Chapter 4
You decided it would be wise to wait until the next day to approach your wife with the idea. After all, Celestia might be more willing to use a potion when she wasn’t currently suffering through the ill effects of one. She still wasn’t too happy about that, but she understood why you did it.
Even if she’ll never forgive you for recording her talking dirty with that voice.
“I’ve had a few ideas for our date,” you said, midway through lunch.
She stopped you with a lifted hoof. “I want you to surprise me.”
“Well… This would definitely be surprising. Which is why I wanted to ask about it, first.”
She shook her head. “Surprise me, Anon. I want to see what you’re going to do. As long as it won’t hurt me, or upset my subjects, I won’t be mad.”
“...Promise me. I want to hear it.”
“Well, now I’m really curious. I promise that I won’t get mad about anything you do to surprise me, as long as it doesn’t harm me or upset my subjects.”
“Alright, cool. I’ll get the reigns and riding crop ready.”
“No.”
“Just joking.”
She smirked. “So was I. Make sure to get the saddle, too. I think I might like being ridden by my favorite human…”
“I will keep that in mind, but it’s certainly not what I had planned. I think you’ll be happy with the side effects, at the very least.”
“I certainly can’t wait to find out what you’re planning. I do so love pleasant surprises!”
“Then I hope I don’t disappoint.”
“As long as I’m with you, I’ll be happy. Now, unfortunately I need to leave. A delegation of miners from the Diamond Dog corporation are coming by and I need to make sure my subjects remember not to give them chocolate… Unless they annoy me.”
“Uh. Don’t countries usually get mad when you assassinate their people?”
“Not the dogs. They’re structured like a giant cutthroat company, where assassinations are occasionally part of daily life. But I wasn’t planning on killing them, just making them sick so they would stop bothering me. In my experience, the dogs will eat anything you put in front of them without even checking what it is.”
“Celestia, I love you, but sometimes you make me worry.”
“I love you too, my cute little monkey…”
“Alright, I’m gonna have to ask you not to call me that again. Getting called ape all the time is bad enough, but monkey is just weird.”
“Noted. But you can only call me horse when you’re riding me, and if you do, I’ll start whinnying when we have sex.”
“I’ll try to remember that.” It would be fucking hilarious. “I’ll see you later, Sunbutt.”
She grinned. “Now that is a name I haven’t heard in a long time. Farewell for now, my love.” She stole a kiss before walking on out the door.
When you got to the workshop, Goldilocks was just getting the fire lit. “You’re actually on time today,” she said in mock surprise.
“It’s a thing that happens sometimes. What are we making today?”
“Shoes for the guards, first. I’ll take the lead for that one, since it’ll require more finesse.”
“Alright. Do we need to fit them, or is it all standard?”
“Standard, with a few outliers. If we can get a good rhythm going, I’ll let you take over the standard ones and I’ll do the officers’ shoes.”
“Works for me.” You stepped on up to the bellows and started working the flames while she began getting the tools she would need together. Soon enough, the clangs and bangs of a normal forge took over the silence.
After you two finished the horseshoes, you retired to the small break area. A new chair materialized overnight, one that wasn’t too tiny for your giant frame. She also happened to obtain a couch that reasonably fit her.
“Nice new digs,” you commented when you sat.
“Perks of working with the prince consort,” she replied with a smile. “I mentioned how uncomfortable you looked when you sat in the old chair and they moved one in for you and a couch for me, just in case. They’re still not really comfortable, but they’re better than they were.”
“...I keep forgetting that I can pull rank on people.”
“That’s a good thing, as far as I’m concerned,” she said before sipping at water. “It means you won’t forget how to handle problems like a normal pony.”
“Of course. I wouldn’t want to abuse it anyway. Now, you mind if I ask you an awkward question?”
“Only if I can ask you one.”
“Sure. I want to surprise Celestia on our date and Luna offered to make a potion for me that’ll transform Celestia into a normal pony for a day. But she needs fur from a normal pony to complete the potion. Celestia will take on the form of whoever donated the fur. I was wondering if you’d mind if she borrowed your body for a day. We wouldn’t do anything publicly romantic with it, so you wouldn’t have to worry about getting lambasted in the papers or anything.”
She shrugged. “That’s a weird request, but I’m fine with it. When do you need it?”
“Before I leave tonight. I doubt Luna will need too much.”
“I won’t miss a little. Now, it’s my turn. Do the princesses have any fetishes?”
