Being a prince consort was pretty easy. You had all the time in the world to do just about anything you wanted. Unfortunately, what you actually wanted to do wasn’t covered under the just about anything you could do, since your beloved wife was always so busy. Having to actually schedule time together wasn’t fun.
“So what plans do you have for the rest of the week?” Celestia asked before sipping at her tea.
“Pretty much fuck all,” you replied, hoping she’d say the same. Unfortunately, you knew her schedule was probably planned weeks in advance.
“That’s good to hear. You know, I have a nice period of empty time tomorrow night, around sunset. Do you want to spend some time together?”
“Absolutely. Walk in the gardens? It’s in the palace proper, so we won’t need guards. Maybe we can even get lost in the hedge maze and have a little extra time to ourselves…?”
“A walk sounds lovely,” she said with a smile. “It’s a shame we get so little time to spend together…”
“That means we have to make the most of what little we do have.”
“And fill the intervening time with things one would enjoy but perhaps not the other. I know you love me and want to spend time with me, and I definitely feel the same, but doing nothing all day except for the times we’re together is unhealthy.”
She… had a point. “It’s not that I don’t want to do anything… It’s just that there’s so little for me to really do. I’m kinda a prince now, so I always have guards following me when I leave the palace, which is just awkward. And aside from reading, there isn’t much to do in the palace, either.”
“There is plenty to do. You just need to think outside the box. Consider art. Painting. Writing. Metalsmithing at the palace forge. Or you could spar with the guards. After all, they might be more willing to allow you to travel alone if they knew you could take care of yourself. As long as you are doing something, you will find the time between our meetings much more tolerable. Trust me when I say that idleness spent waiting for a lover’s touch is maddening.”
“...I never much was one for art. But working with metal does sound kinda fun. It’s something to think about, at least.”
“Good. Now, let me give you something else to think about. Luna will be awake in time for our date tomorrow. You should invite her.”
“Celestia, this is the only time we’ve had together aside from meals and bedroom time since the wedding. No offense to your sister, but I don’t want a third wheel.”
“You will not befriend her by avoiding her, Anon. And you definitely haven’t been spending much time with her.”
“It’s not my fault she has the sleep schedule of a college student. I go to bed at normal hours and wake up at normal hours. Maybe if she wants to be more social, she can sleep at night and stay up in the day.”
“She is your wife, Anon. You retire to my room every night and only spend time with me. What do you think the reporters are cooking up?”
“The truth, maybe? Luna doesn’t seem particularly interested in being my friend. She definitely doesn’t want to love me. I’m all too happy to respect her wishes.”
She sighed and lowered her head for a moment before trying a different tactic. “If you won’t speak to her as a wife… Will you speak to her as your wife’s sister? Even if the two of you don’t become close, I would at least like my family to be friends with the one I love.”
“I can… invite her,” you said with a sigh. “But if she says no, she says no. Please don’t try to push us together, Celestia. You know that’ll only make us resent each other more.”
“Maybe. Or maybe you’ll both come to realize it’s for the best. And if nothing else, a shared annoyance is just as good for bonding as a mutual interest.”
“I’d rather that annoyance not be the love of my life.”
“Good! That means you’ll give in easily.”
“You’re lucky you’re so cute, or I might get upset at you more often.”
“Oh, I’m cute, am I?”
“The cutest. And the prettiest. And the sexiest. And best, you’re mine.”
“Always and forever.” She finally set down her teacup and looked to the only clock in the room. “I believe I have a few minutes to spare.” Her horn lit up and you heard the click of a lock. “Let’s make them count.” Your hand was going to your belt buckle before she even finished the sentence.
Upon Celestia’s advice, you went up to Luna’s room right before dinner to speak with her. You still didn’t really want to, but you figured humoring your wife would be nice. Besides, maybe if Celestia saw the two of you together, she’d realize how disinterested you both were in forming a strong relationship.
