The ride home was uneventful so far. Rainbow Dash was sleeping, oddly enough. Fluttershy and Rarity were talking about sewing stuff, and Applejack was just relaxing, staring out the window. But Pinkie? Where was she?
Twilight decided to search for her Pink friend, with nothing else to do. She got up, heading towards the hall door. As she slid the door open, she told her friends she was going for a walk. She stepped out, and knowing Pinkie Pie, she headed towards the the lunch cart.
Her walk wasn’t very eventful, she saw a few ponies she knew and said a quick hello. It seemed like they were everywhere, she always ran into them, no matter where she was.
Continuing her trek towards the cart, her thoughts drifted to Trixie.
As much as she tried, it seemed, she couldn’t stop thinking about her. She wanted nothing more than to be friends with the mare, to help her through the tough times she was currently having.
Besides, Twilight had to admit the pony was rather beautiful, and her shy, scared demeanor was absolutely adorable.
Twilight blushed and shook her head, trying to remove those particular thoughts from her head. A few seconds later, she entered the lunch cart. And according to her guess, she saw a bright, pink mane, sticking out from behind a pile of sweets. It’s a wonder why she’s still skinnier than Spike.
Pinkie pulled her head out of the sweets,looking right at Twilight. “Hey purple smart!” she called out, waving her friend over.
Ignoring the weird nickname, she walked over and took the seas across from Pinkie.
“I figured you were here. I was getting tired of sitting in that car,” she said, stretching her wings at the thought of the crowded car.
“Or maybe you just wanted to talk to me about something,” Pinkie replied, chomping on a small cake.
Twilight raised an eyebrow, wondering what her friend meant. The look on Pinkies face clearly said she knew what was on Twilights mind. Could she mean Trixie?
“I know how tough it is to try to make a friend, but have them completely dislike you,” Pinkie said happily, thinking back to Cranky Doodle Donkey. “And it really is saddening! But don’tcha worry sister! It’ll get better, just remember. Don’t stop trying.”
Pinkie gave an innocent smile, a smile that clearly said “I’m not being supportive, just being Pinkie”.
Twilight rolled her eyes, giggling at how smart her friend really is, even if she didn’t realize it.
“I suppose I do need someone to talk too,” Twilight smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of her head.
Pinkie grinned at Twilight, sitting unnaturally still. “So what’s on your mind Princess Purple?”
“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to tell you what’s on my mind. Well, you see, I suppose I’m just upset that Trixie doesn’t wanna be my friend…” Twilight began, blushing at the ground.
Pinkie smiled at Twilight, lookin at her with a sly smile. “Buuuuuuut?”
“N-Nothing, I just wanna be her friend,” Twilight blushed and looked away, causing Pinkie to roll her eyes and giggle.
“Like I said silly! Just don’t give up, keep trying, you’ll get there eventually.” Pinkie dove in, grabbing another cake.
Twilight grinned, nodding her head in thanks, it wasn’t much, and very simple, but Twilight needed to hear that. Sighing, she decided to forget her problems, choosing to join in with eating the sweets with Pinkie. Though one very important detail slipped Twilight’s mind… Trixie enslaved the town she was moving to…
……………………………………………..
Back at the car, Rainbow was awoken from her sleep be a nudge to her side. With a large yawn, she turned to see Rarity mere inches from her face.
“Baaah!”
She jumped out of her seat, surprised at the sudden closeness of her friend. “What are ya doing?! Trying to give me a heart attack?”
Rarity giggled, brushing the rhetorical question away. “No dear, I was just considering making something for Trixie when she came to Ponyville. What do you think she’d appreciate?”
“Why are you asking me?” Rainbow Dash asked, a little annoyed at being awoken so suddenly.
“You and Trixie are so similar, I thought I’d ask you what you think would be best,” Rarity explained, smiling at her.
Rainbow Dash yawned, laying back down. “Ponies with amnesia usually feel a weird bond, or something like that, with stuff they had before they lost their memory,” she explained, acting like that was the most obvious thing in the world.
Rarity looked at her, surprised at her answer. “How do you know that?”
Rainbow Dash opened her eyes in surprise, covering her mouth. “Ummm, a guess?” she chuckled out nervously, trying to get comfortable.
Rarity stared at her in disbelief but didn’t dig into it. “Too bad we don’t have her old cloak and hat then.”
Rainbow Dash shot up, grinning wildly. “Are you sure about that?”
Rarity raised an eyebrow, confused at her reply.
Rainbow Dash reached into her bag, after a few seconds she pulled out raggy, dirty matching set of a hat and cloak. “I stole them from Trixies room, I was gonna wash them and give them back to her once she moved to Ponyville.”
Rarity shook her head, both at the fact that Rainbow Dash stole from an amnesia patient, and that she was going to give them back ripped up like that.
“Nonononono, That simply wont do! Hand them here, I’ll refurbish them, just for her.”
Rainbow Dash grinned, and held them close. “Only if I get to help!”
If Rarity could get any more white, she would have at the thought of Rainbow Dash trying to sew. She stared at Rainbow for a a few seconds, the look on her face made just barely made Rarity consider even letting Rainbow Dash get near her material.
