• Member Since 18th Mar, 2012
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Writing graduate who loves cartoon horses and all manner of silly things. Occasionally writes serious stories. A divine Swedish woman drew this avatar.


Twilight Sparkle has been keeping Spike up at night with obsessive writing. One night, Spike's curiosity gets the best of him, and he discovers Twilight has been writing bad shipfiction about herself and her friends.

He decides to teach her a lesson she'll never forget.

Featured in The Royal Guard.

Now translated into French!

Very crazy Fanfics Anonymous Reading!

Endorsed by the Twilight Sparkle's Secret Shipfic Folder Tumblr!

Third place winner of Everfree Northwest's 2014 Iron Author Competition.

Edited by Prak and Horse Voice.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 117 )


Oh, wait, it got third. :trollestia:

All of my yes!

Gary's done it again.

I look at this and think "What the hell topped this to get second and first?"

At least I got third as well :trollestia:

I had 22 laughs reading this... welp, thanks for that.

Very amusing, good sir.:moustache:

Hehe, that was great. :pinkiehappy:

:trollestia: - "Do you like mmmmmbananas?"

Was Twilight lying when she said none were about Celestia?

Omg I died at Celestia's letter! Good fic, how did this not get first?


Yes! That's what that purple cunt gets!

With her bad hairline!


Amazing, just amazing :rainbowlaugh:

BEST. GAME. EVER!! :twilightsheepish:

Well, I'm not entirely happy with the implications of the ending... but what the heck, have a thumbs-up.

Okay, that was weird... and disgusting. Is there more?

Welcome to fanfiction, Fluttershy. Enjoy your stay. :ajsmug:

A bit cruel and over-the-top for both Spike and Twilight, but still enjoyable. Thank you for it.

Oh that was sooo funny! I was laughing all the way to the end. :rainbowlaugh:

Oh that's very good. That bit at the end gave the impression that all the long drop lavatories of the world had been emptied over Twilight's mildly insane features.

Here it is again.
Yes, this is distinctly different from the raw draft. An improvement, though.

I noticed only one small error:

For the thirty-fifth time in a row

Should be "thirty-fourth" time in a row.

Third place winner of Everfree Northwest's 2014 Iron Author Competition.

Iron Author?
I wish to know more lol

“Um, Spike? What's a shipfic?”
“Gimme ten bits, and you'll find out.”

Classic, man. Best line I've read this week. :rainbowlaugh:

The sad part is, this is a direct quote from my Swedish friend (said on many occasions) after I linked her... eh... racy material. The concerns you raised are a big reason why I got third and not higher. I did my best to fix them for the Fimfic version, but it appears I was not entirely successful.
Yay! Thank you!
Maybe Celestia just wants to eat some bananas and whipped cream with her! It's up to your imagination! :pinkiecrazy:
Can't wait to drunk play it at Bronycon with you!
I lost a couple marks (I think) for not implementing the three "ingredients" as well as I could have, and Spike was unnaturally cruel (OOC issue). The unedited version is what was graded (2 hour time limit and all that), not this one, where I tried to correct those issues. The other two writers were worthy opponents; I linked the winning fic here, and the other was a strong literary piece.

My final score (averaged three reviewers) was 21.33 out of 25. The highest score was 21.66. I believe the scores were used to create a shortlist, whereupon Xepher, Horizon, and Pen Stroke picked the top three.
Yes, she was.
Meanyface. :twilightangry2:
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Thanks very much, guys! :pinkiehappy:
This is the thirty-fifth time this has happened, and the same paragraph says thirty-four previous mornings. Isn't the way I have it correct?
It was one of the writing track events. The author's note outlines most of it. It was held at the convention itself, so you had to write the story in the room it was held in on an electronic device or pen and paper. They hold one every year, and this was the first time I've had a laptop, so the first time I've entered. There were some very heavy-hitters there, so I'm shocked that I made top three.

Um... Yeah, you can blame that on me. In an effort to make a joke, I missed that you'd already made the same joke and appropriately followed it up.


There were some very heavy-hitters there, so I'm shocked that I made top three.

proof positive that you, yourself, are a heavy hitting author

That was incredible dood. I personally enjoyed the spike vs twilight shenanigans:twilightangry2::moustache:.
It was short and sweet and teaches a wonderful lesson on focusing on your surroundings, Overall I enjoyed the fic and congratulations:twilightsmile::raritystarry:.^^

Given as that was pretty much the equivalent of reading someone's diary, not liking what was in it, and then getting revenge over said diary they weren't supposed to read, as well as the fact Spike never once just asked Twilight to be a little quieter, I find that Spike comes off as a MASSIVE dick in this story

One a dese days, Spike, one a dese days, POW, SMACK, RIGHT TO DA MOON!

Just like Luna:rainbowderp:
Great story though.
And Fluttershy's part was gold.


Yes! That's what that purple cunt gets!

My nigga!


This was funny! I can totally see how it placed in the Iron Author Competition.

:moustache: "It's not all bad. At least you now have a date with, Celestia!"

In all seriousness It was funny. But then again It was really messed up that Spike did that so......

Wow. That is pretty hilarious, but amazingly mortifying as well. Poor Twi! :rainbowlaugh:

C197 #37 · Jul 19th, 2014 · · 3 ·

Wow, Spike's a shitty piece of shit ain't he?

For anyone that has not played the game your missing one of the best things to come out of the fandom...


So. Damm. Funny. Laughing. Ass. Off.

Celestia sure is kinky dough...

wHere was that in the fic?

I...can't...stop...smiling from laughter...I like it.

Back on top eh, grats on the box.

Ha! That'll teach you, Twilight!
Teach you to... write stories for your own purposes in your own home in your free time?
Huh. Well, whatever. At least Fluttershy seemed to like them.

LOL Bananas and whipped cream, huh? I'd seriously like to see a sequel to this story.

Gary Motherbucking Oak.

On the one hand, Spike was an absolute sack of shit in this story. :pinkiesad2:

On the other hand, Fluttershy's and Celestia's reactions were hilarious. :yay::trollestia:

So thumbs up, but perhaps next time, try not to veer so far off character for Spike...

Ah! I love this!:raritystarry:

Wow, this is a rare fic that I actually really didn't like.

Normally, I avoid stories I don't think I'll like so as not to waste my time and the author's. But I came into this expecting a funny story that would be an enjoyable portrayal of Twilight and Spike's character in an awkward situation. But instead, I was greeted by a Spike that was so far out of character I couldn't stand it.

I understand about creative liberties and such, so I'll end my rant here. But, I don't know, it just kind of left a bad taste in my mouth.

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