Luna Never Went to the Moon: Equestria's Thousand-Year Swindle

by Rambling Writer

Afterword

With luck, my findings will spread far and wide across Equestria. During my painstaking research, I was shocked at how blindly ponies accepted the official version of events just because somepony who was there said that was how it went. I didn’t even have any difficulties with studying the magic; any laymare could do it. Nothing was especially complicated. After all, since the Elements were never involved in saving Luna, it wasn’t like this was locket science.

I didn’t even get into the sheer distance between the moon and Equus. It’s not just on the other side of the country; it’s so far away that our best modern magics haven’t been able to reach it, let alone magic from a millennium ago. Assuming Luna had been thrown into the sky by Celestia all those years ago, the moon wouldn’t be where the regal ass landed.

Ponies need to know the truth. They need to know they’re being hoodwinked and what that implies. They need to be aware of how the princesses can twist Equestria to their whims with only a few choice actions. It was just one small spell by mares, but a giant scheme over equines.

Author's Note:

Oh. Did I forget to mention this was also part of the Fimfiction Feghoot Festival? Sorry not sorry! I can’t submit this, as I’m a judge (hence why I released it outside the deadline), but I wanted to participate anyway.

Comments

[RainbowDoubleDash]

Excellent.

[Herald of Opera]

Fun fact: faking the moon landing would have actually been harder than just going to the moon, even aside from the fact that Russia never brought up the "obvious" fakery when it had every reason to do so.

[RainbowDoubleDash]

9741271

[Level Dasher]

I had a feeling this was going to be a feghoot. I love it!

[cornholio4]

9741271
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zhp-FTYSGe8

[Coolbauch]

The author is correct! Luna never went to the moon. She went to an alternate dimension via some magic mirror.
It perfectly explains the sudden disappearance of the sirens, some artifact that can erase short term memories, and some mysterious unicorn that was allegedly Celestia's student before Twilight Sparkle appeared.

And what does Princess Luna mean when she says, "No parking in the faculty lot?" There's no parking lot on the moon.

P.S. Equus is flat.

P.P.S. I loved this fic. You get a thumbs up and a fave.

[IDontWatchMLP]

(No apologies to actual sheep. If they didn’t want to be called sheep, they shouldn’t have been sheep.)

derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/11/4/1015839.jpg

[Eroraf86]

I know this is meant to be entirely tongue-in-cheek. I know this was all a setup for a bad pun. I know I should be amused.

I am not amused. I am, in fact, more than a little peeved.

Let me reassure you, my anger is not directed towards you, dear author. My less-than-optimal response to this story is not a sign of any deficiency in your writing skills. In point of fact, this was a near-perfect caricature of the conspiracy theorist thought process.

And that is precisely why this story angers me: because I know that real people actually think that way. Even worse, I know that there is no way to logically convince them otherwise—and believe you me, I have tried, Luna knows I've tried.

Regardless, this story deserves an upvote, if only for its tragic realism. Happy Apollo 50th, and may all moon hoaxers rot in Tartarus.

[Fiddlebottoms]

Tiny Brain: Celestia banished Luna to the moon for 1000 years.
Normal Brain: Celestia pretended to banish Luna to the moon so Luna could roam Equestria for 1000 years fighting crime.
Computer God Containment Policy Brain Bank Brain: Celestia pretended to banish Luna to the moon, so Luna could actually go to the moon and spend 1000 years building the Brain Bank Cities on the far side of the moon we never see and develop the Gangster Government T.V. Gangster Spy Cameras and the Frankenstein Radio Controls that control EVEN YOU as a Terrified Gangster Frankenstein Earphone Radio Slave, parroting puppet.

[K-O-D-E-X]

Hmmmm.... for some reason I think the Tantabus from you other fics is involved in this somehow.

Good read though I don't recommend reading it more than .5 times.

[keroko]

9741271
Heck, the first moonlanding conspiracy came from a disgruntled employee from Rocketdyne, a company that made rockets, whose primary job was publicizing reports. He was not involved with the project in any truly in-depth degree, and his story kept changing every time he was asked about it.

[Georg]

By the way you dragged this out, I figured it was a small schlep for Ram, one giant pile of sheep for Ramkind.

[Alondro]

9741485 Alondro's brain: Celestia banished Luna to the Moon so she could set Discord free secretly and make sweet chaotic love to him without his wife knowing. And his wife was LUNA!!

[Godslittleprincess]

And to think I thought this was written solely for the 50th anniversary of the moon landing.

[Legioner8]

9741271
Exactly what I've been telling people for years.
And I AM Russian! Why don't we have a problem with that and actually appreciate that achievement, but so many people would fight tooth and nail to disprove it?

[Kichi]

Can you make a sequel with the other villains? Like how did they plan it with Discord, Chrysalis, Sombra, Twilicorn and Tirek?

