• Member Since 24th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen February 3rd

SirTreeofarbor


T

What would you do if your world was crumbling? What would you give up to save it? Would you sign a deal with a God of Chaos? Well Twilight is in a situation where she has to sign the dotted line, but then is this a bad thing when your signing your soul away to the god of Madness? Who knows. After all he has had other contracts.... and those worked out.. sort of
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*******THE ENDING OF CHAP. TEN HAS BEEN CHANGED***** I suggest you read it... unless you wish to get lost once I throw up 11.

I would like to thank, Lurker Who also got me thinking about this story and putting some life into my mind regarding it. Thank you for your feedback!

BrainstormSurge who has taken the time to edit chapter 1 2, and 3, I never expected someone to walk up and (hopefully) be willing to edit "the contract", so thank you.

Sapphire Secrets is my next thanks, your comment gave me the idea to gut the second half of chapter three and rewrite it. So thank you for taking the time to give me feedback.

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 72 )

This could get interesting.:duck: Continue...:twilightsmile:

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I shall do my best (Which is not much at all but ya) Also if I get crited with criminality good criticism I will take that into account and perhaps in the near future go for a rewrite.

Honestly I am just happy that I have 5 likes and 4 dislikes atm I expected all dislikes ^_^

Sucks to be Twilight. I like it so far.

Comment posted by SirTreeofarbor deleted Jun 27th, 2013

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Great, glad you like where it is going so far. Cause it has a long way ta go I have the plot pretty much laid out in my head... it is just making it work with events between and the darn details.
~_~ Hope you like it when I am fully done with it.\

I like this story but you are giving yourself a hard time, I mean the only part that was sort of rushed was when Discord kissed Twilight and even then it was not even rushed it was more like it was fast. Which in the situation Discord would have to be, so you did good on this chapter and I can't wait for more!

:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::heart:

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Ya I will confess I get a bit moody while I write this sort of thing (It is odd I know this by now even if this is my first real Fic ever) and I upload this stuff right the second I am done writing it in word so it translates in my authors notes.... and hopefully not into the work itself ~_~

Anyway thank you for your kindness.

I'm going to star out by saying I need my Discolight so bad I don't even care if the writing is perfect or not. :twilightblush:
But I will try to give you some pointers on helping out your story, not to be bashing you, but in hopes to help you better future updates/stories.
1. The pacing needs a slight change - I personally thought it to be slightly rushed.
Example: Twilight reached her realization of having a crush somewhat fast - not only that but the crush in general seemed to happen fast. This is Discord here - he broke up her friendships and took advantage of her in a moment of panic and need without nothing very redeeming to bring her to not fully hate him right now. Yes he saved her world, but he's making her miserable in the process; so if you asked me if this somewhat helps in Discord's favor at this point I would say no it does not.
2. I'm finding myself confused and questioning everything at parts.
Examples: Does he still let chaos run the land - just not end it? Did anypony else see the end of the world about to happen, but when it didn't they were just like "well okay."? Why did Mother Earth put her hoof down and start all her own chaos after all these years of being controled manually, and wouldn't the ponies have ways to wave her hoof away in this situation since it seems to be happening only so frequently and erratically because they have been stopping and solving these situations themselves up until this point?
But still it's a good start! I'll be waiting for updates. :raritywink:

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Ah well I was going to have some of the questions in point answered as we go along in chapters (In fact that is going to be one of the major points in the next chapter when Twilight gets to the elements seems fitting to explain why harmony were breaking down as well as everything else when we actually get to the element.)

Also I agree that the crush between Twilight and Discord feels rushed here, and that is my major issue. I have to think of a event in this chapter this weekend I think to make it more natural and will more than likely focus on rewriting chapter three today.

Or perhaps instead of having the relation-ship progress in this chapter in a romantic way I could explain in greater detail why Discord even allowed the deal in the first place(IE what does Discord see in Twilight)?