“Yes. What are we working on next?”
“Oh come on, you know what I meant! What are they?”
“I’ll answer for Celestia, but Luna would kill me.”
“Ugh, fine. What does Celestia like?”
“Being dominated. And she’s definitely into anal.”
“Oh. That’s it?”
“That’s it so far, at least. She can be a little shy about it, so she might tell me more later. Or I might find some other stuff later. Why do you even want to know?”
She shrugged. “Everypony’s curious about them. They’re these great, ancient, powerful goddesses, and yet they can still fall in love, just like normal ponies. I guess I just thought that if they could fall in love, they could be normal in other ways, too.”
“They are. You should just hear Celestia snore. It gets as loud as thunder sometimes.”
She giggled. “I can’t imagine the princess snoring…”
“And they do plenty of other things, too. Aside from being a little older than your average pony, they’re perfectly normal.”
“Uh huh. And what about you, Mister Prince Consort? What kind of normal pony falls in love with goddesses and actually marries them both?”
“I’m not a pony. Never pretended otherwise. All humans have their own brand of crazy. Mine just happened to be the kind that falls in love with the impossible.”
“Well, there are certainly a lot of stallions that claim you lucked out.”
“The only lucky thing about it is that I didn’t have any competition. If someone else had gotten to them first, I doubt I would have been nearly as successful.”
“Maybe. But with those hands, I bet you could steal any mare away.”
“There’s a thought. I could take all the mares in Equestria for myself... “ She rolled her eyes. “But I already have the ones I want, and they’re more than enough for me.”
“And I’m sure they’re quite happy about that. Now then, we’ve been on break for far too long. We need to get started on the next one.”
“Alright. What are we making?”
“We’re getting started on your first real test. We need to make a chain.”
“What, like chainmail armor? Or a chain like on a necklace?”
“Chainmail armor? I’ve never heard of that.”
“Oh. You just make a lot of interlocking chains in the form of a shirt, which makes what’s called chainmail armor. From what I remember from the history channel, it’s less protective than full plate, but a lot lighter. Good for stopping piercing weapons, but won’t stop a cudgel from breaking a bone.”
“...I’m going to ask the forgemaster if something like that is feasible with what we have. But for tonight, we’re just making a regular chain. One of her majesty’s ships needs a secondary anchor chain, and we’re making part of it. A few of the other workshops are making the rest and the anchor itself.”
“Cool. How do we get started with chain?”
“It’ll be like nothing you’ve done before. First, we’ll need to heat the forge back up…”
It took you guys quite a while to get just a few links completed. Chains, as it turns out, are fucking hard to make without automatic tools. Your amazing idea of heating up the middle of a metal plate and using a pickaxe to knock out the hot part was dismissed by a rolling of eyes.
When you were finally done, you both nearly collapsed in your small break area. The heat was still nearly unbearable even there, and you wondered how she managed while covered in fur.
“So when are you going on a date with Princess Luna?” she asked.
“I went on one with her a few nights ago. I’m trying to keep it even, but Celestia’s a lot busier when I’m usually awake.”
“You could always split your sleep schedule. Wake up at midnight and go to bed at noon. I imagine it’s hard to be… intimate with her when you’re just waking up or just going to bed.”
“We get by. So how am I going to go about getting fur from you? I don’t really think I should just shave a patch off…”
“I have an idea.” She walked over to one of the workbenches and grabbed a coarse metal brush.
“...That’s gonna hurt.”
“Nah.” She ran it down her front leg and pulled it away. Sure enough, it was covered in some fur. “I don’t have anything to put it in, though. You should take it to her straight away so you don’t accidentally turn your wife into a half pony, half pocket lint monster.” She passed you the entire brush. “Though she’d be one fine monstrosity, I gotta say. Well, part of her.”
“I’d still love her, either way. I just might have to do it from a distance. I’ll see you later, Goldie.”
“I think you mean tomorrow… Anon.”
“I knew you’d give in. See you tomorrow.” With that, you departed, heading to Luna’s spacious rooms. You were hoping she’d be awake and wouldn’t mind you smelling like death.
When you arrived, she answered the door herself, still looking somewhat bleary-eyed. “I got the fur you needed,” you told her, holding up the brush.
“So you did. Come along inside, I suppose. Getting the base brewing will not be difficult.”
“Not sure that’s too smart. I just got out of the forge and I stink. Like, really badly.”
