Obligatory Musical
A Human, a Pony Princess, and a Mistake
Excerpt 4: Obligatory Musical
Rarity, Tom, Fluttershy, and Twilight were all in an empty room in the back of Rarity’s boutique. Tom had no idea what the pair wanted, but he hadn’t seen any reason to refuse their invitation either. However, as Rarity closed the door and the fashionista grew a slightly feral grin, Tom was coming to regret his choices.
“Now, Darling, that song you sang for Rainbow during her Birthaversary was simply adorable. I must know more!” Rarity exclaimed.
“You want me to sing more love songs for you to hear? That’s what all this cloak and dagger is about? Why’s Fluttershy here?” Tom asked.
“Well, we thought Human songs might inspire a song or two for the Ponytones. Also, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious myself,” Fluttershy explained. Tom thought it over for a moment.
“OK, I’ll do it. Well, I won’t be singing. Thanks to Vinyl and a little bit of experimentation, I can recreate the music and vocals from memory. I also won’t limit myself to love songs, just because my knowledge of love songs comes almost exclusively from my older brother, who loved to play love songs 24/7 every time he had a girlfriend. I’m also not going to subject you to ever genre of music. I hate rap and I’m not going to make you listen to something like Five Finger Death Punch, even though I love them,” Tom remarked.
“‘Five Finger Death Punch’? Your human bands certainly have a way with names,” Rarity snarked.
“Now the question becomes where to begin..?” Tom trailed off, mentally starting to go through his music library.
“Wherever you think is best, dear,” Rarity encouraged. Tom’s eyes drifted around the room aimlessly until they came to rest on Twilight.
“Ah, I know the perfect love song to start us with!” He charged the magic and a piano started to play just a moment before the vocals began. It wasn’t quite like anything the ponies had heard before. But that ceased to matter when the singer began talking about Vanilla Twilight, violet eyes, and heavy wings.
“Tom, I am going to kill you,” Twilight swore.
“You can try~” Tom taunted as the song ended, “You have to admit, the song sounds like it was made for you.”
“Vanilla Twilight was my great aunt,” Twilight sulked.
“That song was so sweet,” Fluttershy opined.
“How about another song that might ruffle Twilight’s feathers?” Tom asked cheekily before powering the spell and summoning up an illusion of what looked to be a small bird of some kind.
“Tom!” Twilight tried to protest, but the song was already underway. Tom may have not been singing, but he was clearly mouthing the words of one of the singers while having the bird sing other words. Tom was even dancing along with glee.
“Quite an upbeat number for what seems to be a young princeling,” Rarity remarked.
“The Lion King is considered one of the best animated movies of all time back home. I did a stage performance of it once when I was in 9th grade. Remind me to tell you all about it later, as the song gets even better with context. For now, why don’t we try something a little darker on for size?” Tom asked.
“Tom, what are you plotting?” Twilight asked suspiciously.
“Plotting? I’m not plotting anything…much,” Tom said, looking as though butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth before being over taken with an evil grin. He lit his horn and said, “Now, my Dark Purpose will be fulfilled and the last of the Romanovs will DIE!”
The music poured into the room and Tom simply bobbed his head in time with the music as the ponies grew more and more horrified. Finally the song finished, leaving the ponies in a state of shock.
“That was certainly…intense,” Twilight breathed.
“I, uh, I don’t think I liked that one too much,” Fluttershy confessed.
“It certainly had an enthralling quality to it, but I don’t think it agreed with me either,” Rarity sighed.
“Hmm, alright, perhaps a softball is in order. I will warn you, however, this song may make you teary,” Tom said before powering the spell once more. A piano began to play and already it had a haunting, sad quality to it. This one Tom did sing along with, Twilight’s voice mingling with the sorrowful lyrics.
“What did it mean?” Fluttershy asked quietly when the song finished.
“I don’t know, but for me it always reminds me of my mom right after she lost her baby in the womb to complications,” Tom answered as he rubbed a tear from his eye, “Now! Let’s have something a little happier!”
Before anyone could do anything, a new track started playing. It was immediately upbeat as the last was sorrowful. This one Tom contented himself to mouthing along with as he played the air guitar.
“My, this almost sounds like Rainbow Dash’s theme song,” Rarity quipped.
