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Featured on Equestria Daily
Review by PaulAsaran
Grace, beauty, elegance.
Princess Luna embodies all of these traits as she faithfully attends to her royal duties. Yet sometimes, with the repetition of raising the moon each night and the tedium of hearing endless appeals for various favors and assistance, a princess just wants to have a little fun.
Enter Pinkie Pie, who knows just what Luna needs.
Thanks to Brumby_Run for the story idea.
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Ha-ha-ha! That was fun.
Pinkie! Don't tempt fate like that...
I loved it Slorg.
That was great! I loved the Trollestia at the end.
That would be interesting if this or something similar was made into an episode.
Definitely a fun and cute little story with an enjoyable Princess Luna.
Still, to my taste the story could have done with fewer breaks. I imagine the story would have kept more comedic momentum with a couple of simple transitions instead.
3515848 I'll probably have a look at it later today when I get back from class and see if I can eliminate a few of those.
Trollestia strikes again!
Okay, I gotta admit. If you've got to deal with the small pleasures, that's got to be one of the best.
Perfection!
A wonderfully silly, strangely blargh?
My brain just switched tracks, what were we talking about?
Well I know from other stories that being the puppet master is pretty fun. Most of what happens in the show is Celestia pulling the strings, so it isn't that surprising an end to the fic. Enjoyably fun story though.
I imagine a small sonic boom going off every time Luna takes off in a rush.
OH god...haha my sides...hahaHAhaha..,.they...HAHAAAA..they....HAHAHAHAHAAarrr....are about...to HAHAHAHAAAAA...fal...HAHAA...Faalll apart...HAAAAAHHAHAHAA....OH GOD...hahahaa...MAKE IT STOP....HAHAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAH
(1 hour later)
hehehehee...
gee...buhaHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA....
(2 hours later)
AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA
(The next day)
So..hehe...as I was saying....hehe....an amazing story...heehe...and I loved it, I couldn't...hehe....couldn't stop laughing...heheHAAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAAAA.....
3521055
*puts on reporter poker face*
In recent news, the brony known as "Shimmering Honor" has died laughing. His left and right sides were found in the upper mantle of the Earth's crust and on the Martian moon of Deimos, respectively.
Coming up next, Morgan Freeman's dramatic reading of Princess Luna and the Cotton Candy Sugar Rush!
3521636 MORGAN FREEMAN DIES LAUGHING. News at 11.
3521636>>3521810
I caant...no...HAHAHAHAAHAAAA.....you are both too funny....HAAHAHAAA
Shouldn't Luna know about Cotton Candy from dealing with Discord? Or at least recognize it. Anyway, it was nice, and put a smile to my face, and I can't ask for much more than that.
3665453 No.
Where we saw cotton candy, she would have just seen pink clouds.
Luna's mannerisms suggest that times were quite medieval before her banishment. In a time that undoubtedly included no plumbing, manually churning butter, etc. the art of superheating sugar and spinning it at high velocities would not have existed.
Discord may have turned clouds into cotton candy, but he was conscious and aware of his surroundings during his imprisonment. Luna was on the moon and clearly was unaware of some of Equestria's advancements.
3666451 Yes, that makes perfect sense. Thanks for clearing that up.
Lol. Very Much worthy of Lol.
Oh, Celestia. *shakes head* This is why such a large pecentage of the fans like Luna better. She's cute... and you're a troll. Nicely done, Slorg :) I enjoyed.
3666451 On that note, why didn't Pinkie point out that Discord could create cotton candy? Still a great fic, my only recommendation would be to make it slightly longer, but you did a good job of packing a lot into a short story. Hope to see more.
a liittle to short
WELL, considering the average amateur juggler can hit about 2-3 juggles per second.... Seriously, seven seconds is an eternity in juggle-time. You can get hand-cramps in less than that.
Oh, boy. Pinkie's taking her out drinking next week. Won't that be fun the next morning?
3713180 Add in the fact that ponies don't have fingers and it's even more impressive.
these do not exist, sugar does not make children hyper. Science has proved this.
3713180 what next morning, she would not be able to lower the moon afterwards
(i jest of course, Celestia will have to carry the load)
3713520 Partially true.
Recent studies have shown that sugar in and of itself does not cause hyperactivity, but large amounts (such as was mentioned in the story) will cause your body to produce large amounts of insulin, resulting in the horrible "low" feeling (also shown in the story). This, in turn, leads to craving more sugar (also in the story) and can lead to erratic behavior during these craving times.
If you want to deeply analyze the story (why?), you can assume that Luna's utter boredom was the leading cause of her irrational behavior, and everything still fits scientifically. Or, you can just say ponies have different bodies than humans, because, you know, they do.
