Ice Star
Joined 6th Feb, 2015 ·
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Featured In17
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First view yeet
Mehhhhhh
Kinda Messy but You get 3 out of 5 mehhs
Dang, that's a rough feeling, and it's nice to see that Cadance is a good enough sport to look beyond it and still try and befriend Luna. She has every right to feel a little peeved, but she doesn't even think to act on it.
Caddy Being Cool is always good to see.
8419610
Truly poetic insight yo.
Very good story - but abrupt ending!
8419624
Peeved is a bad word.
8419696
That was intentional on my part. I wanted to focus on Cady's thoughts, and before writing this I debated who I wanted to be the narrator. I settled on Cady, and since I'd written these two as friends in other stories - as well as mentioned this event before as kind of a Spaghetti Indicident - I wanted to focus not on the aftermath - them being friends - but what came before: Cadance's thoughts, especially since Luna being the narrator could've lent a different tone to the story entirely.
Nice nice
Cady is always nice to have some insight on
8420295
Cady is perfect and you know it
I rarely upvote stories, but even though it ended right as it became interesting it really got me hooked. Really looked forward to hear them converse. You got that part right and then slammed the ending into my face (rude as buck). Had to recheck if this story was completed or ongoing.
You better continue this story to y-you
nice personmonster!!1You have my attention! This looks like it's going to be fun.
I always like the more introspective looks at Cadance. She and Shiny are often portrayed too close to perfect and with no history of trials and tribulations.
Hey, can you post Luna's dress? (because Luna is best pony) Love your story!
Nice take on Cadance's internal monologue.
Somepony needs to tell Stolas to get off his rump and DO HIS FRIGGIN' JOB!!! He didn't even notice Cerberus wandering off or Tirek escaping! What a bum!
8420309
This is complete, but I've written more friendshipping stories about these two. If ya want, I can PM them or something. The reasons it's so short is said here 8420222 cause Word of God and shit. Also, authors love support, so upvote galore 'n' shit. Thank you for reading.
8420317
Thank you! Cady and Shiny are a blast to write, and I've loved working with them in my other stuff.
8420356
Luna is indeed a best pony~. I linked Luna's dress in the A/N. Links aren't green anymore so it's sorta hard to see.
8420747
Hipsterprincess has some interesting thoughts.
8420791
In the stories of mine where Stolas shows up, he's a friggin' ass who could care less about what others think his 'job' is, so maybe that's a thing that explains a thing. Also, never had you comment on a story of mine before despite seeing you everywhere else. Hello!
Thanks for contributing to the almost 40 notifications I logged in to see everybody! If you liked this story, I have other Cady and Luna stories as well as just more stuff with this Cady in general.
It wasn't terrible but I couldn't make it through more than a few paragraphs, too many completely unnecessary commas and other flow-interrupting errors. A few examples:
(Internal monologue + past tense = ???)
Present tense now?
8420978
That last one was a typo, so I fixed that one.
A very entertaining story.
I really liked it.
8420989
Thank you for reading! If you want to check out more stuff about this Cady, she's appeared in nearly everything else I wrote.
8420932 I tend to only read a story if a) it gets into the feature box or at least shows up in the first 20 Popular stories.. b) if it has a topic I might find interesting or looks so god-awful I must witness the disaster for myself. Then rip it apart.
8421049
I've only been featured a few times before, so that might be why.
Haven't read this yet, but, uh:
8421098
Oh wow. Sorry! That's been fixed.
8421172
no homo
8420978
8420983
Actually, 56, I like to think that I have a pretty keen eye for these things, and I didn't see many other totally uncalled-for commas, though I did spot a good few that should have been semicolons or something other than a comma. It's just unfortunate that that one sentence in the opening scene had two such errors.
The comma after "Wherever" doesn't make sense to me on any level. Even the most die-hard nineteenth century writer, determined to use commas, at every possible place, where it's grammatically allowable, wouldn't have dreamed of doing it there. And neither does it work as a purely "reflecting speech patterns" style of comma—or at least I cannot imagine such a comma belonging there, though I would happily accept correction with evidence.
