Chapter 16
It was all my fault! If only I had of listened to what they were all saying, I might have had a chance to predict the outcome.
Life is an equation, with the right figures it can all be predicted...
-Twilight
Chapter 16
Academics Anonymous
I’m not sure how I got out of the conversation in the end. Well actually, let me rephrase that…
I’m not sure how I got out of that conversation without my brain melting completely. And that might sound weird considering how I’m technically not solid in the first place, but it’s true.
The Sparkle pony has a gift, and that is to make people’s heads explode in a shower of glory and blood. Even that little thing on her ass shows it. I mean really, what kind of pony would get a mark of an explosion on their ass unless they were the kind of pony that got a kind of sick satisfaction from murdering brain cells.
And this was genocide, not even kidding here. She my not have even asked any questions, but just looking at her was enough. She exuded insanity…
Okay, let me set the scene here.
*Ahem* So basically we’ve got Shy, Dash, Applejack, Pinkie, Rarity, Celestia, Luna…
…Aaaaaand Sparkle. With questions. She’s got about 2’600 more than anybody else~
Whatever.
So anyway, one day Sparkle decides that all of my brain cells (those sons of bitches) are going down, so she launches a question at me.
Now there is one thing that I want everybody listening to know just quickly, and it is very important.
Sparkle is scariest pony.
No, I’m not kidding! Have you ever been in a room with an overzealous academic nutjob before?! I couldn’t get this feeling out of my head that she would not at all hesitate to rip me apart if she though that vivisection would get her better results than plain answers.
So anyway, like I was saying, all nine of us were just sitting there in that cramped little room, getting incredibly uncomfortable etc etc. Creepy faces coming from creepy researchers will do that to you. Celestia wasn’t even making a move to stop her for some reason. I managed to sneak a glance at the stupid Princess and the only thing I got back was an apologetic face.
Is the Princess… scared?
…
Well, I’m screwed.
It was obvious that I was getting no help from that pony…
I tried sneaking a glance at her sister, who was at this point on the verge of asphyxiation from laughter for some reason while I had a miniature panic attack.
I continued looking around the room. The rest of the pony's friends were suddenly finding their hooves, and the floor, very interesting, so interesting in fact that they wouldn’t look at me.
Well, except for Fluttershy…
She just mouthed, “I’m sorry,” at me…
Yeah, real helpful, I know.
I had no choice. Twilight was still looking at me with a thousand-yard stare or something; it was unnerving to say the least. That grin didn’t make anything any better, and I could hear some strange snapping noises as her sanity broke apart into a million tiny shards.
Goodbye cruel world
“Okay Twilight, let’s just get this torture session over with already.”
Celestia made a small pitying noise from her spot and gave me a look. You know the one I’m talking about. The one where someone looks at you as if you’re about to die.
Really. Soon.
I was starting to get some second thoughts about my decision…
Twilight
Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy!!!!!!!!!!!
I can’t believe that I actually get to ask him some questions!
Maybe I could try and sneak a vivisection in as well…
Meh, that sounds like the kind of thing that I could save for later! Hmmmm, maybe if he decides to not answer some of my questions…
A sharp twanging noise shot through the air as another of Twilight’s hairs shot out from her mane crazily, her left eye finding something in the roof interesting and sliding out of focus for a couple of seconds…
“Now…” Twilight gave Light a murderous look, “Tell. Me. Everything.”
Light just looked at her as if she was about to try and rape him at any second, which, considering the circumstances, she wouldn’t mind doing. Only the violation part mind you, she only wanted to see how his species reproduced, not if that could then work with pony DNA.
Although…
No! That was a tangent for another time…
Okay, think about this…
Do I have a checklist? I need a checklist. I should’ve brought a checklist! Okay, checklist:
• Write checklist of things that I need to have on checklist for today
• Checklist on questions necessary for Light
• Subset questions for light ordering from most important to least important
• Re-organize questions in order of things that you would find in a home
• Buy fresh salmon for Owlicious
Ten seconds had passed in the real world, but Twilight was too focused on her thoughts to notice the passage of time outside of her ‘checklist bubble’. The other ponies in the room were getting impatient.
Rainbow had had enough waiting for today, and possibly for the rest of her life. She got up from her spot on the floor and hobbled forward, fighting to try not to show pain to anyone. She glared at Light.
He glared back.
In the far distance a stray bird flew into a window, but nobody cared.
Rainbow opened her mouth…
But was unable to voice her question as Pinkie Pie suddenly appeared from the lampshade behind Light and started talking at a million miles a second.
Rainbow ignored this and looked at Light seriously-
But was interrupted again as Twilight leapt from her sitting position and shot in front of Light until her face was pressed up against his. Rainbow just gave up and walked away.
Twilight was ready for her… ‘interview’.
“Okay! Light! But is that your real name?” Light opened his mouth to answer, “No! That doesn’t matter! Hmmmmm, don’t mess this up! I’ve got it! First question!”
