That Time I Became a Friendship Bomb

by Carmine Craft

Chapter 14: the Breaking of a Dam


"No?" Twilight asked, surprised.

"Please no." I corrected myself.

"Why not?"

"Because." Wait a second, that sounds like what any other child would say, elaborate! "Because I'm already academically proficient." I didn't make it all the way to college for nothing!

"Oh really? Would you mind if I put that to the test?" Twilight asked, with a clearly skeptical expression, no doubt taking my prior illiteracy into account.

"Yes! Please, anything but-" I coughed and composed myself. "rather, I would gladly take a test to prove my knowledge, as opposed to going to class."

Twilight pulled a chalkboard into the room with her magic, while Spike retrieved a few comics from the shelves and retreated upstairs. "We are going to start with math. She scribbled on the chalk board some very sloppy- Wait, those are Actual numbers here, arent they?

There were two sets of identical characters; a simple hoof shape, with another over top and at a slight angle, with a simpler curved line and arrow between them. On the end of the equation was a circle with two curved lines orbiting either side of it. "...Uhh," I began, Twilight was halfway through an "Aha!" When I cut her off. "Now you wait! Given the fact that I couldn't read your wierd pony script, what makes you think I can read pony numbers? Could you please just list out the basic ten numbers, zero through nine, and what add, subtract, multiply, and divide look like?"

Twilight mulled it over for a moment, but complied with my requests, drawing fifteen symbols on a separate piece of parchment and passing it over to me, I retrieved a quill from my bags with my now fully regrow horn. "Ah, magic, it's nice to have you in the waking world again... now then!" I quickly scribbled my human numbers next to what I assumed to be the pony equivalent.
The pony One was just a horseshoe shape.
Two was two horseshoe shapes layed over top each other.
Three was also a horseshoe shape, with a line out the bottom and two dots.
Four looked like Spider-Man, or possibly a cat, if I'm being honest.
Five was a minimalistic wing.
Six was two unicorn horns crossed.
Seven was a sprout of some kind.
Eight was a crescent moon.
Nine was a depiction of the sun.
Funnily enough, zero was just zero.

"So then, what you have up on the board is... really? You tried to get me with two plus two? That's four." I dropped the quill in disinterest. "You're going to have to try harder than that."

Twilight proceeded to take me up on my challenge, giving me some tougher, by comparison equations;

And lastly, 4+8÷2=

"Those would be; thirteen, forty one, six, and six, wait no, thats wrong, eight. Seriously this is basic math here, I already passed algebra and geometry, which I'm fairly certain they don't teach at the local elementary school." I let my expression turn to one of boredom. Twilight proceeded to test my knowledge in said areas of math, which I also passed.

"Have I proven myself yet?" I asked, passing her my current sheet of questions. She skimmed through them, seemingly disappointed, supprised, and happy at the same time that I was correct in my answers.

"Yes," I pumped a good into the air. "In math, we haven't gone into anything else yet."

"Come on, shouldn't this be enough? Fine, what's next?"

"History." Twilight said, flipping the board over and floating a book off the shelf.

"...horseapples," I muttered. "Wait, can't I be exempt from this one? Since I'm not local and all?"

"The Idahoof mountains are pretty far out there, but they are still part of Equestria, so no." Twilight shot me down, cracking open the textbook.

I tried, I really tried, but despite all of the similarities between good ol' Earth and Equestria, the history was completely different, I didn't even deserve an F for my deplorable performance.

"So what if I don't know the history? That's a good enough reason to stick me in a room with twenty kids for the better part of a say, every day? I could easily learn all that by simply reading the relevant books here." I pointed out, flimsy an argument as it might be.

"Next, Equish." Twilight said, ignoring me. She retrieved another book, flipped through to a random page, and wrote down a word on the board. She repeated the process a few times."Please define these terms."

I passed easily enough on the words I was familiar with, but I only got about half the wierd ones right by guessing, and I only got partial credit for "zephyr field" for saying "it has something to do with the wings."

"Next up, foreign language."

"They teach that at elementary school here? That was middle school at least back home! High school definitely."

"They do, now then," she passed me a book, opened her own and spoke what was, if the cover of my book was anything to go by, "Prench." I checked my letter sheet, not a misreading on my part, and not a typo according to the unicorn mare.