When you knocked on Luna’s dark door, the mare of the night answered it herself, though she was lacking any of the small amount of makeup you were accustomed to seeing on her. “Is there something you require, Anonymous?” she asked with a yawn. “Is there some new public event on the horizon that I must doll myself up for and trot out upon your arm like a proper loving and doting wife?”
“Nothing so formal, no. Celestia and I are planning on going out to the gardens tomorrow night. The first date of ours outside the wedding. She wanted me to ask if you were interested in coming.”
“I do not particularly desire to be a third spoke.” You imagine a curious look came to your face, because she asked, “Is that saying no longer common? I do not wish to intrude.”
“It’s third wheel, these days. Like, on a bike.” She nodded once. “But anyway, Celestia said you wouldn’t intrude. I figured you wouldn’t be interested, but… Well, to be honest, we’re kinda stuck like this. Married, I mean. Like it or not, that’s how it is. We might as well at least try to be friends. If you really don’t want to or if you really don’t like me, just say the word and I’ll go ahead and leave. But if you want to try to make the best of a bad situation, we’d be happy if you joined us tomorrow.”
“Truly, I see little to be gained from it, but… there is a wisdom in your words. I have spent far too much of my ageless life miserable. If you would have me, I will… attend your outing come the morrow. Hopefully I will not lose too much sleep…”
“It’ll be around sunset, so it shouldn’t be too bad on you. Anyway, it’s getting to be about dinner time. Or breakfast, for you. Want me to walk you down?”
“No. I have things to ready. I was going to be a few minutes late anyway. You get little enough time with your beloved. I will not ask you to lose more of it for my sake.”
You shrugged. “Friends make sacrifices for each other, you know.”
“And we are not yet friends. That is what will be determined in the coming days.”
“Well, alright then. See you in a few, I guess.”
You started to go, but she spoke up before you could get too far. “Would you be interested in a wager, Anonymous?”
“I’m not a betting man.”
“So be it. It was hardly a fair bet anyway. I will see you soon.” With that, she closed her door with magic and let you go on your way.
You made sure to arrive to the entrance of the gardens early, so you could gather a few flowers for your wife. Not too many were in bloom, but the one gardener that was working was all too happy to let you have a few for a good cause.
Despite most of the flowers being dormant, the palace gardens were beautiful, especially in the light of the setting sun. Everything was green and dozens of birds danced between trees, singing happy sounding songs. Some crickets were just starting their chorus as well, adding to the gentle cacophony of nature’s orchestra. It was a perfect evening for a stroll in the gardens with your beaming bride.
Which is why you were somewhat miffed when she wasn’t there at the chosen time. “She’ll be here,” you muttered to yourself, leaning back against one of the trees. “Just had a little trouble getting away from the courtiers, that’s all…”
At least the less wanted of your wives put more thought into being punctual. Luna arrived just a few moments after your personal pep talk. “So I see my sister has not yet arrived,” she matter-of-factly said.
“Sure hasn’t,” you sighed. “I figure she’s just having a hard time getting away from her duties.”
“I believe it wise that you did not take me up on that bet.”
“Why’s that?”
Before she could respond, a servant landed next to you and hoofed you a strip of paper. “A note from Princess Celestia to Prince Consort Anonymous.”
“You can just call me Anon, you know,” you commented as you took the note from the dude. He bowed once and bailed as soon as you started to read over it. After taking a moment to die a little on the inside, you decide to read it aloud for Luna’s benefit. “My dearest Anonymous, I’m afraid something important came up. I will be unable to attend our date tonight. I hope it isn’t too much of an inconvenience. I will, of course, do my best to make it up to you. Love, your wife, Celestia. She isn’t coming.” That last part was your own addition, in case Luna didn’t quite get the message.
You were still processing it yourself, to be honest.
Luna nodded once. “It appears I definitely would have won that bet. It does not surprise me that she would attempt something like this.”
“...She skipped out in the hope we’d spend the time together, didn’t she?”
“Yes. I suppose I will head back to my chambers. Have a good night, Anonymous.” She spread her wings to take off.
