• Member Since 20th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Starwin


Writer of stories!

E

This story is a sequel to Veil of Thoughts


After surviving a spell that merged Twilight and Dash into a single being during the story Veil of Thoughts, the two mares are still struggling to get back to as normal a life as they can have. Except, didn’t they used to have more friends? Why is it so hard to remember…

The boundaries of reality are starting to crumble apart. Half dreams haunt their waking world. Memories of another life seep through their mind. What they were is quickly becoming little more than Fragments of Memories.

Friends, family and even enemies will come together to save Twilight Dash before it’s too late and there is nothing left to save.

The long awaited, highly anticipated, sequel to Veil of Thoughts. Don't forget to remember.

Chapters (23)
Comments ( 765 )

Twilight Dash is a bit of a mouthful, isn't it? Let's just call them... TwiDash.

No, wait, put down the shovel! Please, we can talk about th-*clunk*

Weird. Looking forward to seeing where you take this though. Especially the reasons behind the memory loss.

I am a bit confused over AJ's aversion to their body since the last story they showed that their loving friendship transcended even the afterlife. Would prefer a slightly more showlike tone in that regard.

So, a 'slow collapse' plot? While I was betting more on either a 'growing pains' or a psychological collapse, I wasn't betting on neurological collapse.
I must also mention that, at the closing of VoT, they weren't struggling for control of their body: they were just doing it.
I really want to see what do you have planned for this story.

And you've started with a bang, eh?

I'm so glad this has a sequel! Loved the first one...

~Skeeter The Lurker

I believe this will be entertaining in a myriad of ways.

Well then. First chapter, and already starting with the loss of memory foreshadowed in the description. A bold move. And forgetting Fluttershy, no less. Quite daring, I must say. Especially since she's in both Twilight's and Rainbow's memory, so there're few logical reasons for Twilight Dash to forget her that fast. I would've started with something smaller and worked my way up. Then again, I'm usually the first to complain when a story seems to be dragging it's feet, so I suppose I can't complain.

This story seems to be continuing the inner turmoil of Twilight Dash from Veil of Thoughts, which I'm quite happy about. I was a bit worried that it wouldn't, now that both Twilight and Rainbow have accepted their situation. As it played a big part in initially getting me interested in the story, I wasn't sure if I'd like a potential sequel without it.

I found a few technical errors in this chapter.

the look of disappointment in the shadow pony's eyes.,

"Sorry, what?," ask Twilight Dash.

Both of these quotes have a punctuation mark where there shouldn't be one. A full stop in the first one, and a comma in the second. Also, the word 'talk' in the second quote is in the wrong tense.

"Do we have doublecheck the checklist?"

The word 'to' is missing between 'have' and 'doublecheck', if I'm not mistaken on what the sentence is supposed to convey. The word 'doublecheck' should also have a dash in it, if you'll excuse the pun.
Additionally, you seem to use ellipses a lot. I'd suggest finding other punctuation marks to replace them wherever possible. A dash (again, excuse the pun) might be a good one to consider in several places.

YOU DID IT! YOU FINALLY DID IT!

SWEET JUMPIN' CHILI BEAN, YOU FINALLY DID IT!

Yes yes yes yes yes! Take ALL my yes! I've wanted this sequel forever!

I read it.…. Everything is perfect. I'm on my new tablet, typing is a little hard. So sorry, might review when on computer.

:pinkiegasp: uuuaaaaahhh.....
:rainbowkiss: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
edit:
loved the first chapter

3685577 It's better than Rainbow Sparkle. That sounds more like a Combination of Rainbow and Rarity, anyway

"We're fine," said the pony. They put their hooves under them and tried to push themself up, only succeeding in rolling over to their side. "And its Twilight Dash now!" they insisted.

It's*


I'm excited to see what you have in store for us. Simply out of curiosity, are you writing seat of the pants, or with a detailed outline/plan?

3685665
Further discussion about AJ (and a great many things) to come in future chapters. Can't say more without spoilers.

3686534
Corrections made, thank you very much! :twilightsmile:

For Double-checked, they are asking if they have the item on the checklist that states they double-check the checklist. I've enclosed the word in single quotes to make it slightly more obvious.

I'm trying to find something other then commas to use, ellipses still sort of have a comma in them, so, baby steps. Dashs are right out - for now.

3687214
Correction made, thank you! :twilightsmile:

While not fully completed yet, I have an outline, timeline (of all major plot points), (some) side stories (of other characters during the main story) and around 50% of the actual chapters written out. So, while not completed in terms of being written (and nowhere near in terms of editing) but fairly far along in knowing where I am going.

But as with all my stories that may change as we go. Sometimes the characters and the audience influence the direction. We'll just have to see where we end up.

You have no idea how big of a deal this story is for a friend of mine. He has been talking about this since the day Veil of Thoughts was finished. Every day I would hear him talking about how he was waiting for this. Any way keep up the good work.

i still say Rainbow Sparkle sounds better:moustache:

Interesting. I was thinking about this story just recently, and now we have a sequel!

Love it a lot keeps my hooked up and my internet running checking the site everyday, keep up with the good lad.

Too late. Will read tomorrow. Yay sequel. The original is still one of my top favorites.

