Walk, don't run. Unless you're late for the bus.
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This story is a sequel to Nothing Left to Lose
An ancient enemy seeks redemption.
Or so she claims.
Flurry Heart is willing to give her a chance.
Written for the My Little Pony Renaissance Contest.
Edited by Pascoite.
Original art by Joelle the Nose.
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I'm very curious to see where this goes, you're handling the character drama expertly.
Still, I can't help but think it's the serious version of this: 😅
Cue Starship Troopers Theme.
. . . . That was Gooooood. That was seriously good. I can't wait to see what comes next from this!
I love the duo Flurry Heart and Chrysalis. their interaction is interesting to observe. It is a pity that there are very few stories with this duo in the lead role.
I wonder. Did Chrysalis grin because she had planned her apparent defeat or because that information about Thorax started her on scheming another revenge plot?
10923266
I'll leave that to the readers' interpretation.
please,PLEASE make a sequel I want to see how the rest of chrysalis’s story plays out
All the cleverness of scheming villains would be utterly undone with the proper application of explosions.
This is why Deadpool is best.
Villain, "Blah blah! If you kill me, you are just like me! You can't kill me because the kiddies will be shock-" *BLAM!!*
Deadpool, "Sorry! Couldn't hear your BS over the sound of my gun!"
"Uhm, you kinda openly invaded a country that LITERALLY DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU EXISTED, and attempted to enslave the entire population to be livestock... and then when you got beaten by a LITERAL DEUS EX ASSPULL MIRACLE, you invaded AGAIN!! And were actually beaten by YOUR OWN KIND who were clearly realizing YOU'RE A BLITHERING IDIOT OF A LEADER who never even considered that LOVE CAN BE A SOURCE OF PERPETUAL ENERGY for your species, because you are a MORON!!"
Chrysalis, "Well, when you put it that way, I do seem kinda brain dead..."
Ok, I'm confused in part over who said what and how exactly to interpret it. Would appreciate some guidance here.
^^ obviously Chrissy
vv obviously Cadance
^^ New paragraph, so this should be Chrissy...
vv ...and this being Cadance
But that just doesn't make sense to me. Am I reading it wrong?
I'm assuming that Shining is reacting amount of venom coming from Cadance here. And that the "cocktail" Chrissy is describing is coming from him and describing his feelings about how Cadance is acting right now.
Thanks for any clarifications.
At this point, I'm voting that Chrissy is planning on turning Flurry against her family. Maybe not "in arms" against, but to at least drive them apart; to have Cadance lose her offspring similarly to how Chrissy lost her: have them drift away from their "true selves" and from her mother.
Have to wait and see if I'm right.
And there it is. The wind up and the pitch...
...and it's a foul ball right back into her own face at full speed.
...oh, don't do it, Chrissy, don't do it.
Oh, you dummy. You did it. You are so getting coal from Santa Hooves this year.
This is why nopony invites you to parties anymore.
That kid is something else. A living embodiment of Twilight's teachings and a student of her own mother's domain.
You got old, Chrissy. You got soft. Soon you'll look like a rainbow colored elk-bug-thing just like the rest of them.
I'm really not sure how I feel about that ending.
One the one hoof, Cadance and Chrissy appear to have found a bit of common ground. On the other hoof, I think Chrissy did (more or less) exactly what Cadance and Shining expected her to do, so that cell is definitely gonna be her new home. There's there's the third hoof, Flurry was very welcoming of Chrissy, more than any sane individual should have been in the first place; but on the last hoof, she was raised by Mama Love and Aunty Friendship (along with too many other aunts to count) who colored her world to be that open in the first place.
And let's just add the fact that Chrissy is happy that the rainbow buggy bunch doesn't know about her current predicament; but we all know eventually they will, so, then what? Is she happy they will eventually know? That they don't know yet? That they will be shocked what happened when they find out? Or does she have some evil plan to weave before they do find out.
I'm really not sure if I wont to yell at Cadance for being a nasty nag (with good reason) or if I want to congratulate Chrissy for growing as an individual (which I'm still not sure she's actually done, tbh. She's a really good liar and even lies to her self rather well.)
Overall, this was a really well written piece and I enjoyed reading it.
I still wanna smack a few characters tho.
Really great, very well written. You really managed to write a Chrysalis in away that stays true to her character.
Bruh, was she up there the whole entire time?
Man, I love their back and forth banter, but when she went on about how her family had abandoned her after all she did for them... Crhysalis really has undergone a lot of harship for her kin, and all for nothing in the end.
