//------------------------------//
// Chapter 3 
// Story: Satellite Lovers 
// by whatmustido 
//------------------------------//

	Lunch the next day was an interesting affair. As soon as Celestia realized that she sounded like a dude, she decided to do her best to say as little as possible throughout the day. Naturally, you did your best to make her talk as much as you could.
“So how was your day?” you asked, fiddling with your fork.
She lifted a hoof and shook it side to side, the pony way of saying so-so.
“Good, good… You get those trade agreements straightened out?”
She nodded.
“Cool. You deal with Twilight’s latest fuckup yet?”
She shook her head.
“You should get on that. Have any plans for the rest of the day?”
She shrugged.
“Alright. Are you ready to apologize for lying to me and trying to set me up with your sister even though you know neither of us are interested?”
She blinked.
“Neither of us are stupid, Celestia. We know full well what you did. You never intended to show up for that date. And you suggested that art crap for me because you know Luna likes art.”
She sighed, finally forced to talk. “And I suggested learning to spar because she enjoys combat.” You smirked at her voice, but she kept going. “However, just because those are things she enjoys does not mean you can’t come to enjoy them as well. As far as I remember, she prefers music and painting to metalworking, anyway.”
“And the date?”
“I love you, Anon. And I love Luna. I want the two of you to be close. If not as lovers, then at least as close friends. But the two of you seemed to be fully disinterested in the idea. I had to resort to trickery to make the two of you spend time together.”
“No you didn’t. That was the only attempt you’ve made since we all got married to get us to spend time with each other. You haven’t even asked!”
“What would you have said, if I did ask?”
“I would’ve made an excuse to blow it off until you promised to kiss my neck just the way I like it, then I would have complained about it until the time we agreed to. As it so happens, we had an interesting conversation and got to a first name basis, but that’s beside the point.”
“I fail to see how,” she shot back. “It’s what I wanted to happen. And the two of you didn’t waste your time. You even got close enough to conspire against me!”
“I’m not upset about spending time with Luna, Celestia. She’s my wife, for better or worse. I expect to have to spend time with her. I’m upset that you lied to me to make it happen. I wanted to spend time with you. Outside of lunch and at night, we have no time just to ourselves.”
She looked away. “That is a… fair rebuttal. I didn’t want to lie, but… I apologize, Anon.” She finally looked back at you. “I planned a day off in three days. I will spend it with you, with or without Luna.”
“Without. She needs her sleep, after all.”
“Very well. It’s a date.”
“Cool. I’m heading out, then. I need to see a guy about a thing.”
“Then I will see you at dinner.” You walked over to steal a kiss, then started walking out. Before you could leave, though, she asked, “How long does this potion last, again?”
“No fucking clue. Have fun!” Her head slowly lowered to the table.
The guy you wanted to see about a thing was actually a mare you needed to see about a task. Working with metal was fucking hard, so they assigned one of the apprentices to help teach you the basics. Working with that stuff also takes a lot of muscle, since you’re usually banging hammers on things. The mare you were working with was a practical giantess by pony standards, named Goldilocks.
She got her cutie mark while making a gold lock, of course. She was also completely yellow, with a golden mane and a blond coat. No horn or wings graced her body, making her a relatively normal earth pony.
“You’re late, Prince Consort,” she said when you finally arrived.
“That depends entirely upon whose clock you’re using,” you replied, walking over to the workshop wall to grab a heavy apron. “The clock in the royal dining hall said I was leaving at just the right time.”
“And the clock here says you’re late. And I just so happened to have crafted most of the parts of this clock by myself, so I’m more inclined to trust it.”
“That’s just because you want to punish me to make me suffer.”
She rolled her eyes while you walked up to the bellows she was currently working. You took over that while she grabbed a hammer. “I was just pointing out a fact, Prince Consort. You’re late. Normally, apprentices get punished. However, you are the prince consort.”
“A prince consort with a name that he’d prefer you use instead. That title is far too long.”
“Prince consort has fewer syllables than Anonymous.”
“But more than Anon. How do apprentices get punished?”
“That depends entirely upon their age… Prince Consort. The older ones have their pay docked. The younger ones that work without pay are usually spanked. Do you want me to punish you, Prince Consort?”
“I think my wife would be jealous.”
