I became an enthusiastic Brony when I discovered MLP:FiM between seasons 3 & 4 via the review/analysis community. I hope you like my contributions.
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A middle aged brony inexplicably replaces Chrysalis as a new changeling queen some decades before the fruition of a certain pony prophesy. Now the new queen must figure out how to manage a kingdom that has been in a slow, seemingly irreversible, decline for the past several thousand years.
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Normally when I read a new story I give some sort of tip or advice, but honestly, I really have no words of improvement to give other than perhaps adding the personal feelings of the main character, although that and background information can be give at a later point of time. It's a nice, lighthearted story that's really easy to read and understand with great pacing and story flow. All in all, I'd say you really nailed every step to make a good first chapter.
This should be a good one, can't wait to see what happens with the new queen.
This is hilarious can’t wait for more
Welp, this is Very promising, other fics like this never contenue, hopefully this one will :D.
I’m glad I found this, I’ve been needing my Changeling fix.
And this is really good.
I'd give it a week, tops, for it to explode in popularity.
Excellent fic, keep up the good work.
I remember seeing this on SB, hope you decide to continue it.
i like it so far and wish to see more.
Interesting
Gonna need a better name than that, Queenie. We'll see how this goes.
Pff. You're silly.
Oh, and hay, look at that. You just bumped onto the featured list. Congo rats!
That was fast xD, now let's see what goes next :D.
-.-
I like this already.
You got my attention
Honestly, this is the first time I have ever read a FIM that has stated that swearing was actually a great sign!
Does it get annoying having to write those long names?
CSP wibes intensify.
"Herself"? Excellent news, there is an appalling lack of variety in our HIE protagonists. I look forward to reading something new.
This queenly lineage is full of yahoos. I cannot wait to find out what the changeling culture has been warped into.
The fact that some poor 'lings wound up with names like "Meta Night", "Mayhem", or "Calamity" has some amazing implications.
Ah, finally something that really spike my curiosity; there's also dark comedy to boot.
Wonderful.
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Considering the whole place shifts as if it was a giant version of the magic moving staircases in Hogwarts... hell, I'm amazed anyling can figure out how to get around.
...still kinda waiting for a decent description of what she looks like too.
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Queen Whtavra Wa'Nabe looks like a slightly smaller and younger copy of Queen Chrysalis. Think mother/daughter with a very close family resemblance in their base forms.
Or, to put it in the pony perspective: Queen Chrysalis' base form at the time had been roughly the same size as Princess Cadence, while Queen Whatevra Wa'Nabe is currently somewhere between the size of Princess Cadence and season 9 Twilight Sparkle.
I'm willing to consider suggestions for specifics before her comparative appearance is actually described in story (perhaps as something I can include in chapter seven).
Hmm, this seems really familiar. Have you posted this before somewhere?
Yay! Let's do the "Featured" conga!
^U^Oh Pooh! I just looked at your list of stories, and, as wonderful as they are, finishing seems not to be your forte. I guess, thanks for your contribution and please carry on as far as you can.
^U^They're usually a backstabbing lot
cool, I like this
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CONGA!!!!
I was thinking at first that replacing Queen Chrysalis early on was pretty much easy mode; the protagonist already knows how Thorax reformed the changeling race, and surely the ponies of Equestria won't be as hostile as they were in canon if the royal wedding invasion thing hasn't happened yet? Approach ponies, share love, profit.
But apparently there are giant spiders underground, and the queen's advisors are possibly not 100% trustworthy, so that's something. And I definitely like your writing style, so let's see where this goes.
Do you know when writing a hie story I tend to prefer one of two extremes either we get a flush out backstory for the protagonist or things are left very mysterious and we deliberately don't see much from their perspective in the first chapter the fact that this does the ladder has peaked my interest
I can claim that I read this before it got popular!
Also, imagine if Meta Knight is just casually in the Changeling guard, that would be hilarious.
I was going to be disappointed at you starting another story when you have several other unfinished stories on my "Actively Following" list.
Lego movie reference makes up for it. That and no matter how short, it is doubtless another awesome story.
Very well done. Little early to say on all aspects, but so far it has been handled well. I really like the explanation, very easy to follow.
Can't wait to see how the meeting will turn out, I do however feel some shenanigans will take place.
Alright buckaroo, this sounds like a fun ride. Just don't die on me during it.
I'm intrigued tell me more
I just have to ask, Why, why name da queen, (our human turned queen changeling) THAT, anything that was NOT an complete joke could have been better, that is going to be her PERMANENT name, but hey it's what you wanted to do, anyways I'll read more, we need more good changeling/human turned changeling fic's
Ok, this pretty good but RoastPelican is right, replacing chrysalis before she fucked her race up is easy mode, also she knows of the future, also she seems to use her brain cells unlike some, others this is going to be an very good story, please keep going
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You may have seen this story on Spacebattles. That's where I get my prereaders.
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because of this:
Tracking this
Curious. I think I shall keep an eye on this one. I do hope that you provide an adequate challenge for the protagonist though. As others have noted, dropping a human-turned-changeling in before Chrysalys drove the changelings into the dirt seems to make things easier. Seems being the keyword, I can think of multiple factors that can change that.
Sincerely,
Hunter Redflame
If she doesn't eventually end up singing the "Not Evil" song to the Mane 6, I'm switching my like to a downvote.
Short, amusing, and gets the point across.
I hope that we get some more detail, and a bit slower pace, but so far it is quite amusing.
Alrighty, thats a bit better pacing.
It could go a bit slower, but it is enjoyable enough.
Please don't die.
Is this a reboot or was it posted somewhere else? I distinctly remember liking and faving this before.
Edit: nevermind saw the author's post above.
Honestly I latched onto this when you said the brony was a HER, feels like I never seen female brony HIE stories (or rarely anyway). Also I see someone has been watching The Lego Movie Part 2 XD
As gross as Chrysalis’s death was, I like that our heroine enters as a completely new character and not the usual “taking over character’s mind” concept. The whole opening was fantastic. Successfully covers the perfectly natural first freakout, although I am amazed at this woman’s adaptation instincts to be rolling with this so well. But I suppose it does help that the changelings are being the very epitome of accommodating.
Yep, I officially love this. The idea that she figured out some past queens were probably also displaced humans is kind of great. Her philosophical acceptance of the situation is still very impressive, as we have yet to learn whether this mindset is because she thinks she will return home at some point, or if she just genuinely doesn't have anything back home she misses. Or perhaps she truly is the rare phlegmatic type that just accepts her situation and moves on.
Love the worldbuilding too! And the fact that despite their well-founded belief that they could be wantonly killed at any moment, her subjects are still not above giving her subtle sass.
Very good so far and congratulations for your story being featured :D, this is definitely interesting enough to warrant that, hopefully, you don't abandon this, too many instantly feature fics abandoned is a painful feeling to endure T.T.