“I won’t deny thoughts of a certain prismatic mare crossed my mind when choosing this song,” Tom admitted, “It’s actually a song for a character that’s all about his need for speed, much like Rainbow. Now then, we’ve had sad, we’ve had dark, we’ve had romance, we’ve had hype, and we’ve had a little silly. What else do I want to show off?” Tom thought about it for a few moments before an idea came to him. It would require him to skirt the line with hard rock, but he thought the song itself was strangely appropriate.
A deep bass/ accompanied by a steady drumbeat started playing. Once the song started properly, Fluttershy pinned her ears against her skull, but strangely Rarity and Twilight seemed to enjoy it. The song played to its conclusion before anyone spoke.
“You’re a regular comedian, Tom,” Twilight snarked.
“I thought a song about being an animal was appropriate,” Tom said, utterly unrepentant.
“It was certainly very much unlike anything a pony would produce,” Rarity commented.
“Equuis has Heartsongs. Your emotions channeled directly through your Heart and Soul via Harmony Magic. Heartsongs are extremely intimate to the one who is leading the Heartsong. I’ve noticed that almost every non-Heartsong piece of music here in pony land is purely instrumental. You have everything from Vinyl’s Dubstep to Octavia’s classical, but you don’t have the Beetles, you don’t have Keith Urban, you don’t so much as have Simon and Garfunkel. For Humanity, expressing ourselves is so much more difficult than simply being inspired with a Heartsong. So songwriters have taken it upon themselves to express every conceivable emotion, to make their understanding of the Human Condition known to the masses,” Tom tried to explain, “Here, I can think of no better way to end this session and demonstrate my point than with this song.”
An Organ began to play. Then an entire choir began to sing and Tom lent his voice to the singing masses. Twilight, Fluttershy, and Rarity were stunned by how Tom seemed to lose himself in this song. Equestria didn't have much in the way of proper choirs like this one sounded to be. If they hadn’t known any better, they’d have thought it was a Heartsong. It was clearly a song near and dear to his Heart.
“That was beautiful,” Rarity whispered as he finished.
“That was the first hymn I sang after I was baptized. I will never forget it as long as I live. Thank you, this was quite enjoyable,” Tom said with a sincere smile. Without another word, he left the building.
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At the end, Tom didn't really give much for the ponytons, he could have used, whitney Houston, Evanescence, Air Supply, Adele etc., he just had fun putting a bunch of song of his liking, but rarity can't do much with it, hopefully he later on actually helps them.
With music, I mostly listen to instrumentals since it allows me to recontextualize what the song relates to, leading to me listening to thematically appropriate music while reading. If I listen to music while not reading, I’ll often imagine a scene that relates to the mood. It always interests me to hear about what kind of music people listen to, and how they listen to it.
why no rickroll :(
10332608
No rickroll because I legitimately need to establish Tom's music chops for a scene in Shattered Souls.
I half expected 20% cooler to pop up
Good songs I guess
10332608
He kind of asked for it
10332771
You people and your thrice damned rickrolls.
Ok, I just finished this puppy. This story was very well done. I really appreciated that the main character was well fleshed out and he was written fairly intelligent. The story idea was refreshingly different as well. While it does have some religious themes to it, which is a massive red flag for any story, its done fairly well and simply fits the character. While I will admit that toward the end, it does come rather close to border line, in my opinion it never crosses the line into offensive.
Al in all, this was a fun read and Im looking forward to book 2.
For those on the fence about reading this, I highly recommend giving it a shot.
The Monk
“On her doorstep was Twilight Sparkle. While Derpy deeply respected the mare, like most in Ponyville, they wished she'd either switch to decaf, or start hitting the harder stuff.” -Dan_s Comments
10332771
edit you feind! that was not rick ashly
ah...wow, you ladies have rather colorful shirts... xD
first time hearing this song btw, lovely to hear. they are very well practiced.
loving these after-the-fact chapters by the way.
not a choir song, but i always like dthis when i was younger, still do. angels among us
i can't but wonder tho.. discord said heir surge was worth ten of his. but that was with BOTH of them surging... xD dam sparky is gonna be a force to be reckoned with if she figures out how to awaken full goddesshood
10333096
The Tabernacle Choir is something I enjoy listening to, particularly during the holidays.
Part of the reason the Surge was so strong was because Tom and Twilight were borrowing the Magic of the other Alicorns and Chrysalis, but about 74% of it came directly from Tom and Twilight.
Tom and Twilight are going to be Alicorns/goddesses of different aspects of Magic. Twilight will be Harmony Magic via Friendship as discussed during the Games. As for Tom, I'm not 100% sure where his specialization will be yet. In any case, both are going to be goddesses of one of the most active and dominant of the Concepts: Magic itself.
