tailsopony
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Sweet, loved the original. The end had always felt kind of strange.
8582875
Yeah. It was always meant to be quite a bit longer, but I just sort of got there and... well, yeah. Now there's this. lol. Thanks for the comment! I'm still amazed at how fast you comment on things.
Yes! All of my yes! Loved the original, will doubtlessly love this too ... once I have time to read it.
hey its now that bad, I mean I'm not a picky eater or anything like that but still this makes for a good fap. orgasm denial is not really a fetish of mine but hypno/slave is pretty up there. Can't wait to see rarity broken in.
Aw, you don’t like this? I like it.
This is off to a great start! Guess I’ll have to go back and read the first one now. I hope you keep playing with the orgasm denial... cruel cruel orgasm denial.
Now that I’ve read it … No pizazz? I promise you, this has pizazz aplenty. I like how he casually dominates and torments Twi, like she’s just a toy and she can just take it. Hope we get to see some of that rough anal – it’s mah thang. Also, I’m also not usually into denial play, but it works well here, so looking forward to more of that, too.
Always a good day when a new story or chapter of yours pops up in my feed.
What fetishes are you trying to hit? As hypnosis/mind control goes it's there but not really emphasized. Without the context of the first story or the claim that she is (allegedly) hypnotized you wouldn't be able to tell at all, since Twilight obviously has a fetish for the way he treats her. This might heat up more once she's actually being pushed to do something immoral, or if we see him reinforcing his control/training Rarity, since those activities were the focus and highlight of the original story.
I wish I was better at praise so I could give this story the praise it truly deserves. Love the casual degradation of Twilight as he makes her stroke him off with magic. Best use of the most powerful mage in equestria...
ETA also the orgasm denial at the end is w o n d e r f u l
8582990
Thanks! We'll see what happens. I don't know either. Anything in particular you didn't like about it?
8583054
We'll see. Clean likes controlling things, and he's just found a new way to exercise his control. He will certainly revisit it.
8583072
Hmm...Thanks! Good to know. I'll see what gets vomited up. This has a "story" that's defined already, with lots of sex in it. The problem is the sex isn't defined necessarily. lol. So what pops up will depend on how the characters feel about each other in the moment.
8583082
Twilight's a little bent right now. Clean doesn't quite know what he's done to her, and he won't for a while. It's likely he won't care as long as it doesn't impact his life in a negative way. Protip- It will. As far as what I was going for here, it was to demonstrate their relationship right now, and point Clean at Rarity more than anything. That's probably why I think it wasn't any good, the bit here is just here as a tool to convey how Clean and Twilight treat each other right now, and not as an exploration of any fetishes. But then Clean was miffed, and decided to go with orgasm denial to punish her since lately she's liked everything else. And it just so turns out they've got a sybian arriving. Whoopsies. Debating if I'm actually gonna write that. It's the kind of thing that would be very intense, but might be difficult for a scene that stays interesting. M/C is absolutely still going on, but is backstage atm. It will come up plenty, and note I updated the tags to specify hypnotism and M/C as seperate things... That will be important later, especially if I ride this train all the way to the F-ed up end.
8584147
lol. Thanks! Don't praise me. I hate praise. ETA? Unknown. Clean is going to be...mean. Maybe not at first, but he's absolutely a cruel character who gets off on degradation. You might enjoy some of the things he has planned. But... Well... You'll just have to see I guess. Thanks for the comment!
Yay we're back to a singular morally bankrupt protagonist that we can unabashedly root for and find hot despite knowing everything they do is wrong and bad! Don't get me wrong, I love the emotional depth and nuances in your other stories, but this is fucking hot.
The description of the uniform is fantastic – ponies in clothes are great, and the sexualization of them that highlights distinctly non-human qualities is nice. Tangent to that, earplay, unf.
it's so nice to see a story that acknowldges both sides of this
Hottest part is definitely the dirty talk about dominating Rarity, though. The kind of twisted betrayal and surrender to lust and sacrifice of morality to a different set of priorities turns me on so much. And you've got a very special way of writing it – usually there's only the class where it's so overblown and disconnected from the characterization because the author knows it's awful, or the kind where I start feeling genuinely afraid of what the writer is capable of and how they think people work; but you can capture the best of both sides there.