....Hmnmm *starts rewriting*

I have read the fixed product, and see much improvement! Thank you for taking some of my ideas into mind, and if you need anymore help or thoughts on the story I'm just a message away, and will gladly offer any feedback you request! :raritywink:
Until then, keep up the good work! I shall be waiting for your next update. :pinkiehappy:

Nice, I can already see the difference in the writing, good job! :pinkiehappy:
Keep on going!

I posted your story in some more groups. Be sure to join them.:pinkiehappy:

Then why do I feel warm when he sounds concerned for me, this is like a high school crush I have barely even talked to Discord and already I am flustered like a foolish filly.

I though Twilight was Celestia's personal student since she was a little filly?

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I am simply saying that Twilight is flustered by whatever Discord was doing at the moment Discord's in that moment, not that she has actually been Discord's student which is why the "I have barley talked to Discord" line is there.

Also I will admit I am more than likely at fault for the confusion as unlike chapter one which has been edited by my editor chapter two is unedited and therefore a victim of my fractured mind ~_~). Anyway sorry for the confusion I will edit this paragraph now.

Good job with this chapter, but I would like to start with an apology. I'm sorry that it took me so long to get to reading this, I blame camping, fireworks, and whiskey! :twilightblush:
But to the actual help... okay first with the questions that are getting to me the most!
Where do the royal sisters stand in all this? It seems that they were somewhat dusted over and/or out shined by the Elements of Harmony... I don't quite remember if you re-wrote the part where Celestia admits that Discord is older than she (and by extension Luna), but I do recall that she didn't appear to have an agreement quite like the one Discord manages to vaguely describe now. She in fact seemed to be putting the pieces together that Discord may have some sort of connection with the Elements but she couldn't quite push herself to figure out anything past that. Does she (and Luna by extension again) have some sort of 'contract' as well but doesn't come to terms that Discord may share some variation? Was Celestia lying to her faithful student due to censorship from a contract similar to the silence Discord and Twilight are forced to face, making any form of explanation too hard to even attempt, and as Discord would put it, "sometimes a lie is easier to take"? Maybe she had even figured out that Discord had an agreement like hers, but again was trying to hide this from Twilight? Did the sisters and lord of chaos all sign a single contract that would be void if any stepped out of place (again Celestia lies to Twilight) which would be explaining why the sisters didn't seem able to fix the meteor coming their way? Okay enough of the questions aimed at the sisters... Let's move on to the two the story is really aimed at.
I am somewhat confused about Discord's stand at the problems that caused the contract to begin with.. He told Twilight he had been out for ten minutes. He also says here his contract expired 30 seconds before Twilight spotted him. Why didn't he do anything about the world caving in around them? He seemed aware of the incoming meteor before the contract was gone, couldn't he have sent it away before his powers were gone? Why was the world caving before the contract expired? Does having this contract with Twilight give him the same amount of power as before? When was the last time he signed a 'soul binding contract' since he had said it had been awhile? The one he mentions here doesn't sound like one that binds souls... unless it was with Celestia (And possibly Luna) which I know somewhat contradicts the higher beings creating him, but possibly Celestia, Luna, and Discord were created by a higher being... say Harmony; who sometimes appears in other stories (and is known by other names but I shall say google Lauren Faust Pony if you don't understand who I mean) and is sometimes portrayed as a mother of sorts for the three characters in question, say she created them and let them go off to do whatever they pleased, and maybe the trio signed an agreement of sorts to create the world that they all inhabit now, which doesn't completely contradict what Discord said since he didn't actually say whom the contract was with. This might also explain why the pony sisters didn't seem to be doing much to stop the end of the world as they knew it - they couldn't. Maybe that could explain why the elements were broke and Discord was freed - Discord needed to replenish his bit of power in the Elements that had been drained over the years from use and sign a renewed contract to make the world work once more. The sisters free Discord to accomplish these two things as a bargain for his freedom - but before the sisters could explain Discord flew off. He gets found by Twilight who is a representative of Harmony, so a contract with her (instead of the sisters) can save the world and all he has to do to finish the job is put his third of the power into the Elements? Unless you have a cool way to do a take on this, I would happily have these ideas all pushed aside for something you were planning on writing. :pinkiehappy:

Sorry for my wall of text... :twilightblush: Looking forward to more :pinkiecrazy: Sorry if I repeated questions, I left the computer for a long time and came back to finish the second half.. apologies... :twilightsheepish:

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Whoa, just whoa.