“You smell like a stallion. And a little bit like metal. It does not bother me. I thought you would be interested in how these potions are made.”
“I am. And I guess if the smell doesn’t bother you, I can watch.”
“Then enter.” She stood aside for you, letting you walk on in. The temperature difference in her room was crazy. The forge was broiling. The halls were comfortable. Her room was actually cold. Most of the sweat on you was already gone, but your shirt was still damp and almost instantly got cold enough to make you shiver slightly. “Go through the left door and do not touch anything. I will join you shortly.”
The door to her room was on the right, so you assumed the left door led to some kind of workshop. Stepping inside proved that assumption correct. One wall of the room seemed to be dedicated to alchemy, with a few alembics, calcinators, several mortars and pestles, two retorts, and all manner of glasses, vials, and bottles. Another entire wall was taken up by shelves for ingredients.
The last wall was full of various stuff, most of which you didn’t recognize. You did see a few telescopes and what you thought were star charts. Before you could get closer to see anything else, Luna walked in, her floaty hair tied up in a bun and trying to escape. “Let us get the base simmering quickly. Give me the brush.” You hold it up and she gently removed it with magic, then pulled off the fur and passed the brush back. “Hm. I always did imagine Celestia would be better off blond. I will be sure to see her before she changes back.”
“Are there going to be any kind of side effects from this, aside from changing shape?”
“I have tested it once and there were none. That said, I have not tested it as extensively as what you will do. Be sure to let me know if anything strange happens.”
“Alright. So how do we get started?”
“First, the base.” She floated the fur to the side and pulled some kind of yellow fluid from the ingredient wall. “This is distilled sunlight.”
“What.”
“Distilled sunlight.”
“No, I heard you. It’s just… Sometimes I forget I’m in Ponyland. Go on.”
She shrugged and poured a few milliliters into a measuring flask. “We add the fur…” It floated over to the flask and dropped in, instantly bursting into flames and smoking away.
“And that’s not dangerous for Celestia to drink?”
“She might have something of a stomachache if she drank it right now. Followed by a minor case of death. That is why it will be cooking.”
“Magic. Right.” Because cooking something hot cools it down, right? “What’s next?”
Another bottle floated down from the ingredient wall, this one full of some kind of white powder. “A dose of salt.” She tipped it over the flask and let some slide into the liquid. Then the salt floated back and something else moved in, what looked like strips of paper. “Essence of memory.”
“Alright, that one I’m curious about. How do you get the essence of a memory? And whose memories are they?”
“Excellent questions. Do you know what stream of consciousness writing is?”
“A story style where you get exactly what the character is thinking at the time, right?”
“Correct. To obtain the essence of a memory, a unicorn must write stream of consciousness while casting a spell that enables the thoughts, emotions, and the memory itself to be locked into paper. If you were to grasp any of the strips and use the command word, you would instantly be assailed with the locked memory. It would also render the strip useless. I have been told that most unicorns make these strips while doing mundane tasks they didn’t want to remember anyway. Those work for most potions, but some require specific emotional attachments, like sorrow or happiness.”
“So all those strips are probably just some guy eating breakfast?”
“Or walking to work or meditating. I actually heard that for advanced mages, it is possible to make the memory about making the memory itself.”
“Weird.”
“But wise. You lose nothing and can transcribe essences until you get bored.” She finally tossed three strips into the sun oil. Two flashed blue and one flashed green. “Two of those were mundane tasks. The other was something slightly more exciting.”
“What if you get one about a guy having sex or… I don’t know, murdering someone?”
“Bright pink and oily black. I have only seen the second once, and used it to solve a murder.”
“Neat. What’s next?”
“A transformative agent. Changeling honey.” Another flask floated over, this one full of a grimy green goop. “You would not believe what one must go through to obtain this nasty honey.” As thick as it looked, there was no way any would come out even if she upended the thing. She just scraped a dollop out with magic and let it fall into the sun oil. The entire mixture instantly turned brown. “Good.” The honey floated back to the shelf. “That does it for the base. I will put it on ice and add to it occasionally over the night. It will be ready before you need it.”
“Awesome. This right here’s a cool kind of magic. Anyone can do it.”
She shook her head. “This is not magic. This is merely alchemy. Add one ingredient to another ingredient and you get a reaction. Some of the ingredients, like the memories, are magical. Others, like the distilled sunlight, can be pulled from nature. But yes, anypony can do it. The hard part is learning what ingredients have what effects. But if one has a book of recipes, that stage can be skipped. Nothing new can safely be produced, but much can be done with the recipes already in existence.”
