What's it been? 1000 years?
That's funny. It feels like much longer than that.

Let me tell you, being trapped in stone that long can do crazy things to a guy.
And when you were a little off your rocker in the first place...
But now I'm free. The leaders of this disgusting place trapped me here, and now they're going to pay.
I'm going to show them the real definition of insanity.

“You know how when you're at a party, and you use what you didn't realize was a magic letter to Princess Celestia to roll a joint?
I guess maybe that's not, uh, a thing, but yeah, I did that this one time. It was at that huge party Shannon and Adam had a while back. You know, Max's friends? …No, Celestia's not one of—They wouldn't know each other...
But anyway, yeah, in case you were wondering why I'm all like, a girl unicorn now, that was kinda the short version.”

Meet Rob, a 27 year old musician who gets more than he bargained blah blah blah
Get a front-row seat in his brain for the Long Version, as he wracks it trying to weasel out of being a pony, or at least not let anything slip by as he takes it one freaky moment at a time.

What will the other lost-weekenders think when they walk in on him passed out on their couch? Will he be able to get through the city and at least back to his apartment, if not to normal? Will he learn anything about REAL friendship along the way and stop being such an insufferable hipster? What if some blowhard fan author just couldn't “turn it off” and ended up trying to write a pony story as actual sci-fi? Will Ahuizotl get the statue? Does P=NPony? Can you grab me another beer while you're up?
And did that letter ever get to Princess Celestia?
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Your standard pony Trip Report, with your standard pseudo-autobiographical narrator, written to flush out my creative plumbing and play around with, uh, like, good...thinkies and word-putting, and because the urge to do it just wouldn't leave me alone, so I just had to get it outta my system. I just really like the juxtaposition of humans and ponies, I guess.

Title is obviously a reference to M-Theory and Tristram Shandy, respectively. Because I can never pick just one thing.

Rated T for Adult Situations, gratuitous overthinking, and fuckloads of swearing. Oh and I guess drug use.

The world was crumbling around me. I was the only one still alive, all the rest had been killed by...
Well, you know who he is.
I was going to take him down, stand on his corpse or die trying, that was what I'd been waiting for. I'd trained for it, I was ready.
And THAT, was exactly the time when the universe screwed me over, and I turned up HERE of all places.

Book 1 of the Spreading Darkness Trilogy
(If I ever finish this one, that is...)

What would you do if your world was crumbling? What would you give up to save it? Would you sign a deal with a God of Chaos? Well Twilight is in a situation where she has to sign the dotted line, but then is this a bad thing when your signing your soul away to the god of Madness? Who knows. After all he has had other contracts.... and those worked out.. sort of
.
*******THE ENDING OF CHAP. TEN HAS BEEN CHANGED***** I suggest you read it... unless you wish to get lost once I throw up 11.

I would like to thank, Lurker Who also got me thinking about this story and putting some life into my mind regarding it. Thank you for your feedback!

BrainstormSurge who has taken the time to edit chapter 1 2, and 3, I never expected someone to walk up and (hopefully) be willing to edit "the contract", so thank you.

Sapphire Secrets is my next thanks, your comment gave me the idea to gut the second half of chapter three and rewrite it. So thank you for taking the time to give me feedback.

With Twilight's spirit broken, Discord is ensured conquest of Equestria. Celestia is helpless to stop him, but part of her selfishly yearns for the romance they shared in her youth.

UPDATE: After being challenged by Godzillafan01 to write a positive Discolestia fic, I decided to add more chapters,

We all know Fluttershy, a yellow Pegasus pony hailing from Cloudsdale, shy as a fly friend to all animals and practically kindness incarnate. However, the world can be deceiving, what if Fluttershy was not pony but a rare creature called a changeling queen? What would this mean for Equestria and Fluttershy's friends and who else will be drawn in to the fray in this story of the lost and the forgotten?

cover art by "The-Clockwork-Crow" on deviantart
http://the-clockwork-crow.deviantart.com/art/Changeling-Egg-447190688

The gift of thought is a powerful thing, and what one chooses to do with that thought makes all the difference.

Facing mistrust and a changing mind, a newly hatched Changeling drone without the influence of a queen must find out what kind of person it wants to become.

When Trixie is hospitalized with amnesia, there are only six mares and a dragon who are up to the task of bringing Trixie back. Too bad the mare is absolutely terrified of a certain princess. A long road of recovery is in store for Trixie, will she make it? Probably, it's a fanfiction about best pony after all. But that doesn't mean it will be easy.

(As of chapter 7, I have changed it from the sad tag, for it is i into much more cheerful waters.)

(This story is on hiatus until I either fix my computer, or get a new one.)

Edited by:
Starlitomega
Key Tapper
Phaoray

You are Anon, and you managed to marry your love, Princess Celestia. However, fate conspires against you, and you end up bound to her sister as well.

Now if only you knew more about Luna than her name.

The reign of Morgoth in Arda is over. He has been defeated by the Host of Valinor and the Valar have bound him once more in the chain Angainor and cast him through Doors of Night into the Void. There he has drifted for many long ages, pondering his deeds and his defeats until Ilúvatar comes and offers him a chance at redemption. Softened by ages in the endless Void, Morgoth accepts this chance at freedom. He is given a new body and sent to a new world with the task of learning the values he has shunned for so long. In this new world, under the watchful eyes of Equestria's Valar, the Dark Lord will come to realize that there are yet things greater than the power of darkness.

Also yes, I understand that there's no "e" in Silmarillion, it's a pony pun. Sil-mare-illion. Geddit? GEDDIT?