• Member Since 23rd Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

TheSlorg


* EQD Blogpony * Best Author nominee: 2013 Pony Awards * Thirteen time featured writer on Equestria Daily * Panelist: Ponycon AU 2014/2015, Salvagecon, and Alicon 2018/2019.

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Featured on Equestria Daily
Featured on FiMFiction.
Chinese Translation by Disharmony Tree
Audio Book Version by StraightToThePointStudio.

It's been thirty years since Princess Twilight's coronation. Equestria, now with an abundance of heroes, has pretty much become as peaceful as its ever been—and with Luster Dawn coming to full grips with the magic of friendship, Twilight can finally relax.

At least, she would if it weren't for Cozy Glow escaping from her prison every other day.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 81 )

Knowing how stubborn Twilight is? What happened to Luna will look like a short nap! :rainbowlaugh:

10268891
Haha, glad you liked it. I could be wrong, but I felt there was a serious shortage of good Cozy comedies with Twi.

10268891
You know funnily enough cozy is probably going to have the worst puberty in existance because of this. Lets say it takes (being generous) 3 minutes for her to get restoned. She'll be aging 3 minutes every 3 days for however long it takes twilight to shape up. And she's apparently conscious while stone. So all those lovely hormones and weird thoughts just sitting there.

10268908
She is definitely my favorite villain (sorry Discord!) there's just something about an innocent child (not so secretly) being evil. It's fun.

10268931
Oh god, now people are gonna make a crackfic between Twilight and Cozzy in this 'universe,' what have YOU done?!

And three days from now.

And another three days...

so... How long before Twilight realizes?

Let Cozy have a milkshake!

Both an amusing, sad and annoying story. I liked it!

I am rather dissapointed with Twilight here, but I guess she's at least suffering for it and at least Cozy doesn't seem to tramatized or anything about being constantly reimprisoned like that. I do wonder when Twilight will finally give up and just pull a Discord on Cozy. Although given her persistence it'll probably be a while.

10268946
I did what must be done.

10268956
She totally promised to stop trying to kill Twilight, so why not?

Knowing Twilight she's probably going to get the bright idea of just setting up a permanent working of some form to cast the spell for her. Or reexamine the thing and fix the "flaw". Either way, this is a technical problem that she's going to feel compelled to solve, and since the original sentence was handed down by Celestia she'll never dream of contesting it.

Just look at what she was trying to do with the tea meetings.

Cozy's eyes widened. "My secret ?" she spat. "Your guards didn't discover any secrets. I'm peeved because you just had to go and turn me to stone right as I tripped over. So you want to know how I spent the last three days? With my bottom stuck in the air! All the while I'm on display for the whole city to see. Couldn't even be bothered putting a blanket over me or something, could you?"

R34 Artists: vigorously taking notes

10269253
Or she and Cozy could become the best of friends!





... I guess Cozy is doomed.

Definition of insanity, etc.

Aw man, downvotes.

I'm sorry for writing such utter trash. I'll try harder next time. :rainbowlaugh:

Mica #16 · June 4th · · ·

This is a nice headcanon. Discord isn't that evil, and I can imagine Celestia would totally troll Twilight like that. It's better than crushing the statue into gravel, I suppose.

I wish Princess Twilight would redeem Cozy.

Small detail, but the cover picture doesn't really match the tone of the story. Without the comedy tag, I thought I was reading a very dark/serious story.

10269254
Ah, new fodder for the grist mill of the mind's eye.

*Wanders by with a sledgehammer*

Don't worry, I got this.

...

KARACK!
"AURGH! MY LEGS!"

CRUNCH!!!
"MY WINGS!!!"

*Wanders back by with a slightly bloodied sledgehammer.*

What? You think I'm going to smash a statue and murder a filly? What kind of ANIMAL do you take me for? Also, you'll probably want some morphine before the shock wears off, or the screaming will be a problem.

Golly, this fanfic sure was amazing! x3 In all seriousness, this was pretty dang freakin' enjoyable! The annoyance that Twilight displayed was just so adorbly funny as heck! Hope ya didn't mind, but I just had to make a reading on this!

Audio Linkey!: https://youtu.be/eY2L4hiDN4Y

(I don't mean to offend anyone with this comment!)

Cozy, learn the difference between "bad" and "good" attention.

Twi, stop being stupid. Hilarious piece.

Great story!

...

Twilight's eyes widened, then narrowed dangerously. "I'm talking about what you tried to do to me three days ago!" she roared.

Nice touch!

...

And the reveal! Wow!

I'm wondering if at any point, Twilight might just set up automatic spell that just recasts it every 3 days on the clock...

But, as she's getting more frazzled, she's likely to start leaning towards letting Cozy go free, instead of something obvious like that. Which is good.

...