“Just one of them? I thought both might mind.”
Ugh. “Luna would probably enjoy watching me suffer. Anyway, what are we making today?”
“Nails. They’re quick, easy, and everypony needs ‘em. With those hands, we should be done quickly. Now keep that fire hot and steady.” Pumping the bellows was easy, but boring. You’d really rather be swinging the hammer, though that was all kinds of tiring. You’d also much rather be working with straight molten metal, so you can make something entirely new.
But you gotta start somewhere. Goldilocks wasn’t much for talking while she worked, so the shop quickly fell victim to loud taps, vicious clangs, and the soft beat of the air as it was fed as fuel to the flames.
When the two of you had a decent batch of nails done, you sat back in a too-small chair and poured some cool water down the inside of your apron. Your partner rolled her eyes and just drank hers.
“So how long do you think it’ll be before I can start actually making stuff?” you asked after you both caught your breath.
“Making things isn’t usually the hard part,” she said. “Making stuff ponies are willing to pay for is the trick. But the reason we keep apprentices helping instead of holding a hammer for so long is mainly safety. Forging is dangerous work. It’s hot, so you need to know your limits and how to keep properly hydrated. It’s sweaty, so you need to know how to keep a grip on your tools. And molten or hot metal is extremely dangerous. The princesses might not be so happy with us if we let their husband ruin his cute face.”
You snorted at that. “Maybe. They might send you to the royal punisher.”
She shivered. “I heard he tickled the last pony… But I’m more worried about being fired. From a cannon. Into the sun. I don’t want to risk upsetting them.”
“That still doesn’t really answer my question, though. How long am I gonna be stuck helping you make nails and door hinges?”
“It’s not really my decision. But you’re smart and careful, older than the normal apprentices, and you have the bonus of very dextrous hands that are also good at petting ponies. I was considering suggesting to the forge master to give you a small workroom in two or three weeks, assuming you didn’t make any huge mistakes. You’d still likely be supervised, but you could choose what to make. And since you’re the prince consort, you could probably choose what to make it out of, too. Now that I’m working on my own projects, you aren’t gonna see my hooves touching gold any time soon. But you could ask for platinum and they’d probably give it to you without a thought.”
“Shagging the princesses has benefits. Aside from the obvious ones of, you know, getting to shag the princesses.”
“You’re welcome to it. Mares are crazy. I want to find a nice stallion to keep me warm. Anyway, we got more metal to craft.” She hopped back up and walked to the bellows. “You’re on the hammer this time. I’ll tell you when you mess up.”
“Cool. What are we making this time?”
“Iron butter knives. They’re easy and I still haven’t stocked my kitchen yet.” You just looked at her askance. “What? This way, if you do a horrible job, they’ll still get used. You know they wouldn’t accept third-rate silverware in the palace. They wouldn’t even accept non-silver silverware in the palace!”
“...True enough.” She began stoking the forge, so you get to work.

All too soon, it was time for the fires to die out and for you to hang up your apron. “You need any help cleaning up?” you asked.
“We already did the hard work. A younger apprentice will get rid of the metal shavings and dust for us.”
“One you can spank if he messes up?”
She looked down at one of her large hooves and shook her head. “I’d probably break the poor colt.”
“Maybe. But some colts probably like being broken.” She snorted. “Oh yeah, I should probably let you know that I can’t make it to the forge three days from now. Got plans.”
“Alright, I’ll have somepony else help me that day. You need anything else before you leave?”
“Nah. I need to go take a shower. Celestia told me last time how bad I stank.”
“She’s missing out. I love the smell of a stallion after a hard day’s work.” She shrugged. “See you tomorrow, Ano—Prince Consort.”
“You’ll give in one day,” you said with a smirk. She smiled guiltily and shrugged again, so you finally departed, heading back to your chambers.
One of the other benefits of shagging the princess was sharing her large bathroom. And large room. And large bed. Before, you were stuck with standard pony-sized stuff, which was like living in a house made for midgets. Having stuff that actually fits you was amazing.
The one downside was not having any manly soap. But that was something that could be fixed. As it was, though, you walked on over to Luna’s room smelling like peaches and cream.
You didn’t really want to bother her, but you figured she’d be awake and probably willing to answer your questions. So you knocked upon her door and waited for an answer.