You sighed and said, “Wait.” She lifted an eyebrow and her wings returned to her sides. “She’s obviously going to keep trying, no matter what we do or say. Want to just humor her, at least this once? We honestly haven’t spent much time together. Maybe if we can find some stuff we have in common, we can… I don’t know, deal with this more easily. And, more importantly, Celestia might actually start being my wife instead of just trying to get us together.”
“...Very well. I cancelled everything I had planned already anyway.”
“Alright.” A small silence kicked in, one you decided to nip in the bud quickly. “I was going to give these to Celestia, but how do you feel about flowers? Feels like a waste to just leave them here.”
“Generally, I prefer my flowers in the ground. But since these are already picked and you are unable to eat them…” She leaned in and snatched a mouthful of them right out of your hand.
That wasn’t quite what you were expecting, but it did deal with most of them. You lifted up your hand and opened it to pull out the only remaining flower, and let the stalks of the rest just fall to the ground. “Missed one,” you said, proffering up that last one. It was a pretty little thing, and had the same shade of blue as her coat.
Her horn lit up weakly and magic plucked the flower from your grasp. “I believe this is one I will save for my sister, to remind her that though the two of us are married by law, the two of you are married by love. It is her that should be here at your side, not I.” She definitely doesn’t need to remind you of that, but you’re quite hoping she did a good job of reminding her sister. Either way, the flower disappeared with a small flash. “So what shall we do now, Anonymous?”
“Well, I guess we might as well go for a walk through the gardens. That was the original plan, at least. If you have something else in mind, I’m all ears.”
She shook her head. “Idioms these days are quite strange. I have been asked if I was pulling somepony’s leg when I was obviously not touching them. I have been told I should keep an eye on something that would most definitely not feel comfortable against my eyes. One guard even asked if I was feeling blue, as if I ever felt or looked anything but. I have had them all explained, but how such phrases came about that have literal meanings so wildly different from their understood meanings, I will never know.”
“Language evolves, Princess.”
“As does society. Let us go for your walk, Anonymous. I have passed through this garden many times by myself, but never once with company. Perhaps you will add something to the experience.”
“Well, hopefully I won’t take something away from it.”
“You already have. It is considerably less silent. I just hope you will add more to make up for it.”
“Here’s hoping,” you muttered under your breath. With that, you both began walking into the gardens. “So, I suppose I can start with something I’ve been wondering about for a while. Why did you kick me when I tried petting you?”
“I find it demeaning. I met a pony in Ponyville called Fluttershy who owns many animals. From her, I learned that the pony pets the animal. Or the human pets the animal. The sapient pets the sentient. The pony does not pet the pony. The human does not pet the pony. It is how one would treat an animal, and that is not how a sapient being is treated.”
Judging from some of the things you’ve seen on the internet, that wasn’t always true. “It wasn’t meant to be demeaning, Princess. The first one I did it to actually requested it. None of the others minded. I didn’t figure anyone else would. It’s supposed to be a sign of affection, I guess.”
“And how would you feel if a tall being you had barely spoken to began touching you?”
“Not too happy. But I would ask him to stop, not kick him.”
“...There are times I act without thinking. For that, I apologize.”
“And I’m sorry for trying to touch you without asking.” Your shin was even sorrier. “I guess we could do a question for a question, if there’s anything you want to know about me. I just asked one, so that would make it your turn.”
“Why the garden?” she asked.
From where you were standing, the answer was obvious. The sunset had only gotten more beautiful as time passed, and the garden path gave you a perfect view of it. The moon was already starting to peek up as well, readying itself to fully displant the sun. You were out of the entrance area, so the trees were slightly thicker while the bushes of flowers were fewer and farther between.
But she asked, which meant it wasn’t that obvious to her. “The gardens are beautiful. And the sunset is romantic. Or at least, it is to a human’s mind. It’s also in the palace, so we don’t need to be haunted by guards or pestered by civilians. And it’s close, so we could have more time together. I’ll admit, it’s hardly the ideal spot, but it’s good for what I had planned.”
