• Member Since 19th Oct, 2015
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The Sleepless Beholder

I just headbutt the keyboard till my ideas spill out into writing. Sometimes it works.


Twilight Sparkle had only spent a few days recovering from her visit to Our Town and the defeat their cult leader when she finds a letter from said unicorn dictator, stating her intentions of revenge that she definitely has already planned, and that she will keep an eye on her, not because she's living in the castle and has been stealing her food to survive.

Needless to say, Twilight is very confused.

A rip off of blatantly copied from inspired by: Strange Letters from a Queen Bug Horse which you should be reading instead of this.

Now translated to Russian by GrandCat: Translation

Chapters (18)
Comments ( 169 )

Oh, this promises to be fun...and possibly painful for Starlight if Twilight gets her hooves on her for threatening her BOOKS!

How did Chrysalis get involved? How many people are hiding out in this castle?

Who is delivering these? It's Derpy isn't it? Best mailpony can deliver anywhere!

I just I don't think I can't I mean if I
...These letters, keep them coming.

They might just be leaving the letters out for either Starlight or Twilight to find. And seeing as, at first anyway, Twilight didn't want to murder her, she might have just left them, and the things to keep her alive, in the most likely spots Starlight can find them.

They hold a party when Twilight's out of town

The image is from Hellsing Ultimate Abridged. Alucard’s letter to the Pope. Absolutely hilarious!

One of the best scenes from that series. And I loved that the twitter account actually exists

I thank you for this blessing.

I just like the idea that Chrysi felt the need to respond.

I see Twi has started basting the turkey.

Are there going to be more chapters for the story or is it already completed?

There are going to me more chapters tomorrow

Oh dear, never anger a spellcrafter. I recommend that everything eaten within the confines of the castle taste irretrievably of cheese.

Also, how/why is Celestia getting Twilight's mail? Is Spike CCing her?

We all know Celestia keeps a very close eye on Twilight at all times :rainbowlaugh:

Welp. Twilight just undid all the good these letters were doing. It felt like Starlight was starting to come around and not go through with her revenge scheme.

No more. Now she will probably not even bother with the time spell nonsense, and just straight up try and murder the alicorn in question.

Could be wrong about all of this though.

I like that Celestia spends more thought on bad language than the issue that provoked it. Good priorities there.

What diplomatic discussions didn't involve at least a few drops of poison? :rainbowlaugh:

Looks like ruining books and risk getting torn apart by a furious alicorn is merely the 2nd dumbest thing you can do. The dumbest is messing with animals and face the wrath of Fluttershy!

Oh, and also the Lord of Chaos. He'll do anything Fluttershy says.

Ah ha! behold my cunning plan! I planned for you to plan to defeat my plan and in so doing actually defeat yourself!

Wow. Shy did not hesitate to go for the nuclear option.

When Fluttershy looks scared, she isn't scared of being hurt, she's scared of getting you hurt.


Oh, and also the Lord of Chaos. He'll do anything Fluttershy says.

And I'm sure he's also having a blast with all these letter shenanigans

Hah! Success! This calls for a celebration!

Cheese for everyone!

No, wait, scratch that, cheese for no one.

I suppose that could be just as much of a celebration if you don't like cheese...

So Starlight is gonna become a secret maid that cleans the castle when nopony is around, in exchange for a payment, food and shelter, whilst she holds a casual letter conversation with Twilight and also plots her impending doom with increasingly bothersome shenanigans... over a hot coco.
This is the best timeline.

Cheese is the base of all my foods, so yeah, cheese for everyone!

All joking aside Spike definitely has his priorities straight.

Compared to the rest of the cast, Spike is one of the characters who have their shit together most of the time,

I'm really starting to think that at the end of this story Spike will be the one that "reforms" Starlight. First offering to cuddle with Starlight if she gets cold and now giving her a job. Spike's the real mvp here.

This chapter got...

😎 Dangerously cheesy!

No I'm not sorry at all.

:rainbowlaugh: That Spike part got me!

I also don't blame him. That castle is huge!

What happened to today's chapter? Or chapters? You can't be done with the story just yet, can you?

It got delayed. I released another story (by accident because it's a Sunday and Sundays are the worts time to publish something apparently) and I had to help my sister with an infestation of cockroaches in her kitchen. (Maybe I should add a chapter about that here)
I will continue this later, don't worry.

PS: and don't worry, the story has a conclusion.

You totally should do a chapter just like that. Just because it would too funny not for the story to have it.

Not so much in real life of course. But this fanfiction.

These two gentlecolts you found tried to enter the castle in the middle of the night to rob you blind while you were away, so I sent my rock-rat minions to deal with them.

Wait, this reminds me of...

This chapter was inspired by Why Princess Twilight Doesn't Need Royal Guards, which if you haven't read yet, you should.



You should spend less time seeking revenge and more time in therapy.

Hrmph, the pot calling kettle black :rainbowlaugh:!

I think I like this Starlight's way of dealing with crooks even more than the Starlight in my "Why Princess Twilight Doesn't Need Royal Guards" did it.:rainbowlaugh:

*Alarm rings*

Starlight: Spike, release the rats. :pinkiecrazy:

How painful was it to write that A+ politician pleonasm?

I’m curious if Twi has her own method of measuring credibility or if it’s from some random book she read.

I’d say Star has a god complex but given her recent achievements there is some room for debate.


They should ask fluttershy for help.:pinkiesmile:

I wonder how many letters Starlight had to send before Chrysalis decided to reply. Just one? Or did Starlight perhaps send a mountain of letters before Chrysalis decided that a proper rejection letter was in order.

Just the intention of joining her ranks was enough to make Chrissy want to clarify things :rainbowlaugh:

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