“It sounds fun. And also extremely dangerous.”
“Indeed. If you would like to learn, there are a few professors in the nearby mage tower that would be all too happy to teach you.”
“I would, but I got my hands full with metalworking. And getting ingredients and a lab would be a bitch. If I had all the time in the world, I would definitely devote some to that. But I’m starting to like working with metal.”
“Understandable. It is wise to become a master at one trade rather than average at several.”
“My thoughts exactly. My old profession doesn’t exist here, so starting new was a necessity. Anyway, I really do need a shower, and your room is really cold. See you at dinner?”
“My room is not that cold. I do not know why you are shivering like a little filly.”
“Because I’m not covered in a thick fur and my shirt is damp from sweat. Remember, I just came from a forge.”
“Ah. Then yes, that is understandable. I will see you at dinner, Anon. Farewell for now.”
As you left, you couldn’t help but think to yourself how adorable she was with her hair in a floaty bun. Not that you would ever tell her that, of course.
She’d probably kill you or something.
The morning of your day with Celestia started like any other. There was a big furry beast in your arms that you kissed as soon as you woke up, which made her gently stir. As soon as she moved, her weird hair started smacking you in the face, but you were used to it and just ignored it.
But despite the bed being warm and the company great, you knew you had to drag yourself up. And so you did, making her groan when you left a cold gap next to her. Throwing the blanket back over her silenced her, so you retired to the bathroom to deal with the morning commonalities.
When you finished up in there, your wife was still being lazy. You grabbed your damp towel and walked over to the bed. “Time to wake up, honey,” you said. She snorted. “Then we can do it the fun way.” You pulled the blanket off and she curled into a ball.
Then you rolled up the towel and whipped her right on the cutie mark with it. She shot up with a yelp, then glared at you in indignation.
“Good morning!” you happily said.
“Would be a lot better without somepony hitting me,” she muttered, rubbing at her sore flank.
“I’m your personal alarm husband,” you replied. “It’s my job to wake you up on time. You should be thanking me!”
“Uh huh. I’ll remember this the next time I wake up first.”
“I don’t know why you’re upset. Today’s your day off, after all. You get to spend it all with me!”
“But I could have spent a little bit more of it asleep. That would have made things so much better…”
“You know you like it. I bet you want me to spank you some more, don’t you?”
“...Maybe.”
“Too bad. Take a shower.”
She sighed and shook her head. “I spoil you so much, honey.”
“Love you too, babe.” She grabbed you with magic and tossed you onto the bed, then hopped up to go to the bathroom.
By the time she got out, you had the potion ready for her. When she walked into the room and saw the vial in your hand, she sighed. “Is this one going to make me sound like a filly?” she asked. “Or maybe make me roar like a monster?”
“Nope. But it should be surprising. Drink it.”
She rolled her eyes and floated the small bottle over. “At least I know you and my sister are getting close.”
“We don’t have to be that close to work against a common enemy. She seemed to think you’d enjoy this.”
“Joy.” She sniffed at it before sighing again and then downing it. “Hopefully this one won’t leave the taste of sweaty socks in the back of my throat all day.” She floated the vial back to you. Before you could take it out of the air, she was already changing. “So what is this one supposed to do?”
“Just a sec.” You walk over to her vanity and grab a hand mirror, then bring it over to her. “This is you.”
She blinked in surprise as soon as she saw her reflection. “...What in Equestria?”
“Welcome to the life of a normal pony. Today, you are Goldilocks, a friend of mine. We’re going out into Canterlot and I figured you wouldn’t want everyone staring and bowing all the time.”
“But… my horn! And my wings!”
“And your hair and tail. You’re completely normal in almost every way, aside from being just a little bigger than average.”
“But wasn’t this supposed to be… our day?”
“It is. And it will be. We just can’t really kiss as much as I’d like. But we can still be together. And this way, we can be together in Canterlot without any problems.”
“...Hm. You are still prince consort.”
“For less than a week. I doubt everyone’s going to be bowing and scraping. And even if they are, so what? It doesn’t bother me as much and we can use it to our advantage.”
“...Very well. And you did say it would be surprising.”
“I definitely tried to ask about it, but you didn’t let me. So now you get to live with it.”
“Indeed I do. So who is this Goldilocks? Or does she even exist?”
“She’s the mare helping me learn metalworking. She didn’t mind letting you borrow her body.”
