Great Tits
“Discord, please come over here!” Fluttershy called. Her soft voice carried through the snowy air, and there was a special cheer in her voice.
“Can’t it wait? I’m in the middle of something very important,” came Discord’s garbled response as he slowly peeled his tongue away from the lamppost he had been licking.
“Please, Discord? I want you to meet some of my other friends. I promise you’ll like them.”
“Oh, fine,” he groused, unable to even savor the frosty, metallic aftertaste. “Pull a draconequus away from his extremely vital labor. It’s not like anything bad ever happened when somepony decided I was having too much fun.”
“Discord, look at my tits! Aren’t they adorable? Look at these itty bittie little titties!”
“Erm…” He whirled around faster than you could demand a chaos apocalypse with a side of cayenne pepper chips and whipped cream.
“What?” Fluttershy asked, plopping down into the snow. The two chubby birds that had been fluttering around her landed in her forehooves where she presented them to him. “Oh my gods, I can’t believe I was so impolite! Let me introduce you properly. This is Deedee, and this is her mate, Chickie. They’re a pair of lovely tits.”
“Is… is that really what they’re called?”
“Uhh, yes? Why would I have to lie about their names?” Her muzzle was crinkled with ever-so-slight frustration, the kind ponies had when they were faced with something outside of their narrow thoughts of friendship and alfalfa. At least, that’s what Discord figured the thoughts of ponies could be divided into. “Oh, dear! Did you think they were criminals?”
“No, that was hardly what I thought about your birds—”
“If that’s so, then why don’t you like my tits? They traveled a very long way to meet you!”
“Erm, really? They look a little on the plump side—”
“Well, of course! These tits are huge. Tits are actually quite sedentary, you know. They rarely fly more than a few miles from their nests.” Fluttershy proudly held aloft the two tits, who chirped pleasantly, blinking their dark eyes. There was no doubt that the two critters were enjoying their snow day with Fluttershy. “Chickie and Deedee live very close to Sweet Apple Acres. That’s a long way for these tits to fly. You should show these two lovely tits some more respect — please? They just want to see my newest friend.”
“That’s — snrk — very nice of your tits, Fluttershy.”
“I know! I’m sure that once you get to know them, you’ll be the best of pals with my tits. They’re funny and extremely, umm, what’s the word? For very fun chaos?”
“...Are you trying to tell me you have some — snrk — wacky tits?”
“Oh, of course, I am!” Leaning down, Fluttershy nuzzled the soft cheeks of the birds gently. “Few things in nature are as wacky as tits. Well, except maybe for Pinkie Pie. Here, why don’t you hold my tits?”
“Oh, ah, certainly?”
“I’m sure they will be much nicer if you’re more like you’re usual self. Goodness, you’re almost acting shy! I promise that these are some very nice tits.” She extended her forehooves, showing off the plump, feathered bodies of the two birds. “Here, be careful with Chickie. He’s a little heavier—”
“I’ve got him—” Discord’s eyes widened as the portly little bird slipped when he pulled his claw away from her outstretched hooves too soon.
“No, please be careful!” A sharp pang of fear was notable in Fluttershy’s exclamation. “Don’t poke my tits like that! See, his leg was trying to hook onto your claw?”
“Ah, yes. Don’t worry, Fluttershy.” With much more care than he was used to using, Discord used his claw to gently nudge the stray tit onto his paw, where the little animal could safely perch. “...I’ve got your tits.”
“Yay! That’s perfect! Look at how they’re snuggling up to you already. I’m sure they’ll absolutely love it if you stroke their feathers gently. Tits love attention.”
“...I’m sure they do.”
“Would you like to hear about some fascinating tit facts? It might take them a moment to adjust, since they’re very shy but—”
“Sure, sure. Tell me all about — snrk — your tits, Flutters.”
“Oh my goodness, this will be so much fun!” The pegasus spun happily in the air, doing a modest loop before landing again. “Not everypony is as excited about tits as I am. You see, they’re an incredibly fascinating subject.”
“Ah, of course. Tits are nature’s gift, after all.”
