- Member Since 3rd Dec, 2017
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
An Intricate Disguise
Selling out has never felt so dirty.
An Intricate Disguise
Joined 3rd Dec, 2017 ·
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And here we go, huh?
That was fast.
No "five for five" yet... Finish it first.
~Skeeter The Lurker
8615918
This is a game that I'll inevitably lose one day. Just hoping it isn't yet!
...*adds to read later*
8615926
Weird how it even became a game.
In any case, good start so far.
~Skeeter The Lurker
OH man what a great chapter and a way to really build up the desire. I think he is going to snap and I don't think he is just going to rut her. I am 100% sure he is going to try to breed her. He is going to go at her with the intent to knock her up. I think Shy having a thing deep down about wanting to be dominated by a large powerful creature like Spike and just be wreaked would be cool. It would show that on top of this side of her there is a side that no one knows about and that is this super submissive side to her mate. I really REALLY hope this goes beyond the hook up (that is if you want to go beyond that), and we get to really see this relationship grow and how these two function together, not to mention how wild their mating life prob will be lol. There is alot of interesting places this story can go and I can't wait to see mroe
8615962
There are so many ways you could have phrased your comment, and you chose "uncomfortable." It made me laugh though.
i.pinimg.com/736x/09/1c/e9/091ce9eb26d6e73982c83a9cc9169938--motivational-sayings-i-need-jesus.jpg
Poor spike, running away from his dreams. You can’t have a nightmare if you never dream, but it’s really really hard to stop dreaming.
Now this is the story I desired from you.
8615988
Lol what can I say I have become jaded to so many fanfics after so many years when I find one I like it set a fire that burns with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. Even more so for a Spike story since they seem to have become as rare as a miscolored unicorn that farts cheeseburgers.
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i.imgur.com/IKmXEzg.gif
Very hot! Where's the picture from?
Fluttershy, you sly minx.
You know very well what you are doing to a obviously young adult, pent-up drake.
Honestly, I didn't even realize that it was in you in the first place, let alone that you were daring enough to tease Spike like this...
wow can't wait for more
Dude.
Wow! WOOOOOOOOOOOOW!
I think this is my favorite line so far. It could only be improved if you had had Flutter say "You feel me?" instead.
-------------
The rest of the sentence leads me to believe that this comma would serve better as a semicolon.
more lost in thought
Holy run on sentence Batman.
Hopefully both of you.
I've spent the entire time reading this trying to come up with ways Fluttershy could put as many double entendres she could put in a sentence as once.
I discovered both that I have very little imagination in that regard, and that I can only think of stupid conversation topics.
No source on that image?
Just want to say, props for recognizing that Spike being older means time has passed for everypony else as well. That gets handwaved away far too often.
Should probably credit the artist "Devo87" for the cover image.
Although they sign everything with "DEVROSS(year)" or "D87" so it can get confusing.
I have completely the wrong mental images for what might come next.
I'm imagining Spike grown to about the size of a typical pony, and remembering something someone said recently about creatures where the male has some elaborate display or complex courtship ritual (peacocks etc) being overcompensating.
I can't shake this image of Spike finally giving in to desires, only to find out that Fluttershy is trying very hard not to sound disappointed.
"I thought dragons were huge and super masculine. That's not even half the size of your tail! Haven't you ever seen a stallion with a hard-on?"
Wow! That was so very, very hot and tempting! Please don't let this go on for long because I felt like mounting her for, Spike! Damn, cute, sexy and beautiful Fluttershy!
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Google "Devo87", go to their e621 page, scroll down for a bit
You piqued my curiosity; you now have my attention. I'm interested to see where this goes (well, we ALL know where it goes, but I'm looking forward to the plot. Which one, you ask? Yes.)
8617515
And pour his butter in her gutter.
Wow, we're starting off strong, aren't we?
Whoops. Premature comment posting. I'll edit this with more later.
I lost it at that part!
8616434
8616969
derpibooru image 1182435
Maybe this will help give my thoughts.
8617438
Very cute, artist's drawings are simple but have good lines and proportions.
Amazing! I want moar!!!!!
Please add another chapter soon!!!