A few moments later, one of her servants answered it. When she saw you, she blinked. “Can I help you, Prince Consort?”
“Is Luna there?”
“Indeed she is, but you don’t need to knock to see your wife! Please, come in.”
“It’s a nicety,” you explained as you stepped into the richly appointed front room. “And if she was asleep, I didn’t want to wake her.” You also hadn’t been in her room, so you had no idea where anything was. You definitely didn’t want to find her touching herself or something.
After getting inside, you figured finding her like that would be an accomplishment. The front room was painted a dark blue and had three black velvet couches placed comfortably around the center. Several bookcases and a few writing desks dotted the walls. A single window dominated one wall, though you knew there was no way any part of that room could be directly against the outer walls. In fact, the window was showing a nighttime scene in some far-off land, something definitely not Equestrian.
“She’s right through here,” the maid said, walking with you through Luna’s room.
This room was surprisingly spartan. It had one reasonably sized bed that had just enough blankets to keep someone warm and no pillow. On one wall was a dresser with a single mirror atop it. And that was it.
“I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you,” the maid said. She raised a hoof toward a partially closed door, pointing it out.
Figuring it was the dressing room or something where Luna kept all her clothes, you let yourself in. Of course, because you aren’t allowed to have nice things, it was a bathroom and Luna was in the tub, her head submerged. Luckily for you, her flank was facing the other way, so you didn’t get an unwanted view.
“...Thanks,” you sighed, pushing the door closed behind you. The maid bowed before it could close all the way, leaving the two of you in the relative privacy of her bathroom.
You were hoping Luna had as little shame as her sister.
When she finally pulled her head out of the water and looked around, she blinked in surprise when she saw you. “Anonymous. I certainly was not expecting you here. In my bathroom.”
“Well, I wasn’t expecting to be here either. If the maid told me that’s where you were, I’d've waited. If you want me to leave, I will.”
“I have nothing to hide. I know full well that tails leave little to the imagination, so I am sure you have seen what it hides, willingly or not. What do you require?”
Her hair was doing some silly stuff, since it was wet and still trying to move. You suppressed your giggles and answered her.“I just had some questions about Celestia. She apologized for tricking us and said she was taking a day off soon to give us some time together. Just me and her.”
“That is good news. I hope you are not here to request that I join you.”
“Nah. I’m here to ask if you had any suggestions. Things she likes that I might not know about, or that she might not think to tell me. I figure it would be fun to surprise her.”
“I see.” She leaned back in the tub and floated a hard loofa over. “She might have changed in my… extended absence.”
“You’ve called every move she made so far. A thousand years is a long time, but I doubt it’s anything compared to what came before.”
“True.” With a dab of magic, she squeezed soap onto the scrubber and started cleaning her forelegs. “Celestia is, as I am sure you have noticed, a very romantic pony. It explains a lot about some of the choices she has made over the years. If you were still trying to woo her, I would suggest grand, sweeping gestures that would leave a mare breathless and stunned, or small, cute things that would make her smile.”
“Yeah. That’s part of how I won her over to begin with. Dancing with her at the gala, calling her cute, making her flustered. Things like that. But I already have her heart. I just want something she’ll enjoy.”
She started to run the loofa over her main body, using magic when she got to a place her legs couldn’t reach. “The easy answer is that seeing you happy will make her happy. She loves it when those around her, especially those to which she is close, have a good time. That is part of why she is so insistent that you and I become friends. But things she enjoys as hobbies… Swimming.” She smiled and shook her head. “One time after a major bat—incident, everypony spent ages looking for her. We were in a vast open plain, with practically nowhere to hide, no trees or hills for kilometers. It took us four hours to find the small hole leading straight down into a natural spring, where she was playing with a few of her guards.”
“I’ve actually never seen her in a pool… And there aren’t any beaches nearby. But there is the lake at the bottom of the waterfall right outside the gates. Do you know if the water is clean?”
“No. But if it is next to my sister’s capital, I very highly doubt it will be dirty. She also overenjoys eating. Mainly sweets. That is why she is so much more plump than I. Though as you attend every one of her meals, you should know that full well.”
