1. Member Since 25th Oct, 2013
  2. offline for 3w, 4d

A writer hoping to write something worth reading and enjoying

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*Set before Season 4*

Twilight has been crowned princess and Spike dreads what will happen next.  Does Twilight need him anymore?  Will he soon be replaced?  Is he worthy enough to serve a princess?  Fearing the unknown future, Spike begins to despair.  Will he end up all alone or will somepony be able to reassure him of what he means to her and the crucial part he is to her life?

Cover art by ErisGrim

The story now has a Youtube review by Strebiskunk, plus a commentary on that review by Matthais Unidostres.

First Published
12th Nov 2013
Last Modified
12th Nov 2013
#1 · 183w, 6d ago · · · PART III ·

The only word I can say about this is PERFECT! :fluttercry::pinkiehappy::heart: I loved this story, and the tears that it brought me, both tears of joy, and tears of sadness for the heartache and pain Spike was feeling the whole time during the coronation and party.:pinkiesad2: I'm a huge Spike fan, and it hurts me how he is treated on the show, but reading Spike fictions make me feel good, because the Mane Six and Twilight actually treats him like a friend and family in them. This one though, I would have to say is simply beautiful. :twilightsmile: When Twilight enlarged her cutie mark and the way Spike kept on looking at it until he found the seventh star, my heart was beating with love.

I loved this story! :heart:

#2 · 183w, 6d ago · · · PART III ·

A very touching story, the pacing was nice and did feel smooth(at least to me). Chapters did not feel too long or short. I enjoyed reading it, you should be proud of this.

#3 · 183w, 6d ago · · · PART III ·

Well; the mother/son relationship physically makes me cringe, but this is good. Also, don't put spaces in between your ellipses. It should be ... not . . .

#4 · 183w, 6d ago · · · PART III ·

Stories like these make me smile (Pro Mother-Twilight here)

#5 · 183w, 6d ago · 8 · · PART I ·

Wow, what raw emotion. You can really feel Spike's growing sense of frailty and uselessness. Once can very clearly see him walking down the hallway, the light of the stained-glass windows falling over him in colorful hues even as his expression drops further and further. I would have had him mumble something aloud earlier in the chapter, just to break to break up the long stretch of exposition, but other than that... well, you have my attention.:twilightsmile:

#6 · 183w, 6d ago · 7 · · PART II ·

Nice use of the uptick and downswing in Spike's emotions. One could follow along as he panned his gaze across his friends every easily, and I like the sense of scale you indued this with... Spike "feels" small.

#7 · 183w, 6d ago · · · PART III ·

I hope you don't mind, but I did a blog-review of this story.

#8 · 183w, 6d ago · 7 · · PART III ·

This was triumphant. Only the missing "I love you" statements that would have made it perfect cause me the slightest hesitancy in making that declaration. Powerful, emotional. Simply excellent all around.

As stated by others, there should be a space after each ellipse, and if you choose to revise at some point than I would suggest putting line breaks between the paragraphs.

Once again, thank you so very, very much for giving this gift to those of us who hold the relationship between Spike and Twilight dear.:moustache::twilightsheepish:

#9 · 183w, 6d ago · · · PART I ·

Sooo GOOD!:twilightsmile:

#10 · 183w, 6d ago · · · PART III ·

>>3479327 I was really hoping for an 'I Love you' part too.

#11 · 183w, 6d ago · · · PART III ·

Holy God, this is good!

#12 · 183w, 6d ago · · · PART III ·

I must say, it helps lead into the movie really well!

#13 · 183w, 6d ago · · · PART III ·

"Was the writing enjoyable?  Did it read smoothly?  Descriptive enough?"

Yes. A million times yes. This was a really sweet story, and perfect for reading right before bed. The only problems I noticed were a few grammar errors here and there, but still overall one of the best stories I have read on this site.

#14 · 183w, 6d ago · · · PART III ·

You know, it's by reading stories like these that we do come to the realization that Twilight would be jack-diddly-squat if it weren't for Spike. I don't want to even imagine what would happen were he to die or be permanently lost.

#15 · 183w, 6d ago · · · PART III ·

My god... I don't know wether to kiss you or slap the living shit out of you. This was beautiful, tender, plucking at heart strings I didn't even know I had. And I don't know how to feel about that. This was excellent, believe me, but it was infuriating Spike had to say I love you! It would has made the fic. Hit so hard at the heart that I assure you I would want your destruction for such beauty!

