• Member Since 19th Oct, 2015
  • offline last seen 6 minutes ago

The Sleepless Beholder


Have you ever spent sleepless hours writing a random thought you had while in the internet? Well thats my craft

T

Being a unicorn pony, a high school student, a magical girl that fights with the power of friendship, and an artist, Sunset Shimmer thought she was ready for anything the world could throw at her.

What she never expected was to be called by the principal, saying that her mother was looking for her.

Written for A Most Delightful Ponidox.

Not even a day and it already got featured! Hurray!

Note: If you're a reader of my story, Seeking My Purpose In The World, consider this an alternate timeline where Sunset went through the mirror to the human world.
If you haven't read the story, don't worry it's not necessary

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 66 )

That was beautiful!

I liked this one. Any chance of a sequel?

10467105
It's possible, but not in the near future

Please I need a sequel this was so damn good I love it so much.

The woman shrugged. “My guess is that our parents gave us different names.”

Okay, but why? What makes Sunny so special in a world of parallels? (Besides making their later dialogue easier to write. :raritywink:)

Sunset turned around and saw all of her friends standing in the center of the café, with Rainbow Dash at the front.

So... how long have they been standing there without either Shimmer noticing them, exactly?

An interesting concept, but I find the execution lacking. For one, the legal issues seem like something Sunset would've had to attend to to rent her apartment in the first place, making Sunshine's offer kind of hollow. The pacing jerks back and forth between contemplative conversation and abrupt shifts to the next set piece. Then there's the divergence point. Again, what difference between the two worlds led to the two different outcomes? Fleshing out the mind meld scenes might have actually helped answer that.

I'd also take issue with Celestia believing a random condiment-haired woman was Sunset's mother, especially considering how Tia knows Sunset is an extradimensional horse alien... but this is CHS we're talking about. The admission requirements are "be vaguely teenager-shaped." :derpytongue2:

Again, I really do like the idea of successful entrepreneur human Sunset taking her counterpart under her wing in an unusual form of self-interest. Goodness knows there's plenty to explore here, especially if Sunshine has some sinister motives of her own. (She's clearly as ambitious as Sunset, and she's never taken a rainbow to the face.) But this story raises more questions than it answers. Still, thank you for the entry and best of luck in the contest.

I'm on a similar page as FanofMostEverything. It's an interesting idea, but you could've fleshed it out a bit more. Also, shouldn't Celestia have been more wary of somebody claiming to be Sunset's mother, considering she knows the truth about Sunset's origins? Then again, I guess that could've just been her excuse to call Sunset to the office.

10467162

10467179

Okay, but why? What makes Sunny so special in a world of parallels? (Besides making their later dialogue easier to write. :raritywink:)

To accentuate the fact that they are different people, and not just a humanized copy. Sunset was raised in circumstances that no human (at least in modern times) would've gone through.

So... how long have they been standing there without either Shimmer noticing them, exactly?

Since Sunset started screaming, calling the attention of everyone in the café.

For one, the legal issues seem like something Sunset would've had to attend to to rent her apartment in the first place, making Sunshine's offer kind of hollow.

Have you seen Sunset's apartment? And she supposedly pays it with her sushi job? Even canon breaks down with logic.

I'd also take issue with Celestia believing a random condiment-haired woman was Sunset's mother, especially considering how Tia knows Sunset is an extradimensional horse alien

Who said she believed her? Or more importantly, how would she claim that Sunset coudln't be her daugther without mentioniung magic shenanigans

but this is CHS we're talking about. The admission requirements are "be vaguely teenager-shaped." :derpytongue2:

Reading this sentence already made writing this story worth it :rainbowlaugh:

But this story raises more questions than it answers.

Yes, I could've taken more time and go deeper into it, but I have like 6 stories in the working. Your contest gave me the chance to test this idea I had for some time, along with another one that I'm sure you won't like XD

Still, thank you for the entry and best of luck in the contest.

You are one of its judges so I can calculate that luck. Still, I wrote it for fun, practice, and fans of my other works.

Good luck to you and thank you for the inspiration :twilightsmile:

10467162
I'm going to guess that for this AU Sunset's name could have been changed at the Orphanage

10467179
Unless Sunshine told Principle Celestia the truth and asked her to go along with the ruse, I am pretty sure trollestia would be happy to oblige.

I feel like I've read this already somewhere. Strange. But still an amazing funny oneshot

10467220

I'm going to guess that for this AU Sunset's name could have been changed at the Orphanage

Yes, actually, she was named by Celestia when she adopted her

This was something I never expected from a human Sunset story:

Both Sunsets using each other to fill the void in their hearts.

It was wonderful, and I hope you do more.

I really hope Sunset takes her offer.

Okay, now I want to see a drawing of older Sunset hugging teenager Sunset 😢

Wanderer D
Moderator

Aww, that was cute. A little short and quick for something that I feel has a lot of potential, but maybe you can turn into something bigger in the future?