Celestia and Luna are both technically goddesses serving under Nature, which is a passive Concept. Cadence serves under Love (Obviously) which is slightly more active, but nowhere near as active as Magic, even if Love is also one of the dominant Concepts.
Look at it this way. You don't hear much of the general activities of the nymphs in Greek Mythology, you hear the occasional story about Aphrodite, but Hecate (who is the goddess of Magic, not Circe) and her devotee Circe are forever sending mortals and demi-gods on quests and offering both aid and obstacle.
Magic in and of itself is, when boiled down to its basics, just another expression of Power. The Power to weave reality as one sees fit, as Discord takes full advantage of with his Chaos MAGIC. It is only natural that those chosen to carry Magic's name and deed directly are some of the more powerful beings in creation.
The only Concepts who really rival Magic in Power and activity are Lady Life and Lord Death. A certain Lieutenant of Lord Death is, in fact, rumored to be one of the most powerful beings in all creation, barring his patron Concept and God, of course. This is made all the funnier when one considers that this Lieutenant was born mortal and continues to be a mortal to this day.
I am disappointed Tom didn't introduce Megalovania to the ponies.
a amazing story and a super good read.
i would move the filler chapters to the right place in the story and not at the end.
10334053
dammit, now I can't stop imagining Fluttershy rocking out to Meglovania... CURSE YOU!!!
10334141
As I mentioned, I believe that throwing in the excerpts where they take place would harm the pacing of the overall story. Most of them aren't really fit to carry their own chapters and tacking them on to existing chapters would slow everything down needlessly.
Of course, there's every possibility that I'm wrong. I can very easily imagine my English 102 professor reading this and strangling me for not putting the excerpts in the main story.
This was a lot of fun to read, I enjoyed it very much
10334305
glade this is not English 101 so no worry there.
10334859
Yeah, you're right. Personally, I think this is just typical of Hasbro. I think they just added the Flurry without putting much thought into. Just so they have an excuse to sell more MLP merchandise with her image. 🤨🤨
At this point she is mostly a blank slate, other than the fact she's powerful enough to destroy the crystal heart with just a crying wail. At least that's what I heard. [Stopped watching the show around season 7, didn't like where they were going.]😔😔
It was the same deal with Princess Cadence. Which I pretty sure the original creator only intended to have only two alicorns in the show, not four or five. But that's a whole can of worms, I'm not willing to go into giving how dramatic this fandom can get at times. 😓😓😓
10334997
Oh. Right; oops. I haven't heard of that nursery rhyme before (maybe as a child?).
Looks like that's where two infamous colts got their names, though - and the show does portray how girls aren't "all things nice" (most of Diamond and Silver's existences), thus also contradicting it.
As she is wont to do? Wtf?
Also its a meeting of THE minds, not a meeting of minds.
10326019
Oh light Tigerhawk from Beast Wars.....my condolences to the end result.
Man I hate stories that slavishly follow exactly the same plotline as the show. We already have the show, you dont need to write it again, and in fact, adding an extra variable and assuming the same result is just plain lazy and bad writing. This story may get better, but its so cookie cutter so far that I cant stand to put myself through even another chapter.
Best of luck coming up with something four hundred other people haven't already written.
10336921
Wont is in fact a word. It's used in the same contexts as 'prone to'. Omnipresent misspellings reign supreme, but that's how it's supposed to look.
'Meeting of minds' is perfectly valid, just less conventional. It IS in fact a meeting of minds. Technically speaking, the word 'the' is pretty much useless anyway. There are a lot of languages that don't even have a 'the' and they get along fine.
10343645
"As she wont do" sounds janky as hell. Its poor word choice plain and simple. It flows like trash, and at first glance looks like the writer made a major mistake. If it had been "As she is prone to do" Or a simple "As usual" then it would have flowed better, sounded better, and not looked like an error. Also...
Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.
Is a grammatically correct sentence in english, but that doesn't make it good. In fact, it's a pretty shitty sentence that reads like and looks like shit, while also appearing on first glance, to be a mistake. So just because its grammatically correct doesn't make it good, and relying solely on "its correct" as your only definition for the worth of a sentence is incredibly poor and I would advise all potential writers reading this to avoid that logic like the plague.