No idea why you're not finding it sexy, if it's not point A and the murkiness of it all. I think you get off on that idea a lot more than I do?
8584497
oh right you hate praise. ignore everything i just said, it sucks. Cleaned isn't hot enough, probably? Unless that's a strength, I'm not sure. I can see both sides to wanting more description of him and his actual physical attractiveness and presence, to get that ever-useful sub enjoyment factor, but it would probably take us out of his head and interfere with self inserting. And I kind of think there's an odd shortage of clearly dom-perspective works – I blame the fact there's way less of a social stigma to acknowledge that getting raped can be hot, as opposed to committing rape. Like, shit, even saying that makes me suddenly really scared about how people aren't going to understand the context and judge me forever over it.
Other criticisms: I think you mix up "suit" and "suite" at least once, there's an errant line break at "been hypnotized to put her friends on her list"; a space between "magic job" and it's full stop; and the third occurence of "stallion" is capitalized when it shouldn't be. Or else the parallel "mare" should be.
Oh boy, separate Mind Control and Hypnosis occurences is really exciting to me. I can't wait to see stuff get more and more extreme and explosive. I guess I can see how you feel like this might be missing a little from a straight depiction of a sex scene angle, if that's what you meant by pizzazz, but personally I feel like there's so much of that out there (not to mention mediums of art and video that are way more directly focused on it) that I'm pretty much here to see fascinating scenarios and dwell on how hot (and correlatedly awful) they are.
voicing is great. like, starting out with an immediate ", darling" is probably a cheap trick, but it works. and you manage to keep it up, clearly presenting a different viewpoint than Cleaned's, which makes his stick out and feel fitting, despite it being just a dry and neutral. i love it
there was also a line in the first fic where Twi mentions she hadn't ever had sex with a mare either, and it's such a small touch but i enjoy it, thank you.
It's really hard to say if Rarity is spoiling the ending or if this is going to be misleading or what. I'll call it good foreshadowing regardless. Unless it turns out to be bad, at least.
("I assured twilight that" has a missing capital)
Didn't expect the "looking back" perspective, but that's one tsntalizing hook for the next chapter.
8585081
Thanks! I assure you, I suck at foreshadowing. So it will be bad! Glad to get that off my chest, now we don't have to worry about it. Also, fixed the thing and added/cleaned it up a little.
As far as the call back, I'm trying not to mess up my own continuity here, but there are little changes. Note, he calls Spike Lord instead of Prince. My mind is a little frazzled lately, I made that choice intentionally, but I can't remember why for the life of me. Call me out if I screw up things! I'd appreciate it!
8585234
Actually, if you read from the beginning of the very first chapter of the first story, this was all written with a very specific voice in mind. I'm not sure if I managed it, but I've had an idea since inception about the storytelling voice here. I like to mess around with vehicles like that every once in a while, but I'm super not good at it. It should become simultaneously more and less clear as the story progresses.
Holy shit this is some fetishy shit. Like super deep down turn on stuff. I like.
Rarity rattling Cleaned - especially while she's still under the influence - is really great. If this is low on tension, I'm having trouble imagining how nuts things are going to get.
The meaning of sex monologues are wonderful as usual. Both of them feel very believable and fitting and earnest, and it's kind of cool to see one that's so sweet (if still possessing some inner complexes) contrasted with one that's... awful?
Actual criticism: The last few beats of the chapter, the latter part of the hypnosis section, are kind of dull and consist too much of Cleaned going through his smug mind control legalese. It's kind of a genre staple, sure, but I feel like there's room to make it punchier or more engaging in some way, rather than the sort of expositional bridge it dips into feeling like here.
"the senior Princesses."
since it's plural instead of a name replacement, I don't think this should be caps?