TL:DR – I do my research, even on silly stories about magical talking ponies that make no scientific sense. I shouldn't have to, but I do.
Ah yes, a nice little bit of subtle!trickster-mentor!Trollestia.
Holy shit, 155 likes and NO dislikes; even from a troll!
I'm going to dislike this story.
JUST KIDDING! I thought the button read as "Dis-I-like"
3716403 I knew that would jinx it.
There's always some lonely moron sitting at their computer, frothing at the mouth just waiting to find a good story to down vote. Mentioning that a story has no down votes is a sure-fire way to ensure that one of those morons fixes that 'problem.'
Or maybe somebody legitimately thought the story was crap, but I doubt it since they didn't leave a comment explaining why.
This story was written and released before the recent Luna comic was available, but the portrayal of Luna and the way way Celestia teaches her a lesson both remind me a lot of that issue. I guess great minds (you and Katie Cook) think alike!
Also, try re-imagining this alternate cover from the Luna comic with her standing on a pile of used cotton candy cones instead of coffee cups:
i227.photobucket.com/albums/dd173/milk-experiment/MLP%20FiM/Luna-cover_zps33581de1.jpg
I'm now wanting an episode where the plot is basically the early middle of this fic--that is, "Pinkie takes Luna around and they play games and have fun."
The middle was good.
The start, and the very last paragraph, though, were pure gold
Hahah oh wow
This is like When i eat a ton Of jolly ranchers....... Not pleasent
Right idea, lacklustre execution. It felt bland and too straight-forward for something that was supposed to use absurd humour. The telly exposition for the effects of Luna's sugar rush killed what little suspension of disbelief I had each time it reared its ugly head and Luna's antics were too tame for what she was supposedly going through. Her comic story of running the day put her into far more interesting scenarios without the need of high-energy junk food to excuse them, establishing just how out of touch she was while providing plenty of laughs. This, meanwhile, was as cerebral as cotton candy is nutritious, with none of the guilty pleasure the latter involves.
3796391 Finally someone with the fortitude to back up a down-vote.
3796454
On an additional note,
3720109
Didn't notice this at first, so at least you didn't just think "I'll add some cotton candy to that formula!" and, in your defence, it is arguably the best (or at least funniest) of the MLP comics so far, so not measuring up to it is fine. All things in relation, after all, and this certainly rises above Sturgeon's Law when it comes to "Comedy" tags on this site.
And I felt it only fair to give an explanation behind my downvote. The reasons I didn't enjoy it were subjective and based on style, while I only silently downvote when a story's grammar or other mechanics are horrendous and the deficiencies so obvious as to not require being pointed out.
That said, I would appreciate an attempt at a rebuttal, unless you truly think the points I raised are unassailable. A comparing of ideals can bebeneficial for both of our writing efforts and I do try to keep an open mind when it comes to my opinions.
3797766 You won't get much of a rebuttal out of me. As you said, it's all subjective, and there is truth in everything you've brought up.
I've grown enough as a writer to know that I won't be able to please everyone. However, if I used that as an excuse to never improve, I'd be pretty pathetic indeed, so I'll touch on some points.
You mention that you disliked the exposition. In that case, you'd probably loathe Terry Pratchett, whose style I borrowed from. There isn't much I can do about that; you'll either like the style, or you won't.
I'm also not Terry Pratchett, nor should I be expected to match up to him. He's a professional who gets paid a fair wage to do this, whereas I'm a 33 year old, somewhat ordinary man who loves his kids, enjoys My Little Pony, and likes to try to put out decent stories in his spare time that people might enjoy. If I were getting paid, or had a professional editor, then we could talk comparisons.
You also mentioned that Luna's antics before the cotton candy were far better than they were afterwards. Again, that's subjective, and I can hardly argue over an opinion. Some will argue she was too tame, some might argue she went overboard. As we can see below in the comments, some even argued over the scientific effects of sugar. I liken this to analysts like Digibrony or Tommy Oliver. On the one hand, it's fun to analyze things and pick over every detail, and even call out the writers on things that don't quite add up. On the other hand, we're discussing the realism of something that pertains to My Little Pony – a show about magical talking ponies. There's a line there where it begins to get ludicrous, but that line will vary for each individual and, as I mentioned, it is fun to analyze things.
Lastly, you mention how cerebral the story is. I completely agree, there's nothing to think about here other than a very basic moral. This is why I enjoy My Little Pony: the stories are simple, if somewhat flawed, and I can enjoy them on a childlike level. Most of my stories are written very simply, and I'll often try to match the feel of the show. Some of them, like Imaginary, stray from that formula and are a little deeper with their conflicts, but all of them are still simple in execution. That's my style and, again, some will like it, some won't.