Ok now for the royal sisters, that is actually going to be a plot point in the later chapters and I will more than likely include those two in the character list. In other words most of those questions are in the "Stay tuned" phase of things. That being said you brought up some points that I will take into account in the next few chapters that will tie into together, so thank you for bringing all those up ^^.
'Now on to these other questions.
" Why didn't he do anything about the world caving in around them? He seemed aware of the incoming meteor before the contract was gone, couldn't he have sent it away before his powers were gone?"

Yes he could of but in chapter one he states that he is not in the mood to fix the issues. Plus why would he fix it if it will not matter to him after his contract expires? Quite simply by the time the world of ending he was clocking out and did not have to do his job anymore... As for why the world was ending it is just the magical power of the world running out here is the line that sort of explains it.

Well nothing lasts forever, magical objects fade and grow weaker as they are used more. Oh and your "world" is just one big magical object that is just linked with the elements. Which is why I had no choice in terms of restoring one or the other. Restoring the world around you is the same as "fixing" the elements much to my distaste," -Discord

In other words the magical object that is the world has run out of power and Discord simply restored it's magical energies. Much like a person services a engine instead of making a new one. ALSO this I plan to touch on in greater detail when Twilight starts to be Discord's student. I just decided to bring it up here cause it is a important detail in this story that shall be brought up several times.

Contracts can be of many different natures, and Discords was a creation contract instead of Twilight's type of Contract again lightly touched on here but details coming. Again a important part of the story.


The speculation about what the higher powers are..... Plot point yadadadadada I have a plan for that as you readers gain a batter understanding of Discord's origin story. You will find out much more about Discord's creation contract in the future so that will more than likely address those questions.


As for the last few questions and ideas as to how Discord got free and why he was where he was relaxing, however he is not like the Royal sisters at all in terms of where he is from... However he related to the royal sisters (again will address that later)Do not worry I will explain EXACTLY what happened and who got him there in due time.


Hope this all makes sense. Also I am glad that you have a wall of questions that is what I intended this chapter to be for! To set up a bunch of future plot points that will be answered as the story progresses and have them be molded into choices as well as center points for conflict and understanding.

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Awesome! And I just wanted to point out those things so the story can continue to progress smoothly, but it seems you have things under control here. Again sorry for my wall of text, which mainly stemmed from nit picks and those nit picks kinda.. expanded into other questions. -sigh- I question to much! :twilightsheepish:

Anyway off to work on my little story, which is pretty much what would have happened if Celestia gave Twilight the task of dealing with Discord instead of Fluttershy. I hope to Luna it turns out okay but I am second guessing myself on every single line since I am queen of run on sentences. :facehoof: Maybe I shall find an editor who can put up with my writing style :trixieshiftleft:

Chapter was good.
ends with a cliff hanger.
Sounds like we get some of the characters' pasts.
I read this while drawing and half asleep so sorry If what I have to offer isn't much to run on.
1. Has it only been a about 24 hours since Doomsday got canceled? Because I can't help but think Spike (and rest of mane six but mostly Spike since he might be the only character in Ponyville who knows of Twilight's absence at this point) is going to be worried if too much time passes without sight of his mother/sister figure.
2. It sounds like Discord has erased some memories, hmm? Well what has he done, just cleared them, or replaced them with different memories? Because I don't think a blackout of memories of this level can pass by unnoticed... and then again if he didn't replace those memories and we jump back to the subject of Spike, that little dragon would probably be losing his mind looking for his purple pony companion!
3. I can't think of a three, but near the end of the chapter

I hope I get a contract![/i} Celestia thought as she jumped up and down waking her nearby sister up who moaned.

there's an extra thingy here you might want to delete.

