more than it attracts.
Thirdly, you should write more. Your conventions are tried and true, but any twists you might involve are lessened by this fact. Length can give more to cri- appreciate, but it would be best to be careful. Length is fine, but redundancy and filler are killer...s.
Grumpy evil over powered guy is not a good enemy.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:D A NEW CHAPTER! YAY!!!
Dis' gon' be gud
What the hell am I reading and why do I suddenly think of it as a spoof?
So you've got a human raised by Discord since infancy, and he chooses to dress like a metalhead and has one of the most laughably goffik names possible.
[CHUNNI REACHING CRITICAL LEVELS]
Oh yeah, this story is so promising.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT! That bit at the end though.
4891180
Dude, a Grumpy evil over powered guy is not a good thing, at all
welp equestiras fucked 10 times over
4918718 Im actually going to change his clothes
dark flames? You know what I'm thinking?
4623643 Rawr! Internet!
O.O"
THIS IS BAD. DISCORD BETTER DO SOMETHING...
also.
NOOOOO!!!!! DERPY!!!!!!
Y U KILL HER?! DISCORD! HELP HER!
Nice conflict build up in this chapter! Looking good!
I request an update.
Damn it man really?! You ended it with that crap and now you leave this thing in the dust? God what is with you damn people and NOT finishing what you started.....!!?
Shit I can't take this crap anymore!
5131100 Who says I'm not continuing it?
Oh goodie, another person who wants to make money out of writing fanfics
5170696 It's actually for my video making, not my fan fictions.