“Aren’t they just?” Fluttershy shot him her sweetest smile. “Aside from being super cuddly, tits are one of the few garden passerines to actually improvise new melodies! You know what that means, right?”
“...You’ve, uh, got some really noisy tits?
“Oh, absolutely!” Fluttershy’s wings flapped with innocent cheer before she folded them at her sides. “Discord, you should come over sometime soon to hear them. Most of the time, if you can’t immediately identify a bird’s song it means that you’re listening to the music of tits!”
“Wow…” Discord was about ready to wince from the pain that came from holding in so much laughter. “That’s… an excellent — snrk — tit fact, right there.”
“Indeed!” She nodded in understanding, yet couldn’t understand his laughter. “All tits are quite special, really. They often make up some very pretty songs on the fly.”
“Ahh… how interesting your tits are, Fluttershy.” Discord wanted to cringe from the sheer levels of how could she not understand this being crammed into this conversation.
“Thank you!” Fluttershy smiled bashfully, pulling the length of her scarf over her cheeks to hide her blush. “Oh my goodness, look how proud they are to hear that! Deedee looks like she’s going to burst from such high praise.”
“Oh no, that would be disastrous if one of your tits were to burst. I’ll try and be careful with them.”
“Oh, haha!” Fluttershy giggled like a puppy being tickled with feathers sliding down rainbows. “I get it! You thought they could actually pop — like balloons! That was very silly of you, Discord!”
“Mmm-hmm, well silly is what I do.” Discord couldn’t meet the beady eyes of the two birds. “Especially when it comes to tits.”
“Wow! You’ve met other tits before?” She looked at him far too innocently, and flashing him such a polite, conversational smile. It was like when a foal asked to visit their pet that had been sent to a farm upstate. But, surely, Fluttershy wasn’t that innocent?
“...Oh, Flutters, I’ve met loads of tits. You’re just the first to properly, ah, introduce me to these ones.”
“That’s so amazing! I knew you would love my tits when I told you how wacky they are.”
“Wacky certainly is the best word for… tits.” Discord tried to hold back another snort, but imagined he just looked like he was ready to sneeze.
“Yes, absolutely! Tits are very successful creatures. These birds find it very easy to adapt to so many food types!”
“So, what you’re saying is you rarely have to worry about what you feed your tits?”
“Yep! ”Fluttershy smiled gleefully. “Most birds have very sensitive and select diets, but not tits. I can put out almost any seed in my garden and they’ll love it!”
“Well, Chickie and Deedee are very nice tits.” Discord had to put all his effort into not rolling his eyes. “I guess I wouldn’t mind hearing them sing some time soon.”
“I should organize a concert! Just think of all the different kinds of tits that could be singing!” Fluttershy clapped her forehooves giddily and squealed with enough high-pitched delight to make her tits hop about uncomfortably, even though they were perched on Discord’s forelimbs still.
“Oh — snrk — are you telling me that there’s more tits?”
“Well, yes.” Fluttershy cocked her head to the side, letting her long pink mane spill around her confused expression. “The last time I checked one of my bird-watching guides, it said there were at least fifty-five known varieties of tits.”
“Bwhaha! That’s sooooo many tits!” Discord guffawed, slapping a knee. He swept his tail around in a reckless arc, and the two tits spread their wings. Both chirped fearfully as they fled back to the safety of Fluttershy’s forelegs.
“Discord, be careful!” Fluttershy yelled, stretching her forelegs out to embrace the started, wayward tits. She pulled the poor creatures into a hug and nuzzled them carefully. “Look, you just startled Chickie and Deedee! Oh dear, oh goodness, that was so rude. I don’t understand why you’re laughing at me. I thought you liked my tits. At first, I thought you had something stuck in your nose, but now it just sounds like you’re being a bully.”
“There’s no way you can be that naive and still alive,” Discord murmured. His eyes were wide with a profound sense of horror.
“Wh-what do you mean?” Fluttershy stammered, growing three shades of yellow paler. She cuddled her tits close to her, like there was some unseen evil out to get them. “What’s so naive about tits? Why are you acting like they're naughty? My tits are very nice! They’re safe for everypony!”