“I see. For future reference, it might be wise to remember that the setting sun signals the waning of Celestia’s power and influence. She prefers sunrises, not sunsets.”
“...That explains why she chose now to try to get the two of us together.”
“Indeed it does. Ask your question.”
“Why did you agree to the marriage? I know I did it to make Celestia happy. But you’re signing away a lot more freedoms than I am. Are you getting something else out of it? Or do you really just care that much for your sister’s happiness?”
The two of you walked in silence for a few moments as she presumably formulated a response. Right before you came to the conclusion you upset her, she began speaking. “In a world and time where one sister can get married, there are many that might consider that the other sister would be just as happy to give marriage a chance. It is merely a half-truth to say I am not interested in a relationship with you. I am not interested in a relationship, period. I am still adjusting to the new world I find myself in, and a lover would only add more stress.”
“So you’re using me as a filter.”
“Yes. And no offense to you, but I imagine I will be more settled in around the time you’re dying of old age.” Well, there’s a morbid thought for you. “After a short waiting period of maybe fifty years, I can begin searching for a love of my own… and then strong-hoof Celestia into marrying him or her as well.”
“That… makes an uncomfortable kind of sense.”
She stopped to gaze at a small group of rabbits playing around in the underbrush. “Mortality… interests me,” she said after a few moments, then continued walking. “There are few beings that experience immortality the way my sister and I do. What are the thoughts of an outsider looking in? Tell me, Anonymous. What do you think of immortality? Of this fate your beloved and I share?”
That made it your turn to be quiet. Honestly, you thought about it a lot. Celestia wasn’t going to age a day the entire time you were with her. You had a feeling things would get kinda awkward eventually. But despite thinking about it a lot, you hadn’t really come to a solid conclusion.
“It is… a mixed bag,” you finally said. “A curse on one hand and a blessing on the other. I see it as incredibly lonely. Celestia knows full well that I’m going to die one day. For her, it’ll be a day that comes sooner rather than later. Everyone she knows will share that fate. She’ll watch all those she knows die. She’ll watch all that she built crumble and perish. She’ll watch everyone make the same mistakes over and over again. And every mistake she made will be with her forever.” You fell silent, ruminating on the horrors she must have seen.
“But you see a positive?” Luna eventually prodded.
“It is not just a curse. Each mistake is a lesson, for those with the wisdom to learn from it. Each lesson learned builds a better future. A better future means her torch of civilization will burn a little longer. And while she will find herself haunted by an infinitude of bad memories, she will also be graced with an equal infinitude of happy ones. Everything one might like to try can be experienced in such a long lifespan. All the vices of the world can be tested. And where one civilization might crumble into dust, another can be built, even better than the last. Those that know your age will respect you and your wisdom for it.”
“You kept saying she. Celestia will watch her civilization. All those Celestia knows will die. You exclude me, though I share the same fate.”
It wasn’t until she pointed it out that you noticed she was right. “I’ve… thought about this before. I had to do a lot of thinking before I decided to ask Celestia to marry me. When I came to those conclusions, it was solely with Celestia in mind.”
“I see. One last followup question, then. If it was possible and you were offered, would you accept this blessing and curse upon yourself?”
“...I thought about that for a long time, too. I never came to a conclusion, and I don’t know if I ever will. I love Celestia and I would love to be with her forever, but… I’m mortal. I can barely see myself ten years in the future, let alone fifty, or a hundred, or a thousand. My mind wasn’t made to work that long. It might well drive me mad. So I suppose I don’t know.”
“That answer is wiser than you know, Anonymous. Ask of me a question.”
The questions were getting kinda deep, into places you weren’t really comfortable talking about. You decided to ask a more lighthearted one to break the mood. “How do you two get your hair to do that weird floating thing? Celestia refuses to tell me, then uses it to tickle me.”
