It's very simply a love story.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 6th Nov, 2012
- offline last seen May 12th, 2017
Tavi n Scratch
You cannot have joy without tasting despair.
Tavi n Scratch
Joined 6th Nov, 2012 ·
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Wow. This tear-jerked Dunsparce, something that's not relatively easy to do!
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Dunsparce thinks this deserves more views and thumbs up simply because of how thoughtful the author is.
A hit, a palpable hit.
Wow, this is a new one. I've never seen a fic being done like this (Except maybe "Celestia") and it's a nice change of pace. Little to no errors when it comes to grammar just a bit short. 8/10
Short and eloquent. I liked it. Well done.
Well written, take your time next time if you do something like this again.
Maybe even put some mor important events before the proposal, like a memorable night at a restaurant .
So short. So simple. And dammit all to hell, so brilliant.
Great little short story. I can only assume that this piece hits home for a few of my fellow authors as well
You just won everything, good job
Short, sweet, an enjoyable read!
"Sparse" is the first description that comes to mind for this- you've laid out the bare bones of a story and presented it with minimal dressing. It works quite well, but left me wanting more- in places it seems to hustle along, when it could have stopped and dallied and really tugged on the heartstrings. Several commenters have mentioned that the transitions are almost too fast, but I think that would be solved if there were more meat to the story- I see it as a bit of memoir, so it being episodic an only hitting a few points works.
Honestly? Stories that proceed like this one are the reason I like this fandom- things are SUPPOSED to work out in Equestria, so it's not jarring or boring when they do. Real life has enough disappointment, pain, betrayal, and losing, so to see something like this is refreshing.
Very nice!
Wow... I have no idea what to think of this... I am literally staring at my computer screen wondering what to write. I don't think anyone has ever accomplished that.
Okay, let's just write something and hope it works. There was something about the style in this story... I was kind of thrown off on it. It's a very unique style and, don't get me wrong, I don't think it was bad. I just think it was weird. It was certainly something that I have not seen before. It was something that odd and definitely took some getting use to. Which was a bit of a distraction. I'm not saying you shouldn't do this, because I'm sure that most people are intrigued by this different style, but for me... It was weird. Not bad, but weird.
The romance, I felt could have used more time to develop. I liked the scene where he first talks to her. I did like how they got introduced, but I would have loved to explore more of their relationship. I would have loved to see more of what he writes, why she loves what he writes, why she is a big fan, how she deals with that, how he deals with that. I just would have liked to see more time spent with the two character to see their relationship grow and progress and change, for better and for worse. I would have just liked to have seen more development.
I loved the comparing and contrasting between the real world and the fictional world of romance. I thought that was very cleaver and unique. I loved the comparisons that to how a writer views love and how it creates drama and tension and is marketable. I love it how he compares it to real life where, yeah there is drama, but usually its not the stuff that you see on T. V or movies or read about in books, its very down to earth and I love how he calls it a "boring love" because it can be, but sometimes it can be entertaining. I would have loved to see him come to the realization that love in real life can be just as, if not more fascinating than what is in a story. I know that in the story, he mentions how he has control of the characters and the story and how only he knows how it will end, but I would have loved to have seen more depth into that.
Overall, I think the idea is good. I think a lot of the elements worked in the story. I just felt maybe there could have been more. I felt that there might have been more possibilities that could have been explored upon. Thank you for letting me read it and I will catch you later. Take care.
3979088 Ha, thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it. I think my style is weird because I like to write in first person present tense, which is indeed a weird choice. Also, I'm not trying to sound pretentious, but this was written for an hour fic contest, so the character's are far less fleshed out than they deserve to be. You are entirely correct on that point.
However, I did right a few more vignettes (very short fics) about these two. Here's the same story from Vosare's perspective: Fermata
Wedding from his perspective: A Simple Marriage
And hers: Coda
And they're first Hearth's Warming Eve from his perspective: A Simple Holiday
(Not trying to force these stories down your throat, just letting you know they exist)
Sadly, over time, it became harder and harder to get these fics past moderation due to the fact that they had little to do with the main MLP canon. After only having to rewrite all of A simple Holiday in order to get it posted, I got discouraged and stopped writing about these two. I may end up returning to these stories, but not anytime soon.
3980788 Thank you for posting these. I will definitely check them out and give them my thoughts.