"You know, that last position you froze me in was really uncomfortable. Maybe if you just let me—"

Cozy having muscle aches or something while being stoned... Interesting...

"Alright, I give up." Twilight said. "Go get a milkshake. Here, have some bits. Buy a cherry-changa. I no longer care."

Cozy blinked. "What?"

Twilight sighed."I give up. Bye. Do whatever you like."

Cozy bounced along after her. "But, I'm a super dangerous villain. Aren't you going to put me back in stone?"

"Nope. Obviously, that isn't effective."

"W-wait! Come back here! Miss Twilight! Miss Twilight!"

Una
Una #24 · June 4th · · 4 ·

10269415
I regrettably agree with this statement.

Myself? I'd most likely dump her off in the ocean while she's still stoned.

10269037
Yeah for a pony with the title of Princess of Friendship she's kind of a cunt here. I mean at least let the filly have her milkshake or have the decency to cover up her privates after being stoned in an awkward position.

It's a good read nonetheless. Starlight or Luster will hopefully have to tell Twilight the truth eventually. For Twilight and Cozy's sake.

10269841

The downvoters need to understand that she has no fingers or toes to break individually one-at-a-time. So I had to improvise. It's hard work being Sparkle's Harmony Enforcer (Friendship OR ELSE.) . Because sometimes the rainbow lasers don't work too well. But, now that Ms. Glow knows I'm serious, she'll be much more inclined to accept Sparkle's offer... Once she recovers from the near-crippling bone fractures.

Don't worry, I only broke ONE leg, and one wing. Opposing sides, for balance reasons. The balance is important.

Kids today, no respect for the finer art of coercion.

TheSlorg #27 · June 4th · · 1 ·

10269865
"As the Princess of Friendship, I try to set an example for all of Equestria. But today, it was Cozy who taught me that a new friend can come from anywhere. I guess everypony still has things to learn about friendship. Even me! And if Cozy says I'm her friend, then she's my friend too."

It's a bit of a cycle. Twilight can't trust her enough to help her because she keeps attempting assassinations and has no safety net because she gets out so fast that she doesn't care about punishment. Cozy can't learn because she keeps getting stoned and angry because shes getting stoned.

10269960
I mean, Cozy is a filly. Twilight could probably give her an escort or just magically bound her wings. She's not exactly physically imposing and pretty much everyone knows about her enough to avoid her manipulations.

10269982
I'm not saying it can't be done, I'm saying that they will keep going at it untill someone interferes

Una
Una #33 · June 4th · · 3 ·

10269867
You have my respect and admiration my friend.

10269960
Weird. I got stoned once and anger was the FARTHEST emotion from my mind. Maybe Twi's doing something wrong?

So even in retirement Celestia won't be open with Twilight? serious, who taught that mare to mentor? Oh, wait - Star Swirl.

gapaot #36 · June 4th · · 1 ·

10269580
"Golly, Miss Twilight, are you really going to leave little filly to fend for herself? I have no bits, you know. Everypony I know died of age, except you, by the way that's one of the reason I've tried to kill you that time... "

How soon until Twilight puts Cozy into a cage then tosses the statue inside the cage into the deepest part of the ocean?

10270123
you may be joking, but you are not entirely wrong either. Twilight WOULD be responsible for Cozy, as while Chronologically she may be a mares age, Physically and Mentally she'd still be a kid, and most likely if she DID have family pre-stoning, said family is probably long gone

10269498
I meant to address this comment earlier, but have been utterly overwhelmed at work and had no time.

Anyway, cheers for the reading! I'll be sure to check it out once it's available. Will probably link it in the description once it's up as well.

Hey, I just wanted to say to everyone who's read this as well:

Thank you! I'm pretty sure I only ever hit the #1 Feature spot once or twice before (probably way back in 2012).

Life has been pretty stressful lately for everyone, including myself. Today was a real dog of a day as well: I'm stressed out of my mind, overworked, and feel kinda hopeless overall.

But knowing that people can give this a read and get a bit of a break from the horrors of reality gives me at least a bit of inner peace. Hopefully I can bring laughter or a smile to you guys. :twilightsmile:

Love, Slorgy

10270912
This was super cute! What a great read!

All fun and games...til Twilight finally snaps and just smashes her with a hammer.

Any chance of a sequel to this?

10271115
...only to have the hammer itself shatter on impact.

Dang I actually do want to see how a chapter 2 would go. Well done!

Kichi #47 · June 5th · · 1 ·

Was not the definition of crazy doing the same again and again and again and trying to have a different result? Just throw her to Tartarus or something

10269867
Ugh, but a sledgehammer?

That's so... unrefined. Single large pain. Crude. You want a chisel with that.

10269580
When you've spent so long stooped in villainy obsessed about defeating that one person that when that person gives up you don't know what to do and have a crushing identity and existential crisis.

Awh cute. I had a giggle.

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