Before Twilight and her friends saved the Crystal Empire, its ruler had to watch it die. Long before she meets Shining Armor and Twilight, Cadence walks through her home for the last time.
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Aldrigold
Joined 17th Aug, 2012 ·
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How can you even write a story about something before we know what it is? I am honestly intrigued.
1263152
Well you take what you know from leaked snippets of footage from conventions, wildly speculate a little, have an idea that just runs away with your writing hands and thus you have written a story 'bout something that hasn't even happened yet.
Also, dear writer: This was a lovely little short story, a pleasure to read and with no glaring issues to jerk one from the narrative. I could feel the gloom of dusty crystal and the slight sadness such a place is pervaded with. Good show!
Taking a look at it, the concepts presented are at least intriguing. (And thank you for spelling Cadence with an e. And making her worst princess. :3) Writing flaws aside, the main problem with this is pacing. The snapshot approach is effective for the route you're trying to take, but the snapshots are each too brief to really give a tangible image of what it is she's lost.
I suspect season 3 will kill the hell out of this, but it'll be fun to see just how.
1263294
Can you point out the writing flaws to me? If I ever decide to go back to this, I'd like to know what they are so I can fix them. I'll probably expand on the snapshots-I went into this thinking it would be flashfic, but it ran over 1000 words anyway.
I didn't know which way to go with the spelling of Cadence, as I've seen it done both ways by official sources, so I went with the spelling that felt more intuitive to me.
For being written prior to the first episode of Season 3, I salute you!
I personally didn't notice any overt grammatical issues, but I agree with presentperfect about pacing. This actually wasn't bad (honestly, it seemed a nice one shot), but the subject almost begs for further exploration of Cadence and her ties to the Crystal Empire, and it's downfall.
Thumbs up though. MOAR!!!
1263334
The correct spelling is Cadance. Cadenza works too, but it's more rare.
Very nice. Will be obliterated by canon, but an enjoyable read nevertheless.
One mistake:
"Cadence peaked through the wooden doors" -> should be "peeked"
1265662
Fixed, thanks!
1263334
You should definitely consider expanding it. That would be my one biggest suggestion for this story. Sadly, I do not have the time at the moment to do a thorough editing, and it would be pointless anyway if you're planning on reworking this to any degree. Good luck.
Hi all,
I've expanded this a bit. Please let me know if its better or if I've somehow made it worse.
I think this story needs some more love, much like Cadence does.
You've earned a fav from me.
For a speculative piece, I think you've done a great job on capturing the gradual decline of the Crystal Empire. Personally, I like using flashbacks in the same way, but haven't applied it to pony fiction yet.
I have to agree with the others, this has a lot of potential, and there are so many ways you could extrapolate on the details - especially about Cadence's regret afterwards, and her emotions as the city began to fall, and eventually freeze over.
Well done, I do hope you continue your style.
Frostwyrm
Excellent piece of work, and that means a lot coming from me. This story is far more deserving of a place on the Featured bar than some of that dreck. I applaud your writing skill and wish you the best in your future endeavours. Consider yourself watched.
this was truly amazing. i enjoyed every part. It was beautifully done. I just don't really understand it, which is my fault, not the author's. How has she been blind and how had that failed the kingdom? Otherwise amazing and I can't believe how much I liked it
1264063 "Cadence" is how Meghan McCarthy spelled it in her script, and it makes more sense. "Cadance" was just so they could copyright it or something; it was a change enacted by Hasbro.
I liked this. It didn't have much to it, but I think the simplistic style made it more enjoyable.
Unfortunately, I believe this story has been struck by the EqD effect. You get it linked on Equestria Daily, which leads to a higher view-count. The problem is that barely any of the EqD readers have an account on FIMFiction, so they don't favorite it, or even leave an upvote.
Well! Looks like my advice helped. :) Congrats on getting onto EQD!
1411165 Just like they can copyright 'rarity' or 'applejack'...
Brohoof!
1412723 To be honest, I've never seen a "®" on any of the pony names in official merch or ads. The most I've seen is a ™, which doesn't mean as much.
(I'd like to be able to remember if I've seen stuff like "Vinyl Scratch™" anywhere. That would be cool if they're doing that to the names we created!)
1411165
You said it yourself, Hasbro changed it. It's their show so they make the final decisions. And it's their decisions that are official, in this case it's Cadance. Her name in the script means nothing, so I don't see why you brought that up. Scripts are unofficial, it's the episodes that come out of the scripts that are official. In A Canterlot Wedding we didn't get to see the spelling of her name, Hasbro showed with their merchandise.
