• Member Since 21st Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Feb 17th, 2014

bholley


T

An unusual storm falls upon Ponyville, leading to widespread destruction. Rainbow Dash is badly injured while fighting the storm and Twilight must take care of her until the storm ends. Twidash.

This is an entry for twilight-the-pony's "After The Storm" Twidash writing competition.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 40 )

Oh my, I love a good TwiDash. I can't wait to give this promising story a read!

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I hope you will not be disappointed!

dude, this ought to be turned into a full blown story! will you accept this challenge, mister writer person?

Oh my gosh, this is a beautiful story. This is my kind of shipping, just wonderful. :twilightsmile:

Such a touching love story. I've read many stories similar to this, and I got to say, this one really stands out to me. The pace wasn't too fast, nor was it too slow. Nothing has disappointed me in this story. Please make more. Also hope you win the contest. :pinkiesad2:

Well that was a nice little Twidash if I ever read one. Only thing I can say is that it was a bit fast and lacked description for some things, but other then that pretty well written. I didn't notice any glaring or obvious spelling, grammar, or punctuation mistakes, and the plot was pretty good, even if it's pacing was a little fast. I look forward to facing you in the competition!
...
you know, if I can ever get off my lazy ass and write the damn contest fic.

I agree with BronyPonyMan!

Sweet story. Full of feels, too.

BRB. I need to go die now.

Couple of things. 1) I am incredibly impressed with how quickly you set about writing this. August 11 and the first entry is live, and the deadline is over a month away. Congrats for that. 2) I quite enjoyed this. A short, sweet story that may have been a bit fast in places, but didn't detract from the story in general so that's fine. Something nice, sweet, and fluffy to wake up to on a Sunday morning. The bar has been set for this particular contest, let's see what the other writers will come up with :twilightsmile:

24.media.tumblr.com/a257ad5165644b1f79354634dfdee284/tumblr_mqo61uYbwk1rj6vd5o1_400.png

This is story...where do I even start. The writing quality is on par with some of the better known authors on this sight. I really enjoyed this. Feel free to post this ribbon in the long description of the fic.

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authors on this sight

site


*runs*

I kept expecting for a whole make out scene but otherwise it was cool:rainbowkiss:

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I don't think I could do a sequel to this if I tried. I'm not fantastic at characterization or pacing, and I think I like this little tale just as it is. I'm glad you liked it enough to envision a sequel, though!

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I proofread pretty closely, so I'm glad I didn't miss anything too major. I know the pacing was a bit iffy at some points, but storms and injuries throw off relationship timing like you wouldn't believe!

I'm looking forward to seeing what you write! Competitions = more twidash = everybody wins, no matter who gets the prizes.

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1. Thank you! I don't like to leave ideas floating around for too long without putting substance to them. When classes start up again, I won't have much time to write. I'm glad I managed to produce something nice.

2. Fluff on a Sunday morning is a wonderful thing. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Do you have any suggestions for improving the pacing/speed? It seems such an ambiguous term that I'm not sure how to address it, though I know it needs work.

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Well, you see... having never made out with anyone, I have no idea how to write such a scene. And every attempt seemed really artificial, pathetic, and contrived, :twilightangry2::flutterrage: so I left it light and fluffy. :rainbowkiss: Play to your strengths, after all! :moustache:

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I'm glad you like the feels, but please don't die!:rainbowderp: Thank you for starting this contest; I'm very excited about having more Twidash around. No matter who wins!

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Do you have any suggestions for improving the pacing/speed?

Maybe this is a little cliche'd answer, but: Write more?

Altho; the story has some quirks, but it was immersive enough to look past those things.

Neat little story.:twilightsmile:

I have a suggestion that might help with the pacing.
Try splitting some of the longer paragraphs, and perhaps add some time references.

oh, this is kinda nit-picky, since it didn't bother me.
Have a look through and make sure that it's clear who says what, especially the last scene.

A very enjoyable little fluffy Twidash you have here for us. Having Twilight taking care of Rainbow was a nice idea, as it forced them to stay close to one another.

The romance was done well, a bit quick at parts but that isn't too big of a problem, and is merely an opinion. I would have possibly shortened the paragraph length if anything. Smaller more spread out paragraphs are easier for a reader to look at than a massive block of text which can be intimidating at times. :twilightsmile:

Overall, great work! Good luck in the contest!

:raritydespair:So. awesome. Please sir, can I have some more?

I enjoyed this very much, and plan on reading more of your works when when I can find them, great job!

Wonderful. Liked and favorited.

Tons of fluff, and a good dose of feels too! Nicely done, and good luck in the contest! :)

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Rainbow smiled back. If she could put such a huge smile on her favorite unicorn’s face, she felt absolutely unstoppable. She gave a devilish grin and nuzzled that smile until it dissolved into another kiss.

This... This. You nailed Rainbow Dash's character here, in my opinion. I even laughed at it, since it was so characteristic of Rainbow Dash. Now I have to like and fave this, just for these few sentences. Kudos to you bholley.

Peace,

AuthorGenesis

Since critique is frowned upon by other readers, and I've already had my fill of disrespectful replies, I'll just say: Not bad at all.

Full of d'aww, very sweet! Vulnerable Rainbow is just too adorable :twilightsmile:

The progression was a bit too fast for my taste, as others have pointed out, but still a nice read.

Hmmmm.

As far as stories go, this was a good one.

But, I dunno... Something about it felt... Off.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Very adorable story, love it.

Time for another comment (you asked for it).

But what is love?

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YEEEESSSSS!!! I was hoping that somebody would see that. You made my night!

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Could you elaborate? I get that feeling too, a bit. I'm just not sure where or what. Is it a stylistic type thing or a pacing thing? I know the pacing is kind of off near the end. I'll do a rewrite someday and fix it.

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Thanks, but I don't want you to feel like you can't speak your mind to me. I won't bite your head off. If you want to go into more detail, I'd welcome the feedback. I appreciate that you read it, though!

I loved this story, keep up the great work. "If you follow your heart, you will always end up stronger than before"

I realize that you wrote it for a contest and that it was awhile ago, but I would love to see a sequel of this. It seems every twidash story I find is either them getting together and ending there, or after they've already been together for awhile. This would be so much more amazing than it already is with a sequel presenting their relationship and how it plays out. I loved this! :rainbowkiss:

But what is love?

This was probably one of the most adorable TwiDash stories I've read in a while.

This was really sweet. :twilightsmile: I think you would benefit from breaking up your paragraphs a little more. The pacing in this one was also a teensy bit too fast at the end for my taste, but it was still enjoyable. For the warm and fuzzies, you get a fave. :)

Yas TwiDash is awesome!

Wow, this was really sweet and well written :rainbowwild: :twilightblush:
Such a shame that this was the only story from bholley.

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