• Member Since 6th Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen May 12th, 2017

Tavi n Scratch


You cannot have joy without tasting despair.

E

Shortly after the "Mare Do Well Incident" Twilight Sparkle examines each of the ponies involved in order more fully understand the idea of heroism. The outcomes for both Fluttershy and Applejack are quite underwhelming. However, studies with Rainbow Dash bring about some interesting results.

Written for the TwiDash Group Contest

Edited by the loverly bstreetninja

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 57 )

Very interesting way of portraying Twilights thoughts as a letter.
A thoroughly enjoyable read. 9/10 javascript:smilie(':yay:');

love it :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

An enjoyable read, well done.

So freaking adorable it hurts.

Yup, this was a great read. Twilight seems very in character indeed, and the fact that you are using .. well, uh, 'formal'/'sciency'(:facehoof:) terms when she's thinking or writing, makes that even more evident. Dash also seems wellwritten, she's not really liking the idea of beeing stuck in one place and put through a lot of strange machinery. But, when Twi' asks her nicely she complies. (Could be out of friendship, but in this case, romance)
Great work on characterization and overall story, great idea on the essay that Twi's writing.

Also, this line had me laughing, maybe a bit more than I should have, but, oh well, it was kinda unexpected comedy (aaand it's pretty late over here) haha.
(Spoilered as it's close to the end)

Suddenly, all at once, I tried to throw my quill in the air, jump for joy, shout out of elation, and connect my hoof to my face in shame. In the end it just ended up as me jumping in the air and punching myself in the face.

Thanks for putting this up for everyone to enjoy, and good luck in the contest.
Liked and faved!
:twilightsmile:
M

2572672 I believe the word you're looking for is scientific. :derpytongue2: Glad you enjoyed it.

2572689 Yeah, that's the word, haha.
I blame the late hour! .. or something :twistnerd:

Though, the facehoof-emote kind of actually represented me pretty well while writing that sentence, heh.
Oh well, thanks again.
:twilightsmile:

Delightful. Good luck with the contest :)

Loved it.

A ton of the science is completely implausible, and estrogen would be for lust, not love, but the rest of the chemicals are correct in their placement, which is enough for me.

:twilightblush:

Now that was just downright sweet and adorable. :twilightsmile:

2572962 Lust=Love based on primitive instinct of all animals. I'm not sure about plants :rainbowlaugh:
Also pegasi and unicorns are implausible so I took some "poetic license"
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/masonry/000/176/395/shrugpony_earth_pony_twilight_by_imaplode-d49x1q0.png

Glad you enjoyed

2572952>>2572148>>2572185>>2572283>>2572584 Thank you, I'm very happy you liked my writing.

2572639 2572975 Mission accomplished

2572742 I had so many moments like that while writing this.

In conclusion of the questioning I have derived this theory: Rainbow Dash may have inherent personality traits of a hero, while Applejack and Fluttershy may not have such qualities.

Anddddd this is where the story failed for me. Decent try, but it just doesn't hold up to rational thinking.

2573055 May I ask why not?

next chapter?sequel?something?please this story is amazing.

2573055 And yet, had you kept going... :unsuresweetie:

The way you balanced the essay and story together was done brilliantly. I actually did something similar to this in my story Invictus where I overlapped an italicized, un-narrated conversation with the regular storyline.

The style was great. The delivery was great. The story fit perfectly in the way you wanted it to.

This is how you do a romance one shot.

2574345

I did not actually.

2574442 Don't wanna spoil anything in case you change your mind; let's just say that theories are disproven all the time.

2574479

I won't, not gonna bother. One look at the show and you know it's not the case, and having Twilight think otherwise just makes her an idiot.

Note: If I butchered grammar in my reply to you, I apologize. I'm dead tired, but for some reason I'd rather sit here and respond to you guys.

2574409 Oh, wow. You've no idea how much that means to me. I'm glad I could provide an entertaining read for you. I was a bit unsure if I pulled this off well. Your compliments mean a lot. :twilightsheepish:

2573413 Sadly I have no plans for a sequel, seeing as I feel that the need for a narrative has been satisfied, and that any further writing would be unnecessary. However, I don't plan to stop writing fiction, TwiDash included, any time soon. So yes there will be more, probably not anything directly relayed, but there will be more.

2573055 "May" and "inherent" are the key words of the sentence, explaining how all that prompted RD's heroism was an emergency, where as the motives of those portraying Mare Do Well are not entirely clear. However, I respect your opinion, if you don't want to read it then don't.

2574593

Tell me how that jives, in any way, with the show.
Take dragonshy and Fluttershy coming to the defense of her friends when they need help, THAT is heroism.

2574624 She's writing a paper on an experiment, that's just how scientific method works in this case. When drawing conclusions, you only use the data attained during the experiment.

2574641

She's writing a paper on an experiment, that's just how scientific method works in this case. When drawing conclusions, you only use the data attained during the experiment.

And what is she testing for? is there a single quality or character trait that screams 'hero'? or was all that left out for the sake of convenience?

2574647 That's the purpose of the entire fic. It would be easier to discuss if you read it, but I can't make you do anything.

2574593

Yeah whatever kid. Do what you do. Have a creeper eye.

Comment posted by Karrakaz deleted May 14th, 2013

2574668 God, you're coming across as awfully rude.


Sweet story, man. One of the best TwiDash fics I've read in a LONG time. Not since A Bluebird's Song have I read such a great TwiDash story. You've earned a follow, good sir! :twilightsmile:

It's a good story, but a few things about it kind of seemed a bit out of character to me.
First was the overly formal way Twilight was thinking/speaking. It makes sense in the letter because she's writing it as a formal essay, but Twilight doesn't usually speak so impersonally in the show. It really sounds like she's trying to alienate RD by using uncommon wording that Dash might not immediately understand.

