• Member Since 29th Apr, 2016
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red4567


I'm also the guy who made baby ponies ride on gators.

E
Source

Long story short, I was a brony. I woke up one day to find myself in Spike's body. Dream come true, right? I'm in Equestria, I could interact with my favorite ponies, etc.

Well, as it turns out, I just happened to wake up right at the beginning of Season 1. Which could only mean one thing: I can change the future of Equestria. I could solve problems prematurely, prevent disasters from happening, and keep Twilight from going insane.

So now, my mission isn't to hug my favorite ponies, but to make sure everyone gets a happy life.

Chapters (24)
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Comments ( 497 )

I know right I'm looking forward for more of this soon

Do you think David can develop a snark similar to Spike earlier on. That has been one of my favorite parts of Spike's character.

Yes a story about human become Spike

Pace is SUPER fast, but the story's not too shabby. Interesting how this "Spike" couldn't go one episode before accidentally tipping his hand a little...

... Eh, to be fair, ALL of us would have bad poker faces if we were randomly thrown into his non-horseshoes one day :moustache:

Not a bad start, pretty short and to the point. I'd like to see where this goes.
Why didn't he suggest dusty pages take a vacation? Twi wasn't the only one who learned a lesson that episode because of the book.

Pretty good so far. A fast pace actually kind of works here, mostly because we know what the events already are. I'm looking forward to seeing how you handle this! Oh, and spike didn't actually say anything to moon dancer about the summer sun celebration or ponyville. I guess he forgot he made it vague while he was telling twilight.

Some say Tirek escaped BECAUSE Cerbrus got distracted by his missing ball.

He just prevented 2 episodes. Efficient

Off to a good start.

love it so far have a like and fav but have to say imho a rule of thumb to follow is that chapters should be no less then 1500-2000 words to 4000-5000 words so its not short like 900 words and the reader is left wanting more and not 8000 words were the reader will get burnt out on the length and doesnt feel dragged out

Would be more interesting if it were a bit longer or there were more deviations to the story but other than that doing great.

Ah, a man/dragon after my own heart of not liking Rainbow that much. She kinda grew in me when the show ended so I like her a little nowadays.

....A human as Spike but there appears to be little to no change, which can make the story very boring very quickly when its the same exact thing word per word. Please steer the plot away from this and try to make it that the time starts changing and derailing itself such as events being out of order, events happening to another pony, an event never happening, etc.

This chapter kinda worries me. Ah mean... it's so scripty. We need the pulse poundin' action of them book returnin' shenanigans.
Dun DUN DUNNN.

Ah like this chapter a lil more cause different dialog kinda happened. ...Yay.
The dialog was wayyyy better in this chapter; however, yer descriptin' went poof. Ah'm sure you'll improve.

Good luck!

Uhm, considering absolutely everything worked out (despite the fact that everything should have been FUBAR), does he actually need to do anything?

Unless this is a 'real' Equestria where poor decisions would actually have realistic and disastrous consequences.

Maybe you should kinda focus on it that way, have 'Spike' see that what gave a happy ending in the show WILL NOT happen in this 'reality' unless he uses his knowledge to 'put right what once went wrong',,, and then hope that each leap will be the leap home.

Also he needs a hologram named 'Al' to talk to. :trollestia:

10100568 As I mentioned, have this be a 'real world' situation, where instead of the show's plot-convenient bailouts every time the Mane 6 screw up or make ridiculous decisions with no consequences, the world could be doomed unless human Spike with his knowledge saves the day. The Discord thing, easily nipped in the bud. Just stand there as the statue starts cracking and blast him. Then don't bother trying to reform him. In reality, it would NEVER WORK. The changelings... punch Chryssi-Cadance super-hard IN THE FACE. We know that disrupts their disguise. Or bite her and show the green blood. Or just... cut her frickin' head off. That works too. :pinkiecrazy:

The one villain Spike doesn't need to intervene with is Sombra. Sombra was so pathetic Spike and Pretty Pink Princess kicked his plot. Beating him even more badly would just be pitiful. :trollestia:

Ok, so... right off the bat, about as generic a beginning as possible. If some force is going to grab some random brony and toss him into Equestria, IT NEEDS TO SHOW UP AT THE VERY START AND EXPLAIN WHY. This mystery box BS is aggravating and makes no sense. A power strong enough to rip open holes between universes and smart enough to know it needs to bring in someone from said dimension to help smooth things out should also be smart enough to know the poor sap you just threw into the Everfree (where 90% of them end up) NEEDS TO BE GIVEN A BUCKING CLUE!!

I knew it wasn't, but I needed to stay in character so nopony will get suspicious.

:facehoof: Mysterious Interdimensional Entity, can we talk? Why, oh why, did you think this guy was the best brony for the job? Maybe next time choose a hypergenius Omega-level troll who has thus far managed to bend half the planet to his will? (HINT HINT!!) :trollestia:

10100751
Not if said powerful being makes less sense than discord and pinkie on a sugar rush combined

10100825
Some just do it for s.h.i.t.s and giggles

Note that this could backfire. Lesson not learned for Dusty pages and who knows how moondancer will turn out.