Again, good job. :twilightsmile:

2862409

I actually did not plan that cliff hanger had to work and decided that was enoyugh for a chapter :P

Also you draw! I wish I could draw ~_~

Now onto the points.
1. This is simple why would Spike be worried if Twilight was at safest place she can be... Canterlot. Also while Discord may have messed with the Royals a bit more than others.. he only made a small change in Spike and the ponies. Simply removing the idea that the world was ever ending.

2. Actually who said it was unnoticed Celestia sensed something was off soon after Discord messed with her mind and her student. While she does not think it is possible she still made her way to the area where Discord should be. Also the extent to which the memories has been sifted around will be gotten to but there is a reason that Celestia is so shocked at the idea that she has failed....

3.

I fixed it while listening to this song so ... ^^

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Well for the Spike thing I was thinking Discord may have wiped everypony's brain clean of the doomsday thing, (can you clear up if it was only certain ponies and certain events, like all the natural disasters or just the meteor?) and I guess it would be dependent on those factors if Spike remembered Twilight's quick rush out the door.
Exp: If any memories related to anything about the natural disasters were thrown out the door (even so much as having a conversation about it) Spike might not remember Twilight telling him she was leaving to Canterlot because she mentioned "these odd events" which is pretty much mentioning the whole of the chaotic mishaps.
Then again that's prob me being picky :twilightblush:

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Ah Spike may not remember details due to Discord fiddling but he does remember that Twilight was going to canterlot for some reason. Regardless it is a minor thing that can be taken care of once Twilight returns to her home.

Nice. I think Discord may have come to terms with who the new rulers would be a bit fast, but maybe he didn't care less? Or it was just Discord being Discord.
Anywho... good job!

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Well the rulers were quite keen on the idea of getting a contract with Discord in the first place. To them at that point in time they do not view Discord as a evil being, they instead admire him for his magical prowess, it is quite like when Celestia walked up to Twilight and asked "Hey do ya wish to be a student?" Would you really turn the offer to be a student of a god down? They quite simply would be chopping at the bit to say yes to that, and Discord knows it.

I also did not explore what the terms of there contract was in that chapter, but that will be explained later as I explain the relation-ship the royal dunce had with Discord.

I just like the idea of making Discord a mentor to the Royal Dunce rather than a brother or adopted child. Which has been done a bit more I think.... I am sure there is a fanfiction that shows him as a teacher however ~_~

Anyway I am at fault for not conveying all this in my works... I will have to consider how to go about that....

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I understand the respect for Discord and how turning him down would be unthinkable, but l meant how fast Discord was to offer them the chance to be royal. If raw power was enough I can't say Equestria sounds like a desirable place to live. I think it may be fun for him be offering the possibility, then giving them some crazy test. But I trust you with the storyline and can't wait for more!

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Well... Discord never made them "royal", all he offered them was a shot at being his students. He is giving them a chance to become more powerful, the tests, as well as the relation-ship is something I plan to explore, as well as there falling out. Plus he did give them a riddle ^_^


I do not wish to explain too much... cause if I were to now it would ruin my entire idea that I have for the story... I wish for someone to read this story and think back, and realize "Damn that was foreshadowing for this." Like I felt when I read the Great Gatsby for example, and for that to have meaning. That being said some of these effects may seem like small little pointless pieces, but are actually things that I plan to be massive parts of the story later on. ...

But ya I hope that explains what I am trying to do at this point, it is just trying to knit it together correctly that is a issue for me. I may have a overly complex idea for a story that I randomly decided to start after coming home tried one night, but it fits so well in my mind I can see it working....

Urg why did this have to be my first fic lol ~_~

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I understand the writing problems. I had a story with Discord once, but after looking at the story again I removed it to hide my horrible writing. Right now I'm practicing with what is going to be pretty much one shots. I figured people would comment and point out my writing flaws for all to see... Oh Luna. That sounded better in my head. :twilightsheepish:

But anyway, I figured start easy and work your way up. Plus, I find walking away from your story for a bit works. Read other stories, watch tv, or pretty much anything that's legal for a block of time before coming back and continuing.

