The time has come for Celestia to have a one-to-one lesson with her personal protege, Twilight Sparkle. She is, no doubt, a bright young unicorn and it doesn't take her long to understand the overall concept of the teleportation and transfiguration spell. That is not to say the lesson went perfectly well as Twilight's magic takes a haywire spin and does things unimaginable coming from a foal.
Edit: Oh the stars and galaxies, this thing got featured on 05/02/2023!!! Thank you!!!
Second Edit: OMG! This is the first time my story landed on top of the featured list. Thank you so much!!!
Third Edit: Audiobook version by The Mystery Fluttershy Fan! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbCgCNefS8A
Fourth edit: Featured on Equestria Daily
Chapters (1)
Okay that cover art is adorable.
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thank you
Very cozy
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Hehe thanks!!
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Thankies!!
I see you took inspiration from "Between Dark and Dawn" for Sunbutt's character?
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I did!!
Oh, is that how she excuses her cake raids, hmm?
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Duhhh!!!
Cute Boi
It makes me wonder what Celestia did when she learned the teleportation spell.
No wonder the unicorns are afraid of Cake Ghosts! Another case of the jynxies
deas?
This is a nice story.
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Thanks!!
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Oops! I'll fix that. Thanks
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Thats right!!
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She probably teleported herself to the Sun or (even better!) the human world dimension.
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Lol was that really a reference to the Cake Ghosts in Foal Food?
Celestia being a mom was exactly what I needed right now.
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Momlestia is Best Tia!!
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That's nice!!
What if you could add to the description?
'Third Edit: Audiobook version by The Mystery Fluttershy Fan!'
I'll work on it next if you would like.
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That sounds wonderful!!
Cute.
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Thanks
I half expected Adult Alicorn Twilight to be briefly yanked through time by her filly self, and Celestia has to use memory-wipe spell or call a SMILE agent.
Recorded for the audiobook version. I'll aim to get it edited and finished for Sunday.
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Alright!!!
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My mind wanders I say. It wanders far and wide. It's the skill of an artist
That was a good story.
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Thanks!
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Thank you!
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Thank you!!!
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Thanks!!
Awwww!
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so cute!
What Twilight saw as blunders ended up being blessings for Celestia even if the former didn't quite understand it. I especially loved the Ghost Ponies bit.
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The mistake ends up being the thing to save the day. And thanks!!
Story keeps randomly changing between present and past tense.
More important problem; there doesn't actually seem to be a cohesive plot here, just a series of insubstantive events that happen without a thematic or causal link that makes this into a compelling conflict-driven story - and those events aren't even very believable to begin with.
It's... cute. And maybe that's all it was supposed to be. But there's not much else besides that to give it a more satisfying depth beneath a sugary surface.
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for)
The whole point of this story in particulat, was to be random and not have a carefully planned out plot. In the future, when I want to write a longer story is when plot stuff needs to be looked appropriately upon.
However, I appreciate the feedback nonetheless. No doubt, it will help me write better for my upcoming stories (which I hope I'll have enough
Actually, can you do me a favor, just a small one?
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Depends on the favor. What would it be?
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Simply review one other story of mine, please.
Yep, I felt the cuteness.
It's SoL and the plot is random by design I think, so I'm not going to write a bare knuckle critique for this one.
The fic would benefit from an editing pass, tho. The flow of the narration is a bit bumpy.
I was skeptical about filly Twilight -filly as in tiny foal- learning/practicing and eventually pulling off teleportation. A spell that apparently 99.x % of adult unicorns never master or even attempt. But I ended up positively surprised and with a big grin on my face. Wittle Twily is adorable, their interaction heartwarming and the complexity of the spells being cast a non-issue.
While immersed in the story it felt totally natural for tiny magic horse to struggle much more with controlling and containing her magic than with understanding and casting top tier spells. I mean, she is Twilight "The Inevitable" Sparkle, of course she could teleport when she was in first grade ... the only question was what else got teleported and where to^^.
I don't think canon Celestia would've taught her dangerous spells at such a young age ... and maybe that was Tia's mistake. (imagine a carefree, even more powerful Twilight with Sunset level self confidence ... yeah, maybe too much awesome)
A fun short fluff piece.
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Grammer is my weakness. This story wasn't intended to have any deep purpose. I just wrote out a cute filly Twi, Mommylestia thing.
Ok, the issues here, such as you use past tense and present tense.
Stick to one of them.
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I'm working on it. Also, thank you for following!