Needless to say, because I took art class rather than a foreign language class for my fine arts credit, I failed.

"Song." Twilight said, changing gears quickly.

"Song? Singing is a required subject in school?" I asked, disbeliveingly.

"Of course it is, why wouldn't it be?"

Now I know your messing with me. regardless I had to participate, if singing a jolly tune would keep me out of gradschool, so be it. It was at this time that my new voice became extremely apparent, not that I had not noticed, it was simply the fact that I could no longer hit the low notes I used to before, and could hit such ridiculously high notes now, that made it so painfully obvious. It was a struggle at first, the singing voice I now possessed kept throwing me off, but after a minute something just clicked and I sang no problem.

"Are you done yet? I would like to be." I was resisting the urge to plead, but I had a sneaking suspicion that the asinine approach I was taking would get me nowhere.

"I am."


"You didn't pass."

aww for fu-

"While your mathematics abilities a far beyond what we were expecting, you don't know a thing about basic history, your singing did improve after a moment, but it was still pitchy at the opening of the song, you also didnt seem to know any common or popular songs. Your vocabulary is above standard, but you are missing several basic key terms that I know that they should have taught you. All things considered, you still need to go to school." Twilight summed up.

"Oh come on! Is there any particular reason your so hellbent on sending me to school? Why can't I just be taught here, in the library, away from children?" I begged. I honestly have no real problem with school, I might even go so far as to say I enjoyed it, but my time in elementary school was not exactly fun.

"I'm sending you to school so that you can get a proper education. As much fun as it would be to take on a student of my own and teach her everything I know, you need to socialize with fillies and colts your own age," She sighed and put on a gentle smile. "It won't be as bad as you are expecting, I promise, honestly they are just foals, how bad could it be?"

You did not just ask that! How could you be so naive as to ever use that phrase!? "Whenever someone asks that, it always turns out horrible, it's like, the number one thing you do not ask, for fear of the wrath of the universe showing you, exactly how bad it could be."

"Oh please, that is nothing but superstitious nonsense." Twilight waved me off. "Now then, let's make sure you are going to have everything you need for school."

I sighed, dragging my hooves after her. "I am strongly against this."

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that, but it's all been set up by the princess, so you are not working you way out of this."

Really? It's a friggen royal decree that I attend school? "I find it highly doubtful that a pony I have never met would care if one child didn't attend public school, let alone the ruler of the entire country." I complained.

"Don't say that, Princess Celestia cares about all of her ponies." Twilight assured me, filling my saddlebags with school supplies.

"Class, I would like to meet our new transfer student, she came all the way from the Idahoof mountains!" Miss Cheerilee motioned for me to enter the classroom.

I quickly erased all signs of discomfort form my posture and expression. I can't believe they're forcing me to do this... I internally sighed, while standing before the mass of children, most of them looking at me with interest.

"Why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself?" The moderate cerise mare promted.

egh... "Hi, my name is Argent Accord, it's wonderful to meet you all!" I said, fully embracing the child persona.

"Now then class, does anyone have any questions for miss Accord?" A great many hooves went up into the air. "Applebloom." The teacher said, pointing to the familiar face in the crowd.

"What's yer favourite color?"

"French grey." I repeated.

"Oh, me, me!" An orange filly said, shaking her extended forlimb.

"Scootaloo." Cheerilee shifted the class' attention to her.

"What was it like living in the mountains?" she inquired.

"Cold in the winter, hot in the summer, and spring was always late. Other than that, not all that different from here." Exept for the difference in population and what not.

"Sweetie Belle." The earth mare selected.

"Why did you move out here?" the final familiar face asked me.

"I got dragged along." I chuckled at my own stupid joke. "I dont really know why im in Ponyville, but I guess I am sticking around for the foreseeable future." I got a few odd looks for that answer, but Cheerilee moved right along.

"Silver Spoon."

"Why is your mane so messy?" She asked with an unfriendly smile.

"Because I really don't care what it looks like." Both Silver spoon and a magenta filly seemed displeased with my answer.

"Diamond Tiara." Cheerilee called on said magenta pony.