“Good. So what are our plans for the day, dearest Anonymous?”
“I think you’re gonna love it…”
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5881347
How polite your request was.
Direct insults will surely make your request more likely to be heeded...
5881373
I figured it was the internet equivalent of "Get a room".
Why do I get the distinct feeling something is about to go horribly wrong? Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
As much as i hate something like that in other storys, i don´t know why there are storys like this, which i can like without thinking twice about it.
I guess you just write the way i like it.
As good as the story may be, i am somehow affraid, that this Human there is somehow able to make it weird if he should start with Luna.
I have nothing against one......how do i say it dirty Mare, to take a example, but it would be not bad, if her sister is different in a way.
I don´t want to choose a personality for her, but i hope this isn´t that kind of story, where one foward Mare means, that the whole story is filled with Mare with the same personality, at least if it comes to this.
Something bad is gonna happen, isn't it...?
It's probably for the best that Anon doesn't start messing with alchemy... I get this mental image of colorful explosions that Discord would nod approvingly at.
5881427
5881287 Well for me its like any other name.You don't need to name the protagonist 'Dreshawn Tervetski' to make a good story.
Because its a second person story the guy is name 'Anonymous' so you can identify yourself better whereas if he was called
'Dreshawn Tervetski' it would feel more like its not you but this guy in the story.Unless you actually like to identify yourself with such weird names.
Bah anyway like what you like,hate what you hate
My response if I were anon:
"Ape, honey. Humans are apes.
We have no tails and we have opposable thumbs, see?"
*Wiggles Thumbs*
"But thank you for the 'cute' comment!"
*Smiles*
(Technically, humans are classified in the sub-group of primates known as the "Great Apes", but for all intents and purposes the only time it really matters is if you're talking to some stuck up pompous dick who hates generalizations.)
5881373 Except he can force you to comply to that request. This is his space, after all, and you can be banned from it.
5881512
That may be, however I have yet to use harsh language toward him.
Thus it really is neither befitting nor -I should hope- worth his trouble to head right in with hateful statements and expletives rather than a simple request.
(It doesn't even have to be polite to yield a positive result from me. It just has to not be rude.
Heck, normally on the internet I wouldn't care one bit, but this entire fandom is based around the principle of being peaceable to others, and it's rather disheartening to see that thrown aside so quickly without provocation.)
Long story short: Just ask, don't roll in guns blazing.
Weee, new chapter....awe....chapter finished. Loved it, though think about the schedule thing I mentioned.
Eh, I disagree. We all know the saying "Jack of all trades is a master at none" but there's a second part that most are unaware of that I personally believe. It goes something like, "But it is often better than being a master of one."
Though it'd be a nice excuse to accept immortality if it was ever offered. Become a master of many trades!
5881533
My sentiments exactly!
5881600
Yeah, I agree with that.
After all, what's the point of say: Learning to drive a vehicle like a pro, but not having the slightest clue as to how to cook your own meal on a stove.
Both are skills that have entire trades built around them, but both are highly useful to know the basics for regular life.
OMG THANKC FOR FAST UPLOAD
Been dying to see the next one!!!!!
Oh....you mean..this?
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/2/10/548285__princess+celestia_comic_questionable_human_blushing_monochrome_grayscale_human+on+pony+action_anon_sweat.png
5881440 hhhmmmm i guess i know what you want to say with that, but even if it is just a little bit annoying, it somehow feels different to me, but i say nothing against you using it, i just had to read it to often.
However, i don´t exactly know why there is a group for it, i guess i just don´t get what is special about it. I mean you explained it a bit, but i just don´t know how exactly i think of it, beside me being just a little bit annoyed.
Well i just continue to enjoy you story.
It's a nice slice of life story, in addition with some grown up adult humor.
Not too much for it to become some kind of depraved wish fulfillment.
Not too little for it to become boring.
I don't know why, but I think Anon is turning into Butler, as long as he doesn't start having 'intelligent conversations' I approve
5881713 I really like that image, it's funny
5881600 Yeah that makes sense...and yet I did not know there was a second line to that.
YAY!!!!!
I don't know about the rest of you all but I would read the heck out of a story with the entire concept being Celestia and Luna casually talking about their fetishes. ;)
I think that is supposed to be: took
I'm really loving this story, great job whatmustido
Actually, it's because second-person HiE stories were pretty much invented over at 4chan, and everyone's posting as "anonymous" there by default.