"sex simply obscene and arguably irresponsible."
missing an "is" or "becomes"
8593318
Thanks! Fixed the two easy things. As for the other bit, oh god yes. It needs to be fixed, but I wasn't sure how. I wanted to show that he's upped his game significantly, but it was just awful to write which means it's awful to read. I'll try to to clean it up later when I have time and make it jazzier/less awful, but I need to figure out how to do what I want without skipping/condensing it too much. I also didn't want to skip over the whole of it, just the 99% you don't want to listen to. I could probably shorten it, and plug it with more thoughts... There's options, I just don't like them. lol. But thank you for pointing it out. I knew it when I wrote it, but I didn't *know* it until you said it. Appreciate the feedback a bunch!
8593210
Thanks! If you like weird fetishy shit, check out some of my other stories. They're all a little.... bent.
Cleaned explains quite well how a rapist's perspective works. He doesn't think of himself as one, but he is. To a T.
For someone who likes hypnosis/mind control, this WAS the porn!
8593666
I don't know why you got downvoted. Lol. It's more complex than his little inner monologue, but yeah. Just yeah. Upvote. Admittedly, it wouldn't bother him in the slightest to claim the title of rapist, he just doesn't... care...
8593755
Oh hey! Cool. I was seriously going to rewrite the little verbal bit he does with Rarity at the end to be more readable, so if I do adjust it, is there anything you'd particularly think needs to stay? Thanks for the feedback.
8593666
Cleaned actually seems like he wouldn't deny being a rapist at all (except to manipulate ponies and not be arrested, I mean). If anything, he'd take pride in it: it's a sign of his power and control and competence, and that's all he really cares about. He's a fairly on-the-nose psychopath devoid of empathy, the only interesting question left about his system of belief left to me is whether he would respect somepony else who shared his mindset and have the skills to back it up (Luna????) or if he's even more immature and petty than he seems and would just throw a tantrum over someone challenging him.
I think it's a pretty interesting contrast to some of tailso's other... villains? In Double Down, Ruby constantly makes justifications to how he's rightfully earned everything he takes, and is only following the law of how the world should be, in order to absolve himself of personal guilt. In Feather, Feather Bangs understands he's awful, but is weak-willed and nearly as much a victim to his libido and preconceptions and Glamour as those he drags into it. Silicon has Dolphin take every opportunity to reject the personhood of his victims, and distinguish them from the actual citizens he holds (some token degree of) respect and empathy for.
I absolutely love all the different routes these horrible situations come from, and the diverse and palpable mindsets that tailso is able to convey.
8594194
For clarity on my last comment, I think the verbal bit is pretty solid and hits the notes it needs to, and for people like Arz it's pretty much what they're looking for. It's when we start zooming out from that and Rarity slides out from even being "passive victim" to "offscreen subject" it loses the magic. Like, roughly at
I absolutely loathe saying "Show, don't tell", especially when the form of "showing" is just "repeated direct statements" anyway, but there's some element of that here, I think. I want to compare it to like, reading an ambling design document instead of seeing the code directly?
8594194
Honestly I liked it as is. The call response thing is very good fetish-wise, despite it presumably being dull for anyone else. Showing the actual programming is way sexier than "I had her repeat it," though obviously you do just trail off to "this went on for an hour" like you eventually did. But seeing the actual commands he gave her, and then coming back to reinforcing the trigger, was very much the highlight of this for a hypnosis fetishist.
As one of the best mcstories authors pointed out, the hypnosis/mc IS the fetish; sex is just one activity it can be used for. Just using it as a tool to reach the sex scene is not something I personally enjoy as much.
8594194
Maybe someone who enjoys his antics felt it hit too close to home. I enjoy his antics too, but what he's doing is raping them, even if he makes sure his victims get some sexual pleasure out of it. He does that at least to a large part because it's humiliating for them too.
8594282
8594194
You're right, he might not care as such.
Or he might care insofar as "rapist" sounds sloppy and careless, not like a clean, proper, planning fellow like him. I get a sense that that's where he might object, refusing to be put into the same box as the characters you mentioned.
By the way, good analysis!
I love this, story or otherwise, I love the play of someone the twist of who they are or were, I love to witness it... and that says more about me than anything else... ANYWAY great read.
