I've been writing and selling stories for longer than a lot of folks reading this have been alive. Check Baal Bunny for more!
Princess Cadance has a problem only Agent Sweetie Drops can solve. But Agent Sweetie Drops—now known to almost everypony as Bon-Bon—would rather tear her own legs off than work for a princess again.
This was originally going to be my entry in the 2024 May Pairings Contest, but I didn't get it finished in time.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Holy crap.
I wish I could say more.
Oh, wait, I can.
I loved every single line.
A la madre
What an adorable benevolent little monster~!
It's... perfect.
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Thanks, folks!
I was having a terrible time getting Bon-Bon's narrative voice right, trying for a balanced mix of hard-boiled and vulnerable. Then I realized that I just needed to make her into Murderbot, and it all started to come together. Unfortunately, going back and rereading that whole series of books by Martha Wells made me miss the contest deadline, but, well, that happens sometimes...
Oh, and the title is from a poem that I never knew was written by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. So I'm still learning new things every day!
Mike
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Ohoho, I have only read the first Murderbot but need to read the rest
It's like at the end there's a vista spread out before me filled with hope and laughter and contentment, Equestria striding into a new Age of Wonder and Love. Yet. Yet just out of reach, just in the corner of the eye, just out of sight beyond the hills and the mountains and the horizon there's a hint of a dark maelstrom of pure evil, hate and fire.
Well done!
Also, poor Agent Sweetie Drops, pulled out of retirement to deal with the dread unknown.
A reformed monster fighting agency> S.M.I.L.E. has been replaced by S.W.E.E.T.
Special Watchdog Executive against Existential Threats.
Disguised as a Confectionary School under the Castle of Friendship, it's agents watch over Equestria and it's surrounding nations for dangers that would harm all of ponykind.
Mundum Servans Dulce Et Tutum, Commander.
Interesting premise.
Well written as well.
Good work.
St. Flurry of the Knife?
Hmm... is Flurry intended to come across as a reincarnation? Particularly a non-Equestrian one, maybe human. Because she seems so mature, and I could definitely see a self-aware human making that kind of "I don't know if I'll be good for this country or not, though I will try to be" claim. And not being able to classify themselves according to the monster classifications ponies already know about.
Love how you've done the story, by the way.
I don’t know what to say.
The way this is written is absolutely stunning. Sweetie is just so... her. The narration flows seamlessly. And the story? Dear Harmony, was it wonderfully crafted. The prose is novel-worthy.
This goes into Heartstrings purely of your beautiful writing, AngieDog! Excellent work!
What an incredible story! As a fellow Murderbot enjoyer it's always fun to see different interpretations of that snarky, beat-down character voice. And I'm always down for a retired cop to be called back for one last gig lol.
Candymare
Candymare
Candymare...
Bro I love the narration in this fic so freaking much. <3
That's a new take on Flurry Heart. Not bad.
... All right, Augs, it's been a hot minute since we've talked... and I gotta say, you haven't lost a step~
This was just *delightful*!
"...I have skills...a very--particular--set of skills. And when I find you, I shall whip you into a fondant and lovingly coat you in lark's vomit."
-- from Code Name: Whizzo
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That's a Weill thing to say.
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Thanks, folks!
This'll probably be pretty easy to "dePonify," too, now that I think about it, and turn into a regular fantasy short story that I can submit to some of the markets out there. That's always a plus for me...
Mike
I really like this opening
Hauntingly fascinating work. Poor Bonbon keeps trying to get out, but those damn princesses keep pulling her back in. And there’s something symbolically appropriate in a different kind of education taking place in the School of Friendship’s literal underbelly. Excellent balance of dread and hope. Thank you for it.
We had four kids, and yes, they're little monsters, each and every one of them.
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Thanks, folks!
Now that I think about it, the idea of a princess hiring a group to depose her if it becomes necessary goes all the way back to my first big piece of fanfiction, Half the Day is Night, which apparently celebrates its 12 anniversary in two days...
As for children, my only real experience with them was when I was one fifty-odd years ago, and the memory of what a little pill I was has influenced me in numerous ways. I've adopted the philosophy that's printed on the standard medicine label, for instance—"Keep away from children"—and I do everything I can to abide by it...
Mike
Well. This is certainly an experience. There's an air of discomfort that permeates the story that feels very deliberate. The feeling of "something's not quite right". And at first, it's unclear, but then Flurry talks. And you realize what's up. And why Cadence is so scared.
On one hand, Flurry has no apparent desire to hurt anyone. On purpose, at least. On the other hand, seeing a baby speak and reason with the cognitive functions of a whole ass adult in a voice that should not be coming out of a baby's body, even if said voice is perfectly calm, is very unsettling because the pervading sense of Wrongness. What is happening should not be possible, by all accounts, it makes no sense, but it IS happening. I tip my hat to you.
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Thanks!
That was actually a very important part of the story for me: all the characters involved realize that something's not right about the whole situation, but they end up coming together to try and get things working again.
Mike
That was a great read, start to finish. I can't help but think of this story almost as a side-prologue to this Flurry Heart growing up and assuming a role in Equestria. Tweaking things from the shadows, hiding in plain sight as this very wise being affecting the course of history, staying hidden as a baby for decades because "first naturally-born alicorn, who's going to argue it?". Could be some fun hijinks in that.