#16 · 183w, 6d ago · · · PART III ·

This what I hoped to accommplish.

8 followers and featured. Good work. :pinkiehappy:

#17 · 183w, 5d ago · · · PART III ·

See that moment wants the whole gang to get in on this. BONUS CHAPTER!!!!

#18 · 183w, 5d ago · 3 · · PART III ·

“Tell me.  How do you like you’re new wings?”

No, Twilight... you are wings.

#19 · 183w, 5d ago · · · PART III ·

>>3482389

Thank you so much for pointing this out!  I can't believe I didn't notice that!  I must've edited this story over 50 times (maybe not) and didn't see that in all times I looked through it.

Thank you, again.  I'll fix the error right away.

#20 · 183w, 5d ago · · · PART III ·

>>3478831

I'm happy my story made you happy.

I've wanted to write a Spike and Twilight fimfic for a while, but they've mostly just been writing exercises or ideas without much direction.  But one idea, this one, came and refused to rest until it was in print.

I think, on the show, Twilight and the Mane Six DO care about him.  There are, of course, many instances that they prove that.  And I have hope for Season 4.

Again, thank you.  Reviews like this make the chore of writing worthwhile every single time.  :heart:

#21 · 183w, 5d ago · · · PART III ·

>>3478994

I am proud of it.  The fact that you and others enjoyed my story is the greatest reward a writer can receive.

#22 · 183w, 5d ago · · · PART III ·

>>3481627

I am both happy for your happiness and sad that I made you feel so sad (or was it a good sad?).

As for me not having Spike say "I love you."  Well...I would like to think that it was clear what his feelings for Twilight were, to the point where saying it wasn't necessary.

Thank you for the review.  Please don't slap me.:twilightblush:

#23 · 183w, 5d ago · · · PART III ·

>>3483205

It's a bittersweet sad. Like a child growing up.

#24 · 183w, 5d ago · 3 · 2 · PART III ·

I would love to see a sequel of this set thirty years in the future with twilight and her husband spike reminiscing of the promise they made to each other this day and how it lead them to become more then just friends. How sad rarity was to have the handsome dragon bachelor turn her down to proclaim his love to her bestfriend even after all the time they had spent together. How happy she was to find out she was making the wedding dress and tuxedo. talk about the wild reception that pinkie had thrown them. How rainbow was able to convince the wonderbolts to preform for the wedding, and most importantly how accepting everypony was to their union.

This is a great story and the emotions worked beautifully. I will look forward to more stories (hopefully also having spike as the lead) of this caliber.

Also I really hope you use my, included above, story idea

#25 · 183w, 5d ago · · · PART I ·

I'm fully prepared to love this story, but I've noticed comma splices all over the place. It's kind of distracting for me. I know it's your story, but could you see if there's anything you can do?

Either way, I shall read on.:twilightsmile:

#26 · 183w, 5d ago · · · PART III ·

>>3479327

You are truly welcome.  It was a delight writing this story (most days...when I wasn't pulling my hair out trying to make it just right).

Thank you for the tip on the ellipses.  I'll be sure to check that out.

Lastly, the reason I didn't include "I love you" anywhere in this story. . . .  I thought that, given the interaction between Twilight and Spike, it would've left saying the phrase aloud unnecessary.  My apologies if you feel differently, but that's my answer.

Thank you for commenting on all the parts of my story.  It means a lot that I made some people happy.

#27 · 183w, 5d ago · 1 · · PART III ·

Okay, I read to the end, and I see next to no comma splices beyond chapter one. However, you seem to switch tense once in a while. Finally...

SWEET FAUST ON A BICYCLE THAT WAS AMAZING:raritystarry:

JBL
#28 · 183w, 5d ago · · · PART III ·

This was simply awesome. That's all I can say right now. Nice mini roller-coaster of emotions you had me on there.

#29 · 183w, 5d ago · · · PART III ·

>>3483231 I find that it almost always goes unsaid. Especially in an unequal mutual adoration like this one. I've always found that Twilight's behaviour around Celestia fits the same idea.

"...But we'll never ask you to love us."

