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An Intricate Disguise

Selling out has never felt so dirty. (Patreon!)

Comments ( 82 )


Holy crap people hate this comment. Lol

Edit 2: Let's make sure this comment has more dislikes than the story! We can do it!

Edit 3: The dislikes this comment has received is directly proportional to the number of orgasms I've had.

Comment posted by Nightingale321 deleted May 9th, 2018

TL;DR hatefucking an entire country?

Not really. Just world domination through having sex with everyone and exploiting mind control/dark magic. This chapter is Rainbow Dash.

I think it because people don't like it when someone gets the first comment and types: "First."


I know, that's why Rainbow was there. XD

Can't wait for rarity 030

Have not read yet, but did put in list for later. The tags imply that you might need a dark tag, but its more somthing to consider. Cant wait to give it a go.

Pretty lovely, cant wait for a sequel! (if there is one)

Shouldn't this have a Dark and/or Non-con tag?

Despite the magical manipulation inherent, the consent in this story turns from dubious to fully consensual in the span of a few paragraphs. To put it simply, she's manipulated, but isn't necessarily raped. That's how I consider it, at least, and I don't feel that it's currently presented in a particularly dark manner. I've already spoken with a member of site staff about this, and they were happy for me to place kink warnings in the description as a means of compromise, using the term 'dubious'.

I'm keeping both tags on hold for if this story should become more dark in later chapters, because I don't want to misinform readers. The term 'dark' is reasonably subjective, but what constitutes non-consensual sex is pretty black and white, so if I should depict a scene that I consider to be fully non-con, especially one that doesn't deal with normalisation, I'll add it straight away.

I understand if your opinions might differ on the matter, and I fully respect that! Thanks for the comments.


I've already spoken with a member of site staff about this, and they were happy for me to place kink warnings in the description as a means of compromise, using the term 'dubious'.

I think the problem is, to many readers, myself included, the concept of 'dubious consent' is entirely fictional, particularly when dealing with something such as alcohol, mind control/hypnosis, or narcotics. In those contexts especially, there's no such thing. There's consensual sex, and then there's rape. If one of the parties has to be coerced, manipulated, or blackmailed into sex, it's not consensual.

And saying "its okay, she wants this!" is a pisspoor justification when the only reason she 'wants it' is because the idea has been forced upon her.

"Pinewood," Rainbow repeated on instinct, turning to face him with a small, subdued smile.

Pinewood's mouth hung open. It was like conditioning! He found a trait he didn't like in a pony, asked them to stop, and already it was gone! Rainbow simply stood there, her cognisance seeming to return as the seconds passed, and once more she made to leave. "See you later then, Pinewoo—"

"Stop and face me."

And she did it. No questions, no hesitation, just a quick little command and there she was, looking straight at him.

There's nothing 'questionable' or 'dubious' about this. He's using mind magic to bend her to his will. That's Noncon in the most blatant sense.


think the problem is, to many readers, myself included, the concept of 'dubious consent' is entirely fictional

A fictional concept for a fictional story where magic and mind control are factors.

I've already said that I fully respect your opinion and how it might differ, but the fact of the matter is that the term was coined for a purpose, whether you or others consider rape as an act to be completely black and white or not. It says what it's intended to say, and no one is going into this story with false expectations.

From the sounds of it, you consider the term itself to be the cause of your irritation, and that extends to me for propagating its use.

I'm not going to argue with you on the specifics of rape. I'd rather this comments section not turn into Community Service all over again.

Again, thanks for the comment, and for expanding.

8815684 The main issue being that consent is binary—you have it or you don't. If there is not consent, then it is non-consensual. Consent cannot be assumed, it cannot be given back once taken, and using weasel words to split hairs doesn't change any of this.


The line between acceptable and unacceptable is often drawn at consent. However human emotions and relationships are complex and multifaceted meaning consent can sometimes be questionable. How consensual was it, really?
There are two basic ways of portraying this, although they often blend into each other.

  • Type A:Sure, there was consent… but how free was it, really?
  • Type B, popularly known asDub Con(dubious consent): The plot would have you think consent was granted—but was it, really?

Type A applies to all kinds of situations, including sexual ones. However, many sexual examples of Type A fall under the subtrope Sexual Extortion. Type B is normally restricted to sexual situations.
Questionable Consent can be complicated. Let's say that Alice is very rich, while Bob is very poor with starving kids. Alice wants something from Bob. Something that he really doesn't want to give her. Maybe a kidney. Or maybe unprotected intercourse with no parental rights over the resulting child. Bob very reluctantly agrees, because he is desperate for money for food and medicine for his kids. But how free was his choice, really?

The Sliding Scale Of Consent Versus Exploitation doesn't have to be about money. It can be about social status, intimacy, drugs, or any kind of MacGuffin.
It can also be a discussion about whether or not a certain character is able to consent to a certain thing in the first place. The character might be too young orinexperienced, drunk or drugged, intellectually challenged, unconscious, suffering from Stockholm Syndrome , or similar. It might also have to do with the nature of the relationship :a boss and an employee ,a health care worker and a patient ,a parent and child (even if said child is fully grown), a teacher and student, a clergyperson and a member of their congregation, a god/goddess and a human (or other non-divine entity), or something along those lines.

