Peter Westmoore, 19 years old. Friends describe him as hard working, but a stick in the mud.
Peter never enjoyed the party scene, not when he could be honing his skills as an animator, nor did he have a taste for alcohol. And what does all that responsibility get him? A quick night terror and being dragged to Equestria. Now he, or rather "she" has to find a way back to his/her world. But the six colors adorning his new equine shape simply keep getting in the way. How will a now stressed college student adapt to the happy go lucky world of ponies, and as a filly no less?
Special thanks to my editors; gerandakis and Jasperr Hart. For going through these chapters and helping me clean them up.
Hi, no the story isn't dead, I'm just on the loosest schedule I can manage and still call it a schedule.
Like I've said in previous comments, this stories muse is out for a match of tennis, so it's grinding by very slowly.
On top of that, the most recent chapters don't flow very well with the rest of the story, so here's what I'm thinking;
I'm going to put 'er on hiatus, and go back, do a bit of touch up work on the chapters, bring the whole story in for an overhaul, then continue once it's all cleaned up.
If that doesn't work out, then I'll just have to buckle down and force out the next few chapters, but I think we all know how well that would turn out.
CC~
I'm intrigued... Keep writing.
9663846
Oh believe me I will
9664016
Good-oh
Added to watchlist.
So close, Peter! You need your research!
We take delight in this.
Rainbows? Candy?
So Peter (now Argent) is possessed by multiple spirits? Well that just sucks.
9664591
Huehuehue >:)
I am keeping my eye on you
9664362
Friendship. It tasted like friendship
(It seemed fitting)
Not sure if listening to All Along the Watchtower and Simple Man was appropriate... but it sure seemed that way.
Cool, this got featured.
Really liking it so far, hope that this being featuring will inspire you to continue.
Featured 6/5/2019 if anyone wants to know.
Like the premise of the story so far. Do continue this fascinating story.
How many foal did they found actually? At first, there was 'A' foal. Then I don't know how many.
For a moment, I thought Pinkie did something to the 4th wall.
Despite its need for editing, this story looks very interesting indeed.
And I thought Princess Celestia hold a copyright on this line.
I'm intrigued, nice story keep em comming. :3
Ohh hooked. Upvoted and tracked.
Heh dis is cool.
Alondro crashes into Equestria as a hydra.
(Huh... you know I don't think anyone's done that fanfic yet... or as a Quarry Eel for that matter... manticore? THERE ARE STILL IDEAS LEFT TO USE!!!)
im loving this.
9665344
they & their are sometimes used to refer to someone without using their name or gender, and I don't think the writer wanted to just litter the paragraph with 'the foal' over & over.
9665745
I believe 'it' and 'its' could fit nicely for non-specific gender baby. Like when they say "It's a boy".
9665344
It was one foal, the author just used non-gendered pronouns
Your - Possessive. Something that belongs to you. That house belongs to you. That house is yours.
You're - Contraction. A shortening of 'you' and 'are', omitting the space and the 'a'. If you mean 'you are' then use you're.
Yore - Noun, indicating a time long ago.
That's how I read this, I find the concept of Applejack announcing this all out loud excruciatingly funny.
9665873
Oops thank you for pointing that out.
With all the other formations of the elements, you describe the elements color, yet here with Rarity's element you didn't. I recommend you describe the color of Rarity's element.
Dorm mate as two words is odd to read & when i searched it up online the dictionary websites stated it as one word like this: dormmate.
I strongly recommend adding more enter/return things (don't know name of them) in there as currently it entirely one paragraph & looks quite bad.
'Begain' is actually spelled 'began' & 'wierd' is spelled 'weird', this also requires an enter key press right as the bold text starts.
This requires many new enter key presses to make it so it's not all one paragraph when it was trying to be multiple.
I'm pretty sure proundly is actually supposed to be profoundly & this entire paragraph needs more enter key presses to separate it when it failed at being different paragraphs.
This needs an enter key press when rainbow dash starts talking as it failed to become 2 different paragraphs.
Needs more enter key presses where paragraph failed to separate, 'dias' is supposed to be dais unless you were trying to state something in another language, and I recommend having an ellipses between the 'Now if only another will as well.' & 'Princess Luna!', like 'Now if only another will as well... Princess Luna!', I also recommend removing the exclamation point as it makes it seem like she is surprised at Luna being there even though directly before she hints towards doing something with Luna.
Saying her voice doesn't betray her emotions doesn't mean much if neither Celestia nor her voice were given any emotions, so I recommend you add something like 'in a caring tone' after the 'she asked' part, or at least something similar.
This requires two enter key presses in the places where the paragraph failed to separate.
This is missing three enter key presses where the paragraph failed to separate, 'suprise' should be surprise, & 'chiper' should be chipper unless your talking about some french word.
The word 'unkown' should be unknown & addition should be a different word like 'tag along' as using addition in my opinion would relate more to their recently obtained elements of harmony than to the new foal as both are somewhat unknown & I believe that addition refers to an object more often then not or at least a body part.
There needs to be an enter key press in this paragraph where it failed to seperate.
9665980
I do believe that she is in-fact growing mini-elements of harmony out of her head, as the seem to grow when near friendship & when around the elements of harmony.
You need an editor.
Other than that, Good story.
A couple of mixups of the your (possession) and you're (you are) variety. "Are you okay" should have a question mark instead of a period.
Well... didn't see that coming.
Hmmm... I wonder what else I won't see coming?
9666141
Thank you!
Deleded from watchlist...
Add to favorites.
9665344
9665745
9665769
Eeeyup. It's considered polite to use they/their over it/its when speaking about a person of indeterminate gender rather than an inanimate object in English, even when you're only speaking of one person and not multiple.
So far she has ‘channeled’ laughter, honesty, magic, and loyalty. All that’s left is kindness and generosity.
The one thing I’m wondering about is why isn’t her cutie mark on the cover art?
9666476
That would be because I forgot, and that's not even the most glaring mistake this piece has had in the past. I'll be fixing up a more permanent cover art later.
9666488
Alright, thank you
9666322
Precisely
Ohh i just realized what that's for. nice
^
When the featured list has something you like
Interesting, same speaking language but completely different writing symbols. Well, just tell Twilight her parents were gone before they could teach her how to read/write. Given they thought she was from backwater, it should be fine.
FINALLY, a story that gets Twilights mane color right. I cant tell you how frustrating it is when people say stuff like: "lavender unicorn with a purple mane." So THANK YOU for that.
So far I'm enjoying the story despite my initial assumptions. Let's face it we all have those about human in equestria stories
What is wss
Really hope this guy's at least able to keep some mental rationale instead of it all just being taken up by the elements.
9666153
Seconded.
9667164
Yep. I have more procrastination than usual when it comes to HiEs. (Even though a good HiE is pretty much my favorite kind of story.) Some of the things that go wrong with them just drain the motivation out of you.
While I'm sure you meant #f0f8ff Color Hex Alice Blue, "alice" is not a color that most people have the context for visualizing. "Slightly bluish-white" does not require a Google search.
Thistle as a color is just fine, though, if unorthodox. I don't recommend dumbing down things too much.