As for the meeting of the minds, its pretty much the same thing. It flows poorly and feels like its missing something. It doesn't help that popular culture has made the phrase "A Meeting of the minds" popular so seeing it without the the then it feels wrong. Its like hearing someone say a glass one half full. Yes it may be correct, but it sounds wrong due to culturual understanding.
10343716 Are you done whining yet. You started out bitching about two whole words and it's only getting more embarrassing. No one has to conform to what you want and you're being quite rude.
10343738
And then you whined about my whining, then after that whined about whining about whining. Come on man. Double standards aren't nice things to hold onto. Nevermind the fact that your garunteed to respond to this, thus making your trail of whining ever longer.
And writing all that wasn't for you. It was for the author of this story and other authors who may read it. Relying on grammatical correctness as a shield for poor sentences is all too common and I was merely using this as a teachable moment in order to give any potential reader an understanding as to why you should avoid deflecting criticisms in such a manner.
But by all means, go off I guess.
10343752
What YOU consider poor sentences. Only a real moron confuses their personal opinion with objective fact. Now kindly piss off.
10343716 10343738
Please no fighting.
My choice of using the term 'wont to do' is mostly in the interest of pushing boundaries, exposing people to new terms, and adding a bit of flavor to the summary. Why would there be such a wealth of vocabulary if we're only supposed to use the same tired words verbatim?
The reason I went with "A Meeting of Minds" and removed 'the' from it is simply because I find that without the additional article the words flow better. Using two 'M' sounds so close together is a building block of alliteration and I find alliteration to be pleasing to my ears. Adding 'the' would disrupt the flow and not add anything significant. There is no functional reason for the additional article. I don't particularly care what pop culture uses, I chose the title more based on the fact that it was literally Tom's Mind meeting Twilight's.
If you're saying this story has no drama, Mr. Jest, then clearly you haven't reached the Moon Dancer chapters yet.
If you insist on continuing this "conversation" then please try to remain civil. This is supposed to be Fimfiction, not 4Chan.
10343773
Nah its fine, I wont be replying to him anymore. I've made my point, and I've never tried to claim that what I'm saying is empirically correct anyway. Plus hes getting really nasty and I dont reply to people like that.
And yeah, I didn't make it far. I read three chapters in, and was frankly, bored to tears. There were no stakes, no drama, no conflict, no character development. Tom is a completely flat one dimensional character without a single defining trait other then being bland and lifeless. There was also absolutely nothing of interest, and nothing to suggest that would ever change. And frankly, if you haven't introduced any manner of oppositional force, conflict or thing to focus on or distinguish yourself from the literal dozens of "I'm Twilight" stories in the first three or so chapters then, in my opinion, you have failed to understand what makes a story interesting.
Plus reading those first three chapters gave me such consistant deja vu and a feeling of "I've read this before" that I just tuned right out. If everything in the first bit of your story has been done to asbolute death, then again, in my opinion, you should question as to why your writing it in the first place.
10343791
In my writing, I like to create a baseline of behavior for my main leads. They are not yet meant to shine or stumble. It helps to show that there is change latter down the line or, in the case of extreme emotional torment, how their personalities warp and bend. How much they can handle before their minds snap like so many dried twigs.
If you skip directly to Shattered Souls you may find a reason to the madness.
10343814
I absolutely hate the feeling of missing out, so I'm afraid I wont skip anything no matter how incredibly dry and dull the thing I'm skipping.
And I'm going to be frank with you but that seems incredibly lazy. Hand waving one dimensional characters away as:
Shining or stumbling can create a baseline and whenever you introduce a character there are certain things the audience automatically assumes anyway. Like I dont need to know how Tom learns how to walk, I do want to know how he reacts to stress or at least I would, but the answer to that seems to be, not at all. Switched genders, species, worlds, losing all loved ones and getting over it within a chapter is just plain boring. If that doesnt shake a person to their absolute core then nothing ever will and I have no reason to be interested in seeing how they change.
He doesn't even get angry, depressed, frustrated, or really anything for that matter. He also literally doesn't have a single thing that's unique about him at all. His entire character was just "average joe". That has some value I suppose but he has to have SOMETHING. If he's a completely empty slate then you aren't even writing a character at that point, your writing a nonsentient golem of some kind.
A good example of it is this story. Right off the hop they start world-building, establishing that the non Twilight Twilight is more than just a dull, emotionless doll and has a real personality like ya know, real people have.
