• Member Since 19th Oct, 2015
  • offline last seen 7 minutes ago

The Sleepless Beholder


I just headbutt the keyboard till my ideas spill out into writing. Sometimes it works.

T

It has been weeks since the destruction of the Memory Stone, and over this time, Sunset has been developing feelings for Wallflower as she and her friends help her become visible to the rest of the school.

Wallflower has also developed feelings for the girl she once hated, now knowing who she truly was after the Fall Formal, and admiring her just like everyone else at school.

However, despite sharing the same feelings, the girls still aren’t able to finally confess their love, so one day, Sunset decides that maybe a trip to Equestria could give them the courage to finally express their feelings.
But her plans run into an unexpected detour, into the Everfree Forest.

Great thanks to Shimmeringsun for not only pre-reading this story, but also giving me suppport and ideas to make this tale what it is. Go check their stories, you won't regret it!

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 27 )

Okay, so what the fudge is with this ship? And I thought Sunlight was built on thin ice. This one makes even less sense than Sunset and Sci Twi as a thing.

Just thought I'd ask while I still remember.

10591563
Don't know what to tell you. I just find them adorable as a couple and I love the stories about them that I've read.

Yay!! The story is finally up!! Congrats! :twilightsmile:

Well now. Her special gift came on fast.

“Hello New Friends!”

I am wallflower

Huh. Unexpected callout! (But not unappreciated - that was very kind of you.)

I hope you all enjoyed this story. It's a project that weirdly started with this story by TCC56 (go watch his work), which gave me the start of this idea that transformed into one of my most passionate works, and my second try at a romance story.

...Wow. Well, uh, not sure what to say at that. It's incredibly flattering (and I'm not even the top tier for SunFlower writers!) and unexpected. Just, well, thank you. Thank you very much.

As for the story itself: I like a lot of the little details along the way. Trixie having the connection to Wallflower is something I always like seeing; despite her role in Forgotten Friendship she's rarely associated with Wally. And they do have an interesting dynamic going on. The idea of Wally being able to heal the Everfree also does make sense - it's definitely her bailiwick and she's right. The right TLC and you can go a long way to helping a plant turn from near death to healthy. I'll admit I expected Wallflower to meet her counterpart in the forest there, though not in that way.

All in all? A fun read, a good hook for a possible future piece and again - thank you.

10592535
Hey, you don't need to be top tier to inspire people, some of your stories I consider the most unique or interesting I've read, so you're top tier for me.

I do have a future story planned involving Trixie and Wally, but with my usual unexpectedness. I do think they could be good friends and have an interesting dynamic.

When I started to thinking what Wally's cutie mark would mean, it occurred to me that it would be very fitting to her "redemption" that not only she could tend gardens but also bring them back to heal with little love and care, just like it was given to her at the end of Forgotten Friendship.

I knew from the start that people would figure out that Wally was being called by herself, so I banked in the surprise of how she would find her.

I'm so glad you liked it, I really wanted this story to be good for people that enjoy this couple as much as I do.

Keep doing your best work!

A good balance of exposition and story, very well setup.

what about the intermission

this was so puuuuuuuuuuure I loved it omg

You didn't shy away from the heavier topics a character like Wally invites into a story, and this was all the better for it. Excellent work :heart:

10593356
Thank you a lot! I was really excited about this story, and yeah, Wally brings some heavy topics to the writing table but that only makes me want to put an interesting spin on it.

I've a few more to bring out, and I hope you like them too. :scootangel:

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Would this happen to include a sequel? Because I want to see plant/pony Wallflower make friends in Equestria. And I like the way she talks using plants to make words it reminds me of a story I read where Vinyl Scratch makes magical letters floating in the air.

10593726
I also want to write that, so it's very probable that it will get a sequel.

Yeah I read something smiliar with a pony that could make words appear on her body. I honestly always found adorable when characters find ways to comunicate in some magical way.

That's pretty dark even for Sunset

This was quite the ride. So many of the plot points/details you included here were unique—in a good way. Trixie and Wally being friends is something I've never seen before, but really want to see more of now. That conversation in the wagon (although maybe it is a trailer here?) was a great way to show Wally's side of things.

Wally being a blankflank when she came through the portal was unexpected, as was her getting a second cutiemark at the end, but both of these things tie in well with her journey throughout the story. Both in terms of her learning about her special talent, and in her and Sunset working through their feelings. Was not expecting Treeflower, but nice use of her in the epilogue. The art of her is super cute too!

I think you nailed the Sunset/Wally dynamic well here. Both their feelings and hesitance felt real. The flashback was something I was not expecting, but it felt appropriate for both Sunset's guilt and how ruthless she was back then. I think you incorporated the heavier subject pretty well.

Also, the idea of Wallflower doing Sunset's homework for her because Sunset was fresh through the mirror and literally didn't know how to write was super clever. There's lots of little details in the story like that... Things that had me scratching my head and going, "Damn, why didn't I think of that?" So... kudos! :ajsmug:

As far as constructive critique goes, the story is a bit rough around the edges in terms of grammar. I saw a couple instances of "hearth" instead of "heart," for example. However, none of this was too egregious as to distract me from the story and/or dampen my enjoyment of it. Could have used a few more editing passes is all. The only other thing is that some scenes felt a bit rushed or like they could have been described better, like when Sunset was being eaten by the giant flower. I think this story could have been a little longer without bogging down the pacing. Just a bit more room to let certain scenes breathe.