"What is that thing on your head?" She asked, clearly indicating the crystal rooted in my skull.

"Just a unicorn horn."

"No way!" The filly exclaimed disbeliveingly, "I've never seen a unicorn with a horn anything like that!"

"What purpose would lying about this serve me?" I asked her. I pulsed my magic just to prove it, re-ordering all the pieces of chalk on the black board based on length. There were murmurs of awe amongst the non-unicorn population of the class, and looks of bewilderment from the rest.

"Peppermint Twist?"

"Why doeth your horn look like that?" The filly asked with a lisp.

"Complicated and not really sure." I said dismissively.

"Actually, that is a great question Twist. You see, Argent is a very special kind of pony, her horn is completely unique amongst the unicorn population! While she can do everything a normal unicorn can do, her horn is a little more fragile than average, so she has to be careful."

Can this be over? I am getting pretty sick of being the center of attention, I thought, noting the growing sense of vertigo. I waited for the teacher to explain all of my "special rules," Eventually I was given my seat, a corner desk near Sweetie Belle and another unicorn I did not know. Fortunately, class starred with math, and, other than having to translate the symbols in my head, I didn't have to pay any attention to it, so I was allowed to internally sulk at my situation. I wouldn't dare challenge the universe, not again, this is just one thing after another, leading to this crappy outcome... I'm gonna try something when I get back to the library.

Recess was called, something I completely forgot was part of early school scheduling, not wanting to interact with any of these miniature horses, I left the classroom, walked straight over to the tree in the yard, and with a minor application of magic, walked straight up its trunk. I came to rest at the very top of the tree, looking up at the clouds. Dang it... now I miss clouds, the one immediate good point on becoming a pegasus.

"Hey! Argent!" Some filly called up from below, I looked down to them, revealing there identity to be Apple Bloom.

"Yeah?" I said, disinterested.

"You wanna play tag with me and Twist?"

"Yeah, c'mon! It'll be fun!" The light amberish grey filly said beside her.

Once again a sense of nausea cept up on me. "I really don't feel up to it,"I let myself plop down into the leaves. "You two have fun without me."

"But, we thought, y'know, since you're new and all... you would want to make some friends." Apple Bloom said, disheartened.

"...It's not that I don't want to play," I lied, stuffing my now itchy forehoof further into the tree. "I just, am a little worn out, new school and all." A half truth, which didn't seem to bother my hoof any extra.

"Oh, I understand... well, you feel better soon." The two of them walked off.

I feel like I could have handled that better... meh. I can make it up to them later, when I'm done with this sour mood. I concluded, rolling over to stare at the clouds. I saw Rainbow rocket by and deliver a finishing blow to a cloud, along with a few other pegasi, so that was pretty neat. This must be the weather team, eh? Interesting job. So, now that I was staring at a much less crowded sky, I took note of the fact that it didn't hurt to look at the sun, another odd little difference this world held.

"Well well well, if it isn't the new transfer student, what's the matter? Got no friends, little miss wierdo?" Came up from below.

...The hell? More confused than anything, I looked down on the light magenta filly from earlier, accompanied by the filly I believe was Silver Spoon.

"I heard she got kicked out of her old school because she looked So funny." Silver spoon said to the other one, I could not remember her name.

Incorrect, I specifically said I was dragged here. I smiled and snickered at my joke.

"What's so funny?" The magenta earth filly stomped. "Did you hit your head climbing up that tree?"

Are these supposed to be bullies? "Do I know you?" I asked her.

She gasped like I had insulted her family. "You should! I'm Diamond Tiara! Daughter of Filthy Rich!" She screeched.

An interesting name, I assume he is loaded? "I'm sorry I didn't catch that." I layed on the sarcasm thick, my hoof didn't register the lie. Oh! Another loophole! "Well, what ever your name is, you go have fun." I said, putting on the biggest smile I could.

"How dare you! You are going to regret that!" Silver spoon shouted on behalf of her friend.

"Are you going to climb up here and make me?" I asked in a taunting manner. "No, if I'm gauging you about right, you will try to do something more clever, do live up to my expectations, girls." They stomped off in a huff. "Well then..." I said quietly, "rebuffing a pair of bullies' attempts could be interesting."