And frankly, Tom doesnt even feel real. Hes so average that he doesnt even feel like he even has a personality to speak of. If the twist was that he was an artificial being created from the aether and that was why he was so dull and empty I would be unsurprised.
10343838
I could offer you my reasons for having Tom behave the way he does initially. But not every writer's style is meant for everyone. That's fine. I hope you continue to find things you enjoy reading.
10343773
I was done, I swear. Most of my friends are writers so bad manners on the subject...ugh. Sorry to clog your comments.
Read it today, loved it. Write the next book faster! Must read!!!!!!
10347373
If only I were the emotionless robot my writing portrayed me as, I might be able to squeeze more than one chapter out a day. Woe is me, but I must sleep, eat, and attend to life in general.
10347408
That's the first time I've seen this fic. I just assumed the mirror pool draws fragments of one's soul, which is why Pinkie became more and more lifeless as the episode progressed. Given all the clones seemed to be obsessed with 'fun', it only seemed logical to me that the Element of Laughter had somehow been imbued into each clone. Thus my theory that Pinkie's Soul was broken into so many pieces that only by the power of her Element did Pinkie's mind not snap or her Soul collapse entirely.
10347381
Meh, I believe in your ability to travel to other dimensions and gather several of you to write non stop and finish for my personal reading enjoyment.
If you choose not to, then I guess I'll have to wait, like everyone else.
Groans
10347539
I think you're gonna have to wait. Get too many of me in a room together and we tend to get...distracted...
10348870
From my own knowledge and research on the matter that isn't strictly true. The popularity of various means of execution varied from place to place.
You and me both. I can only stand it if I can understand what they are saying and there isn’t any swearing.
10356573
Well he snapped out of that pretty quick in the 'Waters of Mars' episode. Absolutely LOVING the story so far, by the way
10356592
Thank you very much.
10357975
I used mellon as an example, in math you can get questions like "marcus buys 67 pinaples, they cost 2 dollars eatch." Now who the hell buys 67 pinaples? Then you at some point in time actualy see someone actualy doing that and thats something your gonna pass down to your kids.
10359963
That... huh. Considering I share that self-discovery view, that might be a problem for me too... unless I go by the logic of the thing always being there, whether discovered or not. Definitely would be a different mark for the CMC if that scenario had happened, but it seems that their current marks contain the elements of those "original" marks as well.
Take my avatar image for example: if that was a Cutie Mark, its "original" would've likely been some variant of Button Mash's, or maybe some variant on the Cross part. The two revealed themselves to me at roughly the same time, and I was really young back then. Because both were that important though, it took a very long time before landing on that Smash Cross idea.
That may actually explain why it took so long for the CMC: they realized they had those talents, but it never felt completely them. The Cutie Mark connection also never felt completely them. But their epiphany managed to combine those aspects meaningfully, and only THEN did it trigger.
So perhaps the "survive" thing is potentially just part of Flurry's Mark?
10359987
Certainly a possibility, but then we'd have to explain why Flurry Heart's survival talent was strong enough to achieve Alicornhood when who knows how many foals have died stillbirth / in the womb with the potential for survival Cutie Marks.
10360107
I'm basing it on what I know, as I've only read a few books of the OT Bible. From the destruction of Sodom/Gomorrah, the plagues which struck Egypt, of stripping a man of everything that matters to him in life (Job) to prove a point, and the burning of a man alive for giving an offering of poor incense, I've come to the conclusion that the God of the bible is one that is more focused on order than of balance. He lays down strict sets of laws, of which many have very harsh punishments, and is insistent that he alone is the one to be worshiped and no others, which would coincide with the idea that he would be a God who doesn't like competition from other Gods.
10360654
Ah yes, hearing only that half would give that impression, wouldn't it? But just as the OT is only half of The Bible, that picture is only part of His character. The OT was a time when it was most important for Him to make clear the what of Godly living, the NT was more focused on the why. A time of laws, and a time of grace.
Doesn't help that what often was simplified to "they sinned" was more along the lines of "they sinned in every manner possible without a shred of remorse".
To be honest, when I read "could be Rainbow's theme", I was expecting Reach for the Stars instead. Same overtones as Escape from the City, more focus on hope and overcoming limits, and as a bonus, highlights the word "colors" about as much as the titular "stars".
10360812
Which is why I specify I only know part of his character, and that part is horrific. From what I observed he was neither good nor evil, just orderly, and will allow good/evil if it enforces his order. Maybe he is a good guy at other times, but that wasn't the impression I got lol