“Are you serious?”
“Hay yeah! I wanna help make Trixie happy!”
Rarity sat there, considering what could go wrong, but she also thought of what could go right. After nearly a minute, she nodded, earning a cheer from Rainbow Dash.
“I didn’t think you’d ever consider doing anything like this,” Rarity commenting, smiling slightly at Rainbows happy look.
“Oh I’m just gunna be there for moral support. I ain’t doing any of that girly stuff.”
She should have known! With a roll of her eyes, Rarity sat down, shooting out ideas, laughter filling the train car. If anypony would look at these ponies, they could tell this one trip to Manehatten would forever change their lives.
The thought of Rainbow sewing...
Methinks there may be a liberal coating of chaos over Ponyville at the arrival of The Great and Amnesiac Trixie.
A shout-out to the background ponies.
If that couple thought Rainbow Dash was bad, wait until they arrive in Ponyville.
Looks like Trixie isn't the first pony Rainbow Dash dealt with that had amnesia.
4737262 Indeed! I had too! And yeash!
Once they get to Ponyville....
Maybe~
4737207 Indeed!
4737191 I'd pay to see that chaos!
4737348 I'm sure even Discord would show up for that show
4737382 He'd host that stuff!
just found this story. i love it!
out of the sweets,looking right at Twilight
1. Just a minor spacing issue.
Hah! Purple smart. Ahh, that brings back memories... And the debate of calling her colour lavender instead
4737191derpicdn.net/img/2014/2/9/547409/large.png
4737560 Somehow that is more believable then seeing Dash working with a sewing machine. Cause if anything most of the 'hair stylist' I have seen all have that messy hair look. Though that picture is still hilarious in its own way
4737417 I love when new people love my stories!
4737515 I can't help but point out how purple she is!
4737560
4737575 It kinda is! xD ... I may use that >.>
4737601 4737575 You have no idea, how much this means to the tag "rainbow dash always dresses in style"
So wait, I thought this was Trixie x Dash and "definitely not twixie"
...hmm...
Love triangle with an amnesiac? Why not?
4737601 Going to curl up in a ball now with a flash light in the corner till everything blows over with the skittle launched hairstylist on the loose
4737604 So Dash claims, but we all know how her style of dress was for the gala
4737604 Please never met=ntion that line .... The horror...
4737640 Maybe it's TrixBloom
4737670 xD She had a nice helmet at least
4737713 Well they do say the hat makes the outfit so guess that can go two ways though I don't think nice was part of the vocabulary at that point
4737684 I just ate a bacon sandwich and I read that as "trixbacon"
4737725 Hahaha Right?
4737752 I'd love me some Trixbacon
wow this story has really caught my attention, and i cannot wait to see where it goes from here. I Hope to see an update soon
Well...if they can get over Discord, I'm sure they can get over Trixie too.
Thank you for the post, good story idea.
This could end up in some sort of Twixiedash:P
Well anyway another good chapter, I hope you get more time to continue writing the fic Luck
P.S: Almost forgot
hqdesktop.net/wallpapers/l/1366x768/39/wizard_rainbow_dash_twilight_sparkle_riding_trixie_space_1366x768_38392.jpg
I am loving this story so far!
When are you gonna post the next chapter?
4738593 so very true
So far, so good.
---
Just trying saying that sequence of no's. In my opinion, that sounds very odd for somepony to actually say out loud. I'd suggest reducing to three no's instead of five and possibly separating them with commas. Also, if Rarity is mean to be a cultured person concerned with how she speaks then she might say 'will not' instead of 'won't'. You do need an apostrophe in there for the contraction in any case. If I were you I wouldn't use 'refurbish' with regard to clothing, I'd recommending using any of the following instead: repair, fix, restore, or mend.
"shooting out ideas"? That sounds wretched to the ear. I take it you mean her speaking rapidly about different possibilities. You could probably strengthen the depth of the story by actual describing a few of her ideas via dialogue with the mane six. Also, the second sentence there sounds very weird. How could you tell just from looking at somebody that a trip to Manehatten would change their lives? In any case, I think you want a 'that' between 'tell' and 'this' up there.
Why would Pinkie Pie constantly be calling Twilight things other than her actual name? For her to be doing so seems a bit odd and somewhat out of character for her. It's easy to see her doing so when intending to surprise Twilight because Pinkie Pie is kind of a silly pony, but doing so repeatedly seems strange. Also, it's a little odd for her to drop it rather than peppering Twilight with ideas about how she might really be feeling or even to straight out ask if her if she likes Trixie as more than a friend possibly. I can't say off the top of my head if that's canon, but it seems more consistent with Pinkie to me.
P.S.
This is a pretty short chapter, even compared to your other chapters. You might consider trying to give it a bit more substance, it feels like filler at the moment. You may also wish to consider trying to standardize your chapter size, maybe to 1.5k or 2k words just to keep the flow constant for readers.