Cheerilee came out moments later, calling all the students back to school. I floated down to the ground and trotted back to my seat, a note was taped to my desk. It was a little surprising that they were trying this quickly.

Meet us in the bathroom after school or everyone will know!

Is all it said. Know what exactly? "Argent" has no past to exploit, and I find it extreamly doubtful they know anything about me. I laughed, magically pulling all the ink off the piece of paper. Math class was resumed, so I spent my time folding the paper into an origami swan, it didn't look the best, but when I was done with it, I used the magically removed ink to give it eyes and finer detail. After that I pretended to pay attention. The magenta filly and her friend stared daggers at me whenever the teacher had her back turned, I smiled back at them, as was polite to do.

The bell rang for lunch and I quickly ate mine, half a sandwich and some sliced apples. Unfortunately the food did nothing to fill the pit in my stomach. Did I eat something bad? I wondered.

School let out almost immedietly after lunch, something I was not prepared for, but a pleasant surprise non the less. Cheerilee let us know that tomarrow we would be having history class, one I would sadly have to actually pay attention to. I saw a certain pair of fillies make their way to the bathroom together, confirming my suspicions on who left the note. I paid them no mind however, simply glad that this hadn't been a nightmarish experience. I quickly left the school grounds before anything could challenge that, making my way back to Golden Oaks.

"Welcome back Argent, did things go as bad as you thought?" Twilight greeted me in the doorway.

"Against all odds, it wasn't horrible. Here I made a thing." I said, fetching the paper bird I made during class.

"Wow, this looks great!" Twilight said, taking the offered origami object into her magical grasp. "You've got some real talent here." She said, inspecting the thing from several angles.

"Not really no, it just seems like good practice for magic control." I dismissed her praise.

"Do you have any homework?" She inquired, placing the imitation bird onto a shelf.

"Math, do I really have to do this?" I asked, slinging my bags upstairs. "I mean, I'm fairly certain I would learn leagues more from you, here at the library, than at the school."

"Well, I might be able to make a curriculum custom just for you, it would do you good to hang out with fillies and colts your own age."

"Oh, so you are putting me through this for my social life, wonderful." I griped, laying down on the library floor. "I miss clouds..." I mumbled.

"Now Argent, I know it can be hard to make friends at a new place, but you just have to try a little bit, I know that there is at least one filly who would love to be your friend." Twilight attempted to comfort me.

"Yeah, no thanks." I dismissed. "Don't get me wrong, children can be great, but I don't see myself being able to be actual friends with any of them." Because I'm not a kid myself and all... screw it. "hey Twilight?"

"What is it?" She layed down next to me on a cushion.

"You know anything about multiverse theory?" I probed, testing the waters around this subject.

"Oh certainly! Like how there is an infinite number of Equis', and how they can vary from the tiniest detail, to being the complete opposite, is that what you mean?"

"Right. Now as a hypothetical question, would it be possible to, say, travel between two different universes?"

"I believe so, there are stories about the princesses exploring other worlds with the help of spells made by Starswirl the Bearded, why do you ask?"

"Just curious, now lets say that a, pony, got taken from the world he called home, into one where, dragons and ponies switched places. Would the world change that pony into a dragon?"

"That is, well, that is certainly an interesting question. Let me think... Assuming that the forces of harmony in the dragon world were as strong or stronger than the pony world, I suppose it is possible, but it would require that the world interprets the pony's magical signature as a dragon in that world, as well as a rather large amount of magic."

Alright then... so then world travel is possible? "What is a magical signature?"

"It is basically a fingerprint for your magic, and how the world can tell what you are."

"What if, something other than a pony, who came from a world with absolutely no magic at all, accidentally traveled to Equis, would they even have a magic signature?"

Twilight looked taken aback at the concept. "A world without magic? I had never really thought about that..." papers appeared around her. "A world without magic? Hmm."

About the time she started writing things down, I figured out the conversation had died. Well, I learned a few new things today. I left the mare to her Science-ing and went to the shelves. "Now then, to find a reference for magic signatures, and world travel."

Soon after the filly left Twilight, she came out of her theories and took notice. She retrieved the most recent letter she had gotten from Princess Celestia, re reading it's contents.