Compare Leonine Contract. Appeal to Force andAppeal to Consequences may be used. And the even more extreme variant An Offer You Can't Refuse .Adaptational Consent often overlaps, either clarifying one way or another whether a situation was truly consensual or doing the opposite and muddying a clear cut situation into being Questionable.

8815820 Not sure why you put that all in a quote block, or why you seemed to need to make every second thing a link (which broke your formatting, btw).

You seem to be implying gray areas where there actually are none.

If a person isn't adult, or their judgement is impaired, or they are coerced (be it through authority, blackmail, etc) then they are robbed of the ability to consent.

Put simply, you just made a lot of arguments for "when people aren't capable of giving consent" with a lot more words than are ever really needed. When it takes this much effort to defend a made up concept then maybe the concept is faulty?

Ultimately this is an argument on the internet, and I try not to stay in those when neither side is at all likely to adjust their mind. So this is all I will post. Good day!

the quote blocks are because he's pulling straight from a tvtropes article about consent.

8815872 Thanks for the clarification.

Thats fair. I was more just looking out for ya.

Rape is bad

In the story's case, it is non con. No question. But consent isn't as binary as you seem to think. There is some uncertainty in the mix in specific circumstances. Let me give some examples...

How much alcohol until consent turns into rape? If it's binary, then it should be an easy task to know when someone's mind is too out of it to consent. One sip? What about a glass? Two? Any number you put to this would be arbitrary and of human creation, certainly not a binary state.

Another example would be arousal itself: it manipulates the mind and can turn what is completely consensual at the time into regret later. It's natural mind control.

Additionally, what if someone has brain surgery and afterwards has a massive personally shift of such a degree that they are willing to fuck people they never would before. Is that consentual?

Reminds me of a video...

A promising start so far. Just a few things I would like to note:

First the whole power thing. It seems a bit strange to be able to conveniently buy the power to subdue all of Equestria. Then again one can argue that the Alicorn Amulett was up for sale though, albeit that little trinket can't be compared to his powers either. It makes one wonder if that was really just some shady merchant. It would be strange if it was just that. A merchant that sells ultimate power. I hope there is actually more to him, like he is an ancient fiend, or this spell is more of a not completely developed spell and therefore dangerous to use so that Pinewood could actually be a test subject. Or both. Or any explanation really just so that it will be spiced up since the beginning seemed like a bit lot in terms of plot convenience.

Secondly it would be nice to know more about Pinewood. It was never mentioned that he was a unicorn or what he looks like. Maybe a bit of information on him would be nice. This of course might be harder for you as Author, seeing as the OC is probably the one of the Commissioner. You should still talk thing out with who commissioned this. If this is going to be a longer story it would be nice to have a protagonist with more depth to it.

Thirdly, and probably a less important point is the cum on Rainbow's face. If the story is to be believed he came buckets on her in a way. So her face is probably a huge mess. It seems strange that she manages to clean it off by herself. Her tongue isn't that long. If she was a dragon like Spike it would be very much possible but here it is rather hard for her to do. Just something small I have noticed.

Other than that I think this story does deserve more likes. Probably the reason because it has a bit more dislikes is this whole Dark/Non-Con discussion here. Problem there is that different people view things differently. Some say that this is blatant rape, others that this is dubious consent and so on. I would recommend you to just add the two tags, just so you make sure people don't read your story that are obviously against such things as a mind control or the mind bending topic. It is all a matter in perspective and it might be good to be a bit more careful in that direction. I used the dark tag too for my stories despite some people stating they don't see it as dark. This might help you end this discussion and for people to comment more on the story again. Anyway, I hope my advice is helpful and I am thrilled to read more of this! :yay:

I have to agree as well that this should be tagged noncon. When mind control is involved then consent literally cannot be given. Consent implies that the person giving it has some control and can walk away from the situation if they choose to. If she can't, then it's rape. The definition of consent is pretty black and white on that aspect.

And I don't get why a few authors have used mind controlled sex and then try to hand wave it away later on. "Oh, she didn't have any choice at all in the matter but she says she likes it a few paragraphs later/end of the story/next chapter/etc." If you're writing sex where the person literally has no choice or say in the matter for the sake of a fetish then just call it a rape fetish story and own that fact.

I mean, there's "she was going to say no but he was very convincing, wink wink" and then there's "she was going to say no but then he went into her brain with a monkey wrench and changed stuff until she said yes".

I'll be honest, I haven't read the story, so I don't know which one is closer. But the second one is NOT "dubious consent" as I know the term. It's even less consensual than holding a gun to someone's head, because they still have the option of saying no, however costly.

Since you don't want the comment section to turn into a debate floor on this topic, this post is intended as food for thought with no response needed (though I won't complain if you do).


Hey! I think I got everyone in this reply. I've just recently woken up, so apologies if this is vague/brief.