Additionally, your story description could use some work. And the following:
is a little too fourth wall-y. You shouldn't tell people too much about how it will end, suspense is useful in a story and whether or not Trixie is best pony has no particular relevance to the story content. You might consider hinting a bit more about what happened to her to cause the amnesia and giving us a little detail about how she actually feels and why she's scared of Twilight Sparkle.
4760303 Everytime someone knows Def Leppard, I get happy xD And thanks! Glad you like it!
4760319 I may have been born in 1995 but thankfully I was brought up listening to cassettes and I was so happy to find out there was a store in town that sold them for only $0.50 each. I hate hate hate HATE alot of this generation's music and disrespectful behaviour towards the music from the past. One day I wore my KISS hat to school and some dumbass kid in grade 9 said out loud *repeats in a mocking tone* "KISS is so gay". *groans* You have no idea how much I wanted beat the shit out of his unappreciative ass. His so called "music" wouldn't exist without bands like KISS, AC/DC, Metallica, Van Halen, Def Leppard and, my personal favourite, QUEEN.
4761067 See, I'm 17 and I agree... I ain't a fan of KISS really, but they are better than some. AND QUEEN! You can't beat Queen
4739592 It's gunna be a Harem o3o
4761200 Everypony
want to
Trixie
images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/35800000/Trixie-my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-35845260-887-901.png
I have to ask this: What happened with Rainbow's injured wing?
That just got mentioned as a reason of why they were at the hospital, but after that...
That's a big problem in terms of good writing, you can't say that a person is missing a leg just for it to be back in next paragraph.
Love this story~
4765295 you're right, next time I can, I'm going to edit that a bit ... I was just more so going for she ignored the pain in it to fly into the clouds (but she didn't fly fast)
4768995 I'm glad you like it!:D
4770731
I shall look forward to the next chapters!
You know, one of them should have said something along the lines of...
"Oh, the place you're moving to? Everypony hates you because of something you did while under the influence of ancient evil artifact. So, expect to be shunned, verbally abused and probably physically assaulted. Oh, and the ponies at the hospital probably hate you too. Bring a first aid kit."
Well, good on Dash. her heart's in the right place. her mind...
And if anyone protests about Trixie, Twilight can pipe up about the want-it need-it spell. That should hush everyone up good and quick!
... What the actual buck, RD?
She knows Trixie probably feels a bond with her outfit, and she steals it?
I mean I know she planned on giving it back, but what happens when Trixie tries to pack her stuff to head to Ponyville, and she cannot find her important outfit? Nothing good I'd think.
4833408 Excellent! She'd probably explode a couple times! Haha
will it update soonish?
4904262 Definitely, I just got internet back a few days ago, and I'll have the next chapter updated within a couple days ^^
Spotted some more typos. You should have 'took a seat' not "took a seas" and 'Pinkie's' when talking about what she has "Pinkies" is what you would say if there was more than one Pinkie.
Morally supportive Rainbow Dash is best Rainbow Dash. Yeah the thoughts on how the rest of ponyville will react has been something i've been thinking on for a while now. Also Dash is adorable, stealing from Trixie like she did... such a wonderfully petty crime. Any way, I still love this story and I'll see you at the next chapter.
Twilight's gonna have to put out a royal decry. Anypony in ponyville that treats trixie badly is in BIG trouble.
Also, now I'm curious about hat dash lost. Which of her memories does she not have?
Ignoring the weird nickname, she walked over and took the seas across from Pinkie.
Wait. Twilight took to the high seas? I thought she was on a train...
5046785 Attention all passengers, we are going to be making a slight detour. Do not panic if a shark enters the train, his name is Rodney and I love him.
Also, its maaaaagiiiic, as PBG would say.
Not if you keep in mind why she is behaving like that. How can Twilight find it adorable when the cause for her strong negative demeanor is Twilight herself? She is scared of her, mentally scarred.
I can understand if a third person, who knows nothing about Trixie and what happened to her, find her shy behavior adorable. But even them would filter out her panicked and utterly terrified expression, plus the strong stuttering and fast breathing when she gets to close to Twilight.
This really doesn't picture Twilight in a good light for me here.
"Oh look! That beautiful mare was mentally scarred because of me, aaw how I find her panicked and shy behavior adorable, even though she just went through extensive memory loss, is physically scarred as well and I scare the crap out of her. *Sigh* Submissive mares that were broken by traumatic experiences, and abuse in her case, are so cute!"
... yeah that sounds not wrong at all.
The only thing that comes to my mind is the sadness of the whole situation. I mean does she truly realize what happened to the great and powerful Trixie here? She was reduced to less then a shadow of her former self, scarred in a way to twist her personality.
SHAME ON YOU TWILIGHT!
How a bout we reverse the effects and put Twilight in a similar situation with Trixie, with her being terrified of the performer.
Lets see if she can call her own behavior cute then, or if Trixie deems Twilights reaction cute.
No, she wants to debate with you the tax policy on candy shipments.
I swear, questions like those where the answer sticks out like a pink elephant with green, purple and yellow dots in a gothic fashion establishment.
5369550
Now what would have made it very Pinkie is if she HAD started on another subject. One does not merely predict the pink party pony.