“The answer we are supposed to tell ponies is that we are attuned to the solar and lunar winds, and since both celestial bodies are always shining at some part of the world, the winds are always moving. It is supposed to signify the power we wield. But the actual answer is a prank spell we accidentally cast four or so thousand years ago. We spent fifty years trying to find the counterspell before giving up. We can exert some influence on our hair, but not much.”
“...I can see why you came up with the story about the wind.”
“It was hardly our finest moment. Why do you wear clothing?”
“Humans don’t have sheaths and I don’t have much hair. So it’s kinda all hanging out in the open.”
“Ah. Yes, I can understand desiring to cover that up. Though it seems strange for a species to develop without a protective covering for its most sensitive locations.”
“Tell me about it… Getting kicked in the shin pales in comparison to getting kicked between the legs.”
“I believe I would owe more than an apology if I had aimed slightly higher and a little to the right.”
“Your sister would probably also be pretty upset.”
“Yes, I can imagine. She always did have a more voracious… appetite.” You’d prefer not to think about your wife’s ex-lovers, actually.
“So, what kind of hobbies do you have? I’ve never really seen you doing much.”
“After some experiences in Ponyville, I have come to enjoy all manner of games. Competing in general, truly. Beating an opponent reminds me of my life in the past. Outside of that, I spend much of my time experimenting with magic. I have discovered a few specific types that have yet to be fully explored and documented. I have been working consistently on dream magic, practicing by weaning out the nightmares of our subjects.”
“Yeah, I remember the morning after you tried that on me.”
“That was not a mistake I will repeat again. I decided it is wise to stick solely to pony dreams.”
“Well, I appreciate the thought, at least. Though it wasn’t a nightmare… until you tried entering, at least.” It immediately took a turn for the worse, and is so far the only dream you’ve ever had that you woke up from both screaming and trying to choke someone to death.
“...Once again, my apologies. The only other real interest I have outside of magic, fighting, and competing is art.” You can’t stop yourself from facepalming. “I’ve been considering… What?”
“Before Celestia asked me to ask you out here, she told me I should try picking up an art skill. Now I know why.”
“...I see. I have been considering turning the night court into a refuge for artists. There are many that find my night sky the perfect inspiration, and I plan to take advantage of this by inviting many prestigious artists to my court. Little happens at night, so the running of the kingdom will not be affected in the slightest. Having so many great minds in one place could even inspire a small cultural renaissance.”
“That sounds nice, actually. It’ll also add a little life to the place. Between parties, the palace seems so… empty.”
“Indeed it does. Did you decide to take up any art skills, Anonymous?”
“...I spent part of the day talking to the metalworkers. They said they’d love to have me around and would be happy to accommodate me. Now that I know Celestia was just trying to manipulate me, I guess I’ll find something else to do.”
“I fail to see why. Yes, she was trying to use a shared hobby to make us grow closer together, but that does not mean it is a hobby you should so quickly toss aside. Metalworking is a precious skill to have. A painting will fade in time. A song can be forgotten, its notes etched or smudged. A poem can be misread or misinterpreted. But well-crafted metal is forever, Anonymous. A gift forged by you and tempered in the fires of your heart would be a perfect gift for your beloved.”
“...A gift for Celestia was actually the first thing I was thinking about making.”
“Then by all means, make it! Show her that you learned to mold metal for her, not for me.”
“...Yeah. Alright, yeah. I like that idea. And then I’ll slap her ass and tell her not to try manipulating us again.”
“I suggest a paddle. If I remember correctly, she enjoys those.”
Why did they keep telling you these things? “I’ll keep that in mind.” The two of you walked in silence for a little while longer. “Whose question was it, anyway?”
“Does it matter? I believe we might have gone beyond the need of the game.”
You smiled. “I think you might be right, Princess.”
“You may call me Luna… Anon.”
“I’d like that. Now, how are we going to get back at Celestia for this?”
“I have a potion that changes its recipient’s voice into a stallion’s. Could you give it to her while she sleeps?”
Your smile grew even deeper. “Your sister sleeps like a log and snores like a monster’s growls. It’ll be a cakewalk.”
Her smile immediately matched yours.