Another thing I usually do if I'm taking what I'm writing seriously is make a layout of what I want to happen and major events before I start (or continue, as of your case). On the layout I usually add scribbles of notes here and there of details to add to avoid glaring holes in your story somepony can jump through.

Another thing I'm going to start doing is making a draft. Before now, I hated the very idea of putting so much time into something, just to scrap it and start over. But recently I had come to terms with a fact about my writing: my train of thought is derailed easily. I don't know if you suffer the same problem; but writing a draft, reading over a few paragraphs on the draft, going to do something for ten or so minutes, then attempting to rewrite said paragraphs without relying on your draft has greatly helped me in a story I do plan on being a huge step forward for me.

Oh Luna, I've made yet another wall of text... :facehoof: Sorry. Hope it helps though, if not.. well again, sorry.

:pinkiegasp:
Discord! Have you no shame? If you wanna get in bed with a mare you gotta take her to dinner first. :duck:
Just kidding, good job :twilightsmile:

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Ya... been dividing up my free time between my new found hobby in which I have no idea what I am doing (Which is this) and gaming. So updates are sort of going to pick up and level off depending on what is happening in terms of new games out ect. :P

Plus I keep doing rewrites for the chapters before I release em lol.

I can't wait for more. This is so far in my top 3. :raritydespair:

3110688

WHOA That is allot of praise to someone who writes tired drunk on purpose and has no idea what they are doing.

But thank you, It means a ton. ^_^ I hope I do ok on the upcoming chapters.

I'm a really big fan of fics that focus on the interaction between Twilight & Discord so I hope you keep this story going until the end because so far I'm enjoying it.

A story with matching wits between two best characters. This pleases me. :pinkiehappy:

Ya know I wrote the next chapter was about to save it and then the power died.... Regardless I have rewritten half of it.

Just letting you all know I am still alive.... if playing total war Rome 2 and in school ~_~ Regardless I WILL update this story, and I WILL finish it. I really have enjoyed the comments you guys have left for me. I have never written fanfics before and have no set ways of going about it. Sometimes I plan a chapter sometimes I write one do not even read it and upload it.

So thank you all. I will push this next chapter out before Monday.

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Ah thank you. I really do not like any of my writing but I am happy your enjoying it ^_^.

Hmm. Nice fanfic going on here... :derpyderp2:

NOOOOOOO!!!! I NEED MORE!!!!! :raritycry: :raritycry: :raritycry: PLEASE MAKE MORE WRITING GOD!!!!! :fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry:

Not bad... A little rushed, but not bad.

Aaaaaahhh, love is in the air.:twilightsmile:

Sorry if I sound rude. :twilightblush:

But the last paragraph repeats.

Could use some work, really. Also, you could really use an editor... not to be rude, but you spelled 'speak' like 'speck', in the last chapter. :twilightblush:
I'd be willing to give it a go, if you like.

Discolight is awesome, I love you (no homo) for writing this story, update soon please!

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I readily admit I have no idea what I am doing.
If you are willing to I would be honored if you edited my story. I throw my updates in into my stories unpolished and I admit that is a great fault (Sadly atm I am taking a 5 minutes rest to write 6 papers so ~_~) Mainly due to time, and a lack of writing skill.
Telling it as it is ain't rude and I like saying this truth "I have no idea what I am doing." XD I will fix the spelling and paragraph issues that you have pointed out.... after finishing these last 3 papers..... and sleeping :P

3490867 I shall... one day... maybe... Soon....after that test next week... and finals... ... ~_~
Anyhow thank you for your kindness.

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If you are willing to I would be honored if you edited my story.

I'd love too. ^^'

It just kinda irked me looking at a great story and seeing those typos. :twilightblush:
And don't wear yourself out with those papers! :twilightsmile:

You have no idea what your doing but your still doing quite a good job. also when will the next chapter be out?

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