Cadence is also a common real life name, and from what I've seen, Hasbro tends to keep away from those. It doesn't matter that Cadenza is Italian for Cadence. Cadance is the real spelling of her nickname, that's how it is. Unless you can make Hasbro change their mind about it.
1414238 ♪ La la la la la! Aaaaaaaaa.
This was a fun little piece of speculative fiction, and was very good for a short story. Cadance feelings for her lost empire come quite clear all through, and I specially liked the subtle way you marked the impressive passage of time, it was very effective and didn't affect the pace or got in the way of showing her walk through the ruins of her kingdom.
Just one thing that wasn't clear for me on the overall narrative: Did she meet Princess Celestia before or after her walk through the ruins? The way she looks at things makes it look like it has been a while since she has been there, but the final section is not in italics indicating that it didn't happen on the past.
1415053
You reply to a three weeks old comment and then this is the best you can do? Are you trying to point out that both Cadence and Cadenza are musical terms? I really don't see how it relates to this. I thought better of you, but you proved me wrong on that point. If you have anything else to say, just pm me, this has gone on long enough.
No fighting, guys...
1417924 I guess it's just a matter of opinion. I'm of the opinion that "Cadence" is her real name, and you're of the opinion that it's "Cadance".
1418398 Yes, sensei.
1418398 if you MUST fight, use Pies.
some new info on the Crystal Empire has come up. Maybe this story could be a Parallel Universe thing.
Just found this; really nice work. You did a great job maintaining a single feeling all the way through. Unfortunately, to fit it with canon (or however you say that) would involve a fairly significant re-write.
Overall, I liked it, despite the feels.
Very interesting. The feels are strong with this one.
A fascinating piece of speculation, even now. Heck, especially now. We don't have many blank slates we can work with these days. Seeing something that tackles the Empire when it was protean and undefined is a delight, especially this tale of a people who loved their princess too much to ever expose her to the rigors of ruling. Thank you for it.
The fact that this was written before the Season 3 premiere is really impressive. I think that the time slip covered a little too much distance, but I'm not sure what exactly could have been done to improve it.
Glad one of my favorite Cadence fics is getting attention.
Neat. Too bad nothing came of it.
8907660
Eh, you just love to leave comments of empty negativity, don't you?
I wonder if you ever made one solid point in your time on this website...
But hey, @Aldrigold, this was a very interesting read. A new take on a background the show never explored. I have my own headcanons for it, but I certainly found yours enjoyable, too ;) The idea that alicorns are born out of harmony hadn't even occurred to me, it's a point of view that seems very close to the show itself.
Under this light, one might even argue that the newfound harmony of the Empire was the reason for Flurry being an alicorn. Interesting, how much an old story seems to fit the show's continuity.
8907992
Are you saying there's a sequel to this? No? Then kiss my ass.
8907992
Says the person leaving comments of empty criticism.
It's an interesting take, but very much on the line of story/not a story. More like a proposed story. I do think the canon storyline makes a little bit more sense than the inexplicable demise via no foals born and little food to eat that is presented here. Having 'relying on the princess' doom them makes little sense in any other context than the practical reality of stupidity based hope being followed right to the last.
Fuller review here, but in brief: perhaps just too different from canon to be more than a curiosity now, but a very interesting curiosity. Reminded me a bit of Cold in Gardez's Lost Cities.
1412723
They can't actually Copyright Rarity or Applejack as names being both are words in the English language. The characters themselves must be trademarked to prevent lookalikes.
I just found this. Over all I found it interesting as a peace of speculative fiction. I had a little difficulty catching where it switched from the present to the flashbacks. Two things you may wish to change. When Cadance/Cadence [Really people?] speaks in the royal voice, you may wish to use bold text to bring that out more. Second thing is "Taurine". How I interpreted the word: tau·rine, ˈtôrēn/ nounBiochemistry noun: taurine
Why is it there? Did you perhaps mean something else? Needless to say, this caused me to trip over the word, and lose my rhythm within the narrative while I tried to figure out why it was there. It's inclusion makes no sense to me, and I can only assume I must be missing something?
One last thing, if you wanted to bring this more in line with canon, the way I might tackle it, is to have her escaping a city under siege by Sombra.
8959060 That was kinda the joke, hence the 'winking Rarity'. You'd have to see the rest of the comment thread.
Also, reply to a 6 year-old comment. That's a record.
8959561
Ya, I wasn't really thinking. XD
You can has review!