Also, there are a few expressions that come across a bit ESL... they're a pain, I know, but they do show up. For example, Sunset's father working in his passion reads a bit odd. You could probably catch them with a couple of re-reads.

Not that I'm complaining, but what's with all the oneshots lately?

10467393
If you mean mine, practice and contests

If you mean the site in general, I don't know, probably also contests or speedwriting

10467335
I am planning on doing it now that so many people seem to like the story. This was one of those ideas that I test to see how they work, and I'm honestly surprised.

I couldn't get in contact with my editor before posting, so my non-english brain fails to notice them. I will do a re-read later and see if my editor can check it too.

Thank you for the comment and I hope you're doing better.

10467419
I would like to see this turn into a series too! I wonder if Sunset would take her up on her offer. To see their bond would be cute tbh

Now we need only one thing: X-COM squad lurking nearby.

10467162

Okay, but why?

Something simillar was in Ranger, only instead of different name Gabby and her mirror-self were opposite genders. Specifically, Earth-Gabby was Gabriel and Equus-Gabby is Gabriella.

Despite Wallflower was in it since I hate her I really enjoyed this. This might possibly be the best sunset meeting her human counterpart story I've read.

10467965

his might possibly be the best sunset meeting her human counterpart story I've read.

Wow, I'm really honored :raritystarry:

While I'm on the opposite side of the spectrum with Wallflower, she's here just to set the timeline and give her little speech at the end. I'm not planning (for now) to do much with her or the main six in the future, and focus mostly on Sunshine and Sunset.

Sunshine mentions which girl Sunset has a crush on... curious how it could be... As with many others, hope you continue this nice little headcannon backstory for Sunset.

Note: If you're a reader of my story, Seeking My Purpose In The World, consider this an alternate timeline where Sunset went through the mirror to the human world.
If you haven't read the story, don't worry it's not necessary

I swear when I read that after reading the description, I was sold, I had one million thoughts go through my head on how this was gonna turn out.......

Then I read the story.......

And then all one million thoughts were shot down just like that.

Now don't get me wrong I really loved the story and I accept that it didn't go the way I assumed it would.

I enjoyed everything the story offerd, Sunset living through Sunshine memories of her parents like that really hit me in the feels, it makes you think about how Sunsets life would of been if that incident never happened:pinkiesad2::fluttercry::raritycry::applecry:

All in all it was a fun read and the ending with Rarity made me laugh hard:rainbowlaugh::raritystarry::rainbowlaugh:

10468413
Yeah, I put that disclaimer to actually separate the two. So the readers of Seeking would only know this Sunset's past.
And while now I see that I should continue this, I won't spoil neither Sunset's past nor the parents of this Sunshine.

I'm happy that you still enjoyed, and don't worry Seeking still has a lot for you a lot to think about :raritywink:

Very well done. And extremely heartwarming.

> who are them

they

Good take on a human Sunset.

wow, this short story moved me a little. I like the tragic characters and the scene with the family memories was strong. 👏👍

It's easy to forget that Sunset is technically Twilight's predecessor. The reason why both are the same age now was because time flows slower in the human world.

This Shimmer could be what she would have been like she stayed in Equestria.

10470005
There are multiple explanations as to how the mirror works, but I like to think that if Sunset had stayed, she could've been the one who became Celestia's successor, maybe even sharing the rule with Twilight like she did with Luna.

10469976
I have been convinced to do it, but when it will be released I don't really know yet

10469634
Thank you, the family memories were the most emotional for me.
long time since I heard from you.

10469502
Thank you! I'm actually surprised she got such a positive response

10470012
I just noticed just yesterday that you went back to creating stories. ;)
therefore, I would like to congratulate you on your return and wish you success and inspiration.

So sad this is only a 1 shot

10470242
It will be continued in the future, I'm already making plans

I see hyphens used as dashes. ☹

The two versions of Sunset are well done—and I can see the similarities despite their differences. There's a nice, sweet core in this story that, sadly, pretty much has to stand all on its own.

I'm also left to wonder why Sunset's human counterpart couldn't or wouldn't just adopt her as a sister.

10470675

There's a nice, sweet core in this story that, sadly, pretty much has to stand all on its own.

Luckily, by the power of you people liking the random ideas I get when I'm sleep-deprived, it will get a sequel that will let it grow into something better.

I'm also left to wonder why Sunset's human counterpart couldn't or wouldn't just adopt her as a sister.

Sunset being her sister would be a lot more dificult to explain to Sunshine's parents.

Sweet, if a bit confusing. If you write a sequel, I will definitely give it a look.

This right here is why Sunset can't stay in our world. Either her native self comes calling, or the government does, and that puts Equestria in the firing line.

Because as we all know, most governments (and people in this world, seeing as how many have been corrupted) would kill to get their hands on magic. And they wouldn't care how many died to get it.

Sunset gets off lucky since her counterpart isn't a pyschotic bitch like she used to be and won't be telling anyone.

10470013
Well, you shouldn't feel that way. Even if she got a poor reception.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!