So glad you decided to make a sequel! Can't wait to see where this goes! :rainbowkiss:

:yay:

Seriously though. I've been looking forward to this for months, and this inaugural chapter doesn't disappoint. The darker overtones were a little unexpected - I was expecting a lighter, slice-of-life start, with drama accumulating later. But I'm not complaining; it's your story, and gawd knows you've gotten my interest already.

It checks out pretty well on the grammar-spelling side, too, though I did notice one of your trademark superfluous commas somewhere. :raritywink:

Keep up the good work! I'll definitely be following.

You haven't found the new "Sequel" function I take it? You know, given that VoT still says that there is no sequel?

3687546
I hope you friend enjoys the sequel! I'm certainly going to give it my all and hope I can live up to the hype from the first story.

3687957
WHAT? You only found ONE extraneous comma? I must be slipping... time, to, add, some, more... ,,,,,,,,,, :rainbowwild:

Actually, in truth I have been trying to, uh, cut back on them in my stories. As I've said I read every comment. Many readers have given me some great advice as to how to accomplish such an impossible feat. It is strange thought, that's the way my brain wants to write (with commas). It's almost a mini battle when I read some passages and think, this would read so much better if I had a comma here, and here, and maybe, here?

3688023
It would seem so! Thanks in no small part to avid readers like yourself who are willing to give my story a shot.

3688375
VoT hasn't said no sequel for a while (the comments may someplace, but the chapter doesn't). It was meant more as I didn't plan to have a sequel because I wasn't going to leave it as open as I did. But things and stuff and stress all kind of messed that up.

I've mentioned in passing comments, blogs and other forums that a sequel was in the works. So, for the last ~year I've been working on and off on ideas, trying to find something that I both wanted to write and that would be interesting to read. This is the result.

I don't get it ... what happened? They've been like this for 3 days. How? Their friends are all pretty much okay with this. Why aren't they trying to fix it? I understand if you want to have an air of mystery but there's a lot of basic stuff here that just seems to be completely ignored, especially for a simple slice of life story.

3688471
There we go didn't realize I could do that. Thanks for the heads up. (I thought you were talking about the fact that I had stated I didn't want to make a sequel originally, not that our wasn't tagged as one)

At the end of the previous fic, Twilight Dash said they moved as one. I saw this agreed movement as stemming from them having come to terms with what/how they are.
It is odd then, that now every movement has to be a conscious thought and action. I hope you explain this apparent regression in the fic.

I just had an epiphany regarding her memories and why one of the first things we know she's forgotten is her friend.
Three words:
Friendship is Magic

3688852 did they still have the element of magic at the time? xD perhaps being away from it affects them. xD

3688505
Well... I wouldn't go as far to say this is going to be a 'simple' slice-of-life. For the moment the current draft is about as complex (?), maybe mind bending is a better word, as the first story in the series. And just to be sure, you did read Veil of Thoughts (if I am interpreting your question correctly I believe you are asking how they became merged together and that story goes into detail about it).

3688852
Hey now, spoilers... maybe :rainbowwild:

3689524
oh ... i didn't realize this was a sequel ... that makes a fair amount more sense

you may consider putting a link to that in the description just so people know beforehand

3689555
The long description does say (at the end) that this is a sequel to Veil of Thoughts. But I have now included a link to the previous story.

I'm not sure if there are any other flags I can add to make it more clear. I just found out last night that I could add this as a sequel in the previous story, but there doesn't seem to be a way to set the previous story to appear here.

Interesting. Wile I'm sad that things aren't as good as we last left these two, I hope Twilight Dash finds inner harmony.

3685577
I propose...

Ahem:
Twash Sparkow.

A mix of both names where neither is left out when someone decides to leave out a word for convenience.
Or Rainlight Spash.
Something like that.

New chapter! :rainbowkiss: Nice! I really like the stories, and I don't really know what to say but keep up the great work! :pinkiehappy:

Well, that was different and good.
Also a little familiar, from my own weird perspective. :derpytongue2:

So they're psychologically deteriorating, eh? Didn't the two have pretty good synchronization in Veil of Thoughts? That means their entire being is falling apart at the seams. What, are they going to get Discord's help?

The long awaited, highly anticipated, sequel to Veil of Thoughts.

Highly anticipated? Damn, I must've been living under a Tom for the last year.

So their memories are deteriorating? I would think memories they (Twilight and Dash) share in common would be the last they would lose simply because there is no conflict between them on those points. And both of them considered Fluttershy to be a friend. Still glad to see a sequel to explore Twilight Dash's continued adaptation and development over her situation. :pinkiehappy:

3685577
I'm all for that!

Anyway, I have to thank both the feature box, as well as my random want to check the homepage last night for me finding this, as well as 'Veil of Thoughts'. Definitely insta-faved and liked after the first one. Can't wait to see where you go with this!

You have my interest. I'm on for the ride.

You should consider making a blog about this story and tagging it with the prequel fic. It will then show up to all people that favourited "Veil of Thoughts".
Actually, I see you made one about it but it is not tagged in any way. Just above the "Post Blog Entry" button, there is a section called "Tagged Story".
You could make another one, only this time select "Veil of Thoughts" in that section. That will send it to everyone following said story and, as far as I understand, to all following you.
Though I do not know whether it could be called spam or not...

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