All in all, a great SunFlower story and a fantastic use of pony Wallflower. An easy fave for sure! :twilightsmile:

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Trixie and Wally being friends is something I've never seen before, but really want to see more of now. That conversation in the wagon (although maybe it is a trailer here?) was a great way to show Wally's side of things.

I have another story for the future involving them, and I also like their interactions. Trixie's overconfidence and brash honesty pairs well with Wally.
And yeah, I put it as trailer in this world

Wally being a blankflank when she came through the portal was unexpected, as was her getting a second cutiemark at the end, but both of these things tie in well with her journey throughout the story

I was on the fence about the second cutie mark for a while, since I always felt like Wally's design after the movie was more fitting to her growth as a character instead of staying with the old persona forever (in the form of her "canon" cutie mark).

Was not expecting Treeflower, but nice use of her in the epilogue. The art of her is super cute too!

Thank you! I knew readers would expect Wally finding pony Wally in some way, so I hoped the end would take them by surprise.

I think you nailed the Sunset/Wally dynamic well here. Both their feelings and hesitance felt real.

That makes me happy, since you, Scampy, and I-A-M do amazing jobs with them, and I always feel like I generaly do a very different version of Wallflower in my stories. More "positive" so to speak.

The flashback was something I was not expecting, but it felt appropriate for both Sunset's guilt and how ruthless she was back then. I think you incorporated the heavier subject pretty well.

Yeah, I always felt that for Wally to hate Sunset to that extent, there had to be some dark past between them.

There's lots of little details in the story like that... Things that had me scratching my head and going, "Damn, why didn't I think of that?"

When I want to write a character I don't have much experince with, I go to the wiki and look for the little details, because they are both more likely to not be generally used, and because they have room to expand upon. The Wally does Sunset's homework started because it's how Wally say's they met in the movie, so I built the scene from there.

The only other thing is that some scenes felt a bit rushed or like they could have been described better

This and the grammar are bacuase of my lack of English. I'm doing better but haven't grasp enough yet. Also, in my particular case, I kind of get bored with most overlong descriptions when I read stories, and again, the lack of vocabulary doesn't let me paint an image well.

I think this story could have been a little longer without bogging down the pacing. Just a bit more room to let certain scenes breathe.

This is something that seems to come up in many of my stories, but I genuinly can't seem to notice. Maybe it's becasue of the previous point you made.

All in all, a great SunFlower story and a fantastic use of pony Wallflower. An easy fave for sure! :twilightsmile:

Thank you! I'm happy you liked it, and if you wna't, I made another SunFlower story not long ago. A bit less polished and short, but you may end up enjoying it. Till Death Do Us Part

10627761

I have another story for the future involving them, and I also like their interactions. Trixie's overconfidence and brash honesty pairs well with Wally.

Agreed! I'll be on the lookout for that story in the future then. :twilightsmile:

That makes me happy, since you, Scampy, and I-A-M do amazing jobs with them, and I always feel like I generaly do a very different version of Wallflower in my stories. More "positive" so to speak.

I'm extremely flattered to be included in the same breath as Scampy and I-A-M, because they both write SunFlower way better than I do, LOL. (Scampy is the SunFlower queen.) I would agree that Wallflower is a little different here (I see what you mean about this portrayal being more "positive"), but she's still recognizable as the Wallflower from both canon and fanon.

When I want to write a character I don't have much experince with, I go to the wiki and look for the little details, because they are both more likely to not be generally used, and because they have room to expand upon. The Wally does Sunset's homework started because it's how Wally say's they met in the movie, so I built the scene from there.

That's very clever. I love when authors do stuff like that!

This and the grammar are bacuase of my lack of English. I'm doing better but haven't grasp enough yet. Also, in my particular case, I kind of get bored with most overlong descriptions when I read stories, and again, the lack of vocabulary doesn't let me paint an image well.

Oh, I didn't realize English wasn't your first language. You definitely have a good general grasp of it. Like I said, most of the stuff I noticed were small mistakes, not things that made the story unreadable. Both grammar and description are things that just take time and practice.

This is something that seems to come up in many of my stories, but I genuinly can't seem to notice. Maybe it's becasue of the previous point you made.

Possibly. We can only write in the same style we like to read, really. Plus, I can't even speak a second language, much less write fiction in one, so there's an added layer of difficulty there.

I'll give your other SunFlower story a read at some point, thanks!

“Wally, I love you, but if you turn into an alicorn I’m going to be a bit mad.”
/snerk

Have a review. I hope I've been helpful. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions or follow up.

Fascinating concept, but it's definitely rushed in spots and incredibly sappy in others. Not that the latter is always a bad thing, but the emotional journey went as quickly as the physical one. Still, an engaging and intense adventure. All told, quite enjoyable, even if I have a lot of questions. Thank you for it.

10851365
Yep, not of my best works, but learned a lot from it. My next attempt worked a lot better.

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