#30 · 183w, 5d ago · · · PART III ·

>>3483231

Please don't feel that I was attempting to get you to change your story. It most certainly was wonderful as presented. Twilight's statement of "I love you... girls" at the end of Magical Mystery Cure still grates on me for excluding Spike, so I look for fan fiction that fills that gap. You certainly shouldn't feel pressured to do anything your uncomfortable with.

Congratulations on the success this work has brought you!:twilightsheepish:

#31 · 183w, 5d ago · 6 · 2 · PART I ·

Upvoted so hard my mouse almost broke. This should be one of the key elements in any story about Twilight adjusting to her new life; an upheaval in her life means the same for Spike's, since he is more committed to her than any of her newer friends could ever be. Every instance in which you typed the words "his friends" or "their friends" instead of "Twilight's friends" made me love it a little more. Then you compounded on that by sympathetically describing a ton of the stupid, biased horseshit nonsense that animation's greatest underdog puts up with, even the praise he hadn't fully earned.

A measly tagalong in what was already a complete group?

That's what bugs me more than anything else: this biased idea that the mane six are well-rounded group (which is true) that doesn't need Spike to be complete (which is garbage). It's easy to look at the ponies and see the evenly-proportioned unit. It's even easier to sequester them by saying, "they're all ponies" or "they're all Elements of Harmony" as if such superficial things should determine who their closest friends are. It's always easier to be superficial. Lazy, lazy bronies.

Any additional image would ruin the window’s symmetry and be a distraction.

Bingo, nailed it. Spike, and a vast percentage of the fanbase, is wrong for taking this train of thought. What ground does order and symmetry have to affect a group of friends? That's not friendship at all. Fuck symmetry.

#32 · 183w, 5d ago · · · PART III ·

Congratulations. You win.

#33 · 183w, 5d ago · · · PART III ·

This has to be one of the best fics I have read on this site, because there is absolutely no bullshit in this. There are so many things that could have been added to this to make me hate it and you my friend didn't add any of them. Some my say the way Spike is acting is weird but looking at this from the point of view of Spike as a child yes this is how someone his age would act. I love this :D

#34 · 183w, 5d ago · · · PART III ·

>>3481684 Don't we all?

#35 · 183w, 5d ago · · · PART III ·

>>3482389 New wings too! She's lucky!

#36 · 183w, 5d ago · 2 · · PART III ·

Well, there was good and bad.

I enjoyed the story as a whole. You certainly have a knack for nailing the raw emotion of the characters, and your vocabulary and word choice were superb in conveying that emotion. You struck a good balance between description and action as well as between narrative and dialogue. And the premise—while not entirely original—was executed very well.

On the downside, some of the characterization felt skewed to me. I think you did a good job of nailing Spike's perspective—as readers we can tell from the beginning that his worries are unfounded, and it hurts to watch him believe that Twilight won't need him anymore even though that's what he would realistically believe. Some of his dialogue, though, didn't quite match his innocent perspective. A lot of it read too wise and too brooding for me to believe it was Spike. I know he's a smart kid, but he's still a kid. There's a lot of depth in his contemplation and a lot of wisdom in his soliloquy, more than I would expect from him. Sometimes it almost seems like he's just a funnel for your personal thoughts on the subject. Basically, I think you could do better writing in Spike's voice.

Other than that, there were some verb tense issues, a typo or two, and you need a bit of work on the show vs. tell aspect of writing. But still, it's a damn good effort for your first story. Looking forward to seeing what you can write as you improve! Keep on keeping on, pal.

#37 · 183w, 5d ago · · · PART I ·

That had some powerful emotions in that chapter. Great job!

There is no greater enemy then ones self.:ajsleepy:

#38 · 183w, 5d ago · · · PART III ·

I have to say this was a very good story!

To tell you the truth this almost sounds like a episode for the show.

Two hooves up!

#39 · 183w, 5d ago · · · PART II ·

Well played with the emotions.

#40 · 183w, 5d ago · · · PART III ·

Considering the fact that Spike's worst far is being disowned by Twilight, I say you pull this fic off pretty well.