[PhycoKrusk]

9742753
If there's one thing I know about Russians, it's that they never pass up an opportunity to embarrass Americans. Russia is kind of like America's younger brother that way: Constantly annoying us, always pointing out our screw ups, and relentless in the competition to impress the girl who lives across the street (I don't know which country that is in this analogy, and it's kind of falling apart now).

[Azure Sandora]

That's the story of Luna's banishment, and the conspiracy behind it!

THE STORY YOU NEVER KNEW!

[Legioner8]

9743008
It goes both ways. That's just how the politics work I guess.

[Raugos]

Sequel pitch: Equestria actually orbits the sun and moon by itself!

---

9742753

Why don't we have a problem with that and actually appreciate that achievement

The conspiracy theorists will probably trot out some variant of Nasa having bribed an entire country. Somehow.

9741429

Even worse, I know that there is no way to logically convince them otherwise—and believe you me, I have tried, Luna knows I've tried.

Man, few things in this world get the blood boiling like Fake Moon Landing-ers, Flat Earthers and Anti-vaxxers.

[Dashie04]

The ending pun made me groan, but the rest of the fic was perfect.

I’m still not thoroughly convinced Luna wasn’t banished to the moon, a d I’m sure the Mythbuckers will dispel any thoughts about this conspiracy theory.

Perfect representation of conspiracy theorists, and I don’t know whether that’s a good or bad thing.

[Alondro]

9743552 That would actually be hard to accept given how we've seen the Sun and Moon move in the show multiple times now.

And then there's the thing about our planet actually being the center of the universe, but everyone was fooled by the phony moon landing staged by Walt Disney's head and the Gre-*BLAMBLAMBLAM!!!* (Alondro's bloody corpse is dragged away by The Conspiracy.)

[Raugos]

9743742

That would actually be hard to accept given how we've seen the Sun and Moon move in the show multiple times now.

Never underestimate a conspiracy theorist's ability to bend their whims around logic, or to just plain make stuff up on the go.

"It's all an illusion! They just cast a planet-wide spell to brighten and/or darken the sky! Discord did it!"

[Xanderfox]

My only complaint is formatting, dividing a story this short into multiple chapters feels really unessicary. I think that the speaking old English thing was a quick the writers came up with later. Most likely they feared Tabitha made her sound too much like Rarity.

[TDR]

*stares*

"Wat...."

*stares again . Then starts clapping.*

[A British Gentleman]

“Nothing… is… fabricated… or… ignored… Exposes… vile… lies…” —Princess Twilight Sparkle

This alone merits an upvote.

[FanOfMostEverything]

I can't help but feel that "locket science" might have been the stronger ending pun. In any case, lovely bit of blithering madness. If only it weren't art imitating life...

Still, thank you for it.

[Kaliann25]

We need an epilogue or sequel with more detailed reactions from the Princesses and Discord

[Alondro]

9743815 Discord could transport them to the Moon to prove it.

Or the Sun. I'm perfectly ok with transporting them to the Sun.

Though... huh... what IS Equestria's Sun made of?!

[DashEight]

9743008

It’s gotta be France. What other country has the attitude of a stereotypical haughty rich girl from an 80s teen movie with multiple guys competing for her affections?

[PhycoKrusk]

9745479
France is too obvious.

I need to think about this one.

[penguincascadia]

9743552

"Sequel pitch: Equestria actually orbits the sun and moon by itself!"

Celestia and Luna don't control the sun and moon, the sun and moon control Celestia and Luna!

[The Real McCoy]

I think that my favorite part of the description of this story is this:

“Nothing… is… fabricated… or… ignored… Exposes… vile… lies…” —Princess Twilight Sparkle

[BlackCat Productions25]

So they shot it in a studio?

[Wellwater]

it wasn’t like this was locket science.

It was just one small spell by mares, but a giant scheme over equines.

derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/7/10/1197265__safe_edit_edited+screencap_screencap_twilight+sparkle_alicorn_floppy+ears_image+macro_meme_pony_reaction+image_twilight+sparkle+%28alicorn%29_.png
and then
derpicdn.net/img/view/2017/10/24/1568971__safe_edit_edited+screencap_screencap_twilight+sparkle_fame+and+misfortune_alicorn_angry_door_faic_flattened_floppy+ears_get+out_image+macro_me.png

[MixMassBasher]

Hilarious in the absurdity of the explanations and some good meta humour

[McPoodle]

Why do I imagine this whole story told in Saberspark's voice?

[Shadowshame]

I can imagine a side story with the pony that wrote this trying to disprove the existence of a human in equestria with the human actually having an interview in his book

[Shadic Midnight Blitzer]

Good.

[Frustration in Excelsis]

11180265
The prophecy referred to Nightmare Moon's literal escape from banishment, though, not to her being turned back into Luna.