Epilogue
"So, what did we learn today?"
In an odd reversal of behavior, Celestia paced back and forth in front of Twilight, who was sitting on the floor of the throne room looking very guilty.
"Always remember to account for variations in the gravitational force of Equus before launching something out of orbit?" she proposed.
"No!" A gold plated hoof stomped on the marble floor. "Don't launch anything or anypony out of orbit in the first place!"
Twilight mumbled something about Chrysalis totally deserving it, but Celestia pretended not to hear.
"And furthermore, giant explosions are not how you solve problems."
It had been a good few thousand years since Celestia had taken up the throne. She had been required to speak that line to a disconcerting number of her students. Her students, being exceptionally smart unicorns, often came up with memorable objections to not using large explosions to solve problems, including "but isn't the sun basically a giant perpetual explosion?" and "but explosions are more fun!" This, sadly, did nothing to prepare her for Twilight's answer.
"That's not true!" protested Princess Twilight, "The inverse explosion law states that, as the size of an explosion increases, the number of problems it is incapable of solving quickly approaches zero!"
Celestia blinked. In that infinitesimal moment, when a bee's wings flapped only once, and water droplets hung motionless in midair, Twilight had somehow filled a blackboard with arcane mathematical scribbles that apparently proved her point.
"Twilight, I—"
But Twilight was having none of it. "In the 4th century A.N., Tired Lectures managed to prove that a 4th dimensional projection of a high velocity manifold across the basis of time could be used to construct a Hughs-Laurie matrix, which is known to have an exponentially increasing characteristic polynomial. If you take the inverse of the matrix, the law clearly states that the larger an explosion, the more problems you can solve with it. By the time you reach infinity, the number of problems you can't solve is infinitely close to zero!"
Princess Celestia let out an exasperated groan. "Enough, Twilight."
"But—"
"Twilight Sparkle!" The Royal Canterlot Voice echoed through the halls, and immediately silenced the fledgling princess. "As punishment for your shortsightedness, you must find Chrysalis and deliver her to me as soon as possible."
Twilight opened her mouth to object, but it was quickly replaced with a disturbingly mischievous smile.
"Twilight," warned Celestia, "what are you thinking?"
"Oh nothing," said Twilight, turning around and walking out towards the balcony. "It's just that you never specified how fast she had to be moving when I delivered her."
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Yay!
TWILIGHT SHALL BE BANISHED TO THE hmmmmmm i need a good idea for someone to be banished for
....So, any chance on a one-shot where Twi delivers Chyrssie at high speed?
*SPLAT!*
4664908 i.imgur.com/h6Zvc.jpg how about this?
4665030 no hmmmmm I GOT IT!!!!!!
awesome.
that is all
What a weird coincidence, Tired Lectures was the name of my 4th grade math teacher.
lmao that was PURE GOLD! You really should keep this going as long as you can, I would really love to see what Twilight does to Crissy (never could spell her proper name by memory) next. further I do have to wonder what Celestia wants her for hehehe.
See? Michael Bay is just a problem solver, that's all!
4665204
)
He may be a problem solver, but still a horrible director... (And yet people still go to his movies...
Is the Hughs-Laurie matrix meant to be shown on a Fry chart?
One Chrysalis at Suffcient Velocity
4665357
Sometimes I just want explosions.
That said, there are still other options but they aren't necessarily in theatres when I want them to be.
4665569
I didn't say explosions were bad, just that Michael Bay is a bad director. I am mostly worried because he is going into Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, after horribly directing the Transformer's franchise I don't want him ruining my favorite childhood franchise.
It's your money, so do what you want with it.
4665789 Actually Michael Bay is producing not directing this time around
Oh good grief that was hilarious XD
Then the gravity of Celestia moving the sun hurls Chrysalis back into Equestria where she lands on Twilight during her wedding day as she's walking down the pews. Only for Celestia to finally admitting to pranking Chrysalis with a fake guide book to Equestrian Diplomacy. That was the cause of all of her misinformation.
_______________
Nice fic, will this ever get a sequel? I want to see more shenanigans between Chryssy, Tia, and Twilight.
4667309
There will be no sequel because I have absolutely no idea what would be in it. I used up all my ideas writing this.
4667359
Oh no! Seriously though, this was still a good fic. Even without a follow up.
!CHRISSILLIS SPLATTER!
Great minds cant even FATHOM how Twilight just did what she just did. Still though, I agree with Chrissie here, I'm slightly allergic to Mary Sues. Only this Mary Sue is a complete badass that being called a Mary Sue is denied by how awesome she is right now, then, before, and after, in many dimensions.