Have you heard of the Clocktower Society verse? If you enjoy writing domination / submission stories, maybe you could consider writing a Clocktower story.
Great chapter. I am happy to see some progression at the end here. I feel Twilight is right, that at least talking to her is the best bet. If it kept going how it was Spike would have snapped on her or worse someone else and that wouldn't have been good at all. It is interesting how Twilight brought up Shy ma not be as submissive as he think she will be. That is a interesting thing to play with, I do think no matter what Spike best chance will come out as the dominate but Shy could put up a good fight and how a side of her none of us have seen before. I think as well we could best chance get a side story or something when this is all said and done of Twilight joining in.... for science lol. I mean just think of shy innocent Twi being double teamed and dominated by the big strong dragon in her life and her supposedly most shy and reserved friend lol. It would set a interesting dynamic but also could trigger more issues with Spike's greed as well.
This clop has some awesome plot. Honestly, the character motivation is great for erotic fiction!
8618792
The Clocktower Society is creepy and disturbing. There's infinite possibilities for BDSM outside of a creepy underground sex society composed of just about everypony that's ever appeared in the show.
8618927
Hey, don't kink-shame. What you call "creepy and disturbing" is for some people really hot smut. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't like it if someone came to you and said you were a sick and deranged person for liking BDSM.
Furthermore, the Clocktower is just a setting that allows writers to play with the idea of a place where shame and inhibitions don't exist, while still respecting the fundamentals of BDSM : trust, consent and safety.
I don't understand how that is so different from BDSM, and if you find it disturbing, maybe you just read the wrong story. There is a lot of really good Clocktower stuff that you maybe just haven't seen.
Now if you find Fall of Equestria disturbing I would understand, because that verse is basically just a rape fantasy, but the Clocktower is still about trust and consent.
8618927
8618950
2static3.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/Blank+_b86b780fbd552a0b14a0d3e272e06461.jpg
you cheeky motherfucker! my trope awareness was tingling when you started off so strong. and i was right! IT WAS ALL A DREAM!!!
8618950
It's not kink-shaming. It's setting-shaming.
Although it's infinitely better than Fall of Equestria...
This made me f***ing giggle!
I absolutely love your stuff so far. I'm really impressed and slightly baffled by how you're able to make relatively tame, vanilla premises so captivating, and any new story of yours is going straight the top of my after-dark queue.
Quick criticism, I think you went a little overboard with the exposition in this chapter. I counted nearly 2k words near the top where a few paragraphs would probably have sufficed. Normally I skim past the non-porny parts of clopfics, but you seem to make really good use of your prep-time. The scene in Fluttershy's house hammered the tension home fantastically, but Spike's inner monologue just sort of circled the drain.
Anyway, eagerly awaiting more from you.
8620955
Thank you for this criticism. I was wondering if the first scene dragged a little in places and felt it could have been better served with a little more blending and some paragraphs being shortened or cut. Unfortunately, this is the issue with the majority of my writing—I don't edit or redraft.
It's also wonderful to hear that you enjoyed the other scenes. Porn with a plot is brand new to me, and as such I may have overdid it a little when trying to establish Spike's character and struggles. It's a mistake I'll attempt not to repeat, as I usually value brevity in my writing (see my other stories) over needlessly long and tangential abstractions.
As for you awaiting more, I'm very glad to hear so and I hope to be progressing with chapter three by tomorrow. I have a couple of other things to be getting on with in the interim.
Thanks to everyone else for showing interest too, it's nice to see that this story has been well received!
Never change, Twi, never change.
I really like this characterization of Twilight. She's been through enough shit academically and otherwise to not handle this in a mature manner.
Good good I love it
I must have more
There's a porn tag now? oh dear.
8622625
Honestly, I don't think that the porn tag is warranted for this story. I think that is more geared towards stories without a real plot where the only goal of the story is sexual gratification and the story (as much as there is) only serves to give a thinly-veiled reason for the two characters to fuck. Obviously the decision rests in the author's hands, but that's how I saw the introduction of the tag.
8622889
Shit, you make a good point. ...Do I backpedal?
Hmm, I'll see how porn vs plot weighs by the time this is marked complete and decide whether to remove the tag then. I think that's the one.