8585065
Sorry it took so long. Fixed those little bits as well. Thanks! I'm sort of jumping all over the place with this one. lol.
And here I was hoping for a happy ending for everyone o well
8598419
But everybody does get a happy ending! In fact, they usually get more than one!
Hmm I was under the impression that eventually he gets caught and the girls are going to therapy afterwards
8598801
You must not read lots of tailsopony's stories, then :P
Now this peaks a side of me I haven't been able to satisfy for quite some time. The way you approach psychology in your stories plays on power fantasies I've always had but never can play out because of the inherent danger and potential harm it does. There might even be a market for your stories in a professional sense if you can find the right groups to advertise to since I've not found many books that come very close to this theme.
8598801
It might happen still, but maybe not in the way you think. Many of Tail's stories explore psychological manipulation on a deep and long term way that even attempt to make the effects sound logical and points out some flaws and weaknesses to make the acts exciting and dangerous. Few authors can give such well thought out descriptions to the inner workings of both the master and the slave in these extreme and delicate states. It's often a satisfying mental exercise to contemplate how these examples might compare to how people interact in real life and even gives surprising insight on how people are motivated to persuade others to do their bidding.
Try not to get too obsessed about this though, it leads to a bit of paranoia and you tend to start making baseless assumptions about people. There is never 100% accurate intelligence, even for just the machinations of one person. Small chaotic ripples are always echoing into larger waves of unforseen events.
8598502
Need... Updates... So... Long........ *Dies*
9027422
I'm in one of my slumps. Sorry! Not abandoning this though. Still around.
Hey is it possible for you to give us a progress update, been eagerly waiting for the next update :p thanks !
Any idea on when the update will be released?
Glad to see more of this horrible debauchery.
9314531
Sorry, not really possible. You just have to get lucky...
9566011
Nope. Sometimes I feel like writing. That's when updates happen! Even if it's two, or more, years later.
9845072
Glad to provide more horrible debauchery. And debauchery is absolutely the correct word for how this is going down.
I actually really like how you've changed the POV for this chapter. I wonder who Spike's talking too?
I'm so glad this updated! I really love corruption stories; hope you finish this one day.
Thank you for sharing, I've missed your work a lot. It's like... a scrub brush for my soul. Scraping and cleansing by stretching out my emotions harder than they usually get to feel.
The first person perspective is still very nice, seeing all these aspects of psychological damage that wouldn't normally be even close to considered. Seeing Spike, who's ultimately very tangential to at least the intent of anyone involved, but the magnitude of what's happening and how it roots so deeply into his brain...
One of the things that came to mind was that... I feel like at one point you wrote Porn, and I'm not sure this is or isn't that anymore. That's not really a good or bad thing - though I definitely have a surplus of things to get off to and not enough of... whatever this is, so. Actually I'm pretty curious on what your motivation is here, because while I deeply appreciate everything I feel, I don't have that sense of "this is what I'm supposed to feel." Like, Double Down definitely still felt like smut, just also with characters you really have a bond with and want to do justice to, but this seems experimental in a different way from that, now? Apologies if it's not meant to be and I'm implying bad things. :x
Fixed or not fixed, it's just good to this updated again.
I know the context is meant to rather grim but I would very much like to see that.
9027422
It updated
I know it's extremely unlikely, but I really hope Spike gets to be with Rarity at some point.
Anyway, it's nice to see this update. No one writes this shit like you do.
Seeing the notes, i think many have asked "where is porn" ?
but what made the prequel so good is exactly this, the preparation, the hypnosis, the conquest of the subject, thei intrigue around it.
The porn then became much more important and...meaningfull?
so yeah i like how this is going so far.
PS. I only accidentaly stumbled upon the sequel, while searching to perhaps reread the prequel of this story. I must say that was a quite pleasant suprise today! Keep up the good work ;3
Shame updates are so infrequent, this is pretty good.
And I was just rereading this. Nice time for an update! I hope we get to see more of the dolls being in trance at some point.
Yay, thank you for continuing to update this Tails! Looking forward to reading this after work!
I do hope we can get more! something juicy is bout to happen!