I've had a little time to go through the comments and the opinions presented, and I'm grateful for all of them! I've had a little time to mull over what's been said, and I can see that the general consensus is that the non-con tag would be more tasteful on this story, so I'll be adding it now!

As far as I'm concerned, my opinions pale in comparison to those of my readership, as those are who the tags are for. The commissioner doesn't seem to have any issue with me tagging the story as non-con—my previous lack of knowledge on this fact contributed to my reluctance—so I have no issue editing it. It can be difficult to accommodate everyone when you're writing a commissioned story, but I hope this will help!

You've all put forward some very reasonable, polite, and well-worded points and arguments, and I'm very grateful to you for taking the time to do so. I'm going to take opinions of this strain into consideration whenever writing something similar in future! You've all been a big help, and I hope people are satisfied with the change. Thanks!

What a heap of shit.
10/10 my dude.

I LOVE IT!! Please make him fuck RD more(She's my fav character, and the hottest in my opinion, I had a crush on her for a little bit:rainbowlaugh:)
Anyway, keep up the good work!

Non-con, eh? Hold my beer guys; I'm going in dry.

From the deepest part of my heart. thank you for bringing this into my life

You are welcome my child

Why is this story tied to anthro if it doesn't have an anthro tag?

Tied to anthro? It isn't. 'Build up Your Hand' is meant to be a poker metaphor, it'd be lost in translation if I called it a 'hoof' here. How awkward does 'Build up Your Hoof' sound in comparison, and does it make you think of poker?

It doesn't I got confused at whoever tagged this.

People hate "First!" comments because people hate spam. And guess what "First!" is?

It's also against (or was against) site rules, iirc.

wow, that's an interesting beginning to the story

OMG I CANT BLIEVE YOU GOT FEETUCHURED:yay:!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAA (dats me yellin)

Yes, in a pony pun sort of way. They wouldn't call a poker hand a "hand" in Equestria. I suppose the phrase is just not as well known outside of people familiar with poker so really it doesn't seem to matter much anyway.

Let me give you some friendly advice.

You can't control what other people like. But what you can control is the quality of the content you produce. Sure, porn is always popular. Sex sells, or so they say. But, the most well-loved and renowned stories this fandom produced are all serious, character-driven stories with effort put into them.

Porn stories come and go with little lasting appreciation. Stories that you put effort into and are stories you really wanna tell? Those stick with people. So, if you're spending as much time and putting as much love into your project as you hinted that you were doing, then people will appreciate it.

I find myself losing interest in this fic, due to the fact that the male protagonist is a major asshole. Being assertive is one thing, being Harvey Weinstein is something else entirely.

I only feel bad for Twilight and Rainbow. Seriously, he ruined Twilight's notes! They were organized and everything! He even made her forget she cared about them! Rape and mind control, fine, but you do NOT mess with another person's work. Not cool, bro. Not cool.

I know this is a fetish dark fic heavily dedicated to power play and mind control, as well as lots of sex all for the purpose of providing masturbation fuel, but I still hope Pinewood gets his comeuppance in the end.

Pinewood sat before Princess Luna, having arranged the meeting with the aid of a thoroughly controlled Twilight, and was ready to proceed. With some well placed words, he brushes up to her side and begins kissing her neck, rubbing pre on her coat with his stiff cock.
Luna hums and comments, "Hmm, would you like to know something interesting, dear Pinewood?"
Curious, and willing to play along with his slave, he asks, "What's that?"
"As Princess of the Night, and Mistress of Dreams, I've long since mastered my own mind, and after the Nightmare, have thoroughly guarded myself against dark magic, so the mental manipulations you've tried to work upon me have failed quite spectacularly."
Pinewood slows in his ministrations, hoof freezing at her spectral tail, moments away from pushing it aside. "Is... is that so?"
"Indeed. In fact, I've only let you get this far so that I might learn your intent, which, by the way, are quite base in every sense of the word. I mean really, the power to bend any pony to your will, and you choose mere sexual gratification? You certainly aren't the most clever villain, are you?"
Pine chuckles nervously, slowly trying to scoot away. "I, uh, I guess not."
"Would you like to know something else that's interesting?"
"The gruel served in the dungeons, the place you will be spending the rest of your natural life. The guards have yet to find the pot lost from the kitchens after it slithered off. It's quite frightening. Alas, we've dallied long enough, come along, young Pinewood, we must be off to the anti-magic chamber to rid you of that foul charm you've come in possession of. It wouldn't do for you to manipulate the guards into allowing you an early release from prison."
Pine goes to upon his mouth, but it's quickly sealed shut with a blue aura. Luna would not alone the pathetic stallion another word until he was cleansed of his dark magic.
Once he was though, she'd be sure he'd confess the names of every mare he'd raped so that they could be checked on and treated. Already Luna's heart was heavy for Twilight, her sharp mind quickly putting together the origins of the letter sent by the younger princess.
Celestia will be livid once she finds out what has been done to her precious student and near-daughter, and if she did not kill the stallion, Shining would no doubt make an attempt.


Or maybe just do death by SnuSnu when his amassed herd ends up killing him under a giant sex pile.

Commissioner here, he won't. Nice writing, though.

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