5881524
Being tolerant doesn't just mean not screaming at someone. You are essentially insulting the basis of this story, which is offensive to the writer and the people who enjoy it. You are being rude by coming to a place that supports and promotes one thing, and then putting down that very thing. You even implied the writer was lazy for using it.
This whole love and tolerate thing works both ways, and does not apply when someone casts the first stone. Because that means they're leaving love and tolerance behind to whack someone with a stick and then duck behind it again to use as a shield when retaliation comes back on them. We call that cowardice. So frankly, you really do need to stop. You started this, and anything that comes of it is therefore your fault due to being reactionary. Which means you can stop it simply by no longer complaining on this story. That's what you have journals for, go complain about "Anon" in your personal profile, NOT on a story dedicated to it. That fact alone is grounds for having your every post expunged because it is not where it should be. The author is being rather kind to let you stay, so at least honor his request to stop.
5881347
Was expecting that sooner or later, will keep it short from here on out
Took me back to Oblivion [Elder Scrolls]
>inb4 SNAFU.
5882598 Morrowind or bust
5881600
And knowing a bit of everything opens ups new solutions to problems, by combining fields and such. Flexibility.
5882644
Damn right.
Next chapter: The Tabloids Strike Back
Uy alchemist, I kind of wonder what inventions could Annonimus could make if he learns from it
Also the voting are still on so far we had
12: yes and 3: no
Remember this is for the question of Anon becoming inmortal, keep voting here if you wants to say yes or no
5872969
TELL ME, WHY DOES HE WEAR THE MASK?!
tancast.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/lex-luthor-wrong.jpg
That is exceedingly incorrect. Chainmail is very good at stopping slashes and chops, but it doesn't stop piercing weapons for shit. The point finds a loophole and just spreads the chains apart. The armor might as well not even be there, for all the good it does. Riveted mail was better at stopping pierces, and could stop a great deal of swords; but arrows and spears, and thin/pointy swords could still find enough purchase to snap the weave. That's why rich people, who could afford it, would wear a breastplate over the mail.
I don't know if Anon is parroting your knowledge on the subject, or if he's been made purposefully ignorant on the matter; either way, he's wrong.
5885143
Well, he's working from knowledge on the history channel, and they're bad about stuff like that. It's also been god only knows how long since he heard it.
Yesssssss...
In all seriousness, though, this is great. Other than the fact that Anon kinda talks about sex a bit too much(I don't mind the fact that he does, it just seems like he talks about it to almost anyone, even if it's none of their business), and he seems like kind of an a55hole at times, but that's mostly just nitpicking.
Anyway, looking forward to Chapter 5!
5882476
What I am doing is called criticism, actually.
I am pointing out a valid area where the quality of the written work in question could be improved drastically.
I say this, because in professional writing, the main character must have a relatable/believable (or at least understandable) name in order to more fully capture the audiences attention.
It's as much a part of writing as proper grammar, or avoiding repetitive wording.
For example, compare the following:
"The random guy was hot because the heat of the weather felt hot on his skin and he hated it and called the weather shitty because it was so uncomfortably hot."
to-
"Augustine felt as if he were drowning in sweat as the sweltering heat bore down upon him, causing the man to curse the harsh climate in it's unrelenting assault on his bare flesh."
The second example looks far more professional and of higher quality, doesn't it?
That's because it gives the character a real name that you'd not be surprised to heard to be the real name of a similar person in real life. As well as it's avoiding repeating words over and over, along with being grammatically correct.
I'm not trying to beat down on the writer (though granted, I'm not really sugar coating it either).
I am merely criticizing his work on an area where it could use improvement.
(Criticism is, after all, one of the founding principles on which all fan fiction sharing is based. If one wished to make a fan fic without risking being criticized, you would craft it via a less public medium; like a text document file, or perhaps pen and paper even.)
If any story other than a very certain few (see: A Feeling Of) is dedicated to naming their character any state of non-being or generalized form (in this case "Anon/Anonymous", though it's just as bad as naming a character "That One Guy from Scene Twenty-Three" and expecting it to be taken seriously), then said story has FAR greater issues than one critic...
In closing, I would also like to point out that the conversation on which the author asked us to take elsewhere has ceased (at least in this location, anyway), and your commenting on it is only serving to further the issue that was bothering the author in the first place (he made it clear he does not wish to follow my criticism, and wanted the conversation to stop. It did, yet here you are making statements that demand a response from me further cluttering his inbox with story response indicators).