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This is the only coherent response I have to this.
10554496
Bruh, you're a lesbian. You're supposed to like tits.
birdwatchireland.ie/app/uploads/2019/03/Great-Tit-43-www.carlmorrowphotography.com_.jpg
10554498
Oh, don't get me wrong. I definitely love a nice pair of tits.
previews.agefotostock.com/previewimage/medibigoff/c310fc64bea666eb013f24b30bf9206a/ssj-209177.jpg
Especially when the tits you just posted have a matching bra.
external-preview.redd.it/1G3hGhhmpjRrrdMajk2EX3jSWBTbRivkxWVSjpMApfM.jpg?auto=webp&s=157499bbe3c6c50cd777031c87367ea2eb8e1ce2
10554503
I'm gonna tell PETA you put birds in a bra so they will gather in one place and we can laugh at them more efficiently.
Fluttershy is just so innocent and pure. That's what makes this so funny. And yet I almost feel bad for Discord teasing her. Almost...
This was very cute and silly and made me laugh in spite of myself. Thank you!!
10554520
Thank you! That's very much what I set out to do, and despite all the downvotes (so far) people seem to have been appreciating the innocent fun way more.
Fluttershy you sweet summer child.
10 out of 10 Actually Factual IRL Bird Facts
10554537
I will slide my into your DMs any time I need bird facts from now on.
Makes sense. Reminds me of the classic
- MLP: FiM
- Comedy
- Slice of Life
Sunset Shimmer takes a day off to help pony Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash take care of animals. Innuendo ensues.10554503
Excuse me, this is a family-friendly website, please don't post picture of tits here.
10554553
I’m very aware of that story. 👀
Shame they can’t have a similar conversation underwater, the spiny lumpsucker never gets as much attention as tits.
Excellent, though now I wonder how much discord would appreciate holding fluttershy’s boobies.
Can I also poke her tits?
Congratulations
You are a horrible person, and you should feel horrible for all of this... Have a fave anyway :p Never heard of this kind of bird before.
Why is there a Drake and Josh fanfic on a pony website?
6-chicks-great-tits-plus-one-big-cock.jpeg
elensentier.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/great_tit_3.jpg
(source: https://elensentier.wordpress.com/2010/06/04/great-tit-saga/ )
I'm offensive and I find this tits.
I had to do a double take on the cover image, because was for a moment going "wuh? Surely this can't be entirely this straight, I've got the mature filter on?!"
Executed competantly, didn't belabour the point beyond what was necessaray, and on top of the strategically utlised cover image.
(Well, done, too, this is the first story I've seen in the feature box for a GOOD while that prompted me to read it.)
Take your blasted upvote and get those tits out of my face.
10554496 That was also my expression reading this.
omfg i love it
You know you're now obligated to write the sequel, Discord Strokes Fluttershy's Cock.
Fluttershy, you have got to calm your tits! Especially after Discord startles them!
10555071
Don't chicken out.
I didn't even realize this was an Ice story I just-
10/10 Tits are pretty amazing.
Fun fact; there's a group of weird aliens that are huge fans of Fluttershy and her tits.
64.media.tumblr.com/7e53043628e684777a8500721d192351/b17d1ba972d9fb99-62/s1280x1920/e04135219c59556cbaaba1f6ba8f588a21a1be01.jpg
Personally, I'm more of a boobie man myself. Especially if they're blue.
64.media.tumblr.com/a08169f551336602ce1d010c77be4b54/b17d1ba972d9fb99-bf/s540x810/4fb91d2eefd5624b0f079a488f5e18d0bdf9f20a.jpg
Oh DIscord, don't tell her yet, she still has to show you her great hooters too! They're just so endearing.
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You, know, I kept getting the impression that Fluttershy knew what she doing, and kept the act up to see how far she could push it before Discord cracked. It seems like something she might do to mess with him.
10554503 10554498
You can love all tits, whether they are great, or elegant, or varied.
