Twi X Sombra is best ship, Luna is best princess, King Sombra is best villain, and Twily is best pony!!!!
Twilight messes up badly while the rehearsal wedding was happening. So badly, her brother, her best friends, and most of all, her mentor leave her.
And Twilight is devastated.
Blinded by heartbreak, shock, and even anger, Twilight wonders if the ponies she thought cared about her really do care about her. Luckily, before she could slip, a friend arrives and gives her a little help.
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This. This right here! Celestia and Shining had good reasoning to think Twilight had lost it. And even then, Celestia never disowned Twilight as her student or banish her. Or worse.
Her friends? What was their excuse? Oh yeah. Hasbro never gave them a reason for abandoning Twilight. Not even a half baked one. Glad someone asked why. Agree with Luna should've been in the finale.
Feels like there needs to be a second chapter.
11282230
Actually only Shining Armor felt justified, he was having migraines and was almost under Chrysalis’ control. Celestia and the Mane 5 were pretty cold about the whole situation, especially Celestia who didn’t seem to be even the tiniest bit suspicious of how her own niece was acting.
That was a good story.
11282286
Celestia can get by in that, she would know Cadance better than Twilight, and the two hadn't seen each other in years going by what was implied. Plus Twilight has a bad habit of overreacting to nothing. Lesson Zero is a prime example.
Not good justifications. But better than nothing. Or Celestia is just too stupid for Equestria's own good, and she paid for blindly trusting who she thought was her family.
Question, Do you plan on doing a similar Luna story like this as an alternate ending to "P.C" for the C.M.C'S ? I believe they do deserve comfort from Luna just as much for undoubtedly she alone knows what it's like to have others shun you each time out just because you're different.
It's actually 'You have a lot to think about.'
11282230
Exactly! When I saw them walk away, I was like
"Wow, Element of Loyalty Rainbow Dash, Element of Kindness Fluttershy!"
11282252
I'll see to it
11282286
Right! Even Celestia couldn't see through the bride's snobby attitude.
11282477
That's actually a pretty good idea!
11282301
Thank you!
11282543
Thanks! I'll fix it!
11282230
They were caught in the excitement of playing a part in a princess's wedding and yes they should have done a better job listing rather than brush off her concerns as for Celestia she never seen anyone do the wrong thing trying to the right one. That spell didn't look good and with cadence being a bit rude all day anyone might think the worst.
11283040
After doing that excellent with this story, why not? Not to mention I always saw Luna as a better sister figure & role model than the main six combined together. This story will giver her a chance to demonstrate her dream walking abilities in action & begin showing others she deserves just as much love as her sister for everything she does. Not to mention if anyone can put the mane six & D.T. in their place, she can.
Another retelling I see, and with a twist this time! I applaud you for trying to do something a bit different, although I'm not sure how much was actually added by your changes. Having Luna show up and actually do something in that episode is a nice idea, but having her be there just to be the voice of the audience and validate Twilight's feelings feels like a waste. Yes, the original plot had some issues, but adding stuff just to make up for those issues is the wrong way to go about things. If you were willing to rewrite the episode and add an alternate ending, I think it would have been much more interesting to simply write out the flaws in the first place, rather than simply baking in an acknowledgement of them.
Aside from my problems with the plot, you had quite a few mechanical issues scattered throughout. I saw some improper capitalization, inconsistent verb tense, punctuation issues, and Luna's ye olde speech pattern wasn't consistent. These things could probably be fixed with a little more time spent proofreading, but even so, the bigger issues would still be there.
11283294
Thank you so much! And yes, I am still a student writer so I have A LOT to learn, but I'll try!
DAmn it, this got me hooked and I was hoping this continued.
Perhaps this would lead a different timeline where Twilight chose Luna as a mentor.
11288118
That, Twilight becoming Luna's protege, NEEDED to happen in the show. Believe me, Luna had SO MUCH potential. But of course, Hasbro is the biggest disappointment I know, so Luna didn't get too much spotlight... sadly.
ALL HAIL THE LUNAR REPUBLIC!!!
11288488
HALE TO THE LUNAR REPUBLIC!
11309762
Indeed
11288118
Hello there. How's BITTERNESS coming along?
Luna had serious potential as Celestia's equal and darker counterpart.
Twilight had at least to a degree outgrown her mentor and becoming Luna's student next would've made so much sense (or become a "dark apprentice" in secret, that would've been awesome but probably a waste in a lighthearted kids cartoon).
Anyway, "Twilight", trained by a light and a dark mage. Even her name would've become more prophetic in such a setting.
A properly trained grey on Equestria's throne.
I don't know, did they ever make an official statement as to why Luna had been absent during the entire wedding?
I can see why they wrote her out of the rehearsal scene: logically, Luna might've sided with Twilight, and we know that would've been to much to handle for the writers. Unlike the bearers and Celestia, Luna had no knowledge of Twi's tendency to overthink and overreact. She would've had no reason to brush her off. So better just let her sleep until the last minute.
And the wedding ... maybe they couldn't think of a way to worf two alicorns.
Both sisters getting k.o.'d by the bug would've made alicorns a complete joke.
So we got one that's too stupid to squash a bug and one too dumb to set up an alarm clock.
just spotted this
non other than ... Princess Luna.
suggestion
The wording and grammar are so different from early modern english it's unlikely she'd fall back into it in the middle of the sentence. At the end, as a little slip-up, not so much.
11640833
Thanks!!
11640831
I agree one hundred percent. Luna is my favorite princess and had a lot of great potential. Sadly the dang show just didn't use that.
Can you blame her? For what she went through? They were the only friends she had and they straight up abandoned her, of course now she is going to assume ever friend she makes is going to abandon her even if she asks the smallest questions or makes the smallest mistake.
I love this story, definitely unique, plus Luna was practically absent throughout the entire thing.