That ending... on one hand, I'm shocked, and sad, that things wouldn't change for her. On the other, your writing that lead to this end, only to be presented with a moment that was maybe expectable, but wished wasn't true, was just impacting.
Now I interrupt this fan fiction to bring you a special message from the Princess of Friendship's voice actress herself!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzqmvInMsVU
Hmm... Can't tell if good or bad.
Ooooh, Chrysalis has developed some fondness for Flurry.
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Yes, you got the order right, and interpreted Shining's reaction correctly.
Dialogue in third person between two actors of the same sex is a pet peeve of mine, but I wanted to keep Chrys's intentions here not as obvious as they could be to the reader, which is why we aren't directly "in her head" as first person.
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That's the essence and appeal of tragedy, in the literal sense: despite knowing how it ends, we wish it can be avoided.
To be clear, this isn't strictly a tragedy, because it ends with the betterment (or the promise of betterment) of its central character rather than her total downfall, but I never intended to surprise the audience. If you saw where this was going, predicted how it would end, and still wanted to read, then my job is done.
Ehh.
10925734
She is first and foremost, a mother. Having lost her thirteen thousand, eight hundred and twelve children to ponies, is it any surprise that she might seek a surogate from among them?
I find this conclusion...unsatisfying.
This was a drama between Chrysalis and Flurry Heart. The last few paragraphs of the story focusing on the other changelings feels like bait and switch. Like flirting with one girl for all of New Year's Eve, and then kissing another at midnight. As a reader, I didn't care about the other changelings. They're not even in the story. I wanted to see resolution between Chrysalis and Flurry. But this ending gives no resolution at all. It might almost have been better to have ended with the previous chapter, showing their embace and having Chrysalis die having been unable to follow through with her threat. At least then we'd know what was and wasn't genuine.
There are many ways this might have ended. The ending I expected was for her to succesfully depart with Flurry Heart, whether through guile or persuasion, but then willingly release her with the realization that it held no future for her. No future for Flurry Heart, with Chrysalis choosing to let her go. Being first and foremost a mother she would want what is best for her child, surogate though she be.
Ending this with Flurry and Chrysalis separated seems like the least suitable outcome. This isn't a redemption fic. And its not a villain fic. It's about a mother's love. This story should have ended with these two having an unbreakable bond, unintended by either of them and understood by nopony else, but undeniably real. Instead, you have Flurry "see the truth" in the previous chapter, then seperate them in the next, with Cadence stating that Flurry isn't ready, and then Chrysalis target-switches to the changelings instead.
It is unsatisfying.
got the bitch
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10938158
The very fact you were reminded of it means you lost.
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/5ef95353-9f74-45ba-a400-5494417ca165/ddmcdr5-d973f8f4-425c-4c29-9ff0-a7ded220a78a.png?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7InBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzVlZjk1MzUzLTlmNzQtNDViYS1hNDAwLTU0OTQ0MTdjYTE2NVwvZGRtY2RyNS1kOTczZjhmNC00MjVjLTRjMjktOWZmMC1hN2RlZDIyMGE3OGEucG5nIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmZpbGUuZG93bmxvYWQiXX0.A53txybOuMUARZCnYA74VGXBzPcYDwwU07q2R-eN-CA
10938713
As have you.
10925229
The worst part is that they abandoned her at a high point. They had won. They were victorious and suddenly, on the whim of a traitor, they betrayed their mother, their queen, and all that they stand for to become some abomination that has none of the protections it was known for and all the weaknesses. It is also unclear if anymore can be produced without a queen. It is entirely possible that all of the changed lings are doomed to extinction.
10925720
That's the beauty of it. Chrysalis is not doing anything bad on the contrary she is teaching Flurry valuable lessons about life, actions and consequences. Little by little she will strip Flurry of the rose colored glasses that Celestia bestowed upon the ponies and and destroy her black and white notion of good and evil. This will obviously create conflict with the rest of the royals however I think that teaching Flurrt may become the true victory in this particular game.
10924557
Agreed
10927525
Thirteen thousand eight hundred and twenty-two. Don't forget to count Kevin and Thorax himself
Great story, wonderful ending :)
Nope.
In the last episode, there were young changelings.
10922179
Twilight has a clear opinion about the "forcing love" thing:
I see Chryssy already got her magic back.
Does Cadance know?
Somehow I imagine her to talk with the voice of Emperor Palpatine right now.
Technically they didn't kill your Children, Chrysalis. They merely corrupted them.
If you want equal revenge you should have corrupted Flurry in return, turning her against her mother.
That would have a much greater effect.
11201862
Yes, that was her initial plan, as you should've understood before this point, and something she explains a few paragraphs later.