Pfft, this one got a laugh out of me. Especially with how Discord was struggling to keep a straight face the entire time.
To be honest, I was half-expecting Fluttershy to know exactly what she was doing...but her being just that innocent about it is still funny.
5/10. Didn't end with a punchline about Fluttershy's boobies.
More critically, it could have used more innuendoes and wordplay. As it stands, it's just one long tit joke and that wears out its welcome after the first few hundred words.
clever, funny, and very well written, thank you.
10555270
You're like the fifth or sixth person to want me to write about the blue-footed booby. And yes, I'm not going to pretend that this was anything more than it is - it's a joke about Fluttershy being oblivious to her birds being called tits based on the image/conversation with a friend. Only Discord was supposed to speak suggestively about the tits because he's Discord. I just couldn't justify focusing on other double-meaning animals (boobies, cocks, etc) when this one was only supposed to be about tits and titty facts.
(I mean, I did say it was educational.)
Sorry if it wasn't your cup of tea. I just hope that this came across as trying to be more than it is. Thank you for actually giving some pointers for improvement with this kind of humor too. It's very different from the forms of comedy I write and I fully acknowledge I'm far from the best person to deliver it. But I also, like, find that if I'd gone far enough to get a sex tag slapped on it too, I probably would have no longer found it funny or wanted to post it. That would have personally felt like overkill to me.
10555258
It contained bird facts.
10555252
Oh hey, you're here! Pretty sure I've seen you before.
And yeah, Innocent Flutters just makes too much sense and naturally writes itself as more in-character. This is the first story I've done where she's in more than one scene, and I usually have something about her that comes across as semi-sheltered or hesitant.
10555199
Cocks, boobies, and hooters. Y'all want an Innuendo-Shy Cinematic Universe at this point. I'm not saying I'm opposed to it, but I never considered myself the best at this kind of humor. Plus, I don't want to come across as driving its into the ground. Friendshipping stories with silly, suggestive jokes and Discord and Flutters are a versatile enough genre that I think someone else could be more welcome to use those ideas. It'd probably be way better than me coming across as trying to milk this after it's sort-of one and done, I guess? If y'all know what I mean?
Don't get me wrong, this was fun to write. I'm just glad it's something that's making so many people happy. It's nice to write a meme-y story once in a while.
10555160
I really love all the boobie jokes. Thank you so much.
10555131
I know, right? Who would have thought that this story would have come from me of all people? It's way more along the lines of something... hrm... maybe Regidar would write? Regi has some similar humor and comedy fics, so I could see it. I don't usually read too much uber-funny stuff from Fimfic's known comedy crew, though I appreciate what fun they're having.
If anyone else can think of who they imagined writing this, I'd be down to know.
10555106
Filly, I didn't need a pun double-kill there.
10555089
Thank you for continuing the puns. I am having way too many laughs with this comment section and am glad it's so active.
10555071
This is probably the funniest sequel suggestion I've received do far. Thank you for sharing. It does mean a lot that a silly shitfic like this is getting people to want a little bit more.
10555053
Hi, so this is a SFW story. It's meant to be cute and a little immature. That's NSFW picture of two irl birds hurting one another. Considering this if is accessible to minors and just anyone who wants a nice laugh, please don't post that. Would it be too much to ask for that to be edited out of your comment?
10554904
10554851
10554833
Thank you all for putting up with this incredibly silly story.
10554814
Thank you for your constructive feedback on this of all stories! I'm glad that you found this good enough to click on and that you continue to enjoy more of my stories.
I try not to be deceptive with my tags in the slightest. Enigmatic, maybe. But not outright malicious. Do you think that the tagging for this could be improved? My original idea for this was to have it be more of a mind-trick that was rated-E and more in the vein of the reader trying not to laugh at the dumb tit story. It would have been more of a slice of life. I choose to have Discord be more trollish and teasing, acknowledging the suggestiveness which is what bumped the rating up and got the profanity tag added.
10554771
Tit-tat tits tits tits tits.
10554697
As a gay dude, I can say that these are the only tits in the world worth seeing. 10/10 more fun bird pics are always rad af.