“Yeah, she does seem to like her cake…”
You were pretty sure she already cleaned her mane and tail, so you weren’t too surprised when she just took a moment to rinse and then leaned back. “I believe she enjoys competing. At the last festival in Ponyville, I saw her hoofwrestling with her subjects. Perhaps she would enjoy performing feats of strength. Once upon a time, she enjoyed showing off a different kind of strength. Thankfully, those days are behind us.”
“I’d really like to hear some stories about the shenanigans you two got up to when you were younger.”
“That is not a word I would use to describe them. This land was not always so peaceful, nor its inhabitants kind. Some of us have recovered from then. Others still bear scars.” And there went your interest to hear about it. “My sister definitely enjoys learning. Though these days, there is less and less for her to discover. She turned to her student to help glean what little information there might be left not found.”
“Can’t really help with that, unless I start talking about my old home.”
“She also enjoyed sparring, though I doubt there are many still willing to do that with her.”
“I wouldn’t be any kind of competition. I haven’t been in a fight in… shit, decades, probably.”
“That is unwise. Royals should be their own defenders. Would you like me to assign you a trainer? I can obtain one specialized in bipedal combat.”
“...I really don’t like fighting, but if you both think I might be a target, I can learn some basics. Later.”
“I will send out tendrils, then. Let me think… She likes pranks, though anypony that has been in a room with her for five minutes will know that. She also likes animals, which is why the garden is full of them and she has that accursed phoenix. I know she used to enjoy reading awful romance books, but I hope she has grown out of that habit. She likes foals, though neither of us are capable of bearing them… nor you of providing them anyway.” She fell silent.
“Well, it’s a good sized list, but I can’t really use most of it for a date. Swimming, definitely. That’s pretty easy. I can’t cook, but I know a few places in Canterlot that make some mighty fine sweets. I might be able to put up a fight in a armwrestling, but that’s not really a good date idea. I can’t teach her much and that sounds like a shitty date anyway. Same for sparring. I could take her to a zoo or something, maybe.”
“I have an idea. There is one other thing she enjoys, something that caused me and many others great grief over the years. She had a habit of sneaking away from the castle and disguising herself as a common pony to spend time among her subjects without them recognizing her. And I recently rediscovered my old alchemy books, which is why I had that voice changing potion on hoof. I can easily craft her a potion that will change her form.”
“That sounds… amazing, actually. I mean, I won’t be able to kiss her on the date, but we can still spend time together.”
“I can make two potions. I will just need some fur as a base for each potion. You will look like ponies that already exist, which is not too much of a problem.”
“Um… If I became a pony, I couldn’t walk.”
“Ah. Yes, that could be a concern. And the potion will last long enough for it to be a real problem, should an emergency arise. Then pick somepony you know that you can explain away as spending a day with a friend. It will take me a day to brew the potion, so get the fur to me tomorrow.”
“Magic is really awesome. Sometimes, I wish I could actually learn it.”
She smiled. “I will remember you said that. I am actually experimenting on magic that I believe somepony without a horn could perform.”
“Alright, magic is even better now. Man, with all the stuff you’re doing for me, I’m kinda wondering when you’re going to collect.”
“Making you happy pleases my sister. And as you said, us growing close is wise, given that we are stuck together.”
“Yeah, but it feels a little unfair for you to be doing all this for me while I’m not doing anything for you.”
“I already have plans to ask for your assistance later. And if I ask for your help with magic, it will be as a guinea pig, not as a fully-fledged mage.”
“Cool. At least I won’t feel so useless, then. So let me know if you need anything, I guess.”
“I most definitely will. And I will get started on the brew for that potion tonight. Get me the fur when I awaken come the morrow. I will leave it up to you as to whether or not this will be a surprise for her.”
“I think we should probably ask her about it beforehand. She might be upset if we just spring it on her. I know she’s still a little upset about the voice thing.” Luna smiled. “Uh. How long is that gonna last, anyway?”
“A full twenty-four hours after it was first imbibed. So it will likely wear off some time in the night.”
Hearing your wife moan like an old black man when you do the dirty with her was going to be a little awkward. But it would also be really funny, so you’d make sure to get her good.
“She was wondering. So, you gonna be on time for dinner today?”
“Unlikely, given that you are still here and I have yet to dry off.”
“Oh. Yeah, that could be an annoyance. I’ll see you at dinner, Luna.”
“Indeed you will. Until then, Anon.”