You're beating a dead horse as it were.
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Ah, I was wondering about this.
Thanks for clarifying!
(Good ol' History channel. Where would our misinformation and bad science come from without you?
)
I look forward to the next chapter!
P.S.
This should end in a period rather than a comma.
It should also be "It would be a lot better without somepony hitting me.” if it were to be a correct sentence, but seeing as how Celestia's likely more than half asleep, it's an error that the character could easily make given the circumstance.
(Though it looks like the author did the sentence structure that way intentionally for Celestia's quote.)
Just thought I'd point that out, as I found it an interesting coinciding event between punctuation error and an intentional line error to fit a character in her given state.
My Organic Chemistry lab partner was like this.
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Well maybe Equestria is actually very cold and he need the mask to keep warm like the alpinist do.
That or that Anon is secretly a retired super hero and old habits die hard
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No, it shouldn't end in a period. That's not how dialogue works when it's followed by a 'she said' tag.
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I was going to make a comment like Narlpoax to point out the actual strengths of chainmail, but I like WhatmustIdo's explanation of the flawed information.
My two pennies: WIth a leather jerkin and/or a thick cloth armor (it was a thing) under the mail, the layers would soften the blow of a strong sword chop stopped by the mail and may decrease the chance of broken bones from lighter blunt weapon blows. Your still fucked as far as arrows, crossbow bolts, and piercing weapons go.
Ultimately, all armor is vulnerable to piercing strikes. Which is part of why bullets evolved the way they did (mostly though from the desire for more range, higher accuracy, and consistent results). Armor these days can stop shots from high powered hand guns, assault rifles, and shotguns (not so much point blank, I don't think there is one that can do that) but, there begins to be the issue of broken ribs, collapsed rib cages, and organs exploded from the impact of the blow. That's all for the chest armor. Helmets that can take that, would likely have a issues with severe concussions snapped necks, and scrambled brains from the blow.
It is related to the phenomenon of cars in like the 70's-80's could take a beating since the bodies were a hard steel, but the driver and passengers would get killed/fucked up more often in a head on collision accident because the car would pass the force of the impact along to the meaty humans. Whereas, cars these days dent if you give them a dirty look, but people survive head on collisions more often, because the car crumples to absorb the impact as much as it can before the force gets to you (the air bags and seat belt (Seriously, buckle up) do a lot to save you by further softening to force to you and preventing you from flying out face first respectively).
TL;DR: Force of impact will fuck you up/kill you as badly or worse than the piercing tip, pay for a car with a high safety rating, and buckle up.
TL;DRv.2: Physics will try to both kill and save you.
Suddenly, Morrowind flashbacks!
*sigh* A thousand hours of my life that I wouldn't recoup even if I could. Good times.
>implying implications
Heh. I was just reminded of the line "Damn dirty ape!" From Planet of the Apes.
Wheres Sunny Skieeeeeeessssss!?
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What's a morrowind
Theeeeere's the Anon we all know and love.
I would disagree. The saying "Jack of all trades, master of none" seems to often be used in a derogatory manner, but there's also the idea of a "Renaissance man" - or, a person with competent knowledge in multiple areas. Ideally, these would be areas that complement each other in some fashion, as to make the person seem "well-rounded", or - not incompetent in most mundane, but useful, associated tasks. For instance, if you're an alchemist, it would also be useful to be able to obtain your own ingredients, as well as crafting your own tools (and I would add some magical studies to 'round the list off', as it were, so you could achieve minor magical effects as demanded by the more pedestrian potions - probably saves on spending, too).
Now, such a person would hardly be a master of any of these, but at the very least should have sufficient knowledge to recognize one - so they know who to hire, of course. And, in many aspects of life, it pays well to be something of a jack-of-all-trades, really - sort of a "one-man army" - even if you're not exactly great at these things, at the very least you can produce passable results, and that is often more than adequate when you need something for personal use, while saving a ton of money on otherwise acquiring things.
As an aside - having acceptable-level knowledge about things also makes it much easier to repair things, as well as construct makeshift solutions. Again - it only really needs to be of passable quality, but should do the job well enough to remove the need for outside assistance.
Now, of course, every person should ideally have their one thing they're great at - much like having a Cutie Mark, incidentally... It would also be awesome if that's a marketable skill. But as I said - if you intend to live for some time, you'll also need to acquire a set of loosely-related skills.