She lowered her voice to a harsh whisper, “What are you?”
Light let out a breath that he didn’t know he’d been holding. “That’s it? Well, not that hard to answer…” He rubbed his chin in thought, “I guess you could kinda call me a human…”
Twilight let out a massive gasp as he said this, as if she had suddenly realized the answer to life, the universe, everything. She must have come to some massive conclusion. Maybe she knew exactly what a human was and how they acted! Did she know a-
“I don’t get it, what’s a human?”
Or maybe not…
Light
“Well, to put it simply… I’m a human? Except that I’m not really…”
“What do you mean, ‘not really’?!”
I gave her one of those looks that basically says ‘are you fucking kidding me’. You know the one…
“Twilight, honey, darling, light of my life, I said not really for a good reason, you’ve gotta let me finish… (Horror movie reference lieka baws)
Twilight looked sheepish. “Okay, like I was saying, you could call me human, but I’m not really one at the end of the day. Normal humans aren’t… you know… shiny and whooshy and, well, like me…”
At this moment Celestia stepped in. “Twilight, Light, I hate to take the spotlight away from you two, but I think that I may be able to explain things just a little better here…”
She turned to address the whole room, “In fact, I think it would be best if everypony was listening to what I have to say now.” That got the attention of everyone in the room immediately. Something about semi-immortal sun-god pony gets attention pretty easily…
I have no idea why though….
She continued, “Get comfortable, this explanation may take a little while.”
Pinkie took out a bucket of popcorn from nowhere. Nowhere was quite annoyed that its popcorn was stolen, but no one cared. For the popcorn I mean, no one didn’t like nowhere due to some falling out…
But that’s a story for another time…
Celestia sighed. “Everypony ready?” A chorus of agreement came from all assembled, except for me, “*sigh* and Light?” I gave a hum of contentment.
Celestia turned to the group of six, “Now, you know full well that the six of you are very important to Equestria, and that together you form the Elements of Harmony, correct?”
“You know it Princess!”
“Yes, I mean, if that’s what you all think…”
“Boy howdy, do we all kno’ it!”
“I must agree with Applejack on this one.”
“Yepperooners! We’re totally the best besties in the whole of the world!”
“Yes, but Princess, how does this relate to Light?”
I’ll give you three guesses as to who said that last one, and the first two don’t count…
“Patience Twilight Sparkle, all will be revealed in time.” This answer seemed to satisfy the insane pony, and she settled back to listen.
“Now, as I was saying, you six embody the Elements of Harmony, and while that is no small feat, and while you are also the first and only six that have ever had that privilege, you are not true Elements.” Celestia closed her eyes at the end of this and leaned back as if expecting a barrage of noise, and sure enough the six started saying various things about… stuff, you know.
What? I can’t expect to remember everything now, can I?
No, screw you, I can’t. Shut up I can still hear you.
Anyway:
“Ponies, cease you idle chatter, my sister wishes to be heard.”
All talk stopped immediately as Luna made herself properly known for the first time in the whole conversation.
“Thank you, dear sister.”
“Appreciated, now, continue with your story, I feel that I know where you ill go with this, and it is indeed important.” With that Luna faded into the background, as if she had never been there at all. Oddly enough though, she came from out of nowhere and sat besides me, to the left of Celestia and out of the way.
I was just glad that she wasn’t looking at me, or she might have noticed the irrational grin that was forcing its way onto my features, she really did remind me of her…
“Now, I hear your comments, but please, don’t argue. While you may be the Elements of Harmony, that is different to being a true Element. For instance, how much exactly do you know of Discord’s true nature?”
Twilight answered this, “Well, isn’t he the god of Chaos of something along those lines?” She looked hopeful, and it almost brought a tear to my eyes. Almost.
I was still mourning over those brain cells that I’d lost in the battle for my sanity. Just looking at her was enough.
Celestia shook her head, a thoughtful look on her face. “That is possibly the closest to the truth you could go without actually being right, but Discord is not actually a god.”
She looked at the six seriously. “In the universe we have elements, and then we have Elements, capitol E. The real difference is easy to see.” (Ha, rhymes)
She started pacing back and forth, gesturing as she talked. “We all know the four elements, fire, earth, air and water,” I gave a little start as she mentioned the last one, “But those aren’t the true Elements, they are just the four that we tend to associate the name with.”
“Now, Discord was never a god, he was a true Element, a slight difference. A normal element exists, it is a by-product of the conditions that we already have, not the cause. A true Element only exists because of a being.”
“Discord,” Twilight whispered.
“Exactly.”
“But that means-“
“Yes, Chaos in its base form existed only because Discord did.”
Twilight’s eyes narrowed. “Then why didn’t you ju-“
‘What, get rid off him? Kill him?”