Second was the sentence mentioned above about AJ and Fluttershy not being naturally heroic. I know that Twilight is sticking with the facts brought up in this experiment alone, but she knows both of these ponies very well and she knows that every one of her friends is heroic in their own way. It seems insulting to them to even suggest that Twilight doesn't see them as heroic, and that's extremely out of character for Twilight.

Like I said, I do like this story for the interesting setup to a Twidash relationship. It's only a few of the details that bother me a bit.

I'm really not a fan of TwiDash but I was curious, and this is quite cute, so I just tried to ignore the shipping. The only mistake - please don't hate me - I found was "likely to read this book three times before". A mixture of both past and present tense here, so you might want to look at that: all it needs is a "have" between "likely to" and "read", changing the "read" from *reed* to a grammatically correct *red*
Wow, I feel like such a grammar freak, but I'm only trying to make you aware of a mistake you may not have been. I misread my mistakes all the time. :)
Also, I think you may have meant oestrogen, not estrogen?

loved that ending.

2575123
Read is read (pronounced reed) in the present tense and is also read (pronounced red) in the past tense.
Grammar!

Although the have still stands.

Same criticisms about AJ and Fluttershy not being heroic.

Felt a bit rushed to me.

What the hell happened to Twilights hoof? You never mentioned her removing the glass or bandaging it. Did she do that hour of walking around on that with glass still in there? That must have hurt.

Not the best of the TwiDash contest entries I've seen, nowhere near the worst.

2575492 i think it was mentioned that she used a healing spell on her hoof and a restoration spell on the beaker. And because you cant heal a hoof with glass still sticking out, and cant mend a beaker with some pieces still in your hoof... she definetely removed the glass pieces:pinkiehappy:.

I hope that answers your question:facehoof: i would have put the quote thing, but I just joined today:twilightblush:

2575825 Man, I must have skipped right over that part.

257519 What? I know, I think you misunderstood me. That's what I'm saying. Of course I know that read is pronounced read in the past tense and reed in the present. I was merely pointing out that the sentence didn't make sense.

2575123
That would be my fault, then. :facehoof:

It should be "she’d likely read at least three times before", since it is referring to three distinct occasions of "reading".

Awww, that was adorable!
You're very good.

Even going by twi's metrics here, RD is a poor candidate to be called 'hero'. I think you picked a slightly controversial topic to run a shipping fic out of. Twilight just comes off as a typical biased dame.

General note: Explanation of the statement of AJ's and FS's heroism.
This was really meant to showcase how little Twilight initially understood about heroism. I guess I executed that poorly, instead having Twilight make an out of character statement. I apologize for missing the point I was trying to make while writing. I would say that with Twi's new perception of heroes at the end, she would classify both Fluttershy and Applejack as heroic.

2574841 Glad you enjoyed. Your praise is beyond what this deserves. Thank you.

2575825 I appreciate your explanation. That's one less story point that I need to clarify.

2575137 2576544 Thanks, glad you liked it.

2577222 The story is mostly about discovering her (Twi's) hero, under the guise of a research paper. In the end, due to new-found love, Twi sees love in Rainbow. Your point has complete validity, but this is how I saw it when I wrote it.

2575492 For an explanation of the statement of AJ's and FS's heroism, see general not above. ^ It was most certainly rushed. I joined the competition four days before the deadline. Thus, I needed to create the story, draft the initial, edit, finalize and publish all in four days while other contestants used all seven weeks. Was this my own dumb fault? More or less. I'm quite satisfied with what I did in my limited time frame.

2575123 Oestregen vs Estrogen is an American/British spelling. I usually use British spelling since that's what I'm used to, but G Docs says it's wrong and the red squiggly is infuriating to me.

2574953 My reason for the wording is Twilight's focus on her work, as such she's not really talking to Rainbow as much as she is thinking aloud. For an explanation of the statement of AJ's and FS's heroism, see general not above. ^ I'm glad you took the time to read it regardless.

Loved it. I always love stories where RD begins with a crush on an oblivious Twilight, and having it discovered over the course of a research paper just seems so Twilighty adorkable. The interactions between the two during the research were amusing, and the slow build up to Twilight's realization of her own feelings, and then the discovery of Rainbow's, was great.

I also enjoyed the "research paper" parts of the story, the various elements of a hero and heroism you discussed were interesting, enough so that I wouldn't actually mind reading a real research paper on the same subject.

And dat ending :rainbowkiss: Between Twilight's last line to Celestia about a hero being love, and her thoughts on Dash being her hero. :heart::heart:

Great stuff, thoroughly enjoyed this!

How I notice these things I'll never know but:

a great way to get my mind of this stressful research paper

should be off
Great read, high praise and all that.

But I feel I did an adequate job,

You should be a bit more confident in your work. This was REALLY nice to read! I found the perspective quite interesting. It's the first story that I've read that was in the first person from Twilight. I now know that this contest has brought out some real talent, so I have quite a few stories to read. I look forward to reading more stories by you in the future. Keep up the great writing!

Grats on the win. :twilightsmile:

Well worth the second read; Dashie's so cute in this story.

I wish you equal luck in the Abandoned Fic Contest!

This fic was really good. Short and sweet. The only thing was that Twilight's affections for Dash were a little abrupt. I think you could've probably spread the foreshadowing out a little better through the beginning of the fic rather than right in the middle. Other than that, great job.

Normally I avoid first-person stories like the plague- they really rub me the wrong way- but this one is an exception. I found that it was quite enjoyable despite the perspective. Very cute. ^w^ Nice job, keep up the good work!

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