I will read this, hoping it will get updated more!

I LOVE REWRITES OF MLP!!!

I can't wait for more!
I read it and it's better than most.

Please don't grow bored or discontinue this!!!!!

10100915
I'm glad you like it.
10100479
I'll try to keep that in mind for future chapters.
10100568
Don't worry. Big changes will be occuring soon.
10100751
Not everything needs an explanation you know. Remember Groundhog Day? Phil was stuck in some time loop without any explanation as to how or why it happened.

I was just thinking of doing a story very much like this. No big deal I have two other stories to finish and like every good supervillain I have a plan B.

It all sounds a tad generic and far too wish fulfillment like. I dunno.

10101127
I would say that is true, but in the last chapter, I think its gonna be a whole new ride when the first two episodes are done...

Not a lot of conflict so far. Really. :ajsleepy:

As people have pointed out, there seems to be an immense effort in matching your dialogue to the show's, beat for beat. There wouldn't be anything wrong with that if, say, your protagonist's thoughts were mostly his own and unique. But as it stands there seems to be very little conflict going on. Try mixing things up, experimenting. Don't be afraid to have events change, otherwise, there's very little point in having your main character be in Spike's body.

10100825 Then why send a brony? It seems the entity very specifically selected very specifically from a rather tiny group of people. That indicates deliberate action and purpose.

If the entity was just screwing around, odd are it would have nabbed someone from India or China or any Islamic country, since that's 2/3 of the human population right there.

There's a better chance of a entity grabbing a random Mormon than there is of picking a brony. So the excuse it's just a being goofing off doesn't hold water.

I like this. Chapters are a little short, but I don't mind that all that much. Keep up the good work!

Is there a group or a tag for stories like this? The only other one I can think of at the moment is The Poisoned Barb's Tale.

I think a way to change the story would be to really divert from the show, and from David’s expectations

finally a human in the body of spike. I have not found fanfics with this concept or maybe it is because I do not look well, could someone recommend me? (English is not my language so sorry if I write in a weird way)

I'm so curious how this could go and the butterfly effect with each changed episode. Like, the main problem with stopping Tirek completely is that Discord won't fully learn his lesson/reform.

10101975
The Poisoned Barb is a story where a human woman ends up in a gender swapped Equestria inside the body of Barb (the female version of Spike). It has a sequel as well.

This story is incredibly bare bones thus far (end of chapter 2). It's mostly a direct copy of what happened in the show with only slight differences, and those differences are generally not explored at all. The protagonist hasn't given any indication that he's really thought about what just happened, there's really no reaction there. He is suddenly Spike one moment and the immediate thought is "I'm going to be Spike, just better". No wondering what happened or how, nothing about whether it's appropriate to try and make changes or what kind of effects that would have, no thoughts on what he left behind. It feels less like a story to me, and more like what you get when you skim over a story for a general idea of what happens.

On a side note, it wasn't known by Twilight (or anybody else, really) that Nightmare Moon was Celestia's sister, or that Celestia was the one that banished Nightmare Moon. The legend merely mentions the two sisters, but doesn't give names. This bit of information isn't learned until after Nightmare Moon is defeated, so I find myself disappointed that there was no reaction from Twilight when Spike suggested they were sisters, or that Celestia had banished her in the past. What I initially thought was going to be a slip up on our Spike imposter's part that would lead to something interesting ended up just being an oversight on the author's part.

Here's another question. Does this human in Spike's form actually get a crush on Rarity, or is he just trying to play out the role he was given? He says he was a fan of Sparity, but that was before he even sees her in person. If he does get truly smitten, I think it odd that he would be able to so closely recreate the same lines that Spike originally said since he'd be quite heavily distracted. There is no actual insight into his thoughts for the entire encounter with her. You'd think a scene so pivotal from the original Spike's perspective would seem a little more important to explore with somebody new in his body.

Oh hey, things actually happened differently in this chapter. It, unlike the previous ones, was somewhat interesting. I do wonder why he would stray so far from the script now when before he was sticking so closely to it (pointing out the hot sauce makes sense based on the "Spike but better" mentality, but confronting Nightmare Moon himself does not seem to be justified the same way as he's just stealing Twilight's lines and not avoiding problems), but I can't say I'm complaining about the changes.

It's nice to see that at least one thing has been picked up on, the bit about how he shouldn't have known they were going to Ponyville to be specific, but I am still annoyed at how nobody is reacting to the declarations of Nightmare Moon being Celestia's sister. I know this is an issue of the author not remembering correctly that it wasn't learned of until the end of episode 2, but it's still a problem here. It should be receiving even more attention from others than him knowing about going to Ponyville.

I pinched myself, but the pain indicated it was no dream.

Trivia: As someone who has actually tried this while dreaming. . . Yes, it did hurt, and no, it did not immediately end my dream or wake me up.
IMHO a better test is to try and read something. It's almost impossible to read anything coherent beyond maybe a word or two in a dream.

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