Anyway; *GASP* SWEET MOTHER OF GOOD CELESTIA WITH A BEARD GLUED TO ALL THAT IS LIGHT, SUN, MOON, AND WHALES, INTESTINES HANGING FROM MY MOUTH WITH PURE HOT MOLTEN LAVA DRIPPING FROM MAH unmentionables WHILE I SCREAM IN PURE AND UTTER AGONY WHILE TIME ITSELF COLLAPSES INSIDE OUT CLOSE BY MY HEART WHILE IT BEATS SHARDS OF OBSIDIAN INSTEAD OF BLOOD I COMMEND THEE TO ETERNAL DAMNATION TO MY FAVORITES!
4665357
I don't know. The last couple of movies have turned out to be great comedies.
wait. holds an alicorns lover hostage...where did i see that before?
4669339 No, but I know that it's in the Belarusian language.
4669674
4669339
4669561
It isn't any language. It is literally me going into Word, choosing a bunch of funny symbols, and arranging them in a random order. It is completely and utterly meaningless.
4669737 Sorry to disappoint you, but your random symbols actually turned out to be a language. My husband can recognize most any language and he confirmed what I said.
4669987 Well, in order to figure that out you'd have to ask someone who was fluent in the language.
4669891
Throwing it into google translate, it DOES show up as being Belarusian, but it doesn't actually translate to anything. I probably happened to take a bunch of letters from that language and mashed them together. It's just Belarusian nonsense instead of complete nonsense.
4670039 Hmmm, I don't know. As I said below, you'd have to ask someone who was fluent in that language.
4670049
Well if someone took a bunch of english letters and said "ownud zlks ibhqi", there is a small chance they might actually spell a word in the english language, and an even smaller chance that they would accidentally spell out a coherent sentence, but the probability is vanishingly small.
There are roughly 171476 words in the english language. A theorem in Combinatorics states that the number of possible k-digit strings in an n-element alphabet is n^k. There are 26 letters in the english language. Counting all possible words up to 10 letters long is 26^1 + 26^2 + 26^3 + ... + 26^10, which, by the partial sum formula, is (26^11 - 1)/(26 - 1) which equals 146813779479511. Thus, the probability of randomly arranging an english word is roughly 171476/146813779479511 = 0.0000001167%
So unless apples start falling up, the laws of probability demand that my random collection of letters is just nonsense, even if it accidentally resembles an existing language.
4670504 Wow, I got a headache just from READING that. I didn't even have to think about it. Has Twilight been using your computer?
4670591
I have a degree in applied mathematics and I'm not afraid to use it!
4670641 And... I AM HOMESCHOOLED IN 7TH GRADE AND IM NOT AFRAID TO USE MY INFERIOR MATH KNOLAGE.
4670670
No, it's just random letters. Apparently the letters are from a language called Belarusian. So I guess it's Belarusian nonsense.
I did invent a horse language but I haven't finished it's grammar structure yet.
4670504 I need my methylphenidate!
4671282
But I specifically didn't kill them off! They're just sleeping! And Celestia is going to have Twilight get Chrysalis back!
Of course, Chrysalis may be traveling at several thousand miles an hour when she comes back, BUT HEY SHE'LL STILL BE BACK
The moral to this story is, don't piss off Twilight.
4671684
Yes, I removed all the black humor from the story as a result of that feedback.
4670504 Yeah, I know it's not probable that it's actually meaningful. I just wanted you to know that it wasn't complete nonsense.
Cool story it was fun
Short and funny. Great work!
What did you mean by 'In an odd reversal of behavior'? That Twilight is the one usually lecturing Celestia?
Greenthumbed!!
Excellent story with plenty of flow, and enjoyable presentation.
I loved it.
Although, I'm not sure I understand the purpose of the rose petal room Dash was transported to, and I was hoping there would be some elaboration on it in the end. Oh well!
I wish people would stop misinterpreting the 'Random' tag as a free pass to write straight out stupid stuff.
LULZ
4670949 You do ConLang?
I am incredibly impressed.
4672628
If you don't get what the rose petal room was for, my initial reaction would be "I'll tell you when you're older"
4672786
I was going to write a story around it but it didn't feel sufficiently interesting, so now it's just languishing on the back burner.
The problem is while I wrote up all the symbols, I still have to build a font for them, but no one has this font so then I have to write a program to convert the symbols into images in order to be able to do anything, and you'll usually end up with a monospaced font if you use images instead of something with proper kerning.
Then, of course, I have to start inventing random words for the language, which I'd prefer to automate using a simple consonate + vowel picking algorithm.
4672765
Originally this did not have a Random tag. It was written to be funny, not random, but Chrysalis being insane winded up making it pretty random.
If I had 1 word for this story it would be,HALARIOUS
And Celestia in the first chapter 
I love it 8/10 Flutters
giantitp.com/comics/images/tKTZImxhRBDMm4301DQ.gif
As demonstrated by this graph:
ookoodook.com/store/media/t-shirts/SizeOfExplosionLarge.jpg
And these fine gentlefolk:
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/3014090240/h486EB0C9/