#41 · 183w, 5d ago · · · PART III ·

>>3483153 You are very welcome. This was a very beautiful and very well-written story that pulled at the heartstrings in all emotional ways.:fluttercry::pinkiehappy: Keep writing my friend.:heart:

#42 · 183w, 4d ago · · · PART III ·

>>3484021

I hope you weren't offended by those moments when Spike thought those things.  I am more than certain that his pony friends do care about him and see him as part of the group.  Granted, he isn't always with them on their adventures, but he's no less their friend.  These quotes which you pointed out were mainly to add to Spike's growing despair, his sense that he might not be needed.  These quotes were written mostly to emphasize the context of his situation, and that situation was compounded with uncertainty and anxiety.

Thank you for reading! :pinkiehappy:

#43 · 183w, 4d ago · · · PART III ·

That was 100% PERFECT! The new look on Twilight's cutie mark, the great importance that they have in each other, and how not only their friendship but the ones around them mean so much to their growth to become better an they can imagine.

Also love the care that you have Celestia show towards Spike. Never can get enough of how some stories very show just how much Spike means to Twilight and Celestia. And you have done a great job in show that.

Congrats!:moustache::twilightsmile::trollestia: :pinkiehappy::ajsmug::rainbowdetermined2::raritywink::yay:

#44 · 183w, 4d ago · · · PART III ·

That was just fantastic. Twilight's seventh star = Spike? Headcanon accepted.

Have a thumb and a follow, because you are definitely an author worth keeping an eye on.

#45 · 183w, 2d ago · · · PART III ·

>>3483153

Yes, they do prove that they care about him deeply.

It's actually depressing how many fans latch on to the instances where Spike is made the butt of a joke, as if that didn't happen to absolutely everyone, and ignore any positive depiction of the relationship between him and the girls. Twilight didn't stop him from seeking out the dragons to find himself, while she also tried to stay close to help him when he needed her to—and he did need her help—and that's just one example where she showed that she's perfectly willing to go the extra mile for him. So often Spike's friends are roundly and unfairly condemned as uncaring and cruel...

#46 · 182w, 5d ago · · · PART III ·

Glad I read this because I never thought of Twilight's cutie mark that way. Seven stars, as it always has, and should be, seven friends. It really irritates me when some of the show and many writers here don't see Spike as the seventh member of the group. He always has been there for Twilight, and I'm glad stories like this are out there to expand on that. The helplessness he felt, the fear, it was all heart wrenching at first, and I'm so happy to see a happy ending. This was great, thanks for leaving me feeling happy.

SEVEN NOT SIX!

#47 · 182w, 4d ago · 1 · · PART III ·

>>3513925

You are absolutely welcome.:twilightsmile:

Hearing readers say they like my story means a lot.  It's the greatest reward a writer can ask for.

I agree, too.  Spike IS the seventh member of the group; always has been.  I can't wait to see him, Twilight, and all the others again is Season 4.  ONLY A TWO DAYS AWAY!  WHOO-HOO!:pinkiehappy:

#48 · 182w, 2d ago · · · PART III ·

Typo:

Spike could see the confidence he watched disappear immerging again.

Should be “emerging”.

#49 · 182w, 1d ago · · · PART III ·

>>3526999

Thank you for pointing this out.  Even after so much editing, these kind of things still have a way of slipping by.

#50 · 182w, 16h ago · · · PART III ·

Tried to get this last chapter in under the wire (before S4), but there just wasn't enough time between the end of shift and the premiere. Probably a good thing, since this brought my good mood back up after the premiere destroyed it within the first five minutes, in which Applejack placed great emphasis on the connection between just the six of them and they all neglected Spike so they could hug just Twilight. You've addressed a far more poignant and deserving issue than what that two-parter did.

In this third chapter, you continued to bring up questions that I am constantly asking in regard to these characters...even the disturbing subtext Merriwether Williams decided to plant in SaYS: Spike's apparent belief that his friends and family only value him as long as he's working. The big one, though, is whether or not Twilight ever considered him a friend prior to the pilot. It was gratifying to read her response herein, but I still have to wonder about her in canon. And on the more positive side, you also acknowledged the fact that Spike's hatching was a result of the same incident that got them all their cutie marks.

There were some places that could have used a better choice of words, but the subject matter and execution make this fanfic an example of perfection. Thank-you for writing it!

>>3483706 I'm pretty sure "girls" is the Equestrian equivalent of the gender-neutral "guys", since it's spoken in the context of a female-dominated society.

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