The comma between "up" and "moved" only seems out of place because it marks the end of a parenthetical phrase and the beginning of that parenthetical phrase wasn't marked with a matching comma. Parenthetical phrases (like this) that don't use literal parentheses should be marked, like this, with commas on both ends. Alternatively, not using any commas like this is also acceptable. But it's prohibited to, like this use only one end unless there is a different grammatical reason for the comma to be there like this, or if the parenthetical phrase is at the beginning or ending of a sentence, like this.
P.S. Giggling at an old memory, I slip through large, stately wooden doors
It's not fixed
P.P.S. stressing a lack of friend's like a worried hoofball mom
Please no apostrophes on plurals
And thus began the First Annual Grand Galloping Gala Brawl.
8421644
More like they ditched he Gala before the main six showed up.
8421436
That's, uh, pretty in depth. Anyway, those have been fixed.
8421436
The one in front of the "and" really doesn't belong there, either. I tend to use Oxford Commas myself and that definitely isn't one.
8422524
Fixed, yo.
8422789
You can make that a rule, by the way. Grammatically, a comma is already a separator equal to an 'and' or an 'or'. You nearly never want to use both. People talk that way, in terms of pauses and such, but it doesn't properly belong there.
8423328
That's not true according to what I know. [edit: never mind the struck-out:
For one thing, that's definitely not a list, so it's pointless to mention the Oxford, or serial, comma.] The first thing I found on Google saidEven if you treat this type of comma as optional in all circumstances, it would still not be incorrect to use it.
Where did you get your information?
8423394
School. It's how I was taught to use commas.
8423398
Well, all I can say to that is that commas are used for many purposes, so I wouldn't be surprised if one of the uses slipped through the cracks. Or perhaps you were taught a more journalistic style; they tend to drop as much as possible for the sake of brevity.
8423431
Might be. English grammar is one hell of a beast and different regions treat it very differently. All I can really say is that I was giving advice best as I know it. Personally, I think it looks better, but that's just me.
8423438
How can that be true? You used the same type of comma right here! (And, or, and but are equivalent in stature AFAIK.)
8423445
Well, as I was taught it, commas come in front of but and because, 'cause those are indicative of accessory clauses - but never in front of 'and' or 'or', because these are conjunctions that specifically don't require it and replace it. I'll be first to admit that not all grammar rules make consistent sense. We just follow them best as we can anyway.
8423454
I admit I have no idea what an accessory clause is. Expect an edit to this reply in a few minutes.
edit: All I can come up with on short notice is that it's another term for what I called a parenthetical phrase earlier, but I don't understand how that would mesh with your description.
8423461
A subclause. An accessory sentence. I may have screwed up the nomenclature, but I'm spontaneously translating from my school memories, which was like 25 years ago. I'm pretty sure the parenthetical phrase is what I mean there, just delineated by a comma instead of parentheses.
8423464
No problem. I understand what you mean now. However, "but" is commonly accepted as a standard conjuction.
8423491
Interesting to know. It's not how I was taught to do it, but then again, it might have been the simplified "for children" version and I've certainly seen it used that way. Might depend on sentence specifics. I certainly didn't learn about the Oxford Comma until I was nearly in my thirties.
8423510
I would agree that using a comma with "but" seems more advisable than it does for "and" and "or", but that's different from saying you shouldn't use it there. Perhaps that was where you got that memory. Anyway, good talk
8423522
we have
Hm, a repost perhaps? I remember seeing a story with this EXACT same synopsis a little over a year ago...
Either way, this time I'll give it a shot!
Oh heh, you can write stories. Neat.
I really enjoyed this. Great work.
wallflower?...
sorry, but I didn't get it
8424268
"a shy or excluded person at a dance or party, especially a girl without a partner."
using google in 2017, ikr.
I love you
8423861
I don't know of it, so no, this is not a repost.
8423963
What's that supposed to mean?
8424268
Check this. Cadance presumes Luna might be lonely.
8424618
Well, thank you!
Completed? Somehow the Story feels like it only just started...