Dearest Twilight Sparkle

I have my best ponies on the job, but as of yet, no mention of Argent Accord having ever lived in the Idahoof mountains has been found, nor of a filly matching her description.

I implore you to keep this information from her, and keep a watchful eye.
I would like to believe she is telling the truth, but one can not be to careful.

Princess Celestia

This, along with her random levels of knowledge, and her questions... It couldnt be, could it?

I put the book back on the shelf. "Well, that right there is a lot to absorb, I did not think there was that much to know about magic signatures. My eyes hurt." I had found three books on magical signatures, but I could not find even a single book on world travel, multiverse theory, dimensional travel, not even any fiction on the subject! I flopped down on a cushion. "Hard to belive Twilight doesn't own at least one copy of everything... Frick I miss clouds, this is becoming a curse." I complained. Curling up on the inferior cushion. I sat there for a while, unsure of what to do with myself. "Might as well get it out of the way." I pulled my bags out from upstairs with mild difficulty, and set about doing my homework. Simple as it was, it was still time filler, even had to do it twice! Because I forgot to use pony numbers in my answers. Glancing outside, I saw that I still had hours before I would even want to go to bed. Plus Night Light might not even be there still. Dreams are just less fun without her. I sighed, scanning the bookshelves for something to occupy my time. "Man, I need to take up a hobby, this sucks." I punched the cushion. Time ticked by, at a snails pace.

"...I wonder if pencils are a thing here?" My thoughts wandered. That magenta filly, what was her name? Was a little annoying, at least school is easy though. Although, I am in friggen elementary school again, which sucks. I miss college, even my crappy room mates, and the parties. I wonder what happened to me back there? Am I dead? Well that's no fun to think about. The room started towering over me. Worried, I quickly got up to find Spike, he is usually good for a hand of cards.

But unfortunetly he was nowhere to be found in Golden Oaks, apparently he went to help out at Rarity's. Twilight was busy pondering a world without magic, apparently, so I was left with nothing to do. "Hmmm, maybe I could wander around town? But meh, I really don't want to go outside... I wonder if magic tv is a thing?" I banished the thought from my mind, given how it went the last time, I had no desire to let my thoughts wander. I went upstairs and paced about the loft, mulling over what I read on magical signatures. "I wonder, what exactly mine says?" I turned my magic vision on myself, then applied the spell that those books referenced. It took a moment to come into view, but when it did I was given two lists, in comprihensable english no less!

One was the long version, and I could not find the bottom of the list. So I opted to check the short version.

Argent Accord.
Age: eight.
Tribe: unstable, unicorn.

Okay then, it is nice to know what age I am supposed to be, but otherwise, that is all stuff I all ready knew, but does this mean that the world actually thinks Argent Accord is my name? I can't tell if that is a good thing or not. On one hand, it means people can't call me out on it being a fake name I guess, but on the other hand, does that mean Peter isn't my name anymore? That doesn't feel fair. I felt my stomach twist at the possibility of my losing yet another thing that made me who I am.

"My name is Peter Westmoore," I said quietly, it didn't irritate my hoof, like most lies I said aloud did anymore. But does that mean I simply believe it, or is it still true? Wonderful! On top of everything that I've been forced into, now I have nominally brought on an identity crisis! I spiralled downward. Oh, just perfect, that is exactly what I needed...

I paced harder, ignoring the discomfort mounting in my stomach. let's check the list, shall we? Ripped from everything I thought familiar, from the world in which I reside, down to my own body and gender? Check! Regressed in age to the point of being forced through school? Check! My very name might not be my name anymore, and there is nothing I can do about it? Check! I could very well be dead back home? Check! I was panting at this point. I mean what the hell!? Why in the name of all that is good do I have to go through all this horse shit? I stumbled and fell onto the hard ground, my insides in knots, I had broken into a sweat. "Why!? Why me!? What did I do?! Why? why? Why?why? Why..." my vision blurred with tears, and I shook, suddenly feeling very cold. "What the hell did I do?" I wept, laying on the floor, feeling isolated, until I felt my stomach lurch, I quickly stumbled to the bathroom, heaving over the toilet. My breathing was ragged quick gasps, tears streaming down my face. "I just wanna go home..."