• Member Since 18th Apr, 2018
  • offline last seen June 11th

Paper Thin


Your mom says I'm very handsome

T
Source

Here’s how Fluttershy puts her life in danger:

“I love you, Discord.”



And here’s how one sentences her to death:

“I love you, too.”


Amazing reading by Lotus Moon.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 115 )
JackRipper
Moderator

I'd never thought I'd see something like this from you. Nice job! :twilightsmile:

The kind of story that Discord and Fluttershy shippers truly deserve.

Weird af

But that's good

Not what I expected, but I enjoyed it quite a bit. Made me feel unsettled the entire time, and that twist is having an active effect on me. Good job, dude.

I know who you are~

A wonderful story, despite its flaws. Your grasp of prose is incredible, and I had chills crawling down my spine at some of the lines, despite the odd emphasis on random things. The way the story flows so smoothly is a testament to your writing ability, even if the tone shifts a bit oddly and it gets a bit infodumpy at times. Overall, a strong work, and I look forward to seeing more from you.

A terrible story, despite its strengths. The prose emphasizes all the wrong things, especially with its use of repetition, and even the well-written prose can't save it from the dissonant tone and poor structure (a random infodump monologue in the middle of the story breaks the smooth flow you had been building up). There's some good lines, but the overall product is weak.

I'm getting some real Mitty from Made in Abyss vibes from your description of Fluttershy. It makes me want to stare at her in horrific fascination, while getting me to burst into tears at the reminder of all the pain she's in.

I’m glad this story finally found its way here. Death of an author and all that, but consider me as entertained as I was when I first read it.
:twilightsmile:

This possible the darkest horror that Fluttercord could get. I applaud you good author.

I like the strange formatting. Very cool. Not a fan of the story as a whole, though. It's a cool idea but it seems to get lost in its own poetic emotion to the point where I forgot what I was supposed to be feeling. Nothing wrong with poetic writing, it just left something to be desired.

I also wasn't a fan of Celestia's dialogue. I can't put my finger on it exactly, but it felt off.

Anywho, I have no intention of disliking it. I made the decision to read it and it's just not something I enjoyed.

Keep rocking.

👀

horror isn't my thing but fluttercord is so we shall see

Wasn't this a Writeoff piece? I recall reading this awhile ago.

... Not the healthiest thing to read after watching Akira.

Soooo Fluttershy + Discord = The Abrahamic god?

Comment posted by Darthdarius117 deleted Apr 18th, 2018

8871813
What makes you say that?

8871798
Why do you like it so much?

8872397
So you don't like that ship? Why don't you like it?

Damn, that was a very good story.

8872402
because he is the edgiest man on fimfic

Did they give birth to Cuthullu?

What the fuck did I just read? seems to be a Sentence I've been using alot recently...and I think it fits here. What in the FUCK did I just read?

This is why we use condoms, people.

8872488
No, they gave birth to the entire universe!

8872602
And then Fluttershy became Azatoth. :rainbowwild:

In writing this, you have birth to an abomination of prose. The bones of the story, the idea, is sound, but it is weighed down by the meat of the thing. That said, there are so many good ideas and moments in this that I want to love it. I want it to be better. I give you a thumbs up, but I wish you had taken time to get an editor or someone that could have reigned your prose back and helped this become the story it could have been.

I enjoy being horrified first thing in the morning. And now I can't stop rubbing my tongue across the back of my teeth, so double thanks.

Good lord.

Holy shit.

this was also like really good and terrifying and i love it but i also hate it aaaaa take your upvote

......isnt twilight, you know, an immortal alicorn, just like celestia? soooooo theres really nothing stopping her and celestia getting together.....besides that, its not like celestia can knock twilight up with some obscene abomination in the eyes of gods and men. unless allicorns secretly have a second "horn" of course

8872800
That's a bit harsh, isn't it? Even if that's probably for the best, one should always endeavor to provide constructive criticism.

Comment posted by Melesse Lindenya deleted Apr 18th, 2018

8872800

I'd like to see you write anything better 2bh :/

Comment posted by SunnySidePony deleted Apr 18th, 2018
Comment posted by SunnySidePony deleted Apr 18th, 2018

8872842
Considering how Transformers grossed over 700 million dollars at the box office, I don't see where you get off on saying it's shit. I'm doubtful that so many people would watch it if it didn't have some decent amount of quality to it.

I think the only words I think of to describe this is "What the fuck"
Still, it's a well written story

8872800
Remember to write why something is the literary equivalent of gouging oneself with a blunt implement. Not only is it helpful to the author to understand why you feel such vehement disfavor with their works, it's also more cathartic to write every last reason you hate something down.

8872888
I think movies like those get a lot of views because people expect something better out of them. Even the Emoji Movie made good money, despite winning multiple Worst Movie awards.

8872833
The other two need to take chill pills, but they're right. You don't need to be a writer to critique writing.

Man the weird shit you find at 4 am

This frightens me. There’s something so deeply chilling about this ancient horror being born out of this mismatched union; some eldritch fear that strikes down to the bone. The universe is so old, so terrifying, that to see it born in such a grotesque way is nearly incomprehensible to my mind.

All I can really say is that this gets all the points from me. 100/100.

Terrifying and beautiful.

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