“Well, not that far, and not in as many words, bu-“
“Twilight, we cannot just get rid of an Element, even if it is like Discord. And some people are not truly bad, just… mislead.”
“Twilight, we all deserve a second chance, even Discord.”
Her voice had dropped to a hoarse whisper by the end of this, “It was never even his fault that he’s like this now…”
“But that is something for another time! Now, as I was saying, Discord is a good example of a true Element. Now do you see why I say that you are not true elements my little ponies? The Elements of Harmony have existed long before you did, and will continue to exist long after you have departed, but Chaos never existed without Discord, and as long as he exists it will stay.”
“Now, the biggest thing here is that a true Element cannot be killed,” Celestia have a pointed look at Twilight as she said this, “They live in a different way to other beings. They have an equivalence to death, and that is for them to simply fade away.”
Twilight perked up, “Fade away? How?”
Celestia’s look turned to something approaching melancholy, “When an Element is forgotten, when they no longer have a reason to exist, that is when they fade away…”
“That is the real reason that Discord is only imprisoned, there is enough Chaos happening in Equestria, even without his influence, to keep him tethered to existence.”
Twilight gave a nod of understanding, while the rest of her friends had by this point become more than a bit confused. “Twilight, would you mind elaborating on what the Princess has just said, I’m afraid that it was a bit… convoluted…” Rarity chipped into the conversation.
“Well, as far as the Princess has said, we’re only The Bearers of the Elements, we don’t cause them to exist, but somepony like Discord exists because of Chaos, and Chaos only exists because of him,” She looked at her mentor, “Close enough?”
Celestia nodded, “Yes, that’s basically what I was trying to say.”
Twilight nodded, but a though occurred to her, “So what does that make you Princess? You’ve lived longer than anypony can remember…”
Celestia’s face turned grim. “Yes Twilight, you are correct. Both Luna and I are true Elements. I represent Warmth and Comfort, while Luna represents Revitalization and Rest, as you could probably have guessed by now…”
“And, before you ask, I will not tell you exactly how old we are, for even we cannot truly remember, but as long as the day and the night have existed, so have we, the two have been entangled.”
Rainbow looked impressed. I looked at Luna beside me, and she gave me a sad look back. I must have been hard for someone to live as long as her, having to deal with the deaths of all of those that were close to her…
“Even the Nightmare, the creature that you had to deal with not too long ago, is a true Element, and is not truly dead, merely banished far away, to a place that not even we know. It was the Element of Corruption, and had no solid body, that was why it made my dear sister its host.”
She gave a sad glance at Luna, before dropping her head to look at the ground. “We were lucky that we had you six to rid her of the Corruption, or she would have been lost forever.”
“Discord however…”
Deathly silence, broken only by the quietest of noises as a single tear rolled from the end of Celestia’s muzzle and hit the wooden floor.
Luna sighed and stood, walking over to wrap a wing around her sister and bring her into an embrace.
Rainbow rolled her eyes, completely oblivious to the emotions running high through the room, “But how the hay does this even relate to Light?!”
Her friends gave her murderous looks, and Rainbow quickly shrunk down…
Applejack sighed, “She does have a point though…”
Rainbow looked peeved, but as before, no one cared.
Luna sighed and looked at the group, “Well, it’s not that hard to guess the conclusion here, Discord’s an Element, the Nightmare’s and Element, Celestia and I are Elements…”
She turned slightly, “Light’s an Element…”
Whatever brain cells hadn’t been completely fried by my close encounter with the insane shriveled up into a state of non-existence.
There was only one thing that I could say in a situation like this…
“Bullshit.”
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Hah.Bullshit.
Server be dammed! Notifications be dammed! This is well worth it. Although I had to read it three times, due to my drunkennes. I do hearby avow and adver It's awesomeness.
1378992 Hmmmm, do approve of Russian drunk style reading...
Great success!
1379204Indeed!
Heh... he said a naught word... Sweet chapter brah.
i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/001/455/bullshit.gif
11 pm. Perfect time for some sleep deprecation!
Lol made a semi close squee sound when I saw this update.. My friends all looked at me wierdly
1388150 Where were you when you saw it?
...And I kinda feel good that I'm almost the same level of Fluttershy, if I can get a squee from someone...
I needs more i he to know what happens please im begging you by all that is pony please update it soon
1388438 I was camping and was sitting around a campfire with my brosolinies
1392766 Say hi to them for me!!!!!
I
so hard, that I got a migrane. Ow.
Oh, yea, and
Remove
1392874 ah ok it's like 8 in the morning ill rudley awaken them drill Sargent style :)
ALL OF THE BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!! Now onto more sewious things. Great chapter. And do to the emails being down i didnt get the chance to read this as soon as it came out. And now i got to catch up on everything i have as a favorite. Which s alot. ah well. Reading man AAAWWWAAAYYYYY!
1388438 losing his sanity just by looking at twilight...
amnesia the dark decent much?
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