I personally do not down vote anything unless I feel it was a complete waste of my time, and shouldn't exist in the first place. If I dislike a story simply because I personally didn't like the style, who am I to tell others not to read it? This is just my opinion, but down votes are very powerful, much more so than up votes. If someone browses the stories on this site and sees something with 60 up votes and 10 down votes, it may cause them to stop and consider whether it's worth their time, or even just skip right over it, despite there being six times as many up votes as there are down votes. I still take those votes very seriously, and am very careful with how I distribute them, even though I have finally come to terms with the fact that they're going to show up from time to time. I might disagree with how some of them got there, but that's life.
So... there's a wall of text now. I guess that's as good a rebuttal as you're going to get. I do continuously seek to improve myself as a writer, but I also write for myself first, then for others, knowing that I can't please everyone. So long as the majority of people are enjoying what I put out, I'm content.
3798245
Actually, I absolutely adore Terry Pratchett. Whereas your exposition felt dry-and-cut, though, his is filled with all manners of witticisms and wry observations. I saw the attempts at such, but they never managed to go beyond that.
I meantioned the comic did more with Luna for absurd humour without needing cotton candy to justify it, not that her actions before eating it in your story were better than those afterwards. When you describe her euphoric sugar-state as being something that could very well cause Equestria to implode upon itself, her playing keep-away with some clouds is rather ho-hum. The problem is that you effectively promise an A-bomb and in relation we end up with a firecracker; it's entertaining in its own right, but compared to the expectations one cannot help but feel rather put out.
There is nothing wrong with a story not being cerebral, but it must have some other element to make up for it. I enjoy stories that turn off my brain and turn me into a giggling idiot, the problem is that this one didn't succeed in doing so.
Writing for yourself is admirable, but please don't assume that the majority liking the story means it's good. I'm sure hundreds of millions of people enjoy McDonalds and think it's the best thing since sliced bread, but that's only because they've never experienced a real dining experience. Rest assured though, before you go thinking I'm comparing your story to McDonalds, that the above is only for alagorical purposes and this story is certainly superior to a puck of mystery meat between two deflated bun halves.
3798442 It all goes back to subjectivity. I do agree the story can be improved, but I'm not the type to bog myself down in an endless loop of trying to meet higher and higher expectations before I release something. If I did that, I'd never release a story, as they'd all be stuck in perpetual editing mode. Every story can be improved, it's just a matter of knowing when to give it a rest, and taking any eventual feedback into account for the next time.
As for 'real dining,' I find myself falling asleep while trying to read some of what the fandom has held aloft as 'masterpieces.' Subjectivity!
Please don't assume that the majority liking the story means it's good.
Please don't assume that your dislike of a story means that it isn't. Goes both ways, there.
Feel free to PM me if you want to discuss further, but I'm pretty sure I fully understand what you're saying, and even agree to a point.
3797766 Could I just point out that leaving silent downvotes is NEVER acceptable? just because it's obvious to you doesn't mean the writer sees it. If the grammar is awful, sure they likely see it, but then maybe they can't help it, and want people to see through to the actual story. When anyone gets a downvote, they always want to know what was wrong. Fanfiction is a great medium for improving one's writing. Mine sure has improved since I started on here. But one needs constructive criticism to improve, and that requires downvoters to supply reasoning, no matter how 'obvious' the faults are. Lately, my opinion of this site and it's downvoters has been reduced to: No explanation? Hate vote. Because, to me, there is no clear reason why they disliked the fic. And I apply this rule to all fics, be they written by myself, or others, no matter how many blatant issues I may find in those same fics. Hell, if I can't read the fic due to the number of grammatical and/or spelling errors, I'll stop reading and not vote because I couldn't read the whole thing to enjoy the story
3798768 I'll be taking Ion-Sturm's criticisms into account for future stories, so I appreciate his feedback even if I disagree with some things.
3798768
I generally count any systemic error that could be fixed by simply cracking open a real book and reading a page to observe how basic mechanics are handled to be one that isn't deserving of time, only ire. Improper dialogue punctuation, not putting a space after a period or comma, failing to capitalize the beginning of sentences and/or their i's; these are nothing more than lazy errors that are the result of the author not caring. If only one of those is present I will tell them how to fix it, but if all three are that's nothing more than a sign of ineptitude through wilfull ignorance. If they do not care to put even a modicum of effort into their work, I will do the same when it comes to telling them what's wrong with it.
3798793
Thank you for taking my opinions into consideration. It is more than can be said for many writers out there.
Luna is best pony.
That was a nice little story to read.
Now Luna knows that you should always watch your sugar intake.
And that last line. Celestia, you're such a sneaky pony.
Yeah that sounds about right. Imagine how far behind she'd be if there had been a third contestant!
Luna is a silly pony.
But we knew that already. Ah, that was fun.
You can has review!
Humor is hard