10554696
Go chug your Mountain Fizz and go back to bed.
10554649
FUCK YEAH IT REALLY WAS EDUCATIONAL
THAT IS SO POGGERS
10554627
Consent is key. If she says yes, then you may.
10554618
...Y'all really want a booby story, don't you?
10554606
I wrote a story about the best kind of tit in the universe. THERE IS NO LIE.
10554602
So, I had to look this one up. I'm not sure how easily innuendo could work for it, admittedly. I also don't know that many fun facts about it to make a proper story.
10555328
Thank you for reading, pogchamp.
I bet their stage name is The Titty Committee.
I'm not funny I know.I briefly looked at the title and had to take another real good look at the story image
God damn my dirty mind, guess that’s enough internet for today...
10555384
I aim to trick people with dirty minds, for I have none.
10555378
Bruh, I laughed. Then again, I wrote this so I currently don't get to talk about what is and isn't good comedy.
Otherwise known as all my Sombra banter10555349.
I didn't really expect a story like this from you.
Oh, it works just fine as a standalone story. If you were to do something like this again, you should probably put a lot of thought into how you do it and change things up, or else it might feel like a serious retread. But from what I can tell, you do put a large amount of thought even into silly little memes like this.
On a side note, it's weird how so many words for breasts can also refer to certain kinds of birds.
10555436
Yeah, no one expected this from me seems to be the general consensus.
That's my main worry about attempting to continue this with any kind of follow-up. I'd honestly be more open to seeing other people give some of the wacky ideas suggested in the comments. I'm sure there are enough titles for people to start a little group, if they wished.
Ok, take my upvote...
And my tits I guess
1.bp.blogspot.com/-HS6QdgHMQh4/UgHSGX2HLkI/AAAAAAAAHpY/l-vPMh-4vvE/s1600/GreatTits.jpg
10555476
That's a nice pair ya got there.
Nice. What a great story. It was clever and fun.
10555512
Lmao, thank you, friend. Never did I think a story about tits would be called clever, but here we are.
How dare you make me laugh with a story literally just about tits. You shall pay for your crimes... somehow...
10555587
At least these are about the cool kind of tits.
This post was made by the MLM gang
Oh my God we're back again
Brothers, sisters, everybody sing
We're gonna bring the flavor show you how
I've gotta question for ya
Better answer now
Am I original? (yeah)
Am I the only one? (yeah)
Am I sexual? (yeah)
Am I everything you need?
You better rock you body now
Everybody
Rock your body
Everybody
Rock your body right
Backstreet's back alright
Now throw your hands up in the air
And wave 'em around like you just don't care
If you wanna party let me hear you yell
'Cause we've got it goin' on again
Am I original? (yeah)
Am I the only one? (yeah)
Am I sexual? (yeah)
Am I everything you need?
You better rock you body now
Everybody
Rock your body
Everybody
Rock your body right
Backstreet's back alright
10555655
This doesn't have tit pun. Banned.
My doctor told me to read something to cure my cancer. That's when I found this. Not only did it cure my cancer, but I am now doing very well financially. I have landed a job for a big law agency and am making big bucks six different digits (the first three starting with zeros to give you an idea). When they asked me why I wanted the job I pointed them to this story, and now they're turning me into the CEO of Good Shit. This is also how I found my wife. It was during a board meeting. She wasn't paying attention. Instead, she fixated on her tablet, making finger motions as if she were scrolling through a story. After the meeting was over, I asked her what she was doing, and she said that she was reading your story and that I know some Good Shit when I see it (hey, that's why I'm CEO). We got to talking and eventually, I asked her out. We are now married with two kids, one nine and the other six with a third on the way. This story has changed my life for the better, and I guarantee you this: if you have not read this story, you will never live a life as good as mine. Last year the economy was in the toilet, but now it's in the shower and it's using up all the hot water. Get there fast before all the hot water is out, or you will not be able to appreciate it for what it is when it's too late.
